Author's Notes- I actually meant to have this just be a one shot but I got this idea after listening to some Goth God clips on Joan of I've never used a bleaching kit before, so I just went with what I know about hair dye and how that works. This may or may not turn into an actual story, ideas would be wonderful.
"What is that?"
"Hair dye."
"What are you doing in the hair dye aisle?" Joan asked, gesturing at the box of purple dye.
"You have another mission. So to speak."
"Let me guess, dying your hair."
God nodded. "Yep."
"Why? I know you can do this all yourself, so why in, well your name, are you having me do it?" Joan asked exasperated.
"For the same reason I told you before, because I said so and the bonding."
Joan glared at Goth God. "Oh like that's a reason." And she began to walk away in a huff.
God watched her go, a small smile playing across his mouth. "Three, two, one." He thought, watching her turn back around and storm back up to him. "Saturday afternoon, same as last time." He said, handing her the box of dye. "We'll need this too." He handed her a bleaching kit as well.
"What for?"
"To strip off the old dye and turn the hair blond so the color shows up more."
"I've never done this before." Joan replied, looking at the box, gazing at the instructions on the side of it.
"Don't worry, it all comes with instructions besides I have faith that you can do this." God took the hair dye from her, and checked the box to make sure it had all the right stuff. "Yep. Instructions, gloves, right color of dye." He checked the kit. "Instructions, bleach, bottle, a pair of gloves. You got it all Joan."
The two paid for the dye and kit and walked outside. God handed Joan the bag. "Saturday, have some towels, a comb, mouse or gel, a mirror and the kitchen sink ready."
"Okay... But I'm reserving the right to not be at fault if this all goes wrong." Joan replied, completely unsure of all of this.
God smirked, chuckling softly. "Don't worry, you'll be fine." And he left, giving her his wave as he walked away.
Saturday Afternoon
"Again with the kitchen..." Joan grumbled, setting the towels on the counter. The dye and bleaching kit were next to them, waiting to be used. "Why me? Why make me do this for him."
"Because I asked."
Joan yelped. "God! Don't dothat!"
God let himself in and hopped up onto the counter. "Sorry Joan."
"No, you're not." Joan replied, sticking out her tongue.
"Let's begin shall we?"
Joan nodded.
They began by having God remove all his earring and his eyebrow ring. He handed the rings to Joan who set the in the middle of the kitchen table. "Did they hurt?"
"The piercing? A little, mostly when I got the cartilage done."
"Have to admit, they do look cool."
God grinned, the lip ring flashing. "Thanks."
"Lean back over the sink."
Joan arranged a town for him to lay down on and around his neck. Reading the instructions on the bleaching kit slowly, Joan very carefully mixed it together, pulled on the gloves and after giving the bottle one final shake, began to bleach God's hair, rubbing it in to encourage the color to leave. After doing this for almost 20 minutes, they were ready for a rinse.
Joan turned on the cold water and asked God to hold still while she washed it out. Grabbing the spray attachment, Joan carefully washed out the old dye, nervous the entire time.
"Calm down, you're doing fine."
"I am? Close your eyes for a sec." Joan ran the spray near God's forehead, making sure she had gotten out all the color.
"You are."
"Got out all the color." Joan turned off the water and let the attachment snap back to place.
God shifted slightly on the counter, he had been laying down with his knees bent and while he could wait forever, it didn't mean he had to like it.
"Hang on." Joan grabbed a towel, gestured for God to sit up and began to dry his hair.
After the hair was more dry, Joan took a look at it. "Wow, think I actually did a good job. Phase One complete, on to Phase Two, I guess." She handed God the mirror .
He sat up and stretched out his legs. "Very nice." He played with some of the blonde strands. "Yeah, I know, I do look weird." He replied.
"How did you- nevermind..." Joan said.
God slide off the counter and walked around the kitchen while Joan, cleaned up and threw away the bleach kit and trash, mixed the dye and pulled on a new set of gloves.
"Let's go."
God hopped back up and resumed his old position, his head hanging in the sink. Joan began at the base of the bleached hair, drizzling the dye onto it, stopping every once in a while to rub the color in.
"Roll your head this way." She murmured, pointing towards the table. God did so and Joan colored in the blond. Joan put the bottle down and began to look through the strands to make sure she had gotten it all. There were a few light patches but those were fixed easily. Very carefully Joan arranged God's hair into spikes and told it was time to play the waiting game while the dye set in. God sat up and Joan carefully pulled off the gloves and set about cleaning up the spots of dye in the sink and on the counter that the towel hadn't caught, after setting the timer for 20 minutes since that's when the dye would be ready to be rinsed out.
After hearing the timer Joan turned on the warm water, pulled on the gloves, eased God under the faucet and began to rinse out the dye. The water and foam from the dye was bright purple and Joan laughed at that.
"Yes?"
"Nothing. Just like the fact that your head's all purple now." Joan snickered, playing with the purple foam. She squeezed the hair conditioner onto her palm and began to massage it into God's hair.
God smiled broadly and purred loudly. "I knew I was doing the right thing when I added strong, gentle hands to you."
"Are you God or a cat?" Joan quipped.
God grinned at that and leaned into Joan's hands, moving so that her hands were the only things supporting his head.
Joan began to rinse out the conditioner. "You never answered my question."
"I'm anything and everything Joan. You shouldn't have to ask." God smirked, trying not to giggle.
At this point, Joan was done rinsing and dropped his head under the water in response. God jerked back up, sputtering, water running down his face, slightly purple. In response to that, he promptly shook his head at Joan, splashing her with water.
"Hey!" She jerked back, wiping off the water.
"You deserved it." God shot back, laughing and grabbed a towel and began drying his hair.
Joan mock glared at him and moved back to help him. After several minutes, God grasped Joan's hands in his and moved the towel down around his neck. Looking at her, God grinned at her, dropping a light kiss on her mouth, and hopped down to get his ear and eyebrow rings. "Thank you."
"You're welcome I think." Joan replied in slight confusion. "Why would he..."
God put in the rings and turned back to her, stepping back up to her. "Because I wanted to." He kissed her again, this time on the cheek. "See ya around." And left.
Joan stared at the door for several moments before realizing that they hadn't finished with his hair and he had done it to her again.
"Oh no you don't." she growled and went out the door.