Turn My 6's to 9's

Chapter 16: A prettyish kind of little wilderness

One of the clinic workers showed Beth and Jane to Lydia's room, which was small but cozy. There were fresh flowers in a jar by the window, pictures of Lydia with her friends, and posters from movies tacked on her wall. Unlike the hospital, this room had all the personal touches to make it feel like home. Lydia was standing by her bed with her blonde hair dripping sweat and rosy cheeks.

"I've got to shower. I smell like a pig." She wrinkled her nose. "I swear they're not happy unless you're drenched in sweat. Make yourself comfortable." Lydia disappeared into the bathroom.

Jane smiled and took a seat in one of the chairs, as Beth looked around the room.

"It seems like Lydia really likes it here."

"I think she thinks she's at summer camp, or something," Beth muttered, looking over the photos on the wall. Whether she was taking it seriously or not, rehab was doing Lydia good. She already looked healthier and had put on weight. Beth was only visiting D.C. for the weekend, as the spring term for Pemberley started Monday, and she and Jane were seeing Lydia for the first time since Christmas.

"I'm gonna dry my hair and then we can go get lunch. The food here is dope," Lydia said as she returned from the shower, rummaging in her drawer for her blow-dryer.

Beth busied herself looking at the get well cards Lydia had received. Most of them were from her friends from school, except for one. She gingerly picked up the last card on the right. The violets on the cover seemed so innocuous, and yet…

Lydia,

I hope this card finds you doing well. I heard you'd been admitted to rehab from my brother, Will. The Anne Wentworth clinic did me a world of good, and I hope it will do the same for you. I talked with some of the staff, and they promised to take extra good care of you. I know what you're going through, and if you ever need to talk to someone feel free to give me a call.

Anna Darcy

Beth felt like she wasn't getting enough air. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, but there it was anyway: a card from Anna Darcy to Lydia. She hadn't realized Lydia was done with her hair until she came and spoke right next to Beth.

"Isn't that funny?"

Beth jumped wildly. "Huh?"

"I don't even know her." Lydia shrugged. "It's nice though. Everyone treats me like a princess because they think I'm friends with Anna or something. Apparently, she was a big deal. I still don't know how Will knew I was in rehab though. I haven't seen him since the summer, and even then, we never talked."

"I told him," Beth said quietly. "I was with him when I found out you were in the hospital."

"I bet that was a buzz-kill. Anyway, who wants lunch?"

Beth put the card back on the desk and followed her sister without really seeing anything. She rallied herself enough so that Jane and Lydia didn't notice anything, but her mind was racing.

Will must have told Anna that night to explain her absence from the party. Had the Darcys arranged it so that Lydia received a spot in one of the best rehab clinics in the country? The clinic had a notoriously long wait-list, but Lydia had gotten right in. She knew Will's family had the clout to do it, but what was Lydia to him? They hardly knew each other. And Anna didn't know Lydia at all.

She wondered if she should find a way to message him. But what if the card didn't mean anything? Anna was so kind; perhaps it was only a nice gesture from her and nothing more. She pondered the embarrassment of contacting someone out of the blue to thank them for something they hadn't actually done. If only she could talk to him in person! The start of the semester couldn't come fast enough.

With a rush of classes and new books and new faces, Beth was back on campus. She woke Wednesday morning to one of the prettiest days all year. The sun was shining and the air was unseasonably warm for February with the temperatures nearing 55 degrees. The birds seemed to be celebrating, chirping loudly outside the window. She had struggled during the fall semester to balance a healthy lifestyle with all of her classwork, and she'd vowed to do a better job this semester. Here was the first chance. She piled her hair into a messy ponytail and grabbed her headphones, heading out the door for a jog.

Many of her schoolmates were outside enjoying the weather. There were fellow joggers along the path. Others were lying on blankets under the newly budding trees or sitting on the benches. The sun was out, and everyone seemed happy and full of new energy. Twenty minutes into the job and Beth was tired but content. She didn't know if it was the endorphins, or the day itself, but she felt glad to be alive. She was winded, feeling the effects of winter on her body; she needed to run more than once every six months, clearly.

