Fanfic by Blueroseulan

April 11,2005

Summary: Kaoru is damned tired of Kenshin pushing her away and shunning her from his thoughts. Wanting to teach him a lesson, she accidentally pushes him further the rile and Battousai makes a sudden appearance. What would happen then?

Bath time for Kamiya Kaoru had never been so complicated since Himura Kenshin stepped into her life. Groaning, she watched an unwilling bubble float, land then pop millimeters before her nose in a loud 'pop'. The water was hot, soothing to her aching muscles that she had driven hard at rigorous training yet it only seemed to irritate her so, impatience ritting at her nerves.

Of course he would... act like that... she thought bitterly as mock tears began to will themselves in her eyes.

She wasn't dumb, nor was she stupid not to know the fact that every living person, or every 'breathing' thing that passed his musings would or could very well leave a mark on its trail, however stinging it may be. A scar, a wound maybe...

Such was Yukishiro Tomoe, Makoto Shishio, Hajime Saitou, Sagara Sanosuke, and... Would she be able to become brave enough to include Kamiya Kaoru on the list?

No...

Gentatsu... Toki and Shigure...

Shigure... that man...he had something about him... a gentleness...compassion...and distaste for blood that mirrored what was exactly Kenshin Himura's own ideals.

Kaoru frowned at the thought, waves of the water seemingly mimicking her thunderous expression.

Ever since the successful anti staging of the rebellion and the sudden death of Shigure, she felt Kenshin change. It was ironic for she liked to toy with the fact that so much close they were that an interconnecting bond had been forged between them. When he hurts, she knew, when she stung, he asked.

His smiles, however empty they had always been, were now emptier, more aloof... distant. Of course he was nowhere near brooding and he wasn't the sulking type. One would have been closer pressed to realize that he seemed to space out more frequently, gaze diminishing into a faraway look as he suddenly sat deathly still, all the others hurled into faithful oblivion, amethyst eyes turning sad and wistful. She knew something was wrong, knew that something was terribly bugging that silly little mind of his yet, he would not give in. Wouldn't answer why.

She had tried every possible way her quick sharp-witted brain could think of. Every tact she knew and hoped would work. Anger, comfort, regret, tears, cheers... everything and yet...

Nil.

None.

Dense.

Amen.

"Arrgh!" she almost screamed, slapping the water like a young tot throwing a fit of a tantrum. He would not give himself away, not a single clue or a fact that could explain why he was driving Kamiya Kaoru further into the rile.

She was beginning to become quite mad about it.

Kami-sama! It was only a topic, a single goddamned reason that she was practically begging to understand, to share the burden with him. And yet, here he was refusing her. Damn! She never thought Kenshin could be a goddamned selfish man at times of such.

Her breathing became ragged as she gathered her hair and stood up suddenly, slopping lazy droplets of water on the damp wooden floor.

Tonight... she would have to know... she needed to know... Tonight. Yes, before she drives herself completely mad.

The sky is clear... I long to watch a sky, clearer than anything else...

Shigure...

The name itself found its way and whispered itself on his lips. Wane smile, a fluttered gaze and a distant faraway look. Yes, Kenshin Himura had never looked so jaded before.

Shigure, a living intrigue for him and a dead epitome of fallen rebellions gone wrong.

He cringed at the thought.

He was a decent man, he relieved himself. Lacking the thirst of death and the lust for blood... he almost seemed to think the way I do...Almost made the same mistake as I did...Blinded by foolish ideals and silly notions.

Everyone was...

That was the main thing that had occupied his mind. Was it not that almost every living man in Japan fought for what he thought would bring power and economic stability to his country? Was it not that many had perished, that including his soul, because of the many entreaties of war? Yes... and yet, why was he, the Hitokiri Battousai, the man with the most bloodied katana in the battlefield been blessed with another chance? With a way for atoning his sins?

Why him?

Yeah... why not Shigure or Gentatsu... why the Hitokiri Battousai?

The former member of the Aizu clan deserved to live... to be given another chance... his love for his country and for Toki was far too strong to be put out and yet...

