A/N: I really appreciate everyone weighing in on the Pete issue. It looks like my original plan is the favorite, which is convenient for me. I also have especially appreciated everyone's input on this entire story, which has been the hardest and most disappointing for me to write for a variety of reasons. I'm extremely glad to finally be done with it!
Ch 9: Home Again
It was all Carter's fault. Jack was sure of it. Well, actually, if he wanted to be fair about it, it was really Teal'c's fault. But it was a lot harder to openly blame things on Teal'c. Mainly because his biceps were bigger than Jack's thighs.
So, Jack had decided it was Carter's fault they very nearly missed their flight home. After all, she had been the one to convince him they had time to let Teal'c ride the teacups one more time.
Jack, who had missed Teal'c on the teacups but heard the story from Cassie, had thought she was exaggerating. As it turned out, she quite obviously wasn't. She rode the teacups with Teal'c once more and Jack almost threw up just from watching them go that fast.
Then they had to run to their hotel, pay the driver extra to speed to the airport, and use their Air Force credentials to cut in all the airport lines before running down to the proper gate.
They had made it, barely. The plane full of people glared at them as they made their way to their seats. They had two consecutive rows of three. Apparently feeling a bit sad that their week-long celebration was coming to an end, the science twins were once again joined at the hip and slid into one of the rows without any arguments over who would sit with whom.
Jack shrugged and took the last seat in that row, next to Sam. It was ridiculous because aside from Teal'c, they were the three tallest people there, and none of them had any leg room whatsoever, although Sam was capable of curling up into a very small ball when she wanted to. Jack had seen her do this many times, and also knew that she did not think being called a 'roly-poly' was funny at all.
Teal'c, Cassie, and Janet took the row in front of them, Cassie looking out the window and Teal'c in the aisle seat so he could stretch his legs. The plane made Daniel's allergies act up immediately after take-off. Janet wordlessly passed him two Benadryl tablets. He swallowed them and ten minutes later was using Sam as a security blanket, completely zonked with his head on her shoulder and his arm functioning as a second seat belt.
"Is he drooling on you?" Jack asked incredulously, leaning around her to try to see. Daniel's glasses were hanging off of his ear. Jack removed them, folded them up, and stuck them in Daniel's shirt pocket.
"It's okay," Sam said absently, pushing Daniel's head to a slightly more comfortable position (for her) on her shoulder. "I don't mind."
She watched the way her CO was eyeing her other shoulder (and yawning) warily. She didn't mind Daniel, but seriously doubted she could handle both of them using her as a pillow at once. That would just be too weird. Apparently, he came to the same conclusion, because he turned his attention back to his tray table and pulled out the trick deck of cards he bought in the magic shop.
"So I'll drop you off last so I can get Maggie, okay?" Jack said as he quietly shuffled the cards, completely changing the conversation.
"Oh," she said, surprised and a bit disappointed. True, Maggie was technically his dog. But Sam really liked having her around too. Often when they got in late, Sam would keep Maggie an extra day and Jack would come get her the next day, in the morning or after work if it wasn't the weekend. "Yeah, of course, that's fine."
"Carter?"
"Well, it's going to be quite late by the time we drive from the airport back to Colorado Springs and you drop Teal'c back at the base, and Jan and Cass, and Daniel, so if you're too tired..."
"Carter, I have to drop you off at your house anyway, it'll take about two extra minutes for me to go in and get Mags."
"Yeah. Good point."
"Okay, pick a card, any card," Jack offered, fanning them out and holding them out to her.
She took one and sighed. "You are aware that I know this is a trick deck, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I'm practicing for Thor's next visit. Come on, just humor me."
She glanced at the card and put it back in the deck. Daniel let out a loud snore, shifted to a slightly different position, and her shoulder dampened in a new spot with what she very much hoped was just drool. Daniel-drool she could handle. Daniel-snot was another matter altogether. It was going to be a long flight.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
It was a long flight, and a long drive back home. But as soon as they left the airport, Jack had wisely stopped at the first Sonic he could find and loaded everyone up with late, unhealthy dinners and gooey ice cream concoctions. This woke everyone up and the drive passed quickly, with everyone talking about what they had done at Disney World.
Jack dropped everyone off, laughing at the prolonged goodbyes everyone seemed prone to that night. They were all going to see each other tomorrow morning, forcryinoutloud! But that would be at work, which was decidedly different from the end of a great vacation. So, sensitive to this difference, he only honked once to get Sam back in the truck in front of the Fraiser household.
Sam hugged Janet and Cassie goodbye and got back into the truck, frowning at her CO. "Was that necessary?"
"Indeed."
Sam laughed at Jack's Teal'c impression, knowing he never would have said it if Teal'c had still been in the car. "Speaking of Teal'c, I think you were right, sir."
"I'm always right, Carter." She snorted. "Okay, what was I right about this time?"
"Your 'Disney years' theory. I've never seen Teal'c have so much fun."
"Ah, but you didn't see him at the jello wrestling place."
Sam studied his profile, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. Usually she could tell. Sometimes she couldn't. This was one of those times. Finally, curiosity got the better of her and she had to ask. "Did you..."
