Dusted
Disclaimer: As always, I don't own anything, except my own plot.
"READ THIS BEFORE YOU GO ON ANY FURTHER!
Author's Note: So... This is part 2 of Book 2. Because the change in writing style suddenly took a turn here, so I kind of 'fast-forwarded' the event some. Athrun told Cagalli everything - from their first meeting till the last time they were together in Destiny, and got separated, then fought on different roads...until she got hurt by thestupid brat as she was trying desperately to protect Takemikazuchi. She went missing. And...blah...blah...blah...they met again months later. He thought until then that she was dead...blah...blah... And that's it, 'kay? I don't know...maybe I will elaborate the story later but, for now, this is it.
THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS!
anonymous - thanks! Glad you like it and (snicker) yes, Athrun should try hard. He should try very hard if that ever happened to Cagalli - the loss of memory and the MIA thing, I mean. I want them to be together but, I don't want a fried-brained Athrun with Cagalli. So, hopefully, the writers and the producer will somehow get both characters to do something to gain back their dignities soon.
Water - No, she doesn't remember him. No, they are not 'together' in that sense, but yes, for now, they are together... (laugh) ...some people will be so disappointed when they get to the end of this fic. I hope you won't hate me too much then. Thanks for your reviews!
Cagalli Yula Athha - heyla! Long time no see! Yes, I decided to put old stuff here and...what's wrong with the forum anyway? I couldn't log in and...(cry) I can't update, damnit!
Jenny - Here's a complete (andconfusing)Book 2 for you. Enjoy!
asga - (crycry) I can't update, rubenz-san! Wahh...! (sobsob) What's going on?
Book 2...
Part2 - That which had been forgotten…
Scattering carelessly across the canvas of night sky were the ever bright stars, beloved jewels of heaven. They twinkled greetings at each other merrily as the white moon, although a little late in coming, unhurriedly made her usual graceful ascent to her high throne above. Cold and aloof, she paid no attention to the soft whispering of the stars as they murmured among themselves, peering down curiously at the earth below.
The sea, as always, was humming the long forgotten lullaby to the sleepy sand. The wind, just like before, was caressing tenderly the petals of the drowsy flowers. The trees, standing still and calm as they had been since forever, however, were carefully watching over the grieving couple under their swaying shadows. For the moment – only for this precious moment – they were willing to hide and protect them from Fate and Destiny, who had been playing and toying with their lives and their hearts so cruelly all along.
Her eyes closed, she sighed and snuggled closer into his warm embrace.
He smiled, stroking her hair gently. If only this would last… If only happiness was not so fleeting… if only they could be like before again…
If… If…
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, her voice slightly muffled by his chest. "I'm sorry, Athrun."
"No…" he dropped a soft kiss on her head, holding her close to him. "Don't be sorry, Cagalli. And thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for trying…"
She looked up at him and there were tears in her eyes. "I wish I could remember everything… I wish I could remember…remember you, Athrun."
A sad light came to his eyes as he smiled down at her. "Maybe someday you will, Cagalli. I, too, wish that you will be able to remember me again someday…one day. Yet, at the same time, I wish that you won't. Sometimes I even wish that you will never ever have to remember me…"
Tears slipped down her cheeks silently. He wiped them away gently.
"But why?" she asked, her voice breaking. "Why?"
He looked into her eyes and could see his own pain and sadness reflected in them.
"Because…" he breathed, leaning in till their foreheads touched. "Because I don't want you to be hurt and be sad again. I have hurt you, Cagalli. And I have made you cried. Again and again, whether it was back then or even now. I should have let you go long, long time ago. After all that have happened, after all that I have done…I have no right to feel what I used to feel for you anymore. I have no right to keep you from happiness…" he sighed. "…I am sorry. I shouldn't have brought you here at all."
"Don't be stupid!" she whispered fiercely to him. Putting her hands to both sides of his face, she gazed intently into his eyes. "If you were my friend or something more then, I have to know! I need to know, Athrun! Even if I have to go through hell all over again to remember everything about you, about me, about us, then damnit I will! I have the right to know and you must give it to me!" Then, her gaze softened, she brushed her fingers at his cheek gently. "Athrun… tell me. Athrun, were we…in love?"
Love…?
Involuntary tears welled up in his eyes, clouding his vision, as he gazed sightlessly into those warm amber orbs.
Love…?
"…We were," he whispered quietly, almost sorrowfully. "We were in love, Cagalli. Once…"
"What happened?" she asked, her trembling voice barely above a whisper.
Athrun closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to hold back the raging emotions inside. The long buried memories returned and played themselves in his mind with such painful clarity that he felt as though he was reliving those moments all over again.
