What Was There All Along

Disclaimer: I own nothing except any OCs.

I realise half of this chapter is literally taken from the episode "Borrowed Time" but it seemed like the best way for me to move the plot forward (ie. get rid of Logan) so what the hell…

The next day Max awoke to the smell of brewing coffee, it took her a second to realise where she was, but then she remembered, she was still curled up on Alec's couch, where she had fallen asleep waiting for him the night before…

She knew she should get up, she could hear him moving around in the kitchen area, so she knew he was up, but it was so comfortable on his couch all curled up under a blanket… Which now that she thought about it had not been there the night before…He must have given it to her when he came back to find her asleep on his couch, it was a sweet gesture, and typical of Alec, though Max was loathe to admit it, he did generally think of others and try to make them comfortable, and he was surprisingly good at it, considering he spent his formative years in a hell hole like Manticore…

Stretching Max realised that she was gonna have to get up and face the music sooner or later, she still needed to talk to Alec after all, but apparently her body had other plans…

As soon as she moved Max was hit with a blinding wave of nausea, which had her gagging and literally running to the bathroom to puke, she still hadn't learnt that her body did apparently not like such fast movement this early.

Reaching the bathroom, she collapsed by the toilet, and promptly began heaving her guts out into the bowl, she was never gonna get used to this part, it sucked! But within moments of her arrival she sensed a presence behind her, dropping to the floor next to her, and holding her hair away from her face, as OC had been doing for her, at home. ALEC. He stayed with her, as usual a strong soothing presence at her back, whispering soothing things in her ear, and rubbing her back.

Finally the nausea passed and Max was able to rinse her mouth out before falling back gratefully into Alec's arms, he probably had no idea how grateful she was that he had stayed, but she was grateful, it meant a lot for her to have someone there, taking care of her. Usually Max hated showing any weakness, but with Alec she didn't feel like she had to pretend, and frankly at the moment she felt too crappy to put up her usual defences anyway, so she just stayed there for a moment, in his arms, catching her breath, and letting him hold her, his face buried in her hair, whilst she pressed her forehead into the cool skin of his arm, this wasn't exactly how she had wanted her next meeting with him to go, but hey, at least he wasn't running from her.

"Spend a lot of mornings like this?" joked Alec weakly, breaking the silence, and as always, trying to get Max to smile.

"Lately, yeah." Max admitted, laughing weakly at his pitiful attempt at a joke, as she snuggled further into his arms, trying not to move too much, fearing the onset of more nausea.

Finally, after a few more moments of rest, Max steeled her courage, and began, what she had intended to say from the start, "Ya know I actually came here to apologize." she stated, pulling slightly out of his arms, so that she could turn and see his face, to gauge his reaction to what she was telling him.

At this Alec actually looked fairly surprised. "Apologize for what Max?" he asked kindly, brushing some hair out of her eyes with the back of his hand.

"For last night, I mean you saved me and the baby and I never even thanked you." she told him, her eyes full of sincerity and gratitude for his actions, "And I don't think you're a screw up," she admitted in a small shame filled voice, "I know I've been a bitch to you, but I never had the right to judge you like that, I never even gave you a chance…" she started to explain, but never got a chance to finish, as Alec caught her lips in a brief passionate kiss…

It only lasted a second, but what a second it was! The kiss was like him, strong, and warm, intense, making her knees go weak, and her heart speed up, how he could put that amount of fire into a simple thing like a kiss Max would never know.

"What was that for?" asked Max, when she was finally able to formulate sentences again, the boy could definitely kiss!

"Just a thank you," admitted Alec quietly, "no one's ever really apologized to me before, and you actually having faith in me, it means a lot…" he trailed off, determinedly not looking her in the eye.

"Everyone deserves a chance." Max admitted quietly, turning away from him, and finally picking herself up off the bathroom floor, to head off back home, "Guess I'll see you at Crash tonight then?" she questioned him hopefully.

"Yeah, probably." Alec conceded, picking himself up off the floor and brushing the dust off his jeans as he stood.

"Well bye." Max shot out awkwardly, before quickly turning to leave.

"Bye Max." replied Alec quietly, still somewhat confused about what had just gone down between the two of them.

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The weekend passed fairly quickly for both Max and Alec after that, though neither really talked to the other, apart from a few perfunctory words at Crash. Unfortunately, people there were still apparently gossiping about the two of them, Max only prayed that Logan wouldn't hear the rumours.

Max herself was perplexed about what had gone down between her and Alec at his apartment, sure she had come to apologize to him, but kissing him had not been in the game plan. She was, after all, still in love with Logan. But if that was true then why was it that all she could think about at the moment was Alec, the lovable X5 rogue, father of her child and general enigma. Joshua was right, he did have secrets, and Max found herself spending more and more time pondering them, and the man who had come to be such an integral part of her life that she couldn't imagine a world without him. She needed to get her head straight, thinking so much about Alec was not healthy!

