Chapter 15

A/N: Chapter 15. Kinda long. Too many things I wanted to put down.

Warning: Not a happy fic. You know that. Proceed at your own risk.

Feedback. As you wish.

"Cordelia!"

Buffy paced the room and clenching her fists, the letter still closely held in her hand.

"I mean it! I need to talk to you!"

A slight alteration in the air around Buffy alerted her of the presence of her friend. Buffy turned around and stared at Cordelia, who wore a sad expression on her face.

"What do you want, Buffy?" She asked.

"Answers."

"You don't like answers, you only like questions."

"Don't be funny, Cordelia, I need you to tell me some things."

Cordelia sighed.

"What is it?"

Buffy hesitated for a second, but she regained her confidence and stared directly into Cordelia's eyes.

"Is Spike dead?"

"You know he is. Vampire, remember?"

"I'm not joking, is he still among the living?"

Cordelia looked everywhere except the slayer's eyes.

"What do you care?"

The slayer in Buffy took charge and she almost growled.

"I care because I'm tired of people making decisions for me. I found a letter and I want to know what it means, so answer me, is Spike dead?"

Cordelia's gaze lingered on Buffy for a few seconds, before a decision was made.

A blinding flash of light and a sensation of nothingness later, and Buffy found herself standing in an abandoned building.

"Whoa."

"Yes, these trips can be quite disorienting."

"Disorienting? When did you learn how to use those words?"

Cordelia glared at Buffy, who in turn, expected a bitter remark from the higher being.

When she received none, the slayer stared at Cordelia.

"Uhm. Are you crying?" Buffy asked.

"No, of course not." Cordelia said, covering her eyes with her hands.

"Liar. Why?"

"You're about to see." Cordelia answered, and then she motioned to Buffy's left, where someone was opening a door and entering the room.

"Spike!" Buffy screamed, and instinctively raised her fists.

"Wait." Cordelia said, as her hand wrapped around one of the slayer's arms. "He can't see, hear or feel us."

"Huh?"

"This is the past."

"What?"

"Yes, Buffy, you wanted answers, here they are."

Buffy stared at Cordelia and then turned her back to where she could hear the vampire. She felt a bit uncomfortable, for she couldn't feel him as well. She supressed a slight feeling of guilt upon watching the bruised condition in which the vampire was. She frowned a bit and looked closer.

"He wasn't that hurt that night." She whispered.

"This is what happened after you left him in that alley. Once again."

"What do you mean once..."

"You know what I mean, Buffy, shut up and see."

Buffy did as instructed and silently observed how slow Spike was moving. She didn't remember having hurt him so bad, and that was a bite mark under his right eye. She saw him cough a bit and then finally speaking.

'Show up, Chase.' Spike said.

Buffy turned around once again and looked at Cordelia, who didn't make eye contect.

"Look." She said. Buffy nodded.

'She did this.' Past Cordelia said, and Buffy noticed she had missed some parts of the conversation.

'Yup. Had it comin'.'

'No, you didn't. I don't know why you lied so much to her.'

"Lie?" Buffy almost whispered.

"Shhh. Look."

'You know why.'

'You could have given her the benefit of doubt.'

'No point in it, pet. She loves the ponce.'

Buffy once again stared at Cordelia, who kept her gaze locked on the images.

'Struck a nerve, cheers?'

'It just wasn't meant to be.'

'Tha's what I think, pet. Precisely what I think.'

'You know what will happen. And you know of the consequences.'

'Yup.'

'So?'

'You know.'

'You love her, don't you?'

'Of course. Why else do you think I'd be doin' this?'

'To get in her pants.'

'I'm tired of this same old thing, cheers. Let's get this on with.'

'I know. I'm sorry I can't…'

''s ok. You can't help me.'

'You didn't answer me before. Is there something you'd like me to do?'

'Maybe.'

Buffy saw Past Spike limp closer to Cordelia, and whispered something in her ear. Buffy struggled but she couldn't hear what Spike was saying. She looked at Cordelia and saw her crying.