"Yup," he answered quickly, not bothering to let her finish the question or bothering to hide the grin on his face.
She rolled her eyes and tried very hard not to smile.
They quickly reached her house, as she only lived a few blocks over from Janet. Jack shut off his truck and got out and reached over into the bed of the truck to grab Sam's bag. By the time he had done this, she had already reached the front porch and was opening the door.
As soon as Sam opened the door, she was knocked flat on her back by a very excited Golden Retriever, who proceeded to pin her to the ground and lick her to death, covering her with much more drool than Daniel had managed on the plane.
"Maggie, let me up, I can't even pet you like this!" Sam objected. When the dog was this excited, there was little anybody could do but wait until she calmed down a bit on her own. Luckily, Jack quickly joined her on the porch, and as soon as Maggie spotted him, she started jumping up at him instead.
He set down Sam's bag and pulled her to her feet with one hand, the other trying to keep Maggie from jumping on her anymore. "Okay?"
"Yeah."
The dog jumped around excitedly for a few more moments, then ran out into the yard to pee. "Come on, Maggie, let's go inside and get your leash," Jack called.
They all went inside, Sam flipping on the lights. Quarks, her cat, was waiting inside, sitting and flicking his tail around, which was his version of the excitement Maggie was still displaying. "Colonel, have you seen Quarks's new trick?" Sam asked suddenly.
"No, let's see it."
Sam patted her left shoulder and Quarks leapt up into her arms.
"Wow, that's pretty impressive. How'd you manage that?"
"It took a lot of catnip pinned to my shoulder."
Jack laughed and grabbed Maggie's collar, as she was getting jealous of the attention Quarks was receiving and trying to jump on Sam again.
"Want to hear my new theory on cats and dogs?"
"Sure," Sam said absently, petting Quarks a bit more and then pressing him into Jack's arms.
Jack looked down at the cat. He never really thought Quarks cared much for greeting him, and the feeling was pretty much mutual, but apparently it Sam did not concur, so Jack continued to hold the cat as he followed her into the kitchen, where she turned on the light and started a pot of coffee.
"Okay, well, you of course know that Quarks and Maggie are both really just people in animal bodies, right?"
"Of course," she said, in the same tone of voice she always used when he described the fish in his lake.
It was an ongoing joke that Cassie and Janet particularly found funny, that both Jack and Sam treated their animals like people. With Jack, at least, it was definitely true.
"Right. Well, okay, so I've just refined that a little bit. The difference between dogs and cats are that dogs are always little kids, and cats are always teenagers."
"I see."
"So dogs are always in a good mood, happy to see you, ready to play, whatever. Like the little kid who waits by the door for their dad to get home from work and runs up to greet him. But then cats are like moody teenagers... everything has to be on their own terms, or they'll come to you when they want something."
"Okay, that works for puppies, dogs, and cats, but what about kittens?"
"Wu..." Jack frowned and thought for a moment. "Well, um, see..."
Sam raised an eyebrow, Teal'c-style, and started pouring coffee. The doorbell rang.
"It's a little late for visitors, isn't it, Major Carter?" he asked, sounding uncannily like her father, which was disturbing on many levels and best to avoid thinking about altogether.
"You're here, sir," Sam pointed out as they headed to the door. Maggie had already beat them there and was barking. "Maybe it's Morgan or something... I'll have to dig around in my bag for the gift I brought him."
"Mine's out in the truck," Jack added.
Sam opened the door and blinked in surprise. It was Pete.
"Pete, what are you doing here?" she asked. She'd barely been home ten minutes, it was kind of creepy that he had already showed up. Not to mention the fact that she'd assumed he'd gone back to Denver when he found out she wasn't in Colorado Springs all weekend.
Maggie was standing between Sam's leg and the doorframe, growling at Pete, her teeth bared. She was a very sweet dog, but fiercely protective of the people she knew.
"What's with the dog, I thought you had a cat," Pete said, eyeing the dog carefully, unwilling to take a step closer.
"The dog's mine!" Jack called cheerfully from a few steps behind Sam, waving over her head at Pete. Sam closed her eyes and leaned her head against the door briefly, before opening it up all the way.
"Colonel O'Neill's dog stays here when we're out of town, so that Cassie or the little boy down the street that watches Maggie and Quarks only has to make one stop," Sam explained.
Maggie was still growling at Pete, and starting to creep towards him since Sam had opened the door further.
"Um, Colonel O'Neill, do you mind calling off your dog?" Pete asked, getting even more nervous.
"She listens to Carter way better than me," Jack said with an unconcerned shrug. "She's got the Dr. Dolittle routine nailed."
Sam shot him a look and said quietly, "It's okay, Maggie."
The dog stopped moving forward and growling, but she was still glaring at Pete.
"Magnet!" Sam said, a little more firmly. Maggie relaxed, and Sam scratched her ears, pulling her out of the way by her collar to let Pete in.
"So, Pete, what brings you by at this late hour?" Jack asked. "Just in the neighborhood? I thought you lived in Denver."
He had never told Sam that Pete had run a background check on her. He wanted to, very much so, but felt like he was a little too involved in the situation to be the one to bring that up. Maybe he'd try to get Hammond to do it, that could work.