All she had to do was get rid of the virus, once she did that she could sort things out with Logan, with no virus standing in their way she could finally be with him, Alec and her unexpected pregnancy not withstanding, surely there was some way that this could all work out? Maybe if she kept thinking like that long enough she would finally start to believe it.

(Ep. Borrowed Time, slanted for the purposes of this story)

Determined to find a cure to the virus Max found herself visiting Joshua's more and more often to try and figure out anything useful from the virus papers that he had accidentally painted over. Finally her persistence paid off and she was able to figure out something which could potentially stop the virus, she even tracked down a dweeby doctor to test out her hypothesis, problem was he wanted 20 large for doing the job and the only way she could think of getting that much money was by doing a job, a 2 man job to grab the only copy of a film from the Fox vaults… Unfortunately there was also only one option for the second man…ALEC…

That was how she found herself stuck in a closet with him a couple of days later waiting for a guards shift change… for over an hour. It was absolute torture being in such close proximity to him for an extended period of time, she could reach out and touch him any time she wanted, but for both their sakes she couldn't, what was wrong with her, had she gone insane, was she actually lusting after Alec? Why wasn't she thinking about Logan? If this worked soon she and he would be together, why wasn't she more excited? This was what she wanted, wasn't it?

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Meanwhile Alec was starting to get suspicious, just why was Max so desperate to pull this job? Wasn't she usually the one telling him not to steal? So what was different about this job? So curiosity getting the better of him, he started questioning her about what she was gonna do with her share of the money, perhaps he shouldn't have bothered…

It turned out that she was onto some sort of cure for the virus, some way to be with Logan, and the very idea of it hurt more than he could stand, how had he managed to get him self relegated to 'pimp'? Ouch! But being Alec he couldn't resist picking at the wound just a bit more, trying to force her into an admission of feelings for Logan, but actually discovering that they had never even slept together, question was, was this discovery encouraging or not? Did he still have a shot? He knew he should never have agreed to this dumb job, but what could he say, he was a sucker for a pair of big brown eyes, God he was such an idiot!

He was worried, he knew that Max felt something for him, but she was still confused, still clinging to Logan for safety, the virus had ensured that her and Logan could never really have anything, but if she eliminated it now, before she had given him a chance, as he felt she might be starting to now, what would he do? The only reason that he hadn't killed Logan before now was because the guy was effectively impotent, no threat if he couldn't even touch her, but Alec wasn't sure that he'd be able to curb his territorial instincts if Logan was doing… things he couldn't even stand thinking about with his mate, he'd kill the guy, and most frightening of all he wasn't sure that he'd be able to stop himself.

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That night, with Max off wining and dining, and doing God only knew what with Logan, Alec stayed at Crash, drinking, and drinking, and drinking…He longed for oblivion, some form of release from the images of Max and Logan his mind was conjuring, but the alcohol didn't work, he couldn't drink enough of it to get really drunk, X5 physiology being what it was, so he needed to find some other way to take his mind off things… He was loosing his mate, and it was killing him…

Fortuitously at this point he saw Asha approach the bar and couldn't resist telling her the happy news too, figuring that at least now he would have someone to be miserable with, to distract him from things he really shouldn't think about, not to mention prevent him from marching over to Logan's penthouse and squashing him like a bug…He really needed to stop with the '101 ways to kill cyber geek for touching my mate' thing that his brain was doing, thinking was not helping, and if he acted on any of these plans Max would kill him, so as fun as it was to dream, he really had to stop. Besides, he actually kind of respected Logan in a weird way, and since when did killing someone become classified as a sign of respect in his mind? He really needed to get these territorial instincts under control, and fast, as there was nothing Alec hated more than being helpless, even if it was to his own instincts.

Asha seemed to think that the whole Logan and Max thing was terribly romantic, going on about how they were probably enjoying a candle lit dinner and wine, to which Alec could only snipe, "Yeah who wants to consummate 2 years of unbridled passion when we could have pasta!" in a mocking tone of voice, as he knocked back another shot to block out the images assaulting his mind. He really wished he'd kept his mouth shut about that, he really did not need the mental images that that sentence was conjuring, and it was definitely doing nothing to improve his black mood, but he couldn't help himself, the flood gates were opening, and if he couldn't act out his vindictive little dreams, then surely he could Max and Logan bash to his heart's content, after all it was only fair, his heart was breaking here.

