Summary: Lily Evans used to be spunky, happy and completely sure of herself. After an enormous loss nothing seems to be like it was before, least of all Lily. The only feelings that haven't changed seem to be the ones directed toward James Potter. Unfortunately the feelings are ones of anger and annoyance.
Disclaimer: All the Characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The not amazingly original plot and characters you don't recognize belong to me.
A/N: I would appreciate it if you would review! It's always nice to have feedback, and if you have any constructive criticism, go for it!
Chapter One: Summer Before Seventh
"Hello Tia," said Lily Evans as she arrived at the house of her best friend Tia Andrews. Lily was a short redheaded girl with sad emerald eyes that spoke of a deep grief. She had been looking forward to visiting Tia who belonged to one of the more prominent families in Wizarding Society and whose house was really a mansion. Now she was anything but excited because the reason she was here was not a happy one.
"Oh, Lily," said Tia taking her bags and putting them on the floor. She enveloped Lily into a hug, trying to take some of the pain away. Lily Evans had not had a perfect life, but it had been a good one up until this summer. Death Eaters had murdered her parents and her sister Petunia who had never liked her, now hated her more, blaming Lily for their deaths. The worst part was that for once in Petunia's life she was right. If Lily wasn't a witch, if Lily hadn't done so well in school, her parents wouldn't be dead now. She felt as if she was living life in a fog and every morning she woke up wishing she had had a nightmare, instead of the nightmare being real.
Tia released her and picked the bag up again. "Come on Lily, I'll show you to your room upstairs."
"Thank you," Lily answered automatically.
Tia knew what her friend had been through, and she figured maybe Lily needed space. As far as she had knew Lily had hardly cried; she seemed to be beyond it now, just trying to hold herself together. She hoped she would be able to take Lily's mind away from the pain. It was heartbreaking, but still needed to live life. She led her upstairs to her room.
Lily walked into the room, probably the nicest room she had ever seen in her entire life. She wished she could enjoy it. "Do you think I could have some time alone to unpack?" she asked Tia.
"Yeah, sure Lil. If you need anything, I'll be downstairs okay?" said Tia walking over to give Lily one last hug.
Finally alone, Lily moved her bag to the floor, sat on the bed, and began to cry out what was left of her heart.
As the month progressed, Tia tried her best to coax Lily out of the depression she was in. Lily could tell she and Mrs. Andrews were trying their hardest by telling funny jokes and trying to include her in baking sessions and shopping outings, but they only managed to get a few smiles or weak laughs out of her. There seemed to be nothing that could lift her out of the limbo she was in. Despite it, through their little projects they seemed to be easing Lily into a familiarity of the house and living with them. She was becoming comfortable with her surroundings if not completely happy with herself.
For a while she hadn't been sure if she'd ever feel what it was like to be happy again, but one day Tia was running around the house trying to catch a butterfly that had flown in when the front door was open. Her and one of the cats were chasing it, Tia trying to restore it safely back outside, and the cat obviously looking for a tasty snack. Tia was perched in a precarious situation: one leg outstretched, one hand reaching up toward the butterfly and one leg on the couch. She looked like some sort of demented ice skater. The cat, who was in an attack position pounced but instead of getting the butterfly only managed to make Tia topple all the way onto the floor. Lily and Tia both started to laugh hysterically and when Mrs. Andrews came in, she must've caught the disease because despite not knowing what was going on she had started to laugh as well. It was the first bursting of happiness that Lily had felt since that awful day.
The laughter had finally broken the bubble Lily had been living in. She wasn't completely happy and she still cried in the middle of the night when she was alone, but she was back in the land of the living.
Every August, Tia's parents held a party to raise money for St. Mungo's for wizarding society. For weeks Tia and Mrs. Andrews had kept Lily occupied by having her help plan the party. They had tried out tons of recipes, shopped for hours on end for the perfect dresses, and spent literally weeks deliberating on party favors and decorations. It had been fun but she was now alone in her room getting ready for the party while the Andrews and Tia fixed up the last bit of problems.
Mrs. Andrews had been excited because she claimed she could say that she had Hogwart's new Head Girl at her party. This was of course because Lily was Hogwart's new Head Girl. Lily hadn't been as excited about it as she should've been. She was proud…but there was that feeling, the one that knew she should have been home showing off the badge to her family.
