Turn My 6's to 9's

Chapter Twelve: More of pain or of pleasure

Beth opened her eyes with a groan only to close them again quickly. The room was spinning, and the sunlight was blindingly bright. She pulled the covers over her head and snuggled deeper into the bed. If she kept her eyes closed and didn't move, the spinning stopped, and she didn't feel so much like vomiting. She inhaled deeply, fighting the wave of nausea and wondering why the sheets smelled so good today. The ringing of a phone rudely interrupted her thoughts, and she groaned again loudly. It was so loud! Why was this happening—it was Saturday! She reached over blindly, searching for the loft railing only to find it wasn't there. She didn't bother to move her head from under the blankets; she simply groped the air farther along with her hand. Where was the railing to her loft? This wasn't right.

When the phone beeped again, signaling a voicemail, she finally woke up. That wasn't her phone, and it didn't sound like Marianne's either. Sitting up with a start, she looked around in alarm as another wave of nausea hit her. She put both hands on her head to steady herself and swallowed heavily. Horror sunk in as Beth realized this was not her room. That was not her closet, her phone, her computer, her comforter, her anything. For one thing, it was a single. There was only one bed and it wasn't lofted. Her head hurt, her stomach hurt, and she was exhausted. Her mouth was so dry it felt like sandpaper. She slumped against the pillows. She was so hung-over she felt like dying.

It wasn't Cole's room. The room was clean; the items scattered on the desk were high quality, including a cell phone. Looking down with a sharp intake of breath, she discovered she was wearing the occupant's clothing and that he was male. She was practically swimming in his shirt, which had a Pemberley logo on it. Where was her dress?

"Oh, god…" She couldn't have gone home with a man she didn't know. There was no way...! She wished she could remember what had happened! The party was all a blur, and she couldn't remember leaving. She'd been laughing with Cole, that's what she remembered. And lying on a bench...but that couldn't be right...

She was too sick to think properly, every fiber of her body fighting against the nausea. She looked down at the shirt thoughtfully. Had she seen anyone wearing it before? The door to the room opened, and she got her answer, blushing crimson at the sight of Will. Beth hadn't thought it could get any worse, but without a doubt, the situation had just reached a new low. She burrowed down into the covers, pulling them up to her eyes. She never wanted to come out again.

"Oh, god," she muttered.

She wanted to die. She put her head in her hands, still hiding under the covers. She couldn't bring herself to look at him; she was too embarrassed. But after a moment, she found herself laughing despite it all, laughing at herself and the situation and what she had done to herself. Maybe she was still drunk.

He smiled as he came in. Laughter was a much better reaction than he had been expecting. "You're up."

She pulled the covers down enough to look at him. Awkward or not, she would just have to deal with it. There was no other way out besides dying of shame in the bed.

Beth very slowly sat up. Even that was a struggle and the most that she could manage to do at the moment. She had never been this hungover before. Her hair was a bird's nest of tangles, and she'd slept with her make-up on, resulting in dark streaks all around her eyes. She had to wait a minute for the room to steady itself. He walked over and handed her the bottle of water and aspirin he had been holding, looking very much like he wanted to laugh at her and was only just managing to hold it in. Her jacket from last night was in his other hand, she noticed with confusion.

"Thank you," she said, gratefully. "My head is killing me."

"I can imagine."

"Is that my jacket?" she asked, shooting back the aspirin and then drinking as much water as she could in one go.

"It was in Cole's room. I just ran over and picked it up for you."

That was a lot of information to try to understand in her beleaguered state, but it was clear he had gone out of his way for her. She tilted her head back to rest against the wall, looking him over. He had a day's worth of stubble, and his hair was messy, but he didn't look hungover, at least not as badly as she was. His face showed an apprehensive smile, like he didn't know what to expect from her. She knew her jacket had her keys and her phone in the pockets, so maybe that explained what she was doing here.

"Thank you," she said again, feeling both confused and overwhelmed. "I hope it wasn't any trouble..."

He shook his head. "Not at all."

She was watching him carefully as he casually perched on top of the desk near the foot of the bed. She could tell he was laughing at her disheveled appearance, but it didn't seem like typical "morning after" behavior. He hadn't tried to get in the bed with her, or touch her, and he'd maintained a few feet of distance between the two of them since arriving back to the room. She was almost completely certain that nothing had happened between the two of them. Almost.

"You wouldn't be able to fill in some blanks for me, would you?" she was finally brave enough to ask, and he laughed.

"Sure, what part are you missing?"

"Uhh...well...I don't remember leaving," she said with an apologetic look.