"What is he telling you?" Buffy asked. Cordelia now looked at her and shook her head.

"Listen."

Both came closer and saw that Spike was trying to keep his voice even.

'No one will notice I'm gone.' He said, 'I know that and you know it as well. I don't know what will happen after, but I do know that dust will remain.' Cordelia nodded.

'Just… don't forget about me, ok? Remember what I'm doing. Know that I do this because I love her. Because of what she is. Because of what she deserves. Please.'

Tears appeared on the higher being's eyes. Spike chuckled and shook his head.

'Don't cry. I'm not worth it.'

'You are. What you're doing, it's...'

'Nothing, because no one will ever know. No one must.'

'But, Buffy believes you'll go evil again!'

'Yup.'

'Why?'

Spike looked away from her and sighed.

'I want to believe that I didn't cause 'er more pain, but it's really a stupid idea, because when Angel's around...'

'What?'

Spike's head hung low.

''Cause when Angel's in her life, she doesn't think about me. I will dissappear an' she won't notice it. I'm not important to her.'

'Spike...'

'It doesn't matter, cheers.' He said, 'You did your part. Now it's time to do mine.'

Past Cordelia cried and said goodbye to Past Spike before disappearing into thin air.

"Why are you showing me this?" Buffy finally asked.

"You wanted answers, Buffy. Here they are."

"But this, this isn't what..."

"I know it isn't." Cordelia interrupted. "I know what he said to you. I heard every single word. But I also know what you did to him. All those times he tried to tell you he loved you and you broke him down. This is his one redemption, Buffy. To your eyes."

Buffy felt some tears slide down her cheeks.

"What will happen to him?" She asked.

"He had to bring the diamond out of the orb of Thyal 'Akian."

"What for?"

"A trade."

Buffy felt herself grow numb.

"A trade?" Buffy asked, her blood running cold. Cordelia simply nodded.

Buffy was about to ask something else when something in her mind suddenly clicked. She remembered the phone call from Angel, a few days ago.

What had been his exact words?

'I'm being rewarded, Buffy. My soul will be permanent.'

His soul.

She turned and stared at Cordelia, her eyes showing that she was about to learn the whole truth.

"Yes, Buffy." Cordelia suddenly spoke. "There was indeed a slip."

"A slip!" Buffy almost yelled. "You're not making any sense!"

"Hush." Cordelia said, pointing her finger at where Spike now hung, suspended in midair.

'We have done what you wished.' The voice said to Spike. 'Now we want what you offered.'

"God." Buffy whispered.

What did you offer, Spike?

She saw the vampire sigh and nod. She turned again to stare at Cordelia, whose eyes were glued to the image in front of them.

"No." Buffy said. "No. Don't tell me that…"

"Yes." Cordelia answered. "Shut up and listen."

Buffy did as told and clasped her hands shut. Her palms were sweaty and a sense of dread took all over her.

This is not happening.

She stared ahead and listened, but what she heard made her freeze.

'Give her what you wanted. Give her what she deserves.'

Buffy's eyes almost bulged out of her face, her mouth dropped open and she dug her nails into her own hands.

'We gave you what you wanted. Now we want what you offered.'

The slayer tried to say something, but her throat seemed to have shut down. Her thoughts swirling around what she had just heard. The booming voice was telling Spike that they'd just granted what he wanted, that they'd made him what she deserved.

What she…

"No." Buffy said. She closed her eyes.

"When did this happen?"

Cordelia did not answer immediately. Meanwhile, Spike was still hanging in the air, with a look of pain in his face. Panic began to grow in Buffy's stomach and she desperately needed some answers.

"Two days ago." Cordelia answered. "And yes, if you need it spelled. While I was trapped within the higher levels, we found out about a plan to bring back something that would pretty much hand our asses to us on a silver plate. The only way to bring such a creature into this world was through asking the orb to bring that beast into our reality."