"…After the first war, we came back to ORB and started our new lives. The first thing you did was making sure that we were in somewhere safe where no one would be able to find us. Then, you went out alone and became the representative of the Athha family. You provided all of us with new identities and homes to live in shortly after. You took the burden, the blame, and the responsibility of the last war quietly as we went off to live our new lives. You fought against the other representatives in and outside of ORB, trying to protect us and the peace that came with much sacrifice on your part. You went through things no one your age should ever have to go through or see. You even…" he bit his lip, eyes burning with anger at his own helplessness. "…you even prepared to give up everything, your life and your happiness, if it meant you could protect us and ORB."
Cagalli's eyes widened. "…Yuuna?"
He nodded. "It was one of those rare visits. During the first three months, you had always been very busy and, whenever you came to visit, you would just hide away all your worry and unhappiness, pretending as though you were not tired to the last bone. You forced yourself so hard to be cheerful that day that even Kira was worried. You laughed and you played with the children. You put them to bed then you prepared to leave. We barely had any time to talk with you and you refused to spend the night. You had far too many things to tend to in the morning tomorrow, you said. Things to do and meetings to attend…"
Her eyes dimmed at the mention of 'things' and 'meetings'. Obligation, as much as she hated it and wanted to stay away from it, she just had to do it – or, actually, she was obligated to perform it, like it or not, want it or not.
"Cagalli…"
She looked at him.
"Cagalli, you asked me to walk you to the plane that day. I walked with you there and, when we almost reached it, you told me…"
"I am engaged to someone else…"
Sad green eyes gazed sorrowfully into dull brown ones. Athrun brought his trembling hands to her cheeks and wiped the falling tears away gently. "Cagalli..."
Her hands fell from his face and she choked back a sob. "We...broke up, Athrun? Because of that? Because i was engaged to Yuuna?"
Brushing away strands of golden hair, he tugged them behind her ears. "...We almost did," a broken whisper from him. "Almost. You told me that he approached you today about the engagement. You had almost forgotten all about it since the Seyran never cared too much about you in the past. Even though you were Lord Uzumi's daughter, you would not recieve the title and the power because he intended to give everything to your uncle. Unato Ema Seyran almost broke the engagement when you came back to ORB with the Archangel..."
"But he didn't," she said dully then looked up into his eyes as tears kept falling and falling. Hers. His. Theirs. Back then and now. "Athrun... Did I..."
Athrunput a gentle finger to her lips, stopping her. "You did, Cagalli. But I couldn't accept it. I couldn't and I would never accept it. Even though there was nothing that we could do to change anything, I wouldn't...couldn't...to just stop feeling what I felt for you. I... You told me then..." he closed his eyes and buried his face in her neck. "...You told me that we should stop. In case, you couldn't do anything to change that arrangement... it's best that we just stopped and be friens to each other..."
Cagalli brought one hand to her mouth, stifling a sob.
"You told me to hate you..." his shoulders shook with barely suppressed emotions. "...it's all right if it would help me. If it would help me forget and let go... then it's all right to hate. But, Cagalli...I couldn't do it. I couldn't hate you, no matter how hard I tried. I would never be able to hate you or forget you. We had been through so much together and we shared so many...things. Too much to forget and let go so easily. I... I loved you, Cagalli. Always have and always will..."
Ceaseless tears blinding her vision, she fought desperately to get back any control over herself at all.
She failed miserably.
Athrun held her close to him, whispering soothing words and apologies. That's why he didn't want her to remember. If she remembered she would cry. She would cry and would be in so much pain. All because of him.
Cagalli clutched at his shirt, crying unhappily into his chest. All these...memories...and this person who had loved her so much... and she him once... she couldn't remeber. Not at all...
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry..."
Author's Note: Again, here is a break in this part due to update. It is, in a way, a new chapter. But they are still connected, okay? Right. Now on with the next...uhh...part? Ah, bah, nevermind. Just go on.
Do mind the flashbacks. Since my original format doesn't work here, you will have to tumble about a bit.
"They never paid much attention to me since Father meant to give his title and everything else to my uncle, ORB's Cheif Representative back then. I think more than once Unato Ema had wanted to break the engagement between me and his precious son, consiering my...well, conduct. More so when Father stepped down and took all the blame of what happened back in Heliopolis to himself..."
Sighing, she turned toward the dark sea. "But now that I have become the representative of the Athha family and one who will soon become the Chief Representative of this country, they will do anything they can to keep me and that engagement alive and valid. All because of the pwer that I will hold..."