"Oh." His eyebrows had risen, and Beth suddenly worried anew about all that she couldn't remember from the evening. "I saw you as I was leaving the party and offered to walk you home. You forgot your jacket. You weren't...in the best state," he said delicately but with dimples appearing in a smile that couldn't be suppressed. "You were locked out of your dorm, so we came here." He broke eye contact with her. "Nothing happened," he said quickly, talking to his sneakers, and then he pointed to the futon. "I slept down there, and—"

Beth felt an enormous wave of guilt. "Will, you should have made me sleep on the futon." She was sure he was too tall for it.

He smiled. "Wasn't really up for a discussion last night."

"Meaning I passed out on the bed?"

He nodded, and she closed her eyes briefly. "I see." The less she knew, the better. He'd done too much for her, she could tell, and she felt embarrassed about not being able to manage herself. Definitely time to get out of his bed. Dreading the thought of moving, Beth made herself do it anyway, oh so slowly inching until her feet were resting on the ground, although it was another minute before she could stand up.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, his expression suddenly shy.

"I am very close to throwing up right now," she whispered with a tremulous frown, inching forward away from the bed, and he nodded, giving her a look of sympathy.

"Best not then."

She noticed her dress was hanging on the back of his chair and wondered how she had gotten into his clothes. Better to not ask, she decided, wondering how unflattering the answer would be. She looked at the dress in her hands. She didn't want to change back into it; it was covered in streaks of what looked like dirt and crumbs.

"You can wear my stuff back, if you want. I don't mind." Will offered, seeming to read her mind. "Your dress is...probably pretty dirty," he finished. At her horrified look he elaborated. "You just took a long rest in the stairwell, that's all."

"That's all. Yikes."

She looked up at him, feeling both deeply embarrassed and suddenly grateful. She couldn't believe he was being so nice and that he'd gone out of his way to be kind to her the evening before and this morning, too. Here they were, the morning after another late night, but he wasn't cold or distant at all. Such a striking change from the summer. She squared her shoulders, dreading the thought of the walk she would take in the near future. She was not fit to be seen in public. "I should probably go," she said reluctantly. "It's going to take me a while to crawl back to my dorm. That's about all I can manage. Do you know where my shoes are?"

"Yeah," he looked around. "They should be…over there." He reached over and handed them to her. "I could walk you, if you want." The offer was nonchalant. She wondered if he knew how much she had been dreading the looming 'walk of shame' across campus. She hoped it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have to do it alone.

"If you don't mind the snail's pace or that I might throw up in the bushes, that would be great," she said with relief, her smile wide.

As they stepped out, she was dismayed to see so many people walking. She couldn't decide if it would have been better or worse to wear her dress. The ill-fitting ensemble she was currently wearing attracted the unwanted attention of a lot of people. But, then again, maybe it was whom she was walking with.

"I talked to Cole this morning when I picked up your jacket. He was worried about you. He felt bad about losing you at the party. When he asked, people told him that you left with 'some guy'."

Beth grimaced. Poor Cole. She hadn't been in any state to explain where she'd gone or even contact him and her phone was dead.

The cool morning air of their walk was doing her some good; she no longer felt quite so ill. This left her more mental space to wonder about her companion. He looked tired, she noticed, but otherwise content with the bright fall morning and their slow, steady pace to her dorm. She didn't know what to make of him and their quiet conversation. Where had this thoughtful, caring version of Will come from? He was all of the good things from the summer, with none of the bad.

She pointed up to her dorm as they approached it. "This is it." They stood awkwardly before the doors, but Will was the one who broke the silence.

"I'll see you later," he said, and his smile was light and easy.

"Yeah…I'll see you." Without giving it much thought, Beth impulsively stood on her tiptoes to lightly kiss his cheek.

"What was that for?" he asked, happily puzzled. That confirmed it; she was definitely still drunk.

"I know I said it earlier, but I wanted to thank you for everything. You did so much: the clothes; letting me stay in your room." She looked down, a rosy flush blooming across her cheeks. "Not taking advantage of me…because you could have and I know plenty of guys would have. So…thank you." She finished in a flustered rush. "I really, really appreciate it." She tried to put the full force of her feeling behind it. Will looked pleased, and he was cute enough that she didn't know what she would do if she kept standing near him in her loopy state. "I'll get these back to you sometime," she said, indicating the clothing, and she quickly turned and entered the building.

She failed to notice the small group of girls standing by the entrance. As soon as Beth was out of earshot, they began to whisper.