When she passed him on the path, it took her a few seconds to register what she had seen. She stopped abruptly and turned, pulling the headphones out of her ears. The sudden pounding of her heart had nothing to do with running and everything to do with Will. He was standing a few paces back, and she had to bite back on a squeal of happiness. Whether it was the beautiful day, or because she hadn't seen him in two months, or the effect his sunglasses had on his face, Beth didn't know. She only knew he looked really good. If only she weren't so winded.

"Good run?" he asked, and she nodded, trying to catch her breath.

"You're—back," she said in between gulps of air.

"Yeah, since Monday." He had on jeans and a pullover sweater, and his hair was freshly cut. After thinking about him for months, she felt overwhelmed seeing him in person. He'd taken his sunglasses off when they began talking, and Beth studied his features after the long absence. His light green eyes were squinting against the sun behind her, but she thought he looked happy to see her. Or maybe he was just laughing at how out of breath she was.

"How—how was New—York?"

"It was great. Busy. Challenging a lot of the time, but I had fun."

"I'm really—happy—for you. School was—just—blah," she finished with a nervous chuckle. She'd built up their meeting in her head and created many different scenarios, so of course, reality was nothing like she'd pictured. She was never gasping for air in her imagination or quite so sweaty.

"I don't want to keep you from your run. I know Cole wanted to get a whole group of people together later."

"Oh...okay," Beth said. She felt disappointed. Will was being perfectly friendly. He hadn't said much, but then he almost never did. But she wanted more: much more. She would have abandoned her run to stay and talk to him. But she couldn't say that now. She wondered, not for the first time, if whatever had been between them had faded over the time and the distance. She hoped not.

Finally feeling a little bit like herself again, she smiled up at him. "I'm really glad you're back. I'm in for anything Cole puts together for you."

She turned to go, still looking at him, and ran directly into a pedestrian. Blushing hotly, her arm stinging, she stammered an apology to the disgruntled walker. She could have cried; it was all so embarrassing. She didn't look back. She didn't want to see if Will was laughing; she knew he was.

Beth was disappointed when she couldn't go to Will's coming-home party. Her professor had announced a surprise test on the week's readings the following day, and Beth was stuck preparing for it. Marianne went, in her first social outing since the breakup and told Beth later that she hadn't missed much.

"People crashed and everything got out of control. It wasn't much fun. I didn't even see Will except in the beginning, and he was surrounded by a group of lacrosse girls anyway, so I couldn't tell him you couldn't come. He probably didn't notice anyway."

"If you're trying to make me feel better, you're doing a terrible job," she said, her tone bleak.

But she saw him the following week on one of the floors of the library. She'd been looking for a quiet place to work, and the individual carrels on the first floor were all occupied. She'd gone up another two flights of stairs, hoping to find somewhere to spread out all her books and finish her paper.

Will was sitting alone at one of the big tables on the third floor. He was lounging with his legs splayed out. Chin in hand, he looked lost in thought. There was an abandoned textbook next to him and his laptop was open, but the screen was black. Beth walked up behind him, her footsteps muffled in a thick layer of carpet.

"Working hard?" she asked, and he jumped, turning to look at her. His expression of alarm changed to a smile. "I was looking for a place to write some of my paper. I guess everybody else on the first floor had the same idea, too," she added.

He gestured to the chair across from him at the table. "Here, sit. There's plenty of room. Not many people come all the way up here."

She pulled out the chair and sat down her heavy backpack, wondering how she would ever concentrate with Will sitting across from her. He had on a gray quarter zip sweater with the sleeves pushed up to the elbows, and he looked tired. She was glad she'd put on real clothes before coming to the library and wasn't wearing a full sweatsuit. She only wished she had thought to brush her hair. It was wavy and tangled, but there was nothing to do about it now. Suddenly she pictured Ava from the cafe, and her stylish haircut and platinum blonde hair. But she and Will had been a bad match, she told herself, repeating what Emma had said. So it didn't matter that her hair had been perfectly styled.

"I was working hard until about half an hour ago, but then I ran out of motivation," Will explained.

"A likely story," she teased. "What are you working on?"

"A presentation that I have to give next week. You?"

"A five page paper." She slowly began to pull the books out of her bag, placing each one on the table in front of her.

