Turn My 6's to 9's

Chapter 4: A sense of very great ill usage

"You're quiet," Carla said as she and Beth ate through their hummus and pita appetizer. After finally changing out of her swimsuit, showering, and taking a lengthy nap, she had met her best friend Carla for a late dinner at her favorite Mediterranean restaurant. She wanted dolmas, baba, and falafel as fast as they could bring it out to her. Maybe that would make her feel normal again. The night with Will had left her confused.

"Mmm, just tired," she said. Elbow on the table, she rested her head in her hand and looked with sleepy eyes at her friend.

"You said you'd had a late night, but not why. Fun with Jane?"

Beth didn't know exactly what to say and sipped on her drink. "No, I stayed up talking with Charles's friend," she finally said. She wanted Carla's opinion on the whole thing. Maybe she would be able to help Beth understand her own emotions.

Carla eyed her with interest. "A male friend?" and Beth nodded. "Someone you like?" Carla's brown eyes were shining with excitement for Beth.

Beth paused and then sighed. "No, someone I don't like and that's why it's so confusing."

She tried to explain the enigma of Will to Carla: how he was the walking list of things that were not her type, how he'd insulted her and been silent every other time they'd interacted, including this morning, how he never said what she expected, and how somehow, despite all that, they had talked for hours, and it hadn't been the shallow kind of conversation she usually had with the boys her age. It had felt meaningful—like she had made it through the icy exterior to the real Will: the one who was best friends with affable Charles.

"But he was so...cold this morning. Like nothing had happened. I guess nothing did happen..." She paused. "But I don't usually spend the night talking with anyone, except Jane. Now I just feel weird about last night. I wish we hadn't talked at all because then everything would be consistent, and I wouldn't be thinking about him." She hated to admit it, but he had managed to hurt her feelings. She'd opened up with him the night before, and she thought he had with her, but in the morning, it was all different.

Carla ate a piece of pita thoughtfully. "It's hard to say without meeting him. Obviously, you're amazing, so I think it was a major mistake to not talk to you in the first place at the festival. I can't guess his motives any better than you can. But we don't usually spend this much time talking about men you have no interest in," she finished slyly.

Beth huffed at that. Was she interested in Will? At 4 am this morning she might have said something else, but he'd been so distant when they'd woken up for breakfast. How could she be interested in someone who obviously had no interest in her?

"Part of me is worried that I've been the third wheel so long that I'm just being desperate for male attention. Then Will is here and he's new..."

"He's handsome?"

"Ugh," was all Beth could say in response, picturing that smile, and Carla nodded.

"That makes it harder. And you said he was just visiting for the weekend? That's a shame; otherwise, I would have told you to have Charles bring him to my going-away party next weekend." She looked at Beth for a long moment. "It's okay to be lonely, you know. You're amazing and smart, and there aren't a lot of eligible guys in this town. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself if you were enjoying the attention. You're not desperate. Maybe part of your confusion is that he doesn't fit the type of person you've imagined yourself being attracted to."

Beth shook her head thinking that was too much. He was handsome and tall, but what came out of his mouth sometimes was enough to make that irrelevant.

"No, it's just a silly thing. I don't know why I'm still thinking about it. I'm not going to see him again." She waved it off and changed the subject.

"Anyway, I can't believe you're leaving me to go live in D.C. and start your dream job," she said, with mock disbelief, while Carla squealed in excitement. Carla was four years older than Beth, and they had met while working as waitresses at Beth's previous summer job. It was an easy friendship, and Beth was going to miss her terribly. "What am I going to do?"

"Are you excited about moving?" Beth asked a few moments later, imaging what her own feelings would be. Carla had studied art history and had just landed a job working in one of the small galleries as an assistant.

"You have no idea," Carla said, with her lips curved into the biggest smile. "Years of hard work finally paying off...my first big girl job...new apartment..."

"I'm so proud of you," she said, reaching for her friend's hand. They shared a quick squeeze, and Beth felt grateful for their friendship, realizing that in just a few weeks this would be different, too. "And I am so excited that you're moving! Also devastated. But mostly trying to be happy. Do you want me to come by your party early to help you set up?"

"Just show up whenever. I've invited friends from all aspects of my life, so that should be interesting. Nothing like overlapping all your social groups to make a party fun. You're still coming to D.C. in three weeks, right?"