Asha was not gonna know what hit her, as every bitter and biting comment he had ever thought about Max and Logan and their non relationship seemed to come streaming out of his mouth in a matter of minutes. This was not good, assuming Asha remembered this tomorrow she was definitely gonna pick up on the jealousy vibes that he was positively radiating right now, feminine intuition and all, and she might tell Logan (though if Logan didn't already know how he felt about Max Alec would gladly kiss Normal…or not, that was really a bad image to even contemplate…). But Alec couldn't seem to help himself from spilling his guts, what did it matter to him anyway what Max was doing? She might have been his mate but she didn't want him, and there was only so much battering his heart could take because of her. If she wanted to believe that she could be satisfied by pasta and candlelight, that was her prerogative, if she couldn't accept who she was, what she needed, why should he care? Problem was, he couldn't seem to get himself to follow his own advice.

So that was how he found himself drinking the bar dry with another one of Logan's girls, what did these women see in him anyway? He didn't get it, sure he had his fair share of girls, but how come Logan seemed to attract all the good ones, the strong independent types that Alec found so damn sexy. Was it his aftershave? His winning personality? His devilish good looks?...okay maybe not, and moving into disturbing territory here… But what was it then, Alec really did not see the attraction, but, his ego taking a battering, Alec did what any self respecting guy would do, he hit on the nearest available female, Asha, in an attempt to make himself feel better, giving her his best 'never fails' 'we're living on borrowed time baby I want you' speech, trying not to think about the hypocrisy of his words, seeing as he couldn't seem to tell Max what she meant to him, but apparently Asha was just drunk enough for it to work on her.

Getting back to his apartment, with a more than tipsy Asha in tow was not easy, especially when he himself was far from clear headed, but finally he made it, depositing her on the couch while he moved off to get them some more liquor…

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Meanwhile Max had hoped that an evening with Logan would help to clear her mind, make it obvious what she should do, but it really didn't. Holding his hand she felt nothing, nada! No sparks or anything, just clammy, 'I get more from a look from Alec than I get from a touch from Logan' supplied that irritating little treacherous voice in her mind. Just what the hell was going on, sure this wasn't permanent, was that why she was stressed, cos she knew it wouldn't last, or was this situation just fundamentally wrong? Now that was a frightening thought.

Frightened, Max did what she did best, stalled… Telling Logan that she didn't want to blow things on a quickie, she wanted things to be 'prefect', whatever the hell that meant. But to herself Max had to be honest, this wasn't what she craved, candle light and pasta was sweet and romantic, it should be what she wanted, right? Then why did she feel like she wanted… something more, something, unnameable… darker, more intense, swimming on the edge of her consciousness like, a memory,… but so hazy…. Two bodies fused as one, slashing, fighting, loving, becoming, the violence, the lust, the pain...the blood…a bite, screaming in ecstasy, teeth, nails and tongues…'mine'…'yours'…what?

She snapped herself out of it, the dream, the memory, whatever it was, it didn't matter, she was here with Logan, and that should be enough,… why wasn't it?

She never got the chance to wonder any more about what was wrong with this situation, as at that point Joshua interrupted, effectively shattering whatever mood Logan had been trying to set. The frantic canine was babbling about a 'gossamer', whatever that was, running around the streets, and how she had to come and find it with him. Max tried to be mad, but if she were honest with herself she would have to admit that she had never been happier to see anyone than she was to see Joshua right now, she could have kissed him she was that relieved to be interrupted. She and Logan were just getting past the polite chit-chat stage and were practically at the point of something more having to happen, when he had arrived, and much as Max hated to admit it, maybe it wasn't nerves, or bad timing, or knowing that it wouldn't last making it feel so wrong, maybe it just wasn't meant to be…maybe it was fate…

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Alec meanwhile had come back from his search for liquor, to find Asha fast asleep on his couch, as Max had been, God had it really only been a few days ago? It felt like a lifetime had passed since then, a lifetime in which he had lost her… Snorting Alec tried not to laugh and wake her, as he dropped to the floor beside Asha, removing her shoes and covering her with the blanket, left out from Max's impromptu sleepover, what was it with women falling asleep on his couch anyway?

Sighing, Alec stood, and decided to go and take a shower. Perhaps this wasn't such a bad thing anyway. Now that he was sobering up, Alec could see all the problems associated with sleeping with Asha. For one thing he actually liked the girl, he respected her, I mean she'd pulled a gun on him the first time they'd met, what wasn't there to love about that? It ranked up there in Alec's all time best first encounters, and considering what had happened when he first met Max, that meant quite a lot indeed. He respected her, that's what it came down to, and he didn't use women he respected, if she were just some floozy, it wouldn't matter, but she wasn't, and a one night stand would mean a helluva lot more to her than to him, could he really do that to her? What is it really worth getting back at Logan Cale if it meant hurting someone like Asha anyway? It probably wasn't and he had to admit that, besides, who could really compare with Max anyway? He thought smirking, as he stepped under the hot spray of the shower, maybe this thing with Asha just wasn't meant to be… maybe it was fate…

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