Beth threw her things in a pile on the floor, grabbed a towel and her shower kit, and then padded off down the hall to the showers. Her mind wandered freely as she tried to condition the tangles out of her hair. She couldn't believe she had spent the night at Will's; even in the shower, she was blushing. It had been an evening of poor decision making, and she was lucky that it had all turned out okay. She didn't know what she felt about him now. Their first meeting on campus had been uncomfortable, but she was grateful that he'd even acknowledged her presence. After this most recent encounter however, all she could feel was gratitude. She didn't want to imagine what would have happened had she gone home with another guy.

Beth just had to decide what she felt about him now. Were they friends? More than friends? That might not even be possible, considering how resoundingly she had rejected him. He'd agreed to be friends, but it wasn't like he had sought her out or showed any renewed romantic interest in her. Had last night happened with Cole instead of Will, she knew he would have taken care of her too; maybe last night was nothing more than Will being a good friend, the evening was just an example of the kind of behavior that made Charles or Rich speak so fondly of him, and she was foolish to think otherwise. Rinsing off the last of the soap, she shut off the shower and toweled her hair. All she really wanted to do was go back to her room and sleep.

Marianne was on her computer but wheeled around when she heard Beth come in.

"Hello Elizabeth. And where have you been?"

"I—"

"Wait, I know," Marianne continued innocently, interrupting Beth. "The whole floor is talking about how you spent last night and this morning banging Will Darcy—"

"What?" She was too dumbfounded to speak. "Oh god…"

"I know. You must be so tired."

"Marianne!"

"I'm sorry," she said, giggling. "People have been sticking their noses in here all morning and DM-ing me nonstop. It's quite the scandal. Untrue?"

"Of course. What are they saying?" Beth asked wearily, climbing the ladder to her loft and lying face down on her bed with a muffled umph.

"Tabby told me all about it this morning on my way to breakfast." Marianne started happily, thoroughly enjoying the whole thing. "Apparently, you were seen walking back to his dorm all over each other."

"I was drunk! It wasn't—"

"I know, honey," Marianne soothed. "Once you reached the dorm, one can assume a night of steamy sex ensued. He was then seen early this morning buying "supplies". She didn't say exactly what kind, but you get the picture."

"I think he got aspirin…"

"Anyway, you both appeared about an hour later looking extremely disheveled. You were wearing his clothing, which I see over there in the hamper. Interesting. A passionate goodbye kiss at the door, and here we are now."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Out of curiosity, what did happen?"

"I was drunk, and I couldn't get back in here. We went to his dorm. I slept in the bed, and he slept on the futon. He walked me back here. The end," she said, tiredly.

"No kiss?"

"I kissed his cheek to thank him for being so nice, but it was a very friend-ish kiss. Compared to our other one, it was nothing." Cringing, she realized what she had said. She was too hung-over to talk to anyone; all of her secrets would be found out. She had to stay here in her room until everyone forgot she existed. She had forgotten that Marianne knew very little about her past with Will. Marianne's mouth had dropped open, Beth saw when she sneaked a look at her.

"I heard that, and you have to tell me everything about Will because apparently you have a longer history than you let on."

Beth groaned into the pillow, still unable to believe she had said it out loud. "I'm never going to live this down. I hope he isn't getting the same thing over at his dorm."

Marianne shook her head. "Nah, it's contained to this building…for the moment. Rumors fly though…" she warned, and Beth gave a huge sigh. "Okay. Since you are hung-over, and I am the best roommate in the whole world, I'll go do damage control while you recover."

"You're amazing," Beth said with feeling.

"I know. And I know just what to ask for in return," she said with a mischievous smile.

"Alright fine, I'll tell you all about it…after I nap."

Of course, after Marianne left, Beth found it almost impossible to sleep. She couldn't believe the petty gossip of the girls on her floor. If the rumor got to Will, she didn't know what she'd do. He might think she had made the whole thing up herself, and it would ruin whatever tentative relationship they had. She couldn't call it friendship exactly, although taking care of her had been extremely friendly and very nice. She found it just as hard now to define their relationship as she had in the shower. She'd never had a friendship that was so packed with tension. She'd certainly never given anyone else a kiss on the cheek before. She rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow again at the thought. She was never drinking that punch again!

"They aren't interested in the truth because it's boring," Marianne said, selecting a piece of popcorn carefully from the bag as they sat on their futon, a reality TV show muted in the background. "People like drama," she added, pointing to the TV. "Sleeping on the bed with him on the futon is boring. But a hot and steamy romance with Will is very, very juicy. Plus, they're jealous. If any one of them had been in that situation, they would have jumped all over him."

Beth smiled. "I think I passed out before I got the chance." Now that it was 8 pm, she was starting to feel like herself again.