They had planned one last hurrah before Beth left for school. She wanted to give Carla a little time to unpack and settle into her apartment and then they were going to have a weekend out around the city. Beth was looking forward to it more than anything.

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Turn left," Beth called out from the backseat of Charles's car. One week later, and despite her best efforts, she had spent a fair amount of time thinking about Will. She'd replayed their conversation from that night, feeling torn between embarrassment and confusion for why it had been so awkward in the morning.

Carla's going away party was the distraction that she needed. She and Lydia were sharing the back seat while Jane sat up front. Beth was not pleased with Lydia's presence. She wanted to enjoy the party, but now she knew she'd spend half the time worried about whether Lydia was embarrassing all of them with her behavior. Lydia had overheard her telling Jane about the party and had refused to take no for an answer, threatening to tell their mother that they were going to a party with alcohol if they didn't let her join. Knowing what their mother's reaction would be, Beth had been forced to let her come with them, and the smug look on Lydia's face was enough to take all the pleasure out of the ride.

"Whose shirt are you wearing, anyway?" Beth accused her younger sister. Lydia was a notorious clothing thief. Beth had the sneaking suspicion that it was her own shirt, and Lydia hadn't asked.

Lydia looked down at herself, unconcerned. "It's Jane's, but it looks better on me. She gave it to me."

"She did not," Beth immediately responded, but Jane laughed, breaking up the impending argument.

"She's right; I did. I never wore it. Someone might as well get some use out of it. Mom bought it for me, but it isn't my style."

With its low-cut neck, Beth could see why Jane never wore it and why it appealed so much to Lydia.

"I'm totally wearing your push-up bra, though," Lydia giggled.

Beth scowled at her younger sister.

"What? The shirt just doesn't look right without a lot of cleavage. It's not like you need it anyway. Your boobs are totally big enough without it." Beth sputtered at this, but Lydia was continuing. "Plus, you never wear it anyway 'cause you're like never dating anyone. You haven't been out with anyone since Ben, and that was months ago."

"I—" Beth tried to interrupt, but Lydia was steam rolling ahead.

"And you didn't even really like him, so I know you're not broken up about him. I overheard you talking with Carla one time, and you said he was totally boring and like the lamest kiss—Ow!"

Beth had finally been forced to reach over and pinch the underside of her sister's upper arm, which she knew from experience was especially painful.

"Shut up," she murmured under her breath. She didn't need Jane's boyfriend to hear any of that, and she was well aware how long it had been since she'd been on a date. She didn't need Lydia to point it out.

Aloud, she gave the final directions to Charles and they parked on the street. Inside, Carla's house was full of people. She lived in one half of a duplex, and Beth sincerely hoped she had cleared the party with her neighbors; it was loud. Lydia immediately disappeared in the crowd of people. Beth recognized a few people who had gone to her high school, but the rest were strangers.

"Let's go say hello to Carla," Beth said, beginning to lead Jane and Charles.

Carla looked radiant, with her long braids in an elaborate bun and a dark red summer dress setting off the brown tones of her skin and eyes. She had gold bangles on each wrist that tinkled with metallic music any time she moved. She was the center of attention and it suited her, but she spun away from the center of the circle of people she'd been talking with to give Beth a tight hug.

"You look beautiful," Beth said, and Carla posed, model-esque, in her dress for a moment before laughing. She gave Jane a quick hug before introducing herself to Charles. "I've heard so many nice things about you, of course. It's so great to finally meet you. And I heard you had a friend visiting last week; it's just a shame that he couldn't come to this," Carla said with a wicked look at Beth who had to work hard to keep her face neutral.

Charles looked mildly surprised at the comment, but he took it in stride. "Oh, Will? Yeah, he's a great guy. Though honestly, I don't think he'd enjoy something like this too much. He's much better one on one. Probably a good thing he's not here. Wine?" He held up the bottle of wine that he and Jane had brought, and Carla quickly pointed him in the direction of the other drinks and the wine opener.

As they walked away Beth drew her finger across her neck emphatically, but Carla only laughed. "Only teasing, of course," she said to placate Beth. "Let me introduce you to some friends."

Carla maneuvered Beth through different groups, saying hello and laughing at the different comments thrown her way. Beth found it strange to see Carla's place so empty of furniture. Everything was packed away in boxes except for a folding table, folding chairs, and her couch.

