"Hermione," Ron said in a considerably strained voice, "there's something we need to talk to you about..."
Hermione looked up from the depths of her armchair and Hogwarts: A History, Revised. Harry and Ron were standing awkwardly in front of her, apparently fascinated by the floor. She sighed and put away the book. "What is it?"
Ron poked Harry.
Harry poked Ron.
This led to a confused interval where Hermione watched Harry and Ron jab each other furiously. Finally, Ron seemed to win, and Harry cleared his throat. "HermionewethinkitwouldbeagoodideaifyouwenttoHogsmeadewithDraco," he said as quickly as he could.
Obviously, the world had gone mad without Hermione noticing. She closed her eyes and willed herself back into reality.
"Hermione? What're you doing?"
"Are you still awake?"
Hermione opened her eyes. All right, so this was reality. She could deal with this. Hopefully.
"Harry Potter. Ron Weasley. You are asking me to go on a date with the bane of our collective existence. Am I hallucinating, or is that you?"
Harry began talking earnestly, taking off his glasses and wiping them with a corner of his shirt. "You know, he's been really all right since Voldemort found out that rabbit bites are fatal to evil overlords--"
"Yeah, that was really weird," Ron broke in.
"And he hasn't hurt anybody for weeks now, or called you the M-word, or anything really. In fact, he's sort of almost kind of not really our friend now!"
Hermione stared. Harry blushed. "It's not my fault Snape made us work together for Potions. He's really a decent guy now."
Ron picked up the argument. "And he likes you, he really does. You should see the way he looks at you when you're not watching him. It's really soppy, sort of like the looks Harry gives Ginny."
"I do not look like that!"
"Yes, you do! How would you know anyway?"
Hermione glared at them.
Ron swallowed visibly. "Hermione, have I told you that you really remind me of my mum when you do that?"
"At least a dozen times," Hermione snapped.
"Anyway," Harry interrupted, eager to forestall another argument, "we know he's been a bit of a prat in the past--"
Both Hermione and Ron coughed loudly.
"--all right, he's been a complete bastard, but he's changed now! Really!"
"And he's really hot!" Ron put in brightly.
There was a silence so thick you could have used it to brain Goyle. Ron blushed. "Ginny said it," he mumbled.
Hermione sighed. "All right. I'll go talk to him, then."
Harry and Ron punched each other on their arms and began whooping. Hermione filed it under 'Stupid Things Guys do to Express Victory.' Setting down her book, she quickly checked the Marauders' Map and headed off to the library.
Harry and Ron froze as the portrait clicked shut and the same thought occurred to both of them.
"Er, Ron..." Harry trailed off nervously.
Ron stared at him. "I know. She'll be furious, mate."
Dean, who'd been listening in on their conversation while beating Seamus rather badly at Exploding Snap, glanced up. "Why?"
Harry fell backwards into Hermione's vacated seat. "Well, Draco didn't exactly tell us to ask Hermione out for him, not in so many words..."
"We didn't say he did, we just sort of implied it. Maybe she'll let us off." Ron looked vaguely hopeful.
Dean grinned. "You're dead."