She felt tears leak down her eyes as she stared into the mirror. She was wearing emerald green robes she and Tia had picked out. She wiped her eyes; the crying had lessened over the months but she still didn't feel whole, complete as she had before. She knew it was normal; her whole life had been turned upside down. She took her mascara to apply to her eyes, added some lipstick, and tried to put on her biggest smile. She sighed. It would have to do for now.
The Andrew's parties had always been the best, or at least that was what his mother said. So now James Potter was being dragged to a party he wasn't even sure he wanted to go to. The fact that Sirius was attending with him didn't even help. The only saving grace was that Tia Andrews was Lily Evan's best friend and maybe Lily would be there.
James had loved Lily since fourth year when he and Sirius had started to see who could date more of the girl population of Hogwarts. Lily had been the only one to refuse both of them. It wasn't even the standard "I'm really sorry, but I'd rather be friends" refusal. It was a plain cold, but seemingly polite "No, thank you." He and Sirius had both been stunned, but while Sirius had moved on, James had started to take more notice of her. He had found himself staring at her in class, amazed at how she was the only one in the school that could match his grades, and surprised by her willingness to stand up to him.
He asked her out as often as possible, hoping to catch her off guard. He couldn't help but show off when she was around. If he showed off there was a much better chance of her noticing him. By sixth year he had known, he was completely in love with Lily Evans. Sirius didn't understand as he had a new girl each week but at least Remus (the lucky one who could actually hold a civil conversation with her!) understood.
So when he had read the papers in July and found out that the Death Eaters had killed two more muggles, the parents of a muggle-born witch named Lily Evans, he had been depressed. It wasn't fair. Lily was such a good person and those monsters had torn her life apart. They had torn his Lily's life apart before he had even had the chance to be there for her.
And now. Now he didn't know what to do. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and hold her close, give her comfort, but she wouldn't want him to. He couldn't ask her out as carelessly as he had before; it just seemed so stupid now. He was ashamed that it had taken this to get him to stop bothering her, he should've found some other way to convince her his feelings were true. Now he wasn't sure he would have the chance.
When he walked into the Andrew's ballroom, she was the first thing he saw. Her lovely red hair twisted into an elegant knot, a green dress that matched her glowing eyes, and a smile that didn't seem to reach her eyes. He walked over to her before he had any idea what he was doing.
She frowned. The Potters had walked in. There had been no mistaking the handsome man that was obviously an older version of James. Of course James and Sirius were in tow. Sirius automatically seemed to zone in on a pretty girl she thought was from Ravenclaw. James headed straight for her. He always seemed intent on making her life miserable. From making fun of her for not knowing how to fly in their third year to constantly asking her out to embarrass her, and later actually thinking she would act like all the rest of the girls who liked him, he had always known how to get rid of her calm composure.
"Hey, Lily, did you hear I was made Head Boy?" he asked rather rhetorically.
Even that didn't matter anymore. She was mildly irritated that she would have to suffer working with him, but it didn't make her as angry as it once would have.
"Congratulations," she said without emotion.
"Congrats to you too. I heard you were Head Girl. We'll do a good job this year," he said.
Yes, she would do a good job. He would probably do nothing and leave all the work on her. Him implying that he was actually going to do a good job started to get her a little mad.
"Sure, you'll do a great job staying out of detentions because at least you'll only get them from teachers now," she said turning away.
"I do exceptionally well in classes and I will make a good Head Boy. Dumbledore did choose me. Have some faith Lil," he said trying to assure her that he was responsible too.
"Don't call me Lil," she snapped. Well, something in her life had stayed the same. Potter would always annoy her, be able to spark up her temper, and make her feel like throwing something.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled and walked away.
Potter mumbling? Not arguing back or trying to be charming with her? Couldn't anything stay the same in her life. She wouldn't cry, not here, not in front of everyone. She just had to find Tia.
She started to search for Tia and was walking fast to the other side of the room when she suddenly collided with someone. A very gorgeous someone. He was tall with jet-black hair and light blue eyes that seemed familiar.
"Whoa, steady yourself there," he said holding her shoulders. "In a hurry aren't you?"
"Sorry," she said looking down.