"Lynn, Steph, this is my friend Beth," Carla said, inserting the two of them into a small circle of people. The two women smiled and introduced themselves, as did the man they'd been chatting with. Beth shook his hand, looking up into almond-shaped brown eyes and white teeth against tanned olive skin.

"Jamie Wickham," he said to her, and then "We've met a few times..." to Carla, who assured him that she remembered, although Beth wasn't convinced that she had any idea who he was. She certainly hadn't remembered his name. But Beth found herself charmed by him, whoever he was. He laughed easily and often and seemed to make a special effort to draw her into the established conversation he'd been having so that she didn't feel awkward for joining them. It was a kind thing to do, and she appreciated it enormously as Carla left to mingle with her other guests.

Beth found herself admiring the way he made small talk with them and his poise. She'd thought that he had come to the party with Lynn and Steph, but it became clear after a few minutes of conversation that they were meeting him for the first time as well. Somehow, they were all talking like old friends. Jamie asked the right questions and listened attentively, though Beth thought she saw his eyes moving to her more often than strictly necessary. She wondered suddenly how old he was. College-aged? It seemed too much to hope that he was 18 as well. But there was something about him that made her want to get to know him better. The effortless charm was very attractive.

"You'll have to excuse me, ladies. I have some business to attend to," Jamie said with a crook in his smile. "Hopefully I'll see you all a little later." His eyes lingered on Beth as he said the last part; this time she knew she wasn't imagining it, and she felt herself smiling back at him brightly.

Without Jamie around, the conversation between the three women quickly fizzled as it turned out that they didn't have much in common, and no one was quite as good at small talk as he had been. They both excused themselves to refill their drinks, leaving Beth alone for the moment. Beth suddenly remembered Lydia and looked around for her in the crowd, but she was nowhere in sight. Beth groaned, wishing that just once she didn't have to worry about her younger sister. Lydia unaccounted for was never a good thing.

She moved from the main room to the quieter back hallway and saw her sister in line for the bathroom. With a sigh of relief, she walked over, noticing Jamie suddenly as well. He seemed to be shaking hands with one of the girls in front of Lydia in the line.

"Can you believe this line? I have to pee!" Lydia whined, and Beth laughed at her, as did the two girls standing in front of her. Lydia seemed to have befriended them; Beth had no doubt they'd been total strangers when Lydia had entered the line. They looked to be about Lydia's same age, and one had hastily zipped her purse as Beth had approached.

"Staying out of trouble?"

Lydia rolled her eyes. "I told you I would. Even though there are a ton of hot guys around," Lydia mumbled, her eyes looking slyly to the side in Jamie's direction. Beth gave her shoulder a few pats.

"There's plenty of time, Lydia. We're not going anywhere."

Jamie turned at the sound of her voice, and Beth was pleased to see him smile at the sight of her.

"Hello again."

The small hallway was very warm. Beth felt hot and flustered standing there, a blush creeping into her cheeks as Jamie smiled. He looked over her head to the front door. "Feel like getting some air?" She nodded eagerly and he pointed for her to lead the way.

There were several groups of smokers out on the porch, little glowing red circles at their fingers. The quiet timbre of their conversations and the muffled beat of the music mixed well with the night air. Beth smiled to herself, catching snippets of the conversations around her. It was a nice night, and she was glad to see so many people out to say goodbye to her friend.

Jamie leaned against one of the porch columns as Beth tried to decide if she liked him. Jamie knew exactly how charming he was, she decided after another few minutes of talking with him. She got the feeling that he was used to women fawning over him. Beth didn't necessarily love that, but there were worse faults. It didn't hurt that he kept up a steady stream of subtle compliments. His air of confidence never dipped into arrogance because every other sentence was self-deprecating, and he made sure she knew that he didn't take himself too seriously. He also seemed genuinely interested in her, which she couldn't deny was a winning characteristic. She decided that she did, in fact, have a bit of a crush on him.

"Are you from around here?" Beth asked curiously.

"No. I grew up in New York, but I got a scholarship for St. Agnes and spent a year there before going back to New York. I graduated a year ago. I knew a lot of people in this area."

"St. Agnes?" Beth said with surprise. It hadn't entered her head for a moment that Jamie might have gone to school there. He didn't give off the rich kid vibe, for one thing, and he seemed entirely too well adjusted for another, she decided, thinking briefly of Will.

"Not what you expected?" he said with amusement, and Beth smiled sheepishly.

"Well...no. But that's not a bad thing."

