There's a slightly erotic scene (not slash) contained in this chapter, giving the story the rating of PG13. If you do not wish to read this portion of the chapter, stop at the section where I have marked it so and continue where I have marked it again.
Chapter Seven: Demons
The stars burn so far away and distant in the cold of space. One could forget and become lost staring out into the beyond… so alone in the coldness that envelopes its vastness.
The docking ring was clearly visible a few hundred meters away from the habitat ring of the middle ring where Serea stood in her quarters gazing out the window. The pylons, tall and domineering, stretched out perpendicular from the curve of the docking ring. The Titus, one of the few Excelsior class starships that had survived the brutal Dominion War, was noticeable in its position, docked at Upper Pylon 3. The ship's bright white exterior hull shined every few seconds as the docking lights in the pylon blinked. Soon Jetal would be in view as the station continued its rotation in its orbit. A semi-colorful mosaic of blues, tans, and browns setting the background to the dull copper tinted grey of the station.
After finishing her tour with Vedrann, she had returned to her quarters. Serea had yet to meet all of her senior officers, specifically her medical personnel. Her Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Senecal, had arrived on the Titus a couple hours after she did on the Mandalay and Serea was sure she was busy with settling in at the station. The Jetallan assistant of the doctor, Bithar Keddan, was also on her list of officers to meet so Serea made it a point to herself to visit the Infirmary again in hopes of finding one or both of the two senior officers from her medical team.
Serea stepped away from the window in her quarters. The dining and living area was spread out in front of her but was void of much furniture besides a few tables and chairs for temporary decoration. She walked slowly into the bedroom and glanced at several of her bags placed across the queen sized bed. She already had found the sheets she had brought so she first made the bed with the plain, soft green sheets and covers before going on to other belongings she had decided to bring along her new journey. A number of her bags were once full of clothes and uniforms but were now empty. The last two full bags, bulky in some sections, sat at the head of the bed.
She reached for the nearest bag and opened it to find her Vulcan prayer ritual items. Serea had not brought a low table for her small shrine of candles and incense. She glanced around the semi-bare room and decided the top of her dresser would do for the time being. She brushed off whatever dust was present with the sleeve of her uniform and placed the box containing her ritual items in front of her. She would set them up later that night for her prayer before going to sleep. The rest of the bag contained items for her bathroom so she carried the entire bag with her to unpack it all.
After she finished, Serea came back to the bedroom and opened her final bag. She found some of her decorative collection of items placed inside. She opened a box containing a Klingon ceremonial taj, or dagger. She had received it from a Klingon captain after a victorious collaborative battle against a large number of ships from the Dominion fleet during the war. Serea placed the box carefully next to her on the bed so she may finish removing all the items before determining where to place them around her quarters. Next was a colorful abalone shell that had been given to her by her human mother many years ago. She did not bring many personal items and had planned on later obtaining things to place around her quarters, but within the means of a Vulcan. Most Vulcans had sparse decorations around their quarters or homes. Material items were not seen as extremely important.
She shuffled around the nearly empty bag and her fingers clasped a smooth wood object with stylish curves and cuts. Retrieving the item from the depths of the bag, she realized what it was.
"Please, take it with you. That's all I ask," he said.
She took the framed picture from Raleigh and looked at it.
"It's from the birthday party we had for…"
"I know what it is from," she cut him off.
"We shouldn't forget them," he said.
"I won't forget them," she replied.
"You threw away all the pictures you have of them," he said, the hurt obviously displayed in his voice. "Memories cannot be the only thing to keep. It's not enough."
"It is enough for me," she said without remorse or a hint of emotion.
"You've changed, Serea," he said shaking his head. "I don't like it but I've tried all I can do. It's that stubbornness you've always had. It's not the right path."
"It's what I had to do," she said while still holding the picture in her hands.
"Please," he said, placing his hands on hers. "Just take it, do it for me."
Serea felt her hands shake slightly as she viewed the picture. She dusted some stray fuzz and dust that had landed on the glass to make it clear and clean. She recognized Raleigh, a large smile across his face, with his arm slung across the shoulders of Kaufman, both men with a glass of champagne in hand. Kaufman had his free hand wrapped around Rolando, her petite figure even more defined next to Kaufman's tall stature. And there she was… herself of three years ago, holding a glass of champagne like the others. The last person's right hand rested on her hip and hugged her close to him, also holding a glass of champagne in his left hand. He was smiling along with the rest of them, enjoying the moment… as happy as could be.