She suddenly broke into laughter, surprising him. That laugh, it was not the same as her usual cheerful, happy one. This one was empty and so very bitter.
She shook her head. "Power... I shouldn't really use that word since in all the truths, I have none. Anything but that. The political world is far too complicate for me to understand, much less participating in it. But I'm not that stupid either. I know enough to realize that everything which has been given to me up until now is all owe to Father. You see, Athrun, the people of ORB loved Father dearly. I am sure they still love him if what we saw at the the memorial ceremony say anything at all. As for the outside world, they still hold Father in high regard as they always have. Uzumi Nala Athha was a great man when he was alive. Uzumi Nala Athha, the Lion of ORB, became an even greater man when he showed us all the courage to fight and to protect this country's belief and honor. Uzumi Nala Athha... Cagalli Yula Athha's father..." Tears slipped down her face quietly as she stared ahead into the darkness of night. "Cagalli Yula Athha...the princess of ORB...the Representative of the Athha family... She who will eventually take the title of her honorable father and guide this country to true peace as he would have done..."
"That was the first time I realized the true weight of the burden on your shoulders..." he sighed, green eyes miserable. "All along, it was you who took the blame and bore that responsibility. All alone, it was you who carried all the obligations, which we should all be doing. At that meoment, I never felt more helpless and weak as I watched you. Helpless...and so very angry.
"But how will your marriage to this man brings peace to ORB?" he asked, heart and soul burning with despair, anger,confusion, frustration, and helplessness. "And you must know that Uzumi-sama would rather that you be happy than..."
She buried her face in her hands. "I don't know! I don't know, Athrun! Please...don't ase me anymore. Just...please, just forget it."
Forget.
That word was the last straw and he snapped. Now, he was angry. Now, he was very angry.
Walking up to her, he turned her around and, as carefully as he could at that moment, he took her hands from her face. He tilted her head up slightly and their eyes met. Blazing green met broken gold.
"Cagalli, what exactly did he say to you?"
"He used you, Kira, and the others' to threaten me, didn't he?" she asked, dryly.
Pulling away from her slightly, he nodded. His green eyes reflected so clearly of the raging turmoil inside that it hurt when she looked into them.
She put her hand to his cheek. "Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault..."
He put his hand over hers and turned to press his lips to her palm. "I am sorry."
"Don't be," she brushed away one dark lock that had fallen over his eyes. She managed a small weak smile. "Then...?"
"I tried to make ou tell me but you were so stubborn. You wouldn't tell me a thing."
"It doesn't matter," she shook her head. "There's nothing you can do anyway."
His eyes flashed. "Doesn't matter? Nothing? So, you think that everything that we have been through together until now doesn't matter and means nothing? That's it, is it?"
His words struck hard. She looked at him with horrified eyes.
"Of course, it doesn't matter. Of course, it doesn't mean anything. I am only a nobodynow after all..."
"No!" she cried, her anger rising suddenly. "How could you say such things! There's nothing that can be compared to what we all have been through..."
"Then what!" he was very near yelling. "Is it because you never have felt anything for me? Is it just all a lie? Is it that you suddenly fall back in love with this person now that you are back and with him again?"
Amber brown eyes widened in shock as she stared at him incredulously, disbelievingly.
Athrun suddenly let go of her hands as though he got burnt and staggered back a few steps. He looked dazed after that unexpected, hurtful outburst. He didn't meant a word of what he said, no. But the truth that damage had already been done remained. Nothing could erase that. No matter how hard he would grieve and regret, no matter how he would cry and beg after this, if he didn't do anything soon, he would lose her. He would really lose her.
"Cagalli..." he reached out but she flinched away.
"That's what you think..." her eyes,hollow andvoid of all emtions, stared blankly at him. "It's what you really think, is it, Athrun?"
"No, Cagalli, I---"
"You think that everything I have done... more things that I'm prepared to go through... everything that we have all gone through together... You think that I will just forget and throw them away willingly...? You think... you think that all these times I... I love another?"
"Cagalli---"
"Don't touch me!" she hissed, slapping his hand away hard. Brown eyes burned gold as she glared coldly at him. "Don't you dare touch me, Athrun Zala."
He looked at her helplessly, imploringly. "Cagalli, please listen---"
"I listen enough." She turned and started briskly toward the waiting plane. "More than enough that I heard from you today, Zala."
"If you didn't go after me, I will never forgive you."
Athrun smiled. "I did. And I got a very hard slap in my face for it, too."
"Oh, you deserved it," she saidlightly, caressing his cheek tenderly. "...Did it hurt?"
He nuzzled against her gentle touch. "It did," he admitted softly. "It hurt like hell...exactly how you wanted it then."