"So you're not a fan of the St. Agnes crowd. Good," he said, turning to smirk at her. "Neither am I." There was an edge to his voice that made her wonder if there wasn't more to know about his time at the prep school than he was letting on, but she didn't feel like she knew him well enough to ask it. But she was pleased to find out that he was Jane's age. She'd been afraid he'd be too old for her, but he was perfect.

"What about you?" he asked, quickly changing the subject away from himself.

Beth sighed. "I just graduated, thank god. I can't wait to get out of this town." Beth elaborated on her general dislike of her high school before finishing with, "I'm going to college in Massachusetts." He was a good listener, never looking at his phone, never looking bored with the conversation. They'd had such easy conversation throughout the evening. She smiled, looking up into his dark eyes, and wondered if he would ask her out. He'd singled her out for this conversation, and the subtle hints from his body language all pointed to yes. A quiet thrill of excitement rushed through her at the thought.

Beth heard her name being called faintly from inside. Charles's voice became more distinct as he reached the screen door, and he spoke as he took half a step out, holding the door open. "Beth, your sister—." He stopped abruptly as his eyes adjusted and he saw who she was standing with and their body language.

Beth was baffled by the complexity of emotions that ran across Charles's normally serene face. She furrowed her brow. He was looking steadily at Jamie, who held his gaze briefly before looking away. The tension was palpable. Beth looked back and forth between the two of them. Having never seen a negative emotion from Charles before, even this minor display of dislike spoke volumes. Beth had to assume that they knew each other from St. Agnes and that the experience had not been a happy one. Was this why Jamie had left after a year?

"What were you saying, Charles?" Beth asked, trying to draw his attention back to herself.

"Jane just wanted you to know that she's ready to leave whenever you are." His eyes had drifted away from her while he spoke and were focused on Jamie.

"Thanks, Charles. I'll come back inside and get her when I'm ready," Beth responded. "Soon," she said, when it looked like he might protest.

Charles looked as though he wanted to disagree or say something more, but finally he sighed. Before turning to go back inside, he gave Jamie a meaningful glance that Beth couldn't interpret. She turned to Jamie expectantly. He was still leaning against the porch column, but he looked distinctly ruffled.

"So you're friends with Chuck Bingley," was all he said.

"How do you know him?" Beth asked.

"How do you know him?"

"He's dating my sister, and he's my friend," she added as an afterthought. He was technically her friend, she decided. She waited for Jamie to answer her question.

"I knew Chuck at St. Agnes. We were good buddies, actually. It's really a shame that it's like this now."

"What happened?" she asked, cautiously.

Jamie looked bitter. "His friend got me kicked out of Agnes. He told the administration..." He shot Beth a calculating look. "Well, it doesn't matter what his friend said because it wasn't true. But the Darcys had enough pull with the administration that I was gone. I would have had a good chance for a full ride for college if I'd been able to stay, but..." He scowled and let the sentence trail off.

Beth could not hide her surprise. Will had gotten him kicked out of school? Beth had thought about Will more than she wanted to admit since the week before, wondering what their conversation had meant, and how someone could say she wasn't worth talking to one day and then spend the whole night talking to her the next. But this was something else entirely. She pictured Will again and his quiet disdain at the 4th of July festival and his cold greeting the morning after Charles' barbecue. She tried to visualize him and Jamie together, but her brain couldn't manage it.

"Why did his friend do that?" she asked, desperately wanting more context.

"Will—that's his name—he just never liked me. He had it out for me from day one. Maybe it's because I was there on a lacrosse scholarship. I guess he thought I didn't deserve to be there. We never got along; on the field, off the field, it didn't matter. I tried to be nice to him, but it was like talking to a wall. He's just an asshole, you know? His sister, who was a total fucking mess I might add, was part of it too. Everyone believed them over me. Including Charles, it seems like. I always wondered what they'd said after I left, and what the rest of the kids thought about me. Now I'm glad I don't know."

"But that's—that's awful." Beth managed to say. She was trying to process everything he'd said and barely even registering Jamie's face in front of her. Parts of it sounded very familiar: trying to be nice to Will and hitting that wall of coolness instead: and Will not thinking that someone deserved to be at St. Agnes...

"You have no idea. The family tried to press charges on me for these completely ludicrous claims."

