Parvati and Lavender were positively bursting with excitement. It was a Saturday morning, they were going to go shopping in Hogsmeade later on, but the best, most important fact to make them absurdly happy? They had hunted down, spread, and then gossiped about the single juiciest piece of gossip in years.
Draco Malfoy, sexy bad-boy of Slytherin, and legendary for playing hard to get and generally using girls as objects rather than objects of affection, was dating Hermione Granger, mousy book-worm of Gryffindor, and legendary for, well, her grades.
The Great Hall was abuzz with the information that morning at breakfast. Especially when it was found that Draco and Hermione were both absent.
"Parvati, look at the Slytherin table," Lavender said, containing her excitement, but only barely. Parvati obliged. And then gasped.
"And now, Parvati," Lavender continued, before her friend could get a word in, "Take a good look up and down our own Gryffindor table." Again, Parvati obliged, realization dawning on her.
"Neither Draco Malfoy or Hermione is here this morning. Neither one was present at dinner. Or lunch, for that matter, yesterday." Parvati nodded, breathless with excitement herself.
"It would appear," Lavender continued, as if she were a Professor teaching a lesson, "That they've stopped fighting."
"Yes," Parvati replied finally. "But what, exactly, are they doing instead of fighting?"
"That, my dear girl," said Lavender with a mischievous smile, "Is what we're going to figure out."
Meanwhile, in Hermione's room, a rather rude awakening was occurring.
"What the fuck are you doing in my fucking room?!" Hermione shouted at a very amused Malfoy, who was standing over her bed.
"Why, Peaches, I came to get you for breakfast," he said brightly.
"Get the fuck out of my fucking room and don't ever fucking do that again," was Hermione's loud response. Luckily for her, she was the only one in the vicinity who'd chosen to sleep in.
"But, after last night…" Draco said as Hermione attempted to push him out the door.
Hermione froze. "Last night….?" She asked cautiously.
Malfoy paused, looking serious fro a moment, before breaking into laughter. "Good God, Granger, you should have seen your face!"
"I'll bloody fucking kill you, you fucking bastard!" she screamed, perhaps even louder than before. But it was then that Malfoy decided he didn't want to get pushed around anymore.
He stood up straight, and pushed Hermione backwards onto the bed. "Granger, calm down. I came to say good morning, to remind you that we had practice today, so you can't go to Hogsmeade, and to say that last night was wonderful." He concluded his explanation with a cocky grin and a wink.
"Fucking….Bloody bastard…..Kill…..Bloody fucking ass….." mumbled Hermione as she strode around the room.
"You are most definitely not a morning person," stated Draco.
"If you woke up one morning to find me leaning over your bed, what would you do?" Hermione shot back, rifling through her drawers.
Draco raised an eyebrow. She must really be tired if she let that one go…He thought to himself before replying. "Depends. If you were wearing that…." He said, knowing that was all he needed to get her started.
"I bloody fucking hate you," she replied, glaring as she pulled up one strap of her nightgown. "Now, if you would kindly GO AWAY so I can get dressed." She stood across the room from him, hands on hips, her attempts at shooting daggers with her eyes failing because of her sleepiness.
"Or I could stay," he replied, trying to look serious.
"Or you could not," she replied sarcastically.
"Or I could," he said, smiling as he sat down on the bed.
"Get out."
"But Peaches…"
"Malfoy," she began. But stopped, looking at the door with a look of utter and complete fear on her face. "I'm so fucking screwed."
"Wha-?" Draco said, but was promptly shoved into a closet.
"Hello, Parvati, Lavender," Hermione said pleasantly as she opened the door. Draco understood her sudden wave of fear. But he wasn't afraid. Draco Malfoy, of course, is never afraid, and in this particular circumstance, he was amused.
"Hello Hermione," chorused two voices.
"Do you need something?"
"No."
"Just came to see how you were."
"Haven't seen you in the Great Hall for ages…" Said one of the voices, quite coyly, Draco thought.