Marianne placed her chin in both hands, looking at Beth with wide eyes. "Is it time to tell me about the other kiss yet?"

Beth smiled shyly. "I'll tell you about my past with Will, if you tell me what happened last night with John Willoughby."

"Oh, that's easy. We went back to his place, and he didn't sleep on the futon." Marianne waved it off. "I already told you, we're soulmates."

"Wow," Beth said, dimly impressed. "You were right that first day. Who knew you'd meet your boyfriend within the first three hours of classes?"

But at that Marianne made a strange expression. "I don't know why everyone is so obsessed with labels. Why does everything have to have a definition to be real?" She grabbed another handful of popcorn, rummaging through the bag.

Beth paused, trying to read Marianne's expression. "So...he's not your boyfriend?"

"I hate that word. It sounds so childish. We have a...connection. It's obvious to him and it's obvious to me. Putting a label on something like that just ruins it."

Beth considered this idea, feeling old fashioned. She knew if she were sleeping with someone, she'd want the confirmation that it wasn't just a casual fling. But Marianne was a free spirit, and Beth tried her best not to be disapproving of it. If Marianne didn't mind, then why should Beth.

"Now please," Marianne whined. "I want to hear about your past with Will that you hid from me. Bad roommate."

Beth rolled her eyes and gave Marianne the full story, including all the details of their first kiss in D.C. She hadn't thought about that night in some time, and doing so brought back all sorts of emotions. With her hangover, everything she was feeling was right there at the surface.

Marianne lightly clapped her hands and smiled at the end. "I love it. Oh, I can't wait to see how this turns out. You're seeing him again, right?"

Beth furrowed her brow. They hadn't made any plans. She'd been so sick and overwhelmed with embarrassment. "I don't know," she said truthfully.

But Marianne scoffed. "With true love, it's only a matter of time," she said with a dreamy smile. "Just look at me and John."

Beth felt tired as she loaded her plate with food. She still hadn't fully recovered from the party, even though it had been a full day. Her hair was in a messy bun and she wore an oversized sweater over tights. After feeling nauseous for the entirety of the day before, she finally felt like eating again. Her plate was full, but she was looking at what was left of the desserts after the lunch crowd had moved through the dining hall. She was there at an off time. Did she want a cookie? Her brain was still foggy, and she stood for several long moments, contemplating the food without seeing it.

The feeling of someone standing next to her made her snap out of her daze. There was Will, smiling at having caught her spacing in front of the cookies. She felt the blood rise in her cheeks at the sight of him, thinking of everything that had happened that weekend. She hoped he hadn't heard anything about the rumor.

"Er—hi," she said ungracefully, and she dropped the silverware that she'd been holding. She had to scramble to keep it from falling off the tray, and his smile got a little wider.

"I can't ever decide either," he said, and his long arm reached in front of her and grabbed one of each kind of cookie. He took a bite but then made a face. "These are stale."

"That makes it easy," Beth said, abandoning the desserts and following Will's lead as he turned toward the rows of tables and chairs.

"Here by yourself? Me too," he replied when she nodded, and he motioned her toward an empty table. Feeling nervous, she took a seat across from him, hoping that eating with him would not be as awkward as she feared. This was what friends did, right? She realized belatedly that eating together would be a confirmation of the rumor if anyone from her dorm saw, but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, scrutinizing her tired face.

Beth shut her eyes briefly. "Remind me to never drink that punch again."

He looked thoughtful as he chewed. "Everyone I know has said that same sentence at least once. Maybe we should put up a warning sign at the parties."

"One that says 'Lethal'." Beth laughed at herself. "I don't really have an excuse. Cole warned me before we started drinking; he said it tasted like regret. I just thought he was kidding."

Will nodded. "He would know. But don't feel bad; I've seen him in much worse shape than you...much worse," Will added after a pause. "He got us thrown out of Steak N Shake last year." Beth burst out laughing, and Will continued. "Though if you ask him about it, he'll say it's all my fault."

She suddenly felt grateful to Will. She'd been so worried over the past day about her behavior and what he must be thinking of her, but Will was nothing but nice. The more he talked, the more she relaxed. Part of her wondered at him making small talk with her. He'd led their conversation from the start. Was he different because of what she'd said to him that night at Carla's? She knew she had taken his words to heart and had been consciously trying to be less judgmental. She watched him eat just across the table and had to smother the bright smile that kept popping out across her face. Their interaction wasn't horrible, or awkward, or strained for once; it was…nice. He was different than he'd been during the summer, but then again, he was the same, too. Even during their short lunch she had no trouble riling him up. Were they friends, she wondered? She thought they just might be.