"Let go!" she struggled furiously against hiim, fighting and kicking like a wild animal. "Let go, Athrun! Let me go!"
There would be a lot of bruises when we woke up tomorrow, not to mention that Lacus might have to get a new stock of bandages after this but, he could not have cared about it less at that moment. There's no way he could let her go. Not like this.
"I said let go!" and a hard stamp on his foot.
Athrun grunted, wincing at the pain, but he didn't let go of her. At least, god had mercy enough to bless the fact that she didn't wear heels then. "Cagalli, listen---"
"I'm not going to listen anymore!" she screamed, too anygry and too hurt to care about anything anymore at that point. "You made yourself clear enough and I understnad, so just let me go already damnit!"
"You don't understand anything!" He barely dodged her fist for his head just in time, but was sadly unable to avoid the blow to his rib. Even that, he still wouldn't let her go.
Since there was no other way around this, he decided to use what he learned from the academy and his expecrience as a ZAFT soldier (graduated with honor and ranked as one of the best soldier, mind you) to stop her.
But Cagalli proved to be more difficult than he thought her to be. Of course, eventually, got the upper hand and beat her in this fight, all due to obvious reasons. Yet, he knew that if it was Yzak in his place, his friend would have been very angry and extremely embarrassed when, at the very last second, she managed to kick at his foot, causing both of them to tumble and fall in the sand together in a rather...awkward position. Not that it occurred to them at that time, of course.
His breathing harsh, Athrun pinned her down, his cold green eyes glaring angrily down into her defiant gold ones.
Cagalli glared right back, her anger matching his.
Both of them were panting hard and both knew that she would not fight anymore. It was a losing battle since the beginning. He was, after all, a male and a Coordinator, while she was female and only a Natural.
"I am not letting you go, Cagalli. Not even if it's going to kill me," he whispered, his voice fierce.
Her eyes flashed challenge. "You are not the one to decide here, Zala. And even if you were, there's nothing you can do to stop me."
"We'll see about that," said Athrun grimly and he bent down...
Author's Note: The last break now. Phew. Congrats for coming this far. Please don't flame me, if you don't like what you read- this I forgot to add earlier. Lots of OOC but hey, since when in my fics, the characters are not OOC, huh?
"You didn't..." she breathed, staring wide eyes at him. "You didn't...did you?"
He tried to look apologetic but the bright twinkle in his eyes betrayed him. "I did, Cagalli. And I'm sorry that I didn't feel at all sorry for what I did. Not that I ever felt sorry..." he brought her hand to his lips and softly kissed her fingers. "...Though it kind of hurt a bit then when you bit me."
Protective but always kind and loving...Never once reproachful butpatient and understanding... Forever gentle and accepting...
It was absurd and impossible to imagine Athrun Zala to be otherwise but that.
Athrun would never use force against anyone unless absolutely necessary. Athrun would never intentionally hurt anyone physically or emotionally or both. Athrun... Athrun, who became rather timid with his affection for her... Athrun, who always asked for permission, be it in his eyes or his words, to even touch her heand... Athrun...
That Athrun would never kiss her the way he was kissing her now.
Cagalli could taste the bitterness of his angry desperation in the bruising kiss. His lips crushed down on hers ruthlessly, stealing her breath away and leaving her weak in his arms. The raw, intense passion startled her as she helplessly clung to him, trembling, while the tiny irretional part of her mind buzzed with thrill at the fierce possessiveness which she knew, under any other circumstance, he would never ever show to her.
But, despite everything, her temper flared even more. If he thought a kiss would quiet her down into submission, he was greatly mistaken. It might work to any other girl out there but she was Cagalli Yula Athha. She would never submit to a fight easily. Never. So, she did the only thing that came to her mind at that moment...
She bit him.
Athrun pulled away instantly. He looked surprised for the briefest second but then his anger returned with more force than before as he glared downat her.
The metallic taste of blood lingered in her mouth and she glared right back at him with enough fury to match his. Inwardly though, she was busy stamping down the faintest hint of guilt at the sight of red blood on his lip.
Athrun, still pinning her to the ground, wiped the blood away with one hand, his green eyes glinting dangerously in the pale light of the white moon.
"I'm afraid I will have to disappoint you, princess," he whispered, leaning closer till their faces were only inches apart. "But I'm not sorry at all for what I did."
"And I'm not sorry for biting you!" she snapped, verbally and literally. "I hope it will hurt you like hell later!"
He pulled away slightly when she snapped at him. Now, he looked down at her, merely looking at her. His face was unreadable as he scrutinized her with those sharp eyes.