"Oh, yes…" Stalled Hermione, obviously trying to think of a plausible response. "I've been feeling sick. To my stomach. And studying. You know."
"Oh…." Said one of the girls, but it seemed sympathetic. There was a soft noise of people sitting on the bed. Why would she sound sympathetic? Draco wondered, listening intently.
"Are you sick to your stomach often?" Inquired one of the girls, voice dropping to a very quiet octave.
"No," replied Hermione, obviously confused. "Not until just recently, obviously."
"Should it be obvious?" Was the reply.
Hermione was clearly still perplexed at the direction of the conversation, but Draco was beginning to get an idea. "Well, I just told you that I-" She began, but was cut off.
"Well you didn't tell us anything directly really."
"Does it have anything to do with Malfoy?"
Hermione laughed. "Oh, yes, he makes me quite sick to my stomach on a fairly regular basis."
"This happens often?" was the hushed response.
"Have you found a spell for it? Is that how you don't-?"
"There are loads of spells, Lavender, you just need to know where to look."
Draco had a strange sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He longed to jump out of his hiding place, but he was willing to bet that it wouldn't help much.
"We'll leave you be then," said one of the girls, sounding strangely excited.
"Toodles."
"Goodbye," Hermione said, still confused. Draco waited a few moments after the door had shut before emerging. She turned to him. "I haven't the foggiest idea what's wrong with them."
Draco sighed heavily. "I do. Granger, you're pregnant."
Play practice was scheduled for quarter past one, giving the budding young actors and actresses enough time to eat lunch. By that time, Lavender and Parvati had told a total of three people that Hermione was pregnant. Lavender and Parvati will argue to this day that three people isn't enough to start a rumour.
But we all know how rumours work; those three people each told three people, who each told three people, and so on. After six sets of that, over a hundred people knew. Which was almost all of the sixth year.
Needless to say, the news of Hermione Granger's pregnancy, or multiple pregnancies, depending on how you look at it, had twisted into a few different variations. These are a few of the main rumours that would later reach Hermione's ears.
Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy are a couple, blissfully in love, who sneak around sleeping with each other at every possible moment.
Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy are a couple, though they hate each other, and there's lots of lust involved. To keep this story rated PG-13, I'll leave out the juiciest bits of this particular rumour.
They're not a couple, but were both drunk on a number of occasions.
They have secret chamber in the dungeons that holds….Actually, you can figure that one out for yourself.
Hermione Granger is seductress, or how else would she get him, and she put a horrible spell on him, and he really hates her with all of his being, but he doesn't really know it. (This rumour is favored by the great majority of females in the school, and is often followed by a lively discussion about Draco's- Pardon me. About Draco in general.)
Draco Malfoy is a horrible, evil, slimy, Slytherin git, who has clearly poisoned Hermione's food, or how else would she be doing anything with him? Let alone anything that involves, well, pregnancy. (This rumour is commonly favored by the Gryffindors, but many more adjectives are used to describe Draco, and none of them are like the adjectives that the females are partial to in their discussions.)
As these rumours were spreading, Draco was trying to explain his rather unexpected and un-called-for explanation of Lavender and Parvati's behavior.
"I'M WHAT?"
"I mean, Granger, that's what they thought. It's what you implied."
"IMPLIED?! I IMPLIED THAT I WAS HAVING SEX WITH YOU AND THEREFORE WAS PREGNANT FROM IT?"
"Actually, you implied that you'd been pregnant several times from sleeping with me and had found a handy spell to save you from the terrible things that can happen to teen mothers."
"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS? CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO THINK OF THE RUMOURS? IF THEY WERE SAYING THINGS BEFORE, THINK OF WHAT THEY'RE SAYING NOW!" About halfway through her angry rant, Hermione's voice dropped down out of a caps-lock worthy decibel.
"Well, you can calmly explain that-"
"Oh, what am I going to do?"
"Tell the truth?"
Hermione rolled her eyes at him. "Right. Like that'll work. By now, they'll have me as some dancing monkey with a feisty appetite for young bad boys who have bananas." She paused, thinking over what she's just said. Then she groaned. "I just can't say anything right anymore, can I?" She added remorsefully.
