A Man's Worth

Chapter 5

A/N: Part Five of the series.

WARNING: This is not a happy fic. For those of you expecting something joyous, stay away from this story. You've been warned.

DISCLAIMER: You all know this belongs to Joss Whedon and the parties involved in airing this show.

FEEDBACK: As you wish

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A Quest  

What is it about women that they make you want that which you cannot have?

Why must we long the things that were not meant for us?

What drives us to do the impossible for them?

Love.

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Twenty days ago.

"Sod it all."

"Calm down, we've almost located where he is."

"I don' care, this is all a waste of time."

"Calm down."

"I can't calm down!! We've been at this for the past ten nights!"

"The ocean's a big place."

"I know!! Why can't she use her bloody higher sight an' locate the poof for us?"

"It doesn't work that way."

Both Spike and Wesley turned around to look at Cordelia. Even in her new clothes, she still seemed exhausted.

"What do you mean?" Wesley asked.

"I can't guide Angel in this. He's supposed to do it on his own."

"That still doesn't explain why you can't jus' lift 'im off the water." Spike snorted.

"This is a quest, Spike. He's the vampire who can do this." Cordelia said, rubbing her forehead.

Spike shook his head.

"It's almost dawn, we won't get anythin' today. Le's go."

Wesley nodded and turned the boat back.

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"What?" Cordelia asked.

"Is it for real?"

"Yes, Wesley, it is."

"I can't believe it. After all this years."

"I know. It doesn't seem fair."

"Why were you sent, then?"

Cordelia looked away, pacing around in the lobby of the hotel.

"I wanted to."

"Excuse me?"

"I didn't want it to be Skip."

"Skip?"

Cordelia waved her hand, dismissing Wesley's question.

"There's un upside to it all, isn't it?"

"Yes." Cordelia whispered.

"What is it?"

"A wish."

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Spike paced around in his room. He had been writing and then all ideas had fled from his mind. He had forgotten what he wanted to say and how he wanted to. He looked at the pencil in his hand and the amount of paper scattered around the room. He even tried to write an apology or even an excuse.

But how could he do it? 'I'm sorry I left you, everything buggered up and now Im back with my tail between my legs' didn't cut it.

He would not allow it. He had a plan and this time he wouldn't let it all go to hell.

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"Now what?"

"There is another way."

Cordelia turned on her bed to stare at the vampire.

"What?"

"I said, there is another way."

"Look, even if there was, this was meant for Angel."

Spike chuckled.

"If I recall correctly, the name Angel was never mentioned on your so called quest. Not even the mention of the vampire with a soul."

Cordelia frowned.

"Your point is?"

"I can do it instead."

"What?"

"Sure know 'ow to repeat that word, innit?"

Cordelia sat up and tried her best to form words. Then, her brain began functioning again and suspicion grew.

"You're not fooling me, Spike. I know what you would want."

"Oh, is that right?"

"Yes. There'd be no difference in what's going to happen."

"Enlighten me."

"I know about your chip."

Spike chuckled.

"Oh, this is rich. Are you even payin' attention to me, you stupid bint? I said there was another bloody way!"

Cordelia flinched a bit, but her eyes once again became white.

"First of all, don't call me whatever the hell you just called me, and second, this isn't a game."

"I never said it was a game. I am serious."

"I don't believe you. What could you get out of all this?"

Spike lowered his head, and Cordelia barely heard what the vampire said.

"A soul."

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"Where do you think he went?"

"I don't know, and I don't want to talk about it."

Dawn sulked and sighed.

"Don't you miss him?" She said in a small voice.

"No. He left when we could have used his help." Buffy answered coldly.

"So that's it."

"What?" Buffy whipped her head to stare into her sister's eyes.

"You're mad because he left."

Buffy sighed and closed her eyes.

"I'm mad because he didn't say goodbye."

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Wesley downed his third shot of whiskey, having heard what the vampire had offered. He shook his head and looked at his visitors.

"Are you aware of the consequences?" The englishman asked. Spike nodded and Cordelia huffed.

"Cordelia, please. We shouldn't close ourselves to the possibility."

"What possiblity? He's lying."

Spike growled but he never looked at Cordelia.

"Lis'en, mate. I know what I am doin' an' I can't think of another way of avoidin' this."

"Oh, yeah, a 'soul', let me believe you." Cordelia interrupted. Spike growled again.

"She has a point." Wesley said, "Why should we believe your words?"

"I have my reasons." Spike answered. Wesley stared for a long time into Spike's eyes and sudden recognition hit him.

"Who sent you?"

"What?" Spike shouted.

"You don't seem to be doing this on your own accord. You hate Angel. Why would you want to help him?"

"I don't want to help him. I need something from him."

"See? I knew it. You're up to something." Cordelia stated.

"I don't care if you believe me or not. I'm givin' you lot a way out of this mess."

"This is insane. I can't believe Buffy has let you live this long."

"Leave 'er out of this." Spike growled again. The action did not go unnoticed by Wesley and he rememebered what he had been seeing in the vampire's eyes before.

"Oh, no, maybe we should call her and have her come here and kick your ass back to where you belong."

"Shut. Up."

"Supposing I believe you," Wesley interrupted, "why would you want a soul?"

"None of your business." Spike replied, still staring at Cordelia.

"You're aware of the price." Wesley continued, "So I repeat, how is a soul important to you?"

"Not to me." Spike answered without thinking. Wesley nodded and understood what was happening. Cordelia seemed oblivious to it all.

"Where shall the orb be, Cordelia?" Wesley asked. Cordelia was shocked by the question and couldn't answer immediately.

"You're not planning on giving him the chance, are you?" Cordelia asked.

"It's called the benefit of doubt, Cordelia. Even if he's lying he knows of the price he'll pay."

"But... this was meant for Angel." Cordelia insisted.

"And what will be the consequence?!" Wesley almost shouted. "You know that what Spike is offering is the only way we have out. We'll have to trust in him."

Cordelia shook her head and stormed out of Wesley's apartment. Both Spike and Wesley sighed.

"She'll come around." Wesley said. Spike nodded and proceeded to walk out of the apartment.

"Who is she?" Wesley's voice made him stop.

"There is no one." Spike lied.

"Do you love her?" Wesley pushed.

Spike growled.

"I guess I'll take that as a yes."

"You're speakin' nonesense."

"I don't think so. I thought vampires couldn't feel love."

Spike opened the door and stepped outside.

"We can. At least I do."

"Do you even know what loving someone is?"

"Of course I do."

Spike closed the door and walked away, a single thought in his head.

'It's being loved what I've never known.'

End of Chapter