Disclaimer: I don't own RK
Dandanadanadanadan... just read on. It might get a little confusing but bear with me, alright?
Kaoru bit her lip as she saw the look on Kenshin's face. The feeling made her heart ache and guilt niggled at her core. It was as if she betrayed him. The man's eye was hard to catch as he bowed his head so low that strand of his hair hid his face. "Please continue Miss Kaoru. Do not mind this one." She tried to detect any accusation in his voice but there was none. With the guilt still eating her, she begunto ask.
"Kenshin..."
"It's alright... I want to hear about him."
Swallowing her anxiety, she begun to tell her tale.
"He was a student of my father's. Coming from a middle class family, he made friends with me and he was a friend throughout our childhood." Her features softened at the recalling of memories. The breeze playing with her hair as she rested her head on the crook of Kenshin's neck.
"Why are you out here, Kao-chan?"
"He was four years my senior. Back then; all the boys teased me when I trained with them. They said a girl should be in the kitchen rather than in a training hall. My father was not always around to stop that and when that happens, he protected me...just like you." She had already forgotten her anxiety earlier and was now speaking more easily, her voice far away.
"Have the other boys been teasing you again?"
I gave you the wamest embrace,the faintest touch, my endearing heart...
"It's not true what they say. Women aren't mere decorations. Well...you're not."
Drawing strength from each, a glow that deserves a kiss
"C'mon. Let's get back. You're giving them more reasons to tease you."
And I saw in you the woman I dreamed of...
"As we grew up, our parents always buzzed about getting us married. My father didn't want to choose for me so he gave me a choice. I told them we were just friends and that we have no intention of marrying." She said with a sigh as if it was the saddest thing. Maybe she would have rather had it that she also fell in love with the man, but that wasn't the case. She couldn't tell her heart what to do.
"You're not just Kao-chan to me anymore. To me, you are now Kaoru"
I saw the fear in your eyes...and giving in, you shunned me away
"For my 10th birthday, he gave me a tulip. I could still remember that flower, it was so beautiful. He was 14 and soon to be considered a man. His parents expected him to make a choice on who his wife would be and he chose me." She blushed at the recalling of how immature she was to love. How unready, how unpoised for any approach.
"On my birthday, he took me by the porch. There, he talked to me about his intentions. He confessed his love. He said that I have always been special to him ever since we met. And then, he kissed me...on the cheek." Kaoru peeked to see if there was a sign of jealousy on Kenshin's face. But his hair covered his face. She felt the guilt again. It was as if she wanted Kenshin to roar and shout. But the man was like stone, not uttering a word, not commenting or anything, not even showing any hint that she really did have his full attention. She wondered how he would be like if he became jealous.
"Hurry and grow up already. When you do, I'll make you my wife"
As cold as steel, I lived with the heartache,but like any fool, I woke up in a dream
"I was so shocked. I have always looked up to him as a brother and him asking me to be his fiancée'. I didn't know what to do, after all, I was only ten. I threw the tulip he gave to me and I cried..like a baby." she laughed a bit, giving intotally as she told her little tale. She was blabbering like an excited child, bent on trying to make Kenshin know that she never responded, that she had never loved another, as if to say that he's the only one.
"I don't want to wear that!"
"Kaoru! Listen to your father! Your clothes are already too inappropriate for your age."
"I don't care! I don't want to grow up!"
Each time I showed my love, the more you didn't want it
"My father comforted me and said that it was alright. Since then, I've always avoided him. I didn't know what to do when he's around. Worse, all the other students teased us and I gradually fell away from him." She was now leaning her chin on his shoulder, almost mumbling like a child feeling sorry for stealing her playmate's candy. Kenshin could feel her breath tickle his skin and he couldn't resist her sweet jasmine smell.
"You look so beautiful in that kimono. You're growing up to be a lady..."
"Why are you wearing those training clothes again? Don't you wnat to look beautiful?"
"Look! It's you girlfriend! HAHAHA!"
"Shut up or I'll kill you!"
Endless love and enduring heart, I wanted to held your hand
"Am I the reason You're like this? Kaoru! Please stay. Kaoru, wait!"
"If you want me to go away, I'll do it."
Hopeful arms and loving eyes, a smile to my own demise
"Don't you understand? I don't love you that way! I thought you were going to be my brother?"
"I don't want to be just your brother anymore. Please just let me love you..."
"No! This is wrong! I hate you!"