"Maybe we can keep each other on track. Now that I have an audience, I can't stare off into space anymore," he proposed, and Beth smiled at the idea.

"Alright; for the next half hour, nothing but work."

But that was easier said than done. She usually put in headphones when she was working in the library, but that seemed rude now that she was sitting across from Will. She didn't want to appear like she was ignoring him. In reality, he was impossible to ignore.

Even while she looked down at her books, he still filled her field of awareness. With his long legs, his feet encroached into her space under the table and she had to be very careful not to accidentally play footsie with him. She could hear his quiet, steady breathing and see his hand resting on the table across from her. She found herself looking at his long slender fingers, noticing the veins that waved across the muscles and tendons under the skin. Every so often, she dared to sneak a look at his face, and his brow was furrowed in concentration, eyes steady on the computer in front of him. His expression was severe in rest, and she realized again what a difference his smile made to his features. Almost six months had passed since that night outside of Carla's apartment complex, but Beth found herself remembering how he had looked as they'd been drawn together for a kiss...

She had to focus! She needed to start writing her paper, and it would not be good to get caught daydreaming about Will when he was right in front of her. With intense effort, she made herself refocus on the texts in front of her, jotting down notes and ideas as she came across important quotes in the book. She already had an idea of what she wanted to write; she just had to organize it and get it down in a way that made sense. There was an especially complex idea that she wanted to make sure made it into her argument, but even after thinking about it for ten minutes, she wasn't any closer to being able to articulate it. Elbow on the table, she had her forehead in the palm of her hand, and without noticing it, she let out a long and frustrated sigh while flipping back to a page in the book that she had read 20 times already. She heard Will laugh quietly and looked up from her book, disconcerted to find his eyes on her. She wondered how long he had been looking at her.

"Doing alright?" he asked, and she smiled sheepishly, realizing he must have noticed her enormous sigh.

"I've been better," she had to admit, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "This paper is harder than I thought it would be."

Will nodded. "That's the story of my life. Everything takes twice as long as I think it will. This presentation included." He nodded his head toward his laptop.

Looking at him, Beth felt overcome by the need to ask him about Lydia. This was the first real opportunity she'd had to talk to him. They were alone, and she didn't know the next time that would happen. She debated internally for a minute, chewing the corner of her lip while trying to decide what to do. Will had turned his attention back to his laptop, and she could see his eyes moving from one thing to the next on the screen. She'd just have to be brave if she wanted to know the truth. She couldn't think of a delicate way to move the conversation toward the topic. It was now or never.

"Will," she said suddenly, and he looked up in surprise at the sound of his name. Now that she'd started, she wasn't entirely sure what to say. "I know what you did for my sister—for Lydia," she finished, haltingly. She felt so nervous.

She couldn't read the emotions in Will's face. He blinked and looked away while saying a quiet, "Oh."

"Actually, I don't know," she corrected in a hurried rush. "But I think you got her into the rehab clinic." Will had been watching her face intently, and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. Was she wrong? She suddenly wished she hadn't brought it up at all. "Never mind. I—you don't have to tell me anything," she said, feeling foolish and embarrassed.

"Beth, it's fine. I'm happy to explain." His mouth quirked and he gave her a half smile. "I was just wondering how you found out. I hadn't really planned on telling you about it, if I didn't have to."

Relief washed through her. "I heard the doctor say how selective the clinic was, and I couldn't figure out how they had an opening for Lydia. It's not like my family has any special connections to that place. And then I was visiting and there was a card from your sister. I put two and two together." She smiled ruefully. "Lydia's probably the least deserving person on Earth," she said with feeling. "You don't really know Lydia." Beth paused, wondering how to explain her sister. "She's not like Anna. She doesn't take anything seriously, not even this. She doesn't deserve all the special treatment. It's all a big joke to her anyway. And when I think about how you and Anna and your family must have put so much effort into what you did, it just makes me feel terrible," she finished miserably.

He studied her thoughtfully for a moment, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I know I wrote a little about this in my message this summer, and I wanted to talk to you about it the night that you found out, but it didn't seem to be the right time, somehow. Anyway, when my grandma died and Anna was really distraught by it, she started spending all this time with Jamie, and it was like I didn't even know her anymore."