Cagalli scowled angrily at him, refusing to give in to the urge to squirm while determindedly fanning at her slowly dimming anger. Her resistane would die the her moment her anger did.
Then, out of the blue and in a very blunt, very un-Athrun like, he said, "You really are going to marry him."
It was not a question but a flat and simple statement. Cagalle was tempted so much to slap him, to bite him, to do anything at all that would just hurt him. Oh, if only she could free one of her hands from his grasp...!
"For the last time," she hissed, her eyes flashing white fire of cold fury. "I will marry that purple hairball freak of nature if it is for the sake of ORB and the people I love. Against all my wishes, I will marry him for that sole reason.Even though, right at this second,one of the pople I love so much is now acting worse than a moronic jerk to me..."
She nodded. "Yes, you were quite a jerk for saying that."
He chuckled.
"Probably I was," he said and pulled her close to him. "But it was worth it. The slaps, the punches, the kicks, even the bite... they were all worth it for what happened after that."
She looked at him curiously. "What happened?"
He smiled. "Well..."
Cagalli was caught off guard when he bent down and pressed his lips to hers again.
This kiss was different from the one earlier and the few others they had shared before in the past. In fact, it was much, much diffrent...
Achingly sweet and infinitely gentle, he took his time showing her the unspoken feelings he had been feeling for her ever since the end of the war.
Cagalli couldn't help but gave in this time. She was just so sick of fighting this stupid fight. She never wanted to fight since the beginning and she was tired of acting strong. She just wanted to drop her pretense for once and just be...what she used to be.
Shyly, timidly, she responded to the kiss. The tears she had been holding back for so long flowed down her cheeks as she let herself be lost in her emotions, his emotions, theirs... Lost, and to be caught by him.
Eventually, and with much reluctance, Athrun broke the kiss.
He looked down at her with love clear in his gentle green eyes. He bent down and brushed a soft kiss to her forehead as he whispered, "I love you, Cagalli. No matter what will happen in the future, I will always love you."
Tears rolling down her cheeks quietly, she held onto him as though he was her life line. "...Always?Even though...even though I have to marry someone else that is not you...?"
He kissed her tears away, and smiled down at her sadly. "If really there is no way we can get through that, then yes, I will. I will love you still and will always be here to protect you. Even if we cannot be together, even if you will become another's, I will continue to love you for the rest of my life."
Athrun wiped her tears away tenderly.
"Is that why you became my bodyguard later?" she asked, swallowing back a sob.
He nodded. "I wanted to be near you. I wanted to be there for you as you had always been there for all of us and for me. We were hoping, you and I, that perhaps we could find a way to break the engagement somehow..."
"But we didn't."
"We might have, if it wasn't because there were so many things to think about and be taken care of then." He sighed. "Things turned out for the worse after the visit to PLANT to see the Chairman. I never thought things would turn out the way they had..."
She closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest. Those were the things which needed to be talked over later. Now... for now, she didn't want to think anymore.
Athrun placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and held her for a whil longer. In truth, he never wanted to ever let her go again but, sooner or later, they would have to go back. And if it's any later... well, he didn't want to think how he would be interrogated by both Kira and Kisaka at once.
"It's late," he said, sighing regretfully. "I think I should get you back now before they send out national guards to look for both of us."
A small sigh that echoed his, she nodded and reluctantly pulled away. Cagalli allowed him to help her up to her feet. They quietly brushed sand of their somewhat dry clothes, lost in their own thoughts.
From this point on, nothing would be the same again for the both of them. But then, things had never been the same for them ever since he had left and she losing all her memories. Things always changed for them and this new change... although they didn't quite know yet what to make of it now...
Athrun turned to Cagalli. He watched her unsuccessfully combing tangles from her hair with her fingers.
"You look fine," he said, smiling at her fondly. "Don't you know that you are always beautiful, princess Cagalli?"
Her hands droppedand she stared at him, blinking in surprise. Then, blushing a deep shade of red, she muttered, "Oh be quiet, you. And don't call me princess."
Athrun chuckled. She was cute. Very cute.
Although they were not quite sure how things would be for them now or in the future...
He held out his hand to her, palm up. "Cagalli."
She looked at his hand, then at his face.
Athrun smiled, then he said the words he hadn't said for a long time. "Let's go home."
Although she might never gain back the memories of what they had shared together in the past...
Cagalli's eyes widened slightly. And then, she smiled at him. It was the most beautiful smile he ever remembered seeing.
At least now they had each other...
She put her hands in his and said those words he hadn't heard for the longest time...
"I am home, Athrun. With you."
And that's all that mattered.
(Author chokes and dies of fluff...)
Please review!