Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I own… nothing! What a surprise!
A/N: The idea for this fic came to me as I was eating a very yummy food. Almost as yummy as cheesecake. Not quite though. And what happens when you're half-crazed from a large intake of sugar and are reminiscing about the yummy food you had eaten a few days ago? A fic of pure randomness! Yay!
The Yumminess
It's calling to me from the kitchen. I can sense it. It takes every bit of self-control in my body to stop me from charging into that kitchen, ripping the cold humming ice box's door off it's hinges, and then devouring the sweet delicacy that it holds inside of it.
But I can't! I cannot give in to the temptation! I try to stop my knees from shaking as I sit in this soft, plush chair. If I can wait a few more hours… only a few more… And then Kurama will come… And he will most definitely offer me some of that delicious looking thing he has stored away. He offered it to that fire demon! His eyes lit up like giant red saucers once he took his first bite! And then a wicked smile crept across his face. His greedy little hands quickly grabbed the small, round, chocolately cookie-like food and he shoved the thing into his mouth. Chocolate chips flew everywhere. The demon's face was covered in a milky-white substance with a few specks of chocolate mixed in it, but he didn't care. He was in heaven. An oh-so-very sweet heaven.
I glance at the clock above the fire place. It's only twelve o'clock. Kurama gets out of his human school at three. That means it's going to be three hours until Kurama gets home. Three very, very long hours of torture and misery.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
My left eye twitches slightly. What is causing that infernal racket! What is it that dares to provoke my wrath! I glance up. It's the clock! First it gives me the bad news of it being only twelve o'clock, and now it's ticking and tocking! How dare it! It will pay! It will die a horrible, painful, bloody death!
I throw a pillow at it. The pillow bounces off. It seems to have some sort of defensive barrier around it. I growl. Normally I would just blow it up, but I can't destroy my beautiful Kurama's house. Then I would get no yummy-looking cookie thing. That would make me sad.
So how can I stop that ticking? Or destroy it? Whichever one's easier. Hmm… Maybe I can just grab it and start taking it apart? Yes… that should work.
I reluctantly get up from the cushiony chair and make my way towards the fire place. Aw look! It's little Kurama as a human child! Ew, what's up with his hair? It's short! How could Kurama let his beautiful hair look like that! It should be long and flowing and beautiful! Oh wait… it is. But I pity him. Having to live through a childhood with a haircut like that. The poor kid.
Tick.
Tock.
Oh riiiight… the clock. I almost forgot about that thing. I glance around the fireplace. Nothing useful. Just some newspapers, a wool blanket, a metal stick with a sharp thing on top, soot, and wood. Nothing at all… Wait… the wood! Of course!
I pick up a log of wood and throw it at the wall. It misses and flies out the window. Whoops…
I pick up another log of wood. This time I'll definitely- whoops… missed again. I hope that vase wasn't valuable.
Okay! Third time's the charm! I pick up yet another log of wood and throw it at the wall. Dead on! It flies into the ugly wooden clock. Woodchips fly everywhere. Oh damn it! Damn it all to hell! One of the stupid chips flew right into my eye! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! It hurts! I-I-I can't see! I can't see a frickin' thing out of my right eye! Okay… Calm down Karasu… Just think. What would calm, sensible Kurama do in a position like this? I know! There's bound to be something in the bathroom to cure blindness! After all, humans have a lot of medicine and stuff that cures simple things like blindness. Lucky humans… There's nothing in the Makai that can do anything like that. Hmph…
Walking with a woodchip stuck in your eye is harder than you think. I blindly stumble down the hallway to where I'd imagine the bathroom would be. I kick open the door. A giant, slobbering dog stares at me from on top of a bed. He's such a cute looking puppy dog. He should be shot.
The big, shaggy dog suddenly leaps towards me. My eyes grow wide as the beast soars across the room. He's practically right in my face when the idea of slamming the door floats across my mind. I did exactly that with my lightening quick reflexes. The doggie went boom! Bang! Arf! Growl! Whimper! Collapse! Yes, it went collapse. How else would you describe a dog who just falls?
At this point my heart's beating a mile a minute. Since when did Kurama have a dog! I never knew that! Did you?
Half-clinging to the wall, I slowly make my way to the door at the end of the hallway. Instead of kicking this one open I grasp the doorknob in my hand and slowly turn it. Very slowly. If there's another wild beast in this room it won't know I'm coming in because I'm going so slowly. I hate slow. So as soon as the door knob was all the way turned I thrust open the door and look around. No doggies. But there's a giant spider making it's way slowly up the mirror of the bathroom. Hey! At least I found the bathroom! That's reason enough to celebrate over.
My hand shakes as I fall against the wall. I really don't like spiders. Especially big, hairy, long-legged ones like that one. And the eyes… the eyes! I can see the eyes! You're not supposed to see the eyes of a household spider! Oh wait, this isn't just your typical household spider. It's a mammoth of a typical household spider! It's the king of the mammoths of typical household spiders! No! It's the Lord and Master of the king of the mammoths of typical household spiders! …I think you get my point now.