She wondered if he'd ever told anyone this before. He looked almost relieved to be talking about it.

"It wasn't until she came back from rehab that I realized how wrong things had been. She was finally herself again. You've only met her since her recovery, and we really owe everything to that clinic. I know I don't know Lydia very well, but—" He shrugged slightly, looking away for the first time. He suddenly looked bashful. "I—we wanted that kind of recovery for her and your family. For you. I know how hard it can be. It was the least I could do. Maybe it's true that Lydia doesn't appreciate it right now, but that doesn't mean she'll always feel that way."

She briefly closed her eyes. He was so good. "I hope that's true," she said, filled with doubts about the kind of transformation Lydia was capable of. "I don't know how to thank you."

He shook his head again. "You don't have to thank me. Really; it was nothing. I just did it to...," he trailed off and looked over her face before he shrugged again. "What's the point of having connections to places if you can't use them to help your friends," he finished, his tone light. She could tell he was trying to avoid any praise from her, unwilling to take the credit that he deserved. She wondered how she'd ever thought he was arrogant.

She tried to convey the depth of her appreciation with her look. After all, he'd said that she talked with her facial expressions. "I really appreciate what you did."

He looked at her for a long moment and then nodded, his expression serious. Beth had thought about him for months, and to see him sitting only a few feet from her was making her stomach do flips. He was so attractive; but it was more than just the way his features looked. She was overcome with gratitude and that made her appreciate everything about him so much more. She had missed the sound of his voice, and his eyes, and here he was just across the table from her. His hands were in his pockets, and she could hear the muffled sound of coins as he jangled them. Beth wondered what he was thinking and if he was thinking the same things about her.

"How have you been dealing with it?" he asked, breaking their long silence. The winter semester had been difficult for more reasons than just Lydia, but everything was better with Marianne, and Lydia had looked so much healthier the last time she'd seen her. She didn't know how to respond; there was so much to say.

"Okay, I think," she finally said. It was all more than she could put into words.

He nodded lightly, the intensity leaving his expression. "If you ever do want someone to talk to about it, I'm here," he said, shyly. "I know it's probably not at the top of your list of things to do, but the offer stands." He changed the subject, seeming to take her lack of response as a hint. "I know the library probably isn't ideal for an emotionally heavy conversation; sorry. We can talk about something else instead. You probably need to finish the rest of the paper, anyway." His smile was friendly but with that he quickly closed off their discussion, looking flustered. She wouldn't have minded talking about it more, she just didn't know her own thoughts yet.

"Thank you," she said earnestly, and he smiled again.

The moment passed, and with a quick raise of his eyebrows, he was back to working on his laptop, and Beth almost sighed before she caught herself. The offer had been kind and something a good friend would do...but was that really all they were? With a frown, she slid the book closer to her, trying to focus on the paper once more.

"You'll never believe this, but Cole is singing at a club downtown tonight. I'm going to watch him," Beth said to Marianne. Emma had called to tell her about the open mic night; Cole hadn't said a word to Beth, but Emma had still gotten wind of it nonetheless.

Beth gave Marianne a calculating smile. "And you're coming with me."

Marianne resisted but eventually gave in, as Beth knew she would. Marianne loved live music; half of her wardrobe was t-shirts from different bands. Weeks had passed since the incident with John, and Beth wondered if it might finally be Cole's chance. The two shared similar interests in television and music, but Marianne had always blown him off. At worst, Marianne would ignore him like she usually did, but now that John was out of the picture, Beth was hoping for a different outcome...

The lights were dim everything looked dingy as they walked into the small club. Ten other people were in the audience, scattered throughout the space. They sat at a table near the stage, and Beth tried to calm her nerves as they took off their coats and settled in. She was feeling secondhand embarrassment, imagining Cole performing poorly.

The manager came on stage, and he allowed the applause to die before starting. "Welcome to open-mic-night, everybody." He looked down at his clipboard. "First up, we've got a young man visiting us from the Pemberley campus. Everybody, give it up for Cole Brandon!"