Would it be chagrined once again in his own hands the fall of the other? Surely, he would have--should have-- thought of a way to prevent his death...

Why let me live... if the others fall...

He buried his face in the calluses of his palms and tried to think of a decent reason why.

She saw him, after much ado, crouched in the far end of the foyer, head hidden by the length of his arm. A breathe of relief escaped her lips as she fought the urge to just wrap her arms plainly around his neck. Himura Kenshin made her think of that sometimes.

"There you are..."

Her voice was gentle, calm, a soothing caress to a troubled soul. Hesitating a moment, he plastered on a fake smile before he turned her way, amethyst eyes looking haunted and fatigued.

"Kaoru-dono..."

A wane smile spread on her face. At least he still remembers my name...she thought grimly. Sitting down next to him, she thought she saw the flash of hesitation on his eyes before he turned away, Unwilling to show the flicker of emotions in his face. Disregarding the sting of hurt in her heart, she took a deep breath and then...

"Kenshin... is something troubling you?"

He was surprised, taken aback, and he had to count for clarity of mind before he could speak again.

"No-nothing Kaoru-dono... there is nothing troubling me..." he trailed off, a little ashamed of the white lie he had just said.

She huffed. Patience Kamiya. Patience. Breathing twice, she spoke again, trying very very hard to control the rising of her temper.

"I believe there is... something's wrong isn't it?' she asked, her voice persistent, wanting to know... needing to understand.

He knew she would ask knew she would insist the topic. He smiled inwardly, warmed by the thought. Of course she wasn't the gossipy type of woman. She wasn't one to peep and pry into another's business. He just delighted slightly over the fact that she wanted to share part of his burden, carry some of the load for him however morbid it may be.

"No... There's nothing wrong Kaoru-dono. None at all."

She gritted her teeth. Hard. That's it Kamiya. Breathe. Breathe. Count one to ten. One...Two... Three..."

"Um Kaoru dono? "He asked, quizzically. "Are you okay? You look uh--kinda mad..."

Madness got nothing to do with it. I'm crazy. "Kenshin, I'm not going to bed until you tell me what's been bugging you lately." she was a tad bit irritated by his false innocence. He thought he could quite fool her... just like how he's been fooling everybody, but he didn't. He shouldn't have underestimated her.

"Kaoru dono... silly Kaoru-dono... there's nothing wrong... now I should escort you back to your room..."

In a flash, she was gripping his arm, tightly, desperately, as if he would shatter if she lost her grip. His back was against her, and her position reminded him of his fight with Saitou where she begged him not to duel with the wolf.

Only this time, it was different.

"Please... please don't shun yourself away from us... away from...me... onegai Kenshin... Don't do this...Onegaishimasuru..."

Desperation, unselfishness and madness had driven enough tears to wet the surface of her pale cheek and she found herself clutching his arm, closeness proximity all thrown in the dark corner of the house.

He felt the soft wet plop of her tears into his arms and he had to wheel himself terrible control and a heck lot of self consciousness not to hurl his arms around her weeping form and silence her sobs with a single soul searing kiss. But a strong force had prevented him. Prevented him from doing what he wanted to do all along. Prevented him from opening up to her and worst, prevented him from saying the right words she had wanted to hear.

He knew almost instantly his words would string loose a hell of her emotions.

"Go to bed Kaoru-dono. What you only need is a good night sleep to clear your head."

And he felt, rather than knew, the feeling of shock, anger and betrayal that had rocked her very core the instant those cursed words had gone out of that little impertinent mouth of his.

It had arrowed straight to her heart.

The hand that had once crushed his arm with a death like grip, slackened, slipped and had just stayed limp on either of her sides. For once, she could not speak a word, any delinquency pushed at the farthest corner of her throat and pushed back to her lungs. Yet her eyes were enough, for they spoke volumes and it reflected the feelings that bellowed inside her chest.

She jerked her hand back, like suddenly being burnt by his touch and she gave him one last smoldering gaze before she fled back to her room.