"As I grew up, he became even more determined to impress me. But I would have none of it. He once said that whenever he sees a shooting star, all he ever wished was for me to grow up into a beautiful lady." She never really believed that. Just some words a boy says in hope that the girl might like him. She didn't know how wrong she was. How true he was. How insensitie and immature a child she was. If she only knew, then things wouldn't have been so painful...
"His wish came true..." Kenshin said, suddenly making an interruption to the train of thoughts that suddenly rushed to her. Kaoru smiled. "Is it okay that I'm telling you all these things?" she said almost teasingly, a smile already peaking out of her petulant lips as they carved into the most beautiful thing on earth, her smile.
"It's alright, Miss Kaoru." Kenshin said almost dreamily, so unreal. How was he supposed to guess about the true nature of Kaoru's sadness. He almost felt afraid that she had felt even a single tinge of love. Was this how she felt when she learned about Tomoe? She took his silence as a signal for her to continue.
"Well...when I was 14, my father died and I was orphaned. I lost the students and I lost him. His family went to live in another place. His mother said, there was only one thing that we could do. If I would consent to her son's request and become his wife, their family would take care of me." She was speaking so quickly as if hurrying to speak out every word, as if that would ease the pain that comes with its retelling. Trying so hard to appear steady and strong when inside she just wanted to hold on to Kenshin and cry her sorrows away.
"Miss Kamiya? Your father wished to send you his last requests."
"My father can't be dead. He can't be..."
With nothing in return, You let me hold your hand
"Please forget your hate for me this one moment and let me comfort you..."
Though you have hurted me, I wished you no ill
"That meant that I would have to leave the dojo and learn how to be a good housewife. Of all people, he knew that I didn't want that to happen. So he gave me a choice. He said that he would wait for me. He will go and prove that he could be a good husband and I would be left here to take care of the dojo..." her voice drifted away as she remembered.
"Just remember, you'll always have a choice."
"If I fail, I will be your wife."
That way you'll know the pureness of my heart, with that I could touch your heart
"Right then, we made a promise. After a year, he would come back to see if I was alright and if he sees that I have been able to support myself I would be no housewife. By that time he also should've proved to be able to stand on his own feet without his parents' support. But nevertheless, if I still have not found a man for me, I will be his wife and he my husband." Both Kenshin and Kaoru then begun to wonder, what if? What if Kaoru's fiance' came back and saw her life almost in ruins and took her as his wife? It was so hard to imagine, too painful. 'If that happened, then I wouldn't be here with you...' they thought in unison. Agreeing yet not aware of it.
"Until we meet again...Let's do our best."
It felt like it was the last, It's just I didn't know how right I was.
"And remember Kaoru...I love you."
"We kept that promise locked in our hearts. He left and I stayed here and taught my father's technique. But a year have passed, he didn't come back. I supposed that he probably found another and got married. It's almost been four years and that letter had been the only news I had about him." The sadness in her voice was now bare and it hit to the core that it almost became too much. She must be so selfish because she thought that maybe if he didn't die, she would be so free.
Kenshin stopped in front of the gates. "Kenshin? Do you think he'll be happy if he sees me now?" She pressed him with this nagging question. Kenshin stopped and thought for a while, feeling in his heart what would be the perfect response. As if the wind whispered it to him, he told her that,
"This one is sure that he would not want to see you sad..." It seemed so right, so true as if the person really did say it.
"He did always scolded me whenever I cried. He said it gave the other boys a reason to laugh. But when I couldn't stop crying, he would make faces to make me laugh." She made another attempt to lighten the mood. Really, she didn't really need to unburden herself of her problems onlyto pass it on to another.
"He sounded like a good man." Kenshin finally said. Not a trace of malice. He was true to his word. Not trying to impress anyone, just stating his thoughts, that was all there is to it.
"He was. Even though I hated him for loving me, I loved him too...but just as a brother. Kenshin, was I mean?" She suddenly asked with uncertainty, her lips pouted, the look that Kenshin oh-so-loved. It was enough to bring a man into despair and pull him out in one quick moment.
"No, he probably would have not liked it anyway if you lied just so that you wouldn't hurt him." Somehow, Kenshin knew that what he was saying was true. As if the real person was there talking to him.
"Thank you, Kenshin, for letting me talk to you."
"It's a pleasure, Miss Kaoru." he smiled.
He put her down by the porch to sit down. "Will you stay by my side?" she asked him. Kenshin couldn't have been more obliged.
I hope that didn't leave you all dizzy and confused!