never feel this way again

A few months after Jake's return, she was driving home one afternoon, and she spotted a steeple ahead of her. Pointing up toward the glowing sky as the sun began to set. It seemed to be calling to her, pulling her in. She passed her regular turn and kept driving toward that building. She parked along the street and quietly entered St. Matthew. It was the church where her parents were married. She hadn't been there in such a long time. She thought that she'd feel awkward, afraid. But all she felt was peace, happiness. She reverently walked toward the altar at the end of the aisle. It seemed to be glowing in the light streaming through the stained-glass windows. She knelt down in front of the altar, closed her eyes, and she quietly prayed. God, I know that it's been a long time since we've talked. Actually, I can't even remember the last time. I just…I just wanted to say thanks. Thank You for bringing him back. He's the only one who really came back. This is the first time since my mom died that I've been completely happy. So…thanks.

you know what happens with the lights back on
the less you know the more you want

A few more weeks had passed, and she and Jake were happier than ever. It was a rainy Saturday, but the weather couldn't do anything to bring her down today. She arrived at Jake's a little before noon. She walked right in through the kitchen door and found him with Jenny in the den. They were watching "Spongebob Squarepants" – more Jake's idea than Jenny's. I'm sorry, but a 17-year-old guy should not be so into this. But I guess that's part of the charm. She waved her arms all over the place, and those two still hadn't noticed her presence. She decided to interject.

"So, how much money are you going to blow on me tonight? You know, this is the first three-month anniversary I've ever had."

Jake finally looked up from the television with that wide grin of his. "Then you're really gonna like my plans. Okay, first, I'm gonna come back here to pick you up. Then, we're gonna knock over a bank. Oh, by the way – would you rather be the driver or do the dirty work?"

"Hmm…well, if you're too chicken, then I guess I'll do the dirty work. What's next on the list of plans?"

"Whoa…okay, I'm not chicken! But that's beside the point." Another signature grin. "Then we're going to the most expensive restaurant in town – we're getting all of the entrées on the menu, wine, champagne, dessert, the works!"

"Hmm…so then I take it we're going to McDonald's?"

"Well, I was going to spring for Chick-fil-A, but whatever."

She laughed. He loved to make her laugh. He loved her smile, the way her eyes lit up. Then he got up off the couch, walked over to her, and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You know, I really can't wait for tonight."

"Me neither." She wrapped her arms around his neck and said, "You know, you really need to get to Karen's before you're late."

"I know, I know. Okay, I'll be back as soon as I get off of work, then we'll go out. And trust me - what I have planned - you don't wanna get all dressed up."

She gazed into his eyes. How lucky am I? "Can't wait."

"Okay, well, I'm out. Thanks for watching Jenny."

"No problem. Drive safely. I love you."

"Love you too." They shared a brief kiss. He turned to say goodbye to Jenny, but she was already asleep. "I guess she really doesn't like 'Spongebob'".

Peyton chuckled. "Get to work."

"Okay, okay. Gone." He gave her one last kiss, then grabbed his keys and left out the front door.

Jenny woke up about an hour after Jake left. Peyton played with her for awhile…they played with her toys, Peyton put on a little puppet show. She loved to make Jenny laugh. It had even stopped raining, so she was really happy. She used to love rainy days – they matched her personality. Well, at least they used to, but not since Jake came along. Peyton was so full of energy that Jenny couldn't keep up. She gave up and took another nap later that evening. Peyton sat down beside her to read on the sofa in the den.

Then she heard someone knocking at the front door. She went to answer it and found two young girls selling candy for a school fundraiser. With her penchant for chocolate, she agreed to buy a candy bar from each girl. After they left, she went back to the den, and Jenny was gone.

Her heart dropped. She felt a lump in her throat. She couldn't swallow. She couldn't breathe. She felt the tears beginning to stream down her face. She ran out of the room, praying to find that Jenny had just woken up and walked into another room. She searched through the entire house.

"JENNY! JENNY!"

No response.

She felt a chill cover her entire body. She turned to see the kitchen door half-open, wind pouring in. Oh my God, no! Nikki! This can't be happening! Nikki was gone. She was out of the picture. This can't be happening! She frantically grabbed her keys and was running out to her car when Jake pulled up.

He saw her running out of the kitchen door. She was crying. Why is she crying? What's going on? He jumped out of his car, leaving the door open and the headlights on. "Peyton!" He ran to her and took the keys from her hands while she was struggling to open the car door. "Peyton! What's going on? Look at me. What's wrong?"

He firmly placed his hand on her arm, and she turned to face him. He saw her red, swollen eyes in the headlights, mascara trailing down her cheeks. She fell into his chest, sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her, rocking her gently back and forth, but he had this gnawing feeling rising in his stomach. He didn't want to think about it…it couldn't be. It couldn't be happening again.

"I can't believe this happened. Jake, I'm so sorry. I just…I went to answer the door and…she was gone."

A wave of terror slammed over him. He felt his knees growing weaker. He was trembling. Please, no. Not again. He finally uttered out, "Who was gone?"

She looked into his eyes – saw the terror in them. She didn't want to tell him – not again.

"Jenny. She's gone. Nikki…I don't know…she must have set this up…"

"No. She can't be." Jake let go of Peyton, shoving her back toward her car, leaving her standing alone by her car as he ran into the house.

She couldn't bear to stand anymore. How could I let this happen? Everything was spinning around her, and she had no control over it. She slid down the side of her car until she was sitting in the wet driveway, head in her tear-filled hands. She heard him screaming for his daughter, but there was nothing. It was the most painful silence either of them had ever heard.

"JENNY! JENNY!"

He could barely move, or even stand. His thoughts were racing through his mind so quickly that he couldn't process any of it. All he knew was that his daughter was gone. He had to find her.

Without so much as a glance in her direction, he stormed out of the house and past Peyton to his car. He was furious, he was scared. Peyton pulled herself up and followed behind him.

He turned to see her moving toward his car.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he yelled at her.

"I'm…I'm going to help you find her," she sobbed.

For a few immensely long seconds, he just stared at her, his eyes narrowing. In the intermittent flashes of moonlight between passing clouds, she could see the pain written on his face – in his eyes.

"No. You're not. You lost my daughter once, and now you've done it AGAIN! You've helped enough Peyton."

She stood still in front of his car. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Jake…that's not fair! You know that I love Jenny! I'd do anything for her."

He released a bitter, mocking laugh. "Oh, so you REALLY love her? If you really loved her, you wouldn't have let this happen."

Peyton was stunned. His glare, his words, felt like a hundred knives plunging into her heart. This can't be happening. It can't be. This is some horrible nightmare. I'm going to wake up, and everything will be fine.

"Damn you, Peyton," Jake muttered as he opened up his car door.

"GO TO HELL!" she yelled. What am I saying? What am I doing?

Her words cut him even more than the cold wind blowing against his face.

"Yeah? Well, I'll see you there."

He angrily threw her keys back in her face. He climbed into the car, slammed the door. She stood there, fixed in the glare of his headlights as he pulled back out into the street and sped off. Her eyes followed him as he drove away. She couldn't believe how cold he was. She felt like the weight of the world was piling upon her. It was more than she could handle. She dropped to her knees and cried as she buried her face into the wet grass.

He left. He left just like everyone else. And it's all my fault.