Kenshin was far more convinced that something in his words had caused a great deal more of damage than he would ever ever appreciate. Something within her, her words, actions and the way she reacted when she was with him had changed. Yes, really truly changed. She was confident, natural, in her own self when she spoke to Yahiko or Sanosuke, or to whoever they were, but when it trickled down to him, she was as dry as a teapot in heat. She never spoke to him, avoided him at all cost, and never once threw a gaze upon his form.

It was surprising at first, for he never thought she was capable of doing or rather acting her way around him. And then, surprise turned to sadness, unhappiness and he just woke up one day to find himself missing the little things she took troubles to do.

Such was when dinnertime came, as usual; she served the food to all three of them. Relieving him a little bit when she still took all the vegetables she knew he always ate and dumped it to the right side of his plate. Well at least that's an improvement...But he missed the way her fingers sometimes lingered over his, a fraction of a second longer than necessary before blushing a deep shade of red and becoming irritated with Sanosuke's teasings. He missed the slight zing he felt whenever her fingers touched his or the surprised look she gave him when he held hers gently over his.

He missed that.

Such was when they washed the dishes after dinner; two pairs of hands buried under the heavy foam of water, soap mixed with lavender, providing a great excuse for both to touch each other's hand... Of course no one saw it... no one felt it... except them... and pretence of touching accidentally was far more appealing than having to admit that you purposely did it, every after twenty seconds.

Now, those amusements had stopped, leaving both of them dispersed in a blanket of tension surrounding the little sink. She had cleverly, and skillfully--as he'd liked to put-- dodged his touches, wheeled away from his glances and had managed to stay straight on her face and her feet even after it.

He hated that.

There had been so much incidents... so many signs coming from over the past two weeks that truly proved that she had been hurt--and was probably still hurting--with what he had done and said that fateful night. The shift of her attitude, her mood was slowly becoming more evident and even Sanosuke had managed to pull him aside one day.

"Oi Kenshin buddy, is somethin' wrong wit you an' Jou-chan? She's been acting an awful lot'a wierder aroun' yah these past few days."

He had sighed at the zanza's words. Man, if Sanosuke was careless enough to see it, then he had hit on Kaoru pretty bad.

He'd have to explain... to tell her everything and to right what had been wrong.

When she was ready...

When he was ready.

When both of them are.

She knew he had known. Had felt the things she had been purposely doing for the past 14 days. She'd have wanted him to feel that she's been affected, terribly hurt and stung by the rejection he had shoved towards her face. She'd prepared herself, had warned her own mind that what she was doing was probably hurting both of them. She'd have been prepared for that. Been ready.

But nothing could still measure up the surprise, startlement and shocked emotions that had wired up inside her chest when she felt him pull her arm sharply as she was retreating towards her bedroom.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

She gasped, taken aback by the flare of his voice, his temper well above his normalcy. Still, she would have to see to it that the man learnt his lesson. And he would have to learn it well... she thought.

"There's nothing wrong with me Kenshin." she said, rather coolly, emphasizing his name.

Somewhat akin to a growl escaped his lips. He's had had enough. All those days of avoidance and defiance...it had all boiled down to him being short fused. He was beginning to get desperate, maddened and confused. The least he wanted was a confrontation and yet... it seemed that it was the only thing she was willing to give him...

"There is something wrong. Tell me." he said rather decisively.

An eyebrow rose as she shook his hand of her arm. Throwing him a glance, she managed to mutter before she strode to go inside her room.

"Go to sleep Kenshin. That's what you probably need to clear that head of yours."

Her words struck him, hard. He could feel anger and bile dripping at her every word, her every phrase. It was all enough for him to realize that she was putting him in a stand that he himself had put her into. This was her game. To make him feel the rejection she felt when he pushed her away.

His god-like speed had prevented her from further entering the chambers of the room when he stepped behind the door, fastening a hand to stop it from sliding open.

"Excuse me. You're in my room."

"I don't care. Just talk to me."