He put his hand on her chin and turned her face up towards him. "You're Tia's friend from school aren't you? Evans right?"
"Yes, Lily," she answered trying to keep her wits. You didn't see gorgeous men like this everyday.
He smiled at her. "Rave, Matthew Rave," he said holding out a hand. She shook it as recognition filtered through her mind. Now she remembered where she had seen him before. He and his sister had been on Witch Weekly in an article titled, "The 'It' Orphans." Tia had shown it to her because his sister was her oldest friend.
Mr. and Mrs. Andrews along with Tia had hurried over with a woman with the same black hair and blue eyes as Matthew striding gracefully along with them. Unlike, Matthew the woman did not have a warm smile, her mouth was not frowning but neutral, her eyes assessing.
Mrs. Andrews went to give Matthew a hug. "I'm so glad you both could make it. We haven't seen you all summer! Say you will stay and have dinner tomorrow night with us?"
Matthew turned to his sister. "What do you say Callie?" he asked grinning.
"Of course we'll stay, Elaine," she said taking Mrs. Andrew's hand.
She let go and turned to Lily. "You must be Miss Evans. Tia speaks very highly of you. I'm sorry for your loss," she said.
"Thank you," Lily murmured. She had a feeling she was being sized up and she hated it when people said things to her. It wasn't as if she forgot about it or didn't know she just didn't want to talk about it with people she wasn't close with.
Mr. and Mrs. Andrews excused themselves and Callie followed them to go speak with another couple that had arrived.
Matthew seemed to pick this up. "Tia, I heard from your mother you have a boyfriend," he said.
"You have a boyfriend," Lily blurted out taken in by shock.
"Oh yeah. I didn't mention it because, well it just kind of seemed trivial," said Tia apologetically.
"Who is he? He has to pass inspection first," Matt said to her.
Tia, who had always been notorious for being calm and comfortable in all situations, turned red. "Do you inspect who Callie dates? You're not my older brother," she retorted.
"Come on Lily," she said grabbing her arm.
"Wait, I was going to ask Lily to dance with me," he said.
There was no way. He was asking Lily to dance? He obviously didn't know her. She was short, she liked to read, and while she was secure in herself most guys weren't begging to go out with her. Well, except for James, but he wasn't a decent sort.
"I'd like to dance," she said before Tia could say anything
Tia quickly threw Matt an irritated look but when she turned to Lily she smiled.
"I'm going to look for my date," she said and walked away.
He took Lily's arm and brought her to the dance floor.
James scowled as he watched Lily danced with Matthew Rave. Normally he got along well with the guy, but right now he wasn't in such a generous mood. He hadn't wanted to make Lily mad before because he bet she was feeling horrible enough without him adding to it, but now he wished he would've asked her to dance. She was obviously okay enough to dance with Matt, so why should he be any different?
He went over there and tapped Lily's arm. Her eyes narrowed and she was about to say something but he cut her off. "Would you mind if I cut in?" he asked Matt.
Matt smiled at James knowingly and released Lily to him. He knew he had always liked that guy!
As soon as he left Lily turned to him and hissed, "What makes you think I want to dance with you?"
"Aw, come on Evans. Look, just one dance and I won't bother you for the rest of the night," he said hoping against hope she would agree.
"The whole night?" she asked.
"Yes," he answered and then decided to add, "well unless you change your mind and want me around."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine, one dance."
Yes! James snagged an arm around her waist and moved the other on her back. She was small, barely coming up to his shoulder, but she fit perfectly against him.
"So, uh, do you know Matthew," she asked.
"Matt? Yeah, I know him pretty well. He and Callie are extremely wealthy and they were orphaned when they were younger. Callie's kind of weird. She was only ten, but she was the one that insisted that they didn't need guardians and I guess cause of their money she managed a deal. She and Matt would spend one day with a Wizarding family a month until they were sixteen to make sure they were okay. She spent most of it was Tia's family but occasionally she would stay at Sirius's. Sirius hates her, but he likes Matt okay."
Lily seemed really interested in this and James who was reveling in fact that she actually didn't seem to mind spending time with him and wanted to talk more let her ask as many questions as possible.
"So how do you know them?" she pried on.
"Oh, well you know Mrs. Andrews and my mother are best friends right? We used to all play together when we were younger."