Malfoy grinned, and, still holding her hands, cent down on one knee. "I believe, fair maiden, that there is only one way to fix this."
Hermione gaped down at him in shock. "Please tel me you're not going to propose."
"No, but a wedding and what generally comes after weddings would be nice….No, that's not it." He gave slight tug, pulling her down onto the floor with him. "We have two options. One, we can fly away right now into the sunset, going off to have wonderful adventures that could involve monkeys, if you'd like." She shot him a glare. "Or, option number two, we could pretend to break up. Publicly."
"Why would that help?"
"The monkeys or the break up? OK, OK, stop with the daggers already. That way, all they'd have left to gossip about would be the break up."
Hermione shook her head. "Obviously you've never been inside a girl's washroom. They'll just use the break up as fuel for the never ending flame that is gossip, trust me."
"Let's pretend you have a point." More daggers. "At least it will only leave them to speculation."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, at the very least, people won't be asking you how good I am in bed," he said, smirking some more. "And besides, a very loud, very public break up would be fun. We could let out all that pent up hate."
"You know what? Those monkeys are starting to seem very promising right now…"
At one O clock sharp they reported to the Great Hall. Not together, of course. That was just not going to work. When Hermione entered, a hush fell over the room. Hermione wasn't surprised. When Draco entered, there were a few giggles, but it was generally as quiet as before.
"Now, we'll rehearse as much as we can. We'll start from the beginning…." And soon rehearsal had started. Since Prince Phillip didn't come in until the fateful scene, Draco spent the first part slumped in his seat.
When it came to the scene in the woods, the now-familiar hush fell over the assembled cast. Hermione sighed before throwing herself full heartedly into her character.
At the same time, she was acting as if she were a girl who loved Malfoy. She moved stiffly through his arms, though, remembering their fake break-up, which was to occur right after practice as the other students were coming back from Hogsmeade.
Professor McGonagall did not look pleased when they'd finished, and the cast sent each other confused looks. They were lucky; they got information on Hermione and Malfoy first hand. At least, if it happened in play practice.
As they finished, Malfoy and Hermione scowled at each other darkly, quickly making their way out into the hall. They paused, watching the doors for the first signs of their peers. As soon as the door opened, their row began.
"You promised, Malfoy, and now look what's happened!"
"Oh, back on a last name basis, are we wench?"
"You better believe, you arrogant little sod! You walk around as if you're better than everyone else, and I thought I could get past that, but there isn't anything past that!"
"Bitch!"
"Is that all you can come up with?" Hermione challenged, trying not to smile. Malfoy had been right. This was fun.
"You don't fucking care about me! It was all about the looks, the money."
"Don't get cocky, Malfoy, or someone will drop you hard one day."
"Always thinking about my-"
"And that's the other thing! It's always about you! I want to talk, all you want to do is get me in b-"
"Right, like I never listen. I never listened that time when you-"
"Oh, no you don't! You are not bringing up my personal stories in front of all these people, especially after I trusted you!"
"Well it's not like I can help it if you're just like all those other weepy, hormonal girls!"
"Right, the ones who are always falling all over you?"
"You've always been jealous."
"I should have told them a long time ago that you can't get an er-"
"Bloody mudblood bitch!" Malfoy said, cutting her off.
Hermione stood smirking, knowing she had the upper hand. "Now, now, is that all you can think of? Name calling?"
"I know something that'll shut you up!"
"You wouldn't dare! I-" But he'd shut her up, in the most convenient and humiliating way possible. He'd kissed her. Hermione was never one for public displays of affection. She broke it off quickly, and began to walk away. But before she stalked off, she leaned up and whispered in his ear.
"That wasn't how it was supposed to go. Great job fueling the fire." There was scorn in her voice, and Malfoy recognized it, smirked around at the large crowd that had inevitably gathered, and went to grab his broom. After all, he couldn't just walk into the Gryffindor common room.