The furious look she plastered on her face seemed to waver. His words, his actions... this was not Kenshin... this was the Hitokiri Battousai...

"And why should I do that? I have the right to keep my thoughts to myself Kenshin. Just exactly like you do." she answered, her fear cowering on her feet.

He growled, eyes flashing amber--and staying--. She was really pushing him... pushing him towards his limited temper.

"I know your game Kaoru. I know that you want to do this, to hurt me. To let me know how much I've hurt you."

She gasped, shocked to know that he had learnt her reasons. Seeing her reaction, a darkened look crossed his face, his lips curving into a twisted grin.

"I'm right aren't I? You seem to be forgetting that you're talking to an assassin here… I watch your every move Kaoru. Everything you do." He sardonically said, satisfied in watching as she tried to regain the confidence that had deserted her.

"That' not my point Kenshin." She argued, trying hard to sound defensive.

"Then what is your point Kaoru? Why the hell are you doing this to me?" he demanded, voice rising a few degrees higher, his cool persona slowly being sauntered.

She sighed. Turning her back from him, her voice sounded weary and tired. "I… Just let it go Kenshin… both you and I know this isn't going to work the right way… Just leave."

"NO."

A strong grip had fisted on her arm stopping her from further doing anything. "I'm not going without having an explanation coming from you." He declared voice harsh and steely.

The woman gritted her teeth. She was becoming mad, furious… and fast. She can't believe how dense he was! Hell! What more should she do for him to see?

"Kenshin," she started, steeling her nerves." Drop this. You just won't understand." This man's really pushing me!" she thought.

"You haven't started talking so try me." He replied coolly.

THAT"S IT! "Okay. You want explanations? FINE! I'm going to offer you one!" she screeched, wrenching her arm from his iron tight hand. "Fine. Then listen Himura Kenshin. All this time, since you've stepped in the Kamiya dojo, I've been trying…so hard to reach out. I want to understand you… to help you. I want to comfort you when nightmares plague you. I want to be one with you… You don't have to fight them alone… But… what are you doing? Instead of allowing me… you're pushing me away…. Pushing me so hard that I'm starting to get tired of this game. "She looked away, unable to face the hard gaze he had fixed on her.

"What are you saying?" he hissed.

She sighed closing her eyes." What I'm saying is that… we should probably stop this game of ours. If you're not allowing me to at least care for you… well then… just let me go…"

"What?" he stared at her disbelievingly, unable to comprehend the words she had just said.

Exasperation was quick to close on her voice and she slapped a weary hand on her forehead. "Open your eyes Kenshin! I'm not getting younger anymore! I'm past the age of marrying! Oh for god's sake, I'm already twenty one! Women marry at the age of sixteen! Can't you see, I need to settle down… I want to settle down… If you're not going to take this to consideration.., might at least let me marry someone."

Just as the words had carelessly escaped in her mouth did it dawn on her that it had been the wrong choice of words to say.

At once, she had been pinned on the rough hard wall on her room. His form towering over her, breath only a puff against hers and his face was merely centimeters apart away from her. She could see anger, madness and rage swimming in his gaze, frenzied in motion. Fury was written almost blankly in his face as he pushed himself against her.

"You are mine. MINE Kaoru… MINE…" He hissed, "No one else can touch you. No one else. Unless, "he stated, hand resting on the hilt of his sword, "Someone wants to die early…"

She gasped, suddenly afraid of what he might do. This was Battousai, the true Battousai. This was the man who killed hundreds, whose lust for blood ran cold on his veins… yes this was the man even Jin'eh had hesitated in killing…But still, these facts did not terrify her completely, for the truth was she was mad. Furious with the point that, if I really belonged to him… then shouldn't it be high time he proved me that?

"You have no right to say that." She murmured, eyes widening even with her own words. "How could you? How could you say… that I belong to you… if you don't have anything to prove that… I don't have a branding when it comes to you. I belong only to myself Kenshin. To myself." She whispered, suddenly scared of what his reaction might be. Inwardly, she was jeering herself for her words. Good job Kamiya. Now, he does not only want to slaughter men, he also wants to shatter everything in front of his eyes!