Beth was appalled. She imagined that the Darcys had easy access to lawyers. Could some stupid high school conflict really have gotten so out of proportion? She thought back to their conversation and how Will had said he tried to be a force for good. She wondered suddenly if that was some kind of atonement for how he'd behaved in high school. Was he passionate about it now because he'd hurt someone in the past...?

"That's really terrible." Beth almost couldn't believe it. Her mind was conflicted, thinking of Will's quiet, dry wit and the warmth of one of his rare smiles. Could he really have done something so petty and cruel? But as soon as she thought it, another memory came to mind. Hadn't Will said that he was resentful and had a hard time forgiving? He'd been serious when he'd told her that. If that were true, it didn't seem so far out of character for him to hold a grudge against Jamie. Maybe it had just gone too far...

"Hey," Jamie said softly, causing her to look over at him. "Don't worry about it; it's all in the past now." She noticed that he looked uncomfortable.

"That sounds awful," Beth said. She couldn't imagine having to transfer schools and start over somewhere new because of another student. She wondered again what Will's twin sister must be like.

"I've been doing fine since then. Just leaving it to karma." He seemed eager to change the conversation and made a show out of digging into his pocket to get his cell phone. "I'd better check who's been texting me. Make sure it isn't my girlfriend," he said with a kind of pointed exaggeration.

Beth couldn't hide her look of shock, but Jamie was busy with his cell phone. Girlfriend? But he'd been flirting with her the entire evening!

She just managed to control her expression by the time he looked up at her again. He made an apologetic face. "I've got to run, unfortunately. But it was so nice getting to know you, Beth." He placed his hand gently on her upper arm and smiled at her with a warm glance. But Beth couldn't fight the wave of disappointment and confusion that rolled over her. The last few minutes had been an emotional roller coaster.

"Yes, you too," she said belatedly, still reeling. But Jamie was already walking away, his footsteps echoing as he walked out into the night. Beth stared after him, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Ugh, finally," Lydia said as Beth let herself back inside the house a few minutes later. Lydia and Jane both rose to stand.

"You must've been having some good conversations," Jane said, her sentence broken by a long yawn. "Who were you out there with?"

"Later," Beth mumbled to her sister as Charles entered the living room from the kitchen.

"Carla just went to bed, so I think we should probably leave." Charles wasn't his normal jovial self; his mood seemed as dour as Beth's.

Part of Beth wanted to ask him about Jamie, but as Will's good friend, anything he said would be in line with Will's story. Plus, it felt far too awkward to bring up, especially so late in the evening. He didn't seem eager to address what had happened outside either. She'd figure out what to do about it later.

"Lydia, get out," Beth said as she opened the door to the backseat. The left passenger side was filled with a few boxes, and so only the middle and right seat were open. Lydia had chosen the right seat, leaving Beth to sit in the middle. But she wasn't in the mood to deal with cramped legs the whole ride home.

Lydia huffed in outrage. "I totally rode in the middle on the way here. I'm not going to do it on the ride back too."

"I'm not kidding, Lydia. Get out," Beth replied, her tone getting dangerous.

Lydia leaned forward so that Beth could see her whole face. Her resemblance to Jane was uncanny, except Jane never wore that much eyeliner and her mouth certainly never turned in such a nasty sneer. "Make me," she said slowly.

Beth clenched her jaw, balling her hands into fists. There was no one like Lydia to set her off. She knew exactly the right buttons to press, and Beth was already on edge. Charles and Jane were both turned around in the front seat, looking at her with raised eyebrows. She took a deep breath and let out an enormous sigh.

"Fine," Beth said through clenched teeth, and she crawled into the car. Lydia sat back with a smirk.

Beth wasn't angry about the backseat, really. Instead she was angry with herself. She'd spent the whole night flirting with someone who had a girlfriend; she felt overwhelmed with the sense of shame and disappointment. On top of that, she didn't know how to process what Jamie had revealed about Will. Beth was ashamed to admit how much she had thought about Will after their late night conversation, almost brushing aside his arrogance and social awkwardness. Even if Jamie's revelation had to be taken with a grain of salt, this new information still showed Will in a deeply unflattering light. If it were true, then Will had no integrity. Trying to be good now didn't make up for what he'd done to Jamie, she decided. She pictured him in her head. The unruly curly hair, and the dimples that he almost never showed. Yes, she had thought about him a lot. She place her hands over her eyes for a moment, trying to gain control of her emotions. What a disaster it all was!