Serea clutched the picture close to her chest and held it tightly. She could see it happen all over again before her eyes. She took a deep breath and released her grip on the frame. Pulling out the stand attached to the back of the frame, she placed the picture on her bedside nightstand. She shifted it so that it faced the bed more than the doorway of the bedroom.
"I can never forget," she whispered.
"She's tucked into bed, snug as a bug. Fast asleep, too," Hendrik Senecal told his sister as he came into the living room. "I left the lights on dim in her room, she was afraid of it being too dark."
"Thank you," she replied with a tired smile.
Anja Senecal set her vanilla flavored coffee on the table in front of her and then sat back against the couch that was one of many items the Titus had brought for officers' quarters. Her brother rounded the table and sat next to her. They did not speak immediately, a silence emanated between them as neither one knew what to say, until Hendrik broke the silence.
"When will Lorias come to be with you?" he asked about her husband.
"He will be here next month," she answered not looking him in the eye but only at her coffee mug. "His testing is finished so now he's waiting for a match. If he doesn't get one this term, he'll try again the next chance he's near Trill."
"From the sound of it, you don't like what he's doing," Hendrik said staring at his sister, he knew her all too well.
"Not particularly," she conceded.
"Did he take that into consideration before doing this?" he asked her. "What it would mean for you and Katja?"
"Yes," she said simply.
"Why do you think I don't believe you when you say that?" he asked flatly.
"You can believe whatever you want to, Hendrik," she said as she closed her eyes. She did not want to get into the details with him over this.
He sighed heavily at her remark. He knew his sister had a lot on her mind and riding on her shoulders attempting to hold her family together. She had to do it for Katja more than for herself.
"Just let me know how everything goes," he said as he stood. "Keep in touch with me as often as you can."
"I always do," she said, finally raising her eyes to her tall, older brother.
His blue eyes searched her similar ones for an answer or maybe a call for help to get her out of her situation but nothing came. She stood and wrapped her arms around him, one over his shoulder and the other under his other arm. He wrapped his arms around her in a big brotherly bear hug. She reached around his neck with her hand to hug him. She could feel the edge hairs of his thinning blond hair touch her fingertips.
If only I could protect you just like when we were kids, he thought to himself.
"I'll try to visit the next time I have a long shore leave or when I'm in the sector," he said into her ear.
"That would be nice," she responded hugging him tighter. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," he said as they drew away from each other.
She walked him to the door of her quarters and tapped the pad on the wall beside the doorframe to open the sliding door.
"Bye, Anja."
"Goodbye."
She stuck her head out of the door and watched him walk slowly down the hallway, his back at a slight hunch. She could tell that he was worried about her but he had to let his baby sister lead her life.
He finally disappeared around a bend in the corridor and Senecal stepped back inside, locking the door. She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling slightly chilled. Despite having her coffee, she felt exhausted and spent. She made her way into the hallway that led to the bedrooms. She peeked inside Katja's room and saw her little one sleeping silently with her arms clutching the teddy bear close to her. She left the door cracked open in case Katja had a bad dream or called for her in the middle of the night and became scared in this new place that she did not know.
Entering her own bedroom, Senecal glanced around. Storage bins with their belongings were stacked in a corner. One was open from when she earlier pulled out the linens to make the beds. She did not feel like pulling out more things and working, she would leave that for tomorrow. Walking into the attached bathroom, she pulled off the hair tie that held her hair tightly together. She unwound the tendrils of hair like the winding down of a long day. Collecting her hairbrush from one of the carry-on bags she had placed in the bathroom, she began brushing her long blond hair.
"Anja, what is wrong?" he demanded loudly.
"Nothing."
"Please talk to me," he said much more softly as he touched her loose hair lightly with his fingertips.
Senecal laid her brush on the counter and began undressing for bed. A flannel pair of pajamas she had laid out was sitting on the counter next to the sink. She slipped out of her boots first, then her pants. She left them lying on the floor, she was too tired to pick them up now. She pulled on the pajama pants over her thin legs and moved her shirt portion of the uniform, the thin blue turtleneck marking her rank and medical distinction was thrown to the side with the rest of her clothes. She threw on the pajama shirt and moved back to her bedroom. Pulling back the sheets, she climbed into bed.