The thing was about the size of my hand. Spiders are not supposed to be that big! And it's crawling… One hairy long leg in front of the other hairy long leg. It's so creepy! One of the eyes just blinked! I gulp. I have to kill this spider. I need to get into Kurama's medicine cabinet! My eye is really killing me right now…
I go back out into the living room. I grab the metal stick with a pointy thing on top, then I head back to the spider-infested bathroom. I stare at the spider. It stares at me. C'mon freakishly large arachnid! Let's tangle!
I throw the fire-poker javelin-style at the mirror, shattering it into a million itty bitty pieces. Kurama's not going to be happy about that. Heh heh? Well at least the spider's dead. …I think.
I creep forward, examining every inch of the ground. I really don't want to clean spider guts off of my shoe when I get home. I reach my hand towards the broken mirror and pull it open to reveal a - brace yourselves - medicine cabinet! Whooo! Now let's see… which one of these bottles cures blindness?
Intense pain fills my head as I open my left eye. Water drips down my cheek. It's not tears! Honest! You poke yourself in the eye then tell me what happens. It gets watery. Not teary. I lean towards the mirror to get a better look at my eye. The woodchip's still stuck in it. I grab the tweezers inside the cabinet and use it to pull it out. Ow…. Damnit, that hurt! How the hell do humans use these things without poking themselves!
I grab a random bottle of strange liquidy stuff and pour a little bit into a paper cup. It says on the back of the bottle to rub it into the affected area. Um… okay. Chances are my eye's been infected with some deadly woodchip disease so this should cure it. I pour it into my eye.
Holy hell! That frickin' huuuurts! It said a slight burning sensation but this feels like my whole head's on fire! What's this? There's something crawling on my- OH HELL NO! The spider's alive and kicking, and it's wants revenge! Someone save me!
I take one of the mirror shards that fell into the sink and stab down on the horrible creature. The shard goes right through the spider and into my arm. More pain. Yay. And I have a half-dead spider stuck to me. Another yay. I pull the shard out of my arm and the spider comes off as well. Five of it's long, hairy legs are flailing in the air. But where's its other three legs?
DISGUSTING! They're on my arm! And they're twitching! Grooooss! I rub them off and run back in to the living room. I leap in the arm chair I was sitting in before, and I huddle in it for a few moments.
Once my shaking finally ceased I glance up to the clock. It's gone. Where'd it go? Oh that's right… I killed it.
I shakily get to my feet and stumble to the kitchen. Eerie green numbers glow at me from inside of a weird looking box thing. They say twelve thirty. Twelve thirty! Only a half an hour has past! You've got to be kidding me! Ugh…
Maybe there's something interesting to watch on that moving picture box. I've seen humans watch it many times.
I grab the clicker thing and fall on to the plushy armchair again. I press the big red button at the top, making the moving picture box turn on. I am then creeped out…
Faces are just staring at me. And they're all laughing! Every single one! There's a man on top of a mountain. And he's laughing! Laughing! With a big smile on his face. How can someone laugh in the cold like that? And there's an old woman… in the middle of some party… on top of a table… laughing! Now there's a person under water. Laughing! A man with a mushroom-like cloud behind him. Laughing! An old man on top of the moon is laughing is head off while a planet blows up behind him. And he's smiling like a mad man! Why are they laughing at me! They're plotting something! I know it! They're all… laughing… why do they laugh? Why! WHY!
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"Mother, I'm home!" I heard a voice say. It sounded so faraway… Maybe… Just maybe… Whoever it is… will make the laughing people go away…
"Shuichi! You're finally home! I'm really freaked out…," someone else said.
"Huh? What is it Mother?" came the same sweet voice of the first speaker. I heard some bags being set down.
"J-just come in here Shuichi. There's a crazed man in here… He's… He's scaring me Shuichi." I wonder who this crazed man is? I've been here for a very long time and have yet to see this crazed man.
"Karasu? Oh my God… You're supposed to be dead!"
"Y-you know this man?"
"Yes Mother, unfortunately I do. Can you please go to the neighbor's house? I'll deal with him okay? Once he's gone I'll come and tell you."
Just who are these people? Are they with the laughing people! They are! I just know they are!
I hear a door open then close. One of the two left to get reinforcements!
"Karasu. What the hell are you doing here! Why aren't you dead!" The voice… it's so soft… and comforting… Wait… I know who it belongs to!
"Kurama!" I exclaim. "You've come to save me from the laughing people!" I crawl away from the corner I had hid myself in, and quickly make my way towards Kurama. I grab a hold of his legs and start hugging them. "Kill them Kurama! Make them go away! They're after me!" He pushes me off of him and I fall to the ground. "Kuraaamaaa!"