Beth joined in the clapping as Cole walked onto the stage. To his credit, Cole had his usual stoic demeanor, and Beth was far more nervous than he was. She wiped her sweaty palms on her pants as he adjusted the mic. She swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes shut as he briefly tuned his guitar, praying that he would be good. She couldn't watch.

After a quiet greeting, Cole began, and Beth's eye shot open. Her relationship with Cole was purely platonic; she'd never thought of him as anything but a friend. But his voice was beautiful and melodic and deep. The solemnity that characterized his looks transferred perfectly to his music. If this were the first night she'd ever seen him, her feelings toward him might have been a little different.

"Wow," she said quietly to herself. If she could sing like that, everybody would know about it. Cole was hard to look away from, but eventually she noticed Marianne's reaction. Marianne was looking up at the stage, mouth agape, and Beth had the feeling she was seeing Cole for the first time in their acquaintance. No one could suggest him lacking passion or intensity; it was there in every note he sang.

Beth clapped and let out a big whoop among the hearty applause as he finished the song. The whoop attracted his attention, and he glanced at her and Marianne. He smiled and dipped his head in greeting as she waved. As he began the next song, she turned to Marianne with amusement. She hadn't moved a single muscle and was still staring up at the stage with her mouth open.

Beth reached over to gently close her mouth. "I think you're drooling a little," she said, laughing.

Marianne looked over, dazed. "Was it me or did the Earth move?"

"Oh yes; it moved."

During Cole's last song, Beth noticed Rob Martin sitting a few tables down. She knew him from a class in the previous semester, and she remembered that he was Emma's roommate's crush, nondescript and unremarkable though he was. She didn't like the idea of Cole playing to empty chairs, so she was glad other students had ventured off campus. After more applause for his last song, Cole returned backstage while the manager introduced the next act, and Beth excused herself to say hello to Rob. They spoke for a few minutes, but she saw Rob's attention shift to something behind her. Emma had arrived and joined Marianne, and with her was a girl with dark hair, almost certainly the roommate. Harriet was already eyeing Robert with a friendly smile and he blushed as they made eye contact. Beth was struck with an idea.

"You like Harriet, don't you?" She saw his surprised and sheepish look and went on. "She likes you, too. You should go for it."

Beth knew how happy she would be if someone gave her that information about Will and had decided to do good where she could. He was taken aback, but Beth didn't give him time to overthink. She patted his hand once and waved Marianne and the girls over. As they joined, Beth motioned Harriet pointedly into the seat next to Rob, moving so they could sit next to each other.

"I never noticed, but you two have very similar haircuts," Emma said thoughtfully, placing her pointer finger to her lips as she looked between Beth and Harriet. They turned to look at each other, and Beth could see the truth. The shade of their dark hair was almost identical, and it was the same length. Beth had taken care to style it before going out, and both she and Harriet had loose wavy curls.

She held out a hand. "It's nice to meet my doppelgänger," she said with cheer, and Harriet laughed happily in return.

Cole arrived at their table a minute later, and she jumped to her feet to hug him.

"Cole! You were amazing. You're singing to me all the time from now on."

He smiled and released her quickly from the hug. "I don't know about that." He looked bashfully at her, readjusting his glasses. "Thank you for coming. I thought I wouldn't want anyone here, but I was wrong. I'm really glad you came."

He greeted Marianne, and Beth noted that for once he was acting normally around her. Beth wondered if he was feeling good enough from the post-performance high to manage to have a conversation. She crossed her fingers behind her back.

Marianne smiled up at him. "You were really good." She motioned for him to sit down and join them. "Did you write everything yourself?"

Cole nodded shyly, but Marianne encouraged him to explain his ideas for the songs, and he was soon talking animatedly. When he mentioned that one of his major influences was a particular indie band, Beth counted down in her head to Marianne's inevitable excited interjection; Marianne listened to them on repeat almost daily.

"I love that band!" Marianne said with emphasis, right on cue. Beth had never seen Cole smiling so happily before.

Beth was thoroughly ignored by her roommate for the rest of the night, but she didn't mind. She'd known from the start Cole and Marianne would like each other. For once, things seemed to be going right. She found herself grinning with happiness, and she clapped as the young woman on stage finished a song. What a wonderful night it was turning out to be.