"Sirius too?"
"Nah, his parents and my parents don't get along. They're…well don't ever mention this to Sirius, he hates talking of them. His family's a bunch of dark wizards and he's been staying with me since last year."
"So wait, Matthew's sister is a dark wizard?"
"Callie? I don't think so. You'd have to ask Tia, she doesn't talk to me much. Matt's like the nicest guy you'll ever meet though."
He didn't care that he was talking about the guy that she had been dancing with before. He had had a civil conversation with Lily Evans! If he kept making this type of progress maybe he could convince her he wasn't that bad of a person and she would give him a chance.
They had ended up dancing more than one dance together, but now something faster came on, and Lily started to extricate herself from his arms.
"You want to get something to drink?" he asked quickly not ready to relinquish her company.
"Yeah, why not?" she said.
Sirius was over by the refreshments with Alanna, a Slytherin from school. She was the only Slytherin he would date and it was obvious why. She had long straight black hair, dark eyes and an extremely curvy body. They both dated other people but it was obvious to everyone else what they used each other for.
"Hey James," he said and almost did a double take. "Lily, how nice to see you," he said reaching over to take her hand. She pulled it away.
"Don't even think about it, Black," she snapped.
Alanna seemed unfazed by this and walked over to Lily. She spoke as if Lily wasn't there. "Oh, so this is the one he's obsessed with? I see it Black, she's so innocent," she said and ran a finger down Lily's cheek. Lily smacked her hand away.
"What's wrong with you?" Lily said her eyes narrowed at Alanna.
Alanna just smiled and moved back towards Sirius. "Nothing. Come on Sirius, let's leave these two alone," she said and led him off somewhere else.
"Don't worry about Alanna, she's harmless," said James.
"I'm going to look for Tia," said Lily who was obviously unnerved by the other girl.
"I'll come with you. I didn't see her yet," James said following her.
James was being actually acting like a normal person tonight. She knew he had promised to stay away from her if she danced with him and any other time she would have reminded him of his offer, but she hardly knew anyone here and didn't want to wander around aimlessly alone. At least he was a familiar face.
They searched high and low for Tia but they couldn't find her. They ended up finding Matt who was also searching for Tia. Finally they found her with a man who had to be a few years older than she was. He had white blonde hair and gray eyes and there was something about the way he looked at her that Lily didn't like.
"Hey, Lily, this is my boyfriend Lucius Malfoy," she said introducing them. "My best friend at Hogwarts, Lily Evans and you know James."
James apparently didn't like him either because he was glaring at Lucius. Matt was almost gaping at the direction of Tia and Lucius.
"Evans," he said. "I heard about what happened. My deepest condolences," he said. She moved back between James and Matt.
Matt was the first to respond. "Tia, I can't believe you're dating him," he said shaking his head in disgust and walking away.
Lily thought that was a bit of an overreaction. "Thank you," she said and smiled at Tia. She didn't want her to feel anymore uncomfortable then she was.
"Oh, I better go off and talk to him. Lucius, I'll see you later," she said kissing him on the cheek. "Would you come with me?" she asked Lily.
Lily agreed and followed her leaving Lucius and James to their staring contest. They found Matt in an empty room staring into the fire. Tia walked up to him and pushed him on his shoulder.
"What was that all about?" she asked.
Matt started yelling at Tia for going near what he termed "so obviously a dangerous Death Eater" and Tia was yelling that he had no right to interfere with whom she wanted to date.
"You know what Tia? Date him. It doesn't matter. After tonight I can't look at you the same anyway," Matt said shaking his head as he stalked away.
Lily went to Tia and hugged her.
"It's okay," Tia said, "I'm fine. He'll get over it."
"That was wrong of him," said Lily solemnly. "To call him a Death Eater. They're horrible people."
"I know, I don't know what's gotten into him lately," said Tia.
"An evening with Potter for me and this for you. This has to be the worst night ever," Lily remarked.
"Yeah, let's go find Lucius. We can probably avoid them for the rest of the night if we stay around him," Tia said and brought Lily back with her.
A/N: Malfoy obviously wouldn't parade it around that he hates Muggle-borns. Tia doesn't know and neither does Lily. (Thank you to Aladailey, because at first I wrote purebloods. Mental lapse there.)