"Computer, lights out," she commanded.
The lights dimmed and the room was pitch black except for a sliver of light coming from her slightly open door to the hallway.
"Anja, darling, I want to know what is wrong."
"It doesn't matter, your mind is set," she said, her back to him as she lay in bed. "It always has been since you were young."
"I want to know what you think about what I am doing," he said as he caressed her shoulder gently.
"I don't know what I think," she answered.
"That's not an acceptable answer for me."
"I worry for our daughter, Lorias. She loves you so much," Anja said quietly, she could feel a tear trickle out of her eye and fall onto the pillow cover below. "She'll notice the difference."
She could hear him sigh deeply, his hand still trailing along her bare arm and shoulder, playing with the strap to her silky nightgown.
"She's still young, she won't notice that much," he said trying to convince her. "It's not like the other Trill symbiont reliance that goes on, this one won't take over my personality completely."
"It still will change it," she said, not budging one inch from her opinion. "I'm a doctor, not a child. I know what happens in a joining."
"Then you know I will still be me," he said insistently.
"Not the same man I fell in love with," she finally let out. A quick sob escaped her throat but she was able to hold the last of it back.
"Anja, come here," he said gently rocking her onto her back to face him.
He traced his fingers along her face as he leaned over her, his light blue eyes nearly grey, searching her ocean blue ones in the moonlight. He had his pajama pants on but his chest was bare, his brown Trill spots standing out against his pale skin. The markings blended into his light brown hair and came down along both his temples where they flowed over his collarbone, fell along his chest and finally curved outward again at his hips but were hidden by his clothing.
"I will always be the man you fell in love with," he said gently.
He leaned down and kissed her lips tenderly, his hand brushed over her loose blond hair. She wanted him, but it was no longer the same. He had already changed so much in the past year. Was it the war that changed him? Perhaps. Or was it her who had changed? No, she did not change; she was not the one making a life altering choice. She could feel their love slipping away from them because of how he was handling their lives without much discretion.
Suddenly, he kissed her much more deeply while pressing himself up against her. She reached up and ran her fingers through his light brown hair. Oh, how she loved to do that and especially how he enjoyed her doing so. But this time was different; he did not notice her intimate touch.
She felt him shift his weight and now he was on top of her, pressing down upon her with his torso. She could feel his erection pressing against her through their clothing. It was strong and hard as he pushed it against where he wanted it to go.
He slid his arms underneath her back and squeezed her close as he pressed his tongue into her mouth, still sweet tasting from the fruit they had after dinner. She did not resist and let herself be swept away by him, she longed for his touch that he used to have. As she wrapped her arms around his chest and around his back, she hoped so much that it would come back this time they made love like so many other times before.
One of his hands slid away from underneath the small of her back and traced along the right side of her neck. He moved his face down to the left side of her neck, kissing gently and teasing her with his tongue by tickling the spots he knew were sensitive. She could feel his left hand beneath her, rubbing outside of her silky nightgown and then back up to the open portion where her bare back was exposed.
She felt him move his right hand down her bare arm, following along to where her elbow bent. He left her arm and traced the outline of her hip on the outside of her nightgown down to where her thigh finally was exposed. He wrapped his fingers around her uncovered leg, his breathing coming faster and stronger as he suckled her neck. He moved his hand up, underneath her nightgown, pressing his thumb into the small dimple where her leg joined her body. He rubbed his fingers along the spot and up over her stomach.
"Lieber," she gasped the word 'lover' softly into his ear in her native Earth language.
"Let me show you how I love you," he said bringing his face above hers, his eyes deep pools of excitement, not the ones she had always recognized.
Her eyes opened and he was no longer there. She was alone in bed far away from home between the cold sheets. Senecal could feel her breathing coming fast and hard from within her. Only a dream, she thought to herself as she realized it was of the last night she and Lorias spent together before they went their separate ways; he to the Symbiosis Commission and she to Deep Space 13. She felt her heart almost tear apart deep inside her chest as a sob racked her body. She covered her mouth with her hand as to not wake Katja. She felt her body convulse again with the need to cry out but she held back. Pulling the covers closer, Senecal crawled deeper into the sheets and tried to fall back asleep, hopefully dreamless this time.