"I do. I was... here for the weekend before I realized Sam was going to be out of town. So I figured I'd stay around until she got in tonight, and drive back early tomorrow morning," Pete told him, turning his attention to Sam as she closed the door. "Hi, Sam." He stepped towards her to kiss her but Maggie wasn't about to allow that. Jack had to hide a smile as his dog put herself between Pete and Sam and gave a low, warning growl.
"She's uh, not so fond of strangers, I see," Pete said, stepping back a little.
"No," Jack said evenly. "And she's very protective of her people."
Pete looked back and forth between them, looking a bit scared.
"Sir, your coffee is getting cold," Sam said pointedly, not-so-subtly hinting for him to butt out of the conversation for a minute.
"So it is, Carter," he said, looking down at Quarks. "Come on, Quarky." He patted his left shoulder like Carter had done, and was shocked when the cat actually did leap up into his arms. He caught him easily and grinned at Carter. "Wow, it worked! You ARE Dr. Dolittle."
She smiled and said, "Apparently if you have enough catnip you can get him to do pretty much whatever you want."
"Interesting," Jack commented as he headed for the kitchen. "So, Quarks, how much would it take to get you to start typing up my reports for me, huh pal?" He fawned attention on the cat all the way into the kitchen, wondering if the cat, and possibly Maggie and Sam as well, now thought he was completely insane.
As soon as he was gone, Sam lowered her voice and said, "Pete, I didn't tell you what time I'd be home. Have you been staking out my house or something?"
"No, of course not, don't be ridiculous!" Pete said defensively. "I wanted to surprise you, but when I tried to get the spare key under your mat on Friday, the dog started barking and scratching at the window, so I went and stayed at a hotel. I just called the airport and found out what time the only flight in tonight from Orlando landed, then added on a couple hours travel time from the airport to here."
"Oh."
Pete looked down at the dog again. Maggie wasn't growling at him anymore, but he got the distinct impression that if he took one more step towards Sam again, she would. And she also seemed to be running out of patience.
"What is with that dog?"
"She just hasn't seen me in a while."
"She is Colonel O'Neill's dog, right? Not yours?"
"Of course. I explained that already. But I gave her to him, and she sort of bonded to Quarks and me early on. Come on, I'll pour you a cup of coffee, then you can go." She hoped the offer of coffee would cushion the hint that he was not invited to spend the night. It was just a little bit too weird that he showed up so late at night and was planning on leaving so early in the morning.
It clearly meant they'd be doing nothing but sleeping together (in the euphemistic sense.) Not only was she not comfortable with him waiting around all weekend just for that, but the fact that her CO had heard all of that as well, combined with how tired she was from the entire vacation... she really could not have been less in the mood.
"Go? But..."
"I'm sorry if you hung around here all weekend to see me tonight, Pete, but if you'd asked me ahead of time I would have told you the truth – I'm just way too tired for company. I literally just walked in the door, I have tons of unpacking to do, and I have to be at work very early in the morning. Come on, I'll get you some coffee."
Perhaps sensing he should probably be grateful that she wasn't making a bigger deal out of his surprise appearance, Pete nodded and followed her into the kitchen.
Jack sat on the kitchen counter with his coffee mug next to him, still petting Quarks, who was unused to receiving so much attention from him unless the two of them happened to be alone, which didn't happen often. He 'couldn't help but overhear' the conversation between Sam and Pete (especially since he was straining to hear every word they were saying), and was really, really happy the guy wasn't going to be having a sleepover with his 2IC tonight.
Still, he masked his features as they entered the kitchen, although from the way Sam squinted at him in the split second she caught his eye, he was pretty sure she knew what he was thinking. Hey, he was only human. And he was being on his best behavior. So far, at least, he had resisted the urge to chant, 'I kissed Carter, I kissed Carter.' Pete probably wouldn't think that was very funny. Sam definitely wouldn't.
"Have a seat, Pete," Sam said as she headed to the coffee pot.
"You're a poet," Jack commented as he reached behind himself, opened the cabinet next to his head, grabbed another cup, and handed it to her all without seeming to take his attention off of Quarks. He didn't look at Pete, but he hoped Pete had noticed that.
He did glance at his 2IC out of the corner of his eye and saw that she had most definitely noticed what he was doing. Half-expecting her to be mad, he was surprised when the corners of her mouth turned up in the slightest hint of a smile as he shut the cabinet a little bit louder than a normal person would.
"Um, cream or sugar?" Sam called to him. "Or both?"
"Just sugar," Pete called. Figured. Cop. Still, Jack had another small party in his head at the fact that she didn't know how he liked his coffee. He reached back into the cabinet for the sugar bowl and handed it to her.
"Thanks."
"Yeahsureyoubetcha," he replied, taking control of the coffee pot to refill his cup while she added sugar to Pete's. She slid her cup down to him for a refill as well. While he poured, she took Pete his cup and went to the fridge for her creamer.
"Damn, it expired while I was gone." She opened the carton anyway and sniffed it experimentally. Jack knew, from experience, that both she and Daniel, if