"I have no idea why you're here and nor do I care. I want you out. Now," he says. Why's he kicking me out! He needs to kill the laughing people! …and I'm definitely not leaving until I get a taste of that yummy-looking cookie thing. Oh that's right! Kurama's here! I can get my sweet delicacy now!
I leap to my feet and look down on Kurama. Kurama… Beautiful, beautiful Kurama… "I need you to open that humming ice box thing in there," I tell him as I point to the kitchen.
"No. You. Out. Now," he replies.
"But Kurama! I want the yummy thing! You gave the midget some! Now I want some!" I shout at him.
He blinks at me, probably thinking I'm crazy. "You want… what now?"
"The yummy thing!"
"And that would be?"
"C'mon, I'll show you since the only redeeming feature of yours is your lovely face and hair." I grab his hand and drag him into the kitchen. I then point at the humming ice box. "It's in there."
"Inside the refrigerator?" he asks. No, it's down the hallway in the spider infested bathroom. Of course it's in the refrigerator thing!
I nod. He looks confused. What's so hard to understand, Kurama! Open the stupid humming box so I can get my yummy dessert!
"You're here… for something that's inside of my fridge?" Yes! Yeeees! Now open the stupid box! Now! I command you!
I nod again. He just stares at me with a puzzled expression playing across that beautiful face of his. "You've been waiting for me here for awhile, haven't you? I can tell from the destruction of several things in my house."
Enough of these questions! I just want the cookie thing! "Yeah… so?"
"Then why didn't you just open the fridge and leave?"
I don't say anything. I'm staring at Kurama, wondering what I should tell him. If I tell him the truth he'll burst into hysterics. If I lie… I might not get my cookie thing… Seeing me struggle for an answer, Kurama looks over to the humming box. His beautiful face twists into a slight frown as he ponders why I didn't just take the delicious food from within it. Then his face breaks into a wide grin. He's figured it out! Damn it!
"Did you have trouble with the child lock?" He stares at me, waiting for my response. He knows that's what happened so why is he torturing me! I'm not going to admit it! I would never admit to being outsmarted by a simple child lock thing! I nod sadly.
He laughs. I knew he would! He's laughing at me! How dare he!
"All you had to do was unclip this part here," he says while pulling the thing out of the thing attached to the fridge. Stupid know-it-all.
"Okay then… Can I have the yummy thing now?" He thinks about it.
"I'll give it to you if you never show your face around here again, understand? I want to continue believing that you're dead. So once you leave never, ever, ever come back here." I nod in agreement. It makes sense, I suppose. In his eyes I'm his enemy. I can't believe he let a little thing like me trying to kill him stop us from devolving a beautiful relationship. Oh well… I'll try to change his mind later. Right now I want the cookie thing.
Kurama looks from me to the humming box and then back to me. "Are you going to just stand there all day, or are you going to offer me the cookie thing?" I ask him.
He yanks open the top of the fridge and reaches inside of it. His hand pulls out a box with a delicious looking picture of my sweet delicacy plastered on to it.
I don't know that much about human food, but every demon no matter how stupid a beast they are know about the cookie. The delicious, chocolately, chewy yumminess of the chocolate chip cookie. It's one of the only thing that can make my mouth water as much as it is now. But there's not just one cookie. No… not one… There's two! Two scrumptious cookies stacked on top of each other. The middle part is the most mouth-watering of the whole dessert though. A creamy vanilla substance is smack-dab in the middle of it. I believe the fire demon midget calls it 'sweet snow'. Probably for a good reason. It's so white and smooth-looking. And there's dozens of chocolate chips stuck in the creamy yumminess of the vanilla sweet snow. The delectable brown morsels of chocolate goodness are one of the best parts of the tasty tidbit.
Kurama's staring at me like I've gone mad. I shake my head to rid the thoughts of the delicious food. I grab the box out of Kurama's hands, and I start tearing the box apart. I've waited for this moment all day! I will not wait any longer!
Finally, the box is open. I reach inside and feel around. Where's the cookie sandwich? Where is it! It's got to be somewhere in here… My fingers are growing frantic. I can't find the package that's supposed to contain my sweet delicacy! It has to be in here! It has to be!
Kurama gently takes the torn-up box out of my hands. And he tells me in a so very calm voice, "Karasu… I think I gave Hiei the last chocolate chip cookie sandwich."
I stare at him with saucer-like eyes. There's no way! I went through torture for what! And empty box! I was annoyed by the ticking of a clock, nearly mauled by a giant shaggy dog, attacked by a humongous hairy spider, laughed at by insane laughing people, and now I can't have my dessert!
Kurama, seeing my distress, asks me what's wrong. I laugh. What's wrong? What's wrong! I can't have my dessert! The yummy dessert that's mine! Mine! I will never be able to taste the yumminess of my sweet delicacy! And it's all that stupid fire demon's fault!
I collapse onto the floor of the kitchen. No sweet dessert… None… Nadda… All gone…
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A/N: I toldja it was pretty random. I want a chocolate chip cookie sandwich now… Well, please review!