Buffy nodded, her eyes still fixed on the floating vampire.

"Turns out that I couldn't do squat about it. I just wasn't allowed to interfere. However, something caused the preordained balance to shift, so I gained an opening and returned to earth to warn Angel." Cordelia continued. Light shone from her and everything turned white. Buffy blinked and saw nothing, except Cordelia standing a few feet away.

"Hey! Where's Spike?" Buffy screamed.

"We are outside of time right now." Cordelia answered, her voice even. "Before you see what happens next, I want to explain it all."

The higher being took a deep breath.

"The whole point of my warning was to have Angel retrieve the diamond, and take the trade apart from those who wanted the beast in our world."

"Why Angel?" Buffy asked, trying to keep her emotions in reign.

"Because he's a Champion, Buffy." Cordelia answered. "Because he had something to trade."

Cordelia stared into Buffy's eyes, and once again, knowledge showed.

"His soul."

"No." Cordelia replied. "He was supposed to trade something else for a wish.."

"Why didn't he…?" Buffy asked, crossing her arms, trying to stop them from shaking.

"Spike." Cordelia said, her voice low. "He appeared one night at the Hyperion, trying to find Angel."

"What? Why?"

"Don't know. Without him, we'd probably be still looking for Angel. He helped me and Wesley find him."

"Where was he?"

"He was in the ocean. Buried in a metal casket. By his own child."

"His own what?"

Buffy thought that she could not be more shocked, but no one had mentioned anything about Angel adopting a kid.

"We'll come back to that later." Cordelia said. "When we were tracking Angel in the ocean, I confronted Spike as to what were his real intentions. I got more than I wanted."

Buffy just nodded.

"Turns out that after Spike learnt what Angel had to do, he volunteered to take his place."

"Say what?"

"Look. I told them what had to be done. In order to stop something awful to enter this earth, Angel had to give up his life."

Buffy shook her head.

"His life? Why not his soul?"

"Souls are highly overrated, Buffy. Angel's soul is not what the orb wanted. We still don't know what it wants with the lives it takes."

"Wait, wait… so you're telling me that…"

"When Spike volunteered I thought he'd wish for something catastrophic. I didn't understand why a soulless vampire would want to take the place of someone who'd hurt him so deeply in the past."

"Hurt him?"

Cordelia looked away.

"There are things about Angel… Angelus, that you should never know. Or worse, see. Point is, I didn't know why Spike, soulless master vampire who hates Angel with a passion, would want to take his place. It just didn't click."

Cordelia closed her eyes, and the scene in the basement appeared once again. Buffy turned away from her and approached Spike.

She extended her hand, trying to touch Spike's face. Her hand just passed through the vampire's head, his eyes closed and teeth clenched.

"He's in pain." Buffy whispered.

"He's doing this for you." Cordelia said. "The powers inside the diamond have granted him his wish. He only wanted you to be happy. That's why Angel is a human and he gets to fight along your side."

Tears ran slowly down the slayer's cheek.

"This is not fair." She said.

"I know it is not." Cordelia agreed. "But there was no other way."

Buffy felt the need to slap Cordelia.

"There's always another way."

"Another way, Buffy?" Cordelia asked. "Tell me, then, why did Spike feel that he had to get you and Angel back together?"

Buffy had no answer to the question.

"Tell me, slayer." Cordelia said, her voice colder. "Tell me why a vicious vampire felt the need to put back the woman he loves with the one being in the whole universe he hates the most?"

Buffy stuttered, not knowing what to say.

"I can tell you, slayer." Cordelia began. "But you have to see. Look at what one man who loved you did."

Buffy stared into Spike's eyes, now open and staring at nothing.

She let the tears fall more freely. She was watching Spike die. And there was nothing she could do about it.

'I love you.' Spike said, as his body lost strenght. 'I love you.' He said, even softer. Cordelia and Buffy looked away.

'I love you, Buffy, I will miss you so much.'

Both of them looked back in time to see his body turn to dust.

End of Chapter.