"Kuso…" she heard him curse from under his breath and she blinked, their sudden proximity finally settling on her. She then started to push him away, uncomfortable with their position upon the given circumstances. But she should have known all too well that she might as well give up.

"You have a point there… Kaoru." He finally admitted. "I don't have any right to call you mine...unless you marry me. And then I can finally have you for myself." He defiantly said.

With his statement, her jaw dropped wide open. What the… is it… I… "Kenshin… are you… are you asking me to marry you!"she questioned incredulously, eyes forming as wide as saucer cups.

"What do you think?" was the reply.

"I…" he seemed to notice the hesitation in her voice so he was quick to add, "Do not be afraid Kaoru… The rurouni and I are one and the same. Though our beliefs are worlds apart, we have both agreed that neither will harm you…and you're friends…"

Yes… Battousai and the rurouni are one and the same man… If I marry him, I choose to live with both Kenshin and Battousai… but, am I ready? Am I willing to do this? After all the pain he has dealt me… should I? Would I?

"Yes…" she almost whispered inaudibly as tears spilled on her face.

Yes…With her answer, the man felt his two persona wane, mix and finally dissolve into one. Battousai and rurouni had finally agreed in one fact… The fact that both man, killer or not, wanderer or not, loved the woman Kamiya Kaoru. There and then did he grabbed her in a fierce protective embrace, lips crushing over hers, wanting no more than her to kiss him back.

And after awhile of being shocked she did, savoring the feel of his lips pressed against hers. It was her first, but he was a willing teacher. And a good one… she thought as locked her bottom lip with his. Neither wanted to let go, for emotions still ran wild in both of their senses. The heat and flame all too consuming, she felt his hands grasping her form, flying in almost every direction with his burning touch. It took all of her will power to push him back, a smile gently pressing on her lips which had turned quite a shade of red.

"Kenshin… we can't do that… still. Marriage purity remember?" she teased, eyes filling with happiness and yes—even mischief. He growled, pushed her back into the wall and crushed his lips against hers hungrily again.

"Damn… Damn how you could do this to me… How I seem to lose control when I'm with you.." he hissed as he once again took her mouth possessively with his, ignoring her whimpers and focusing on the feel of her hands entwined tightly on his neck.

"I'd give anything to be married right now. "he moaned miserably as he winced with her slight laughter. Embracing her tightly, he thought I owe this to you… Shigure…Gentatsu… if it wasn't for you… I wouldn't be standing next to the woman I love so much…

"Kenshin…" she whispered, capturing his attention once again.

"Nani? "He asked, tenderly, eyes sweeping over her form and settling on the luscious sight of her lips.

"Why?"

"Why what love?"

She smiled, eyes slightly tearing up as she fought the urge not to cry. "Why only now…?"

Her question caught him off guard and yet he didn't miss the hurt in her voice. No… not hurt… but regret.

"I was afraid... afraid to hurt you…and afraid that the ghosts of my past might somehow follow you… and haunt you… like what it has done to me…"he admitted, hands gently entwining over hers. "I don't ever want you to feel the way I felt… I don't ever want you to feel jaded… and used just the way I did… No… I want you to continue living with that sweet innocence you've always carried…the way happiness can seem to radiate so easily from your ki… Don't lose that… Kaoru-love... For that... That is my only light... My redemption."

"Kenshin…" she murmured, breath catching on her lips and tears cascading down her cheeks.

'Don't cry Kaoru… please don't cry… there's no reason to cry now… from now on… we're going to be happy…. I am going to be happy… I know that with you right by my side… everything would be fine… I am going to be—"

"Oh Ken-love… just do shut up. And kiss me." She ordered placing a light palm against his lips to silence any protests he might have been thinking.

He smiled and whispered before descending his lips to meet hers. "Oh dear… I really wish you could have married me earlier!" she laughed as she snagged a kiss from him, sighing contentedly against his mouth, breath coming like short puffs as she rested her forehead against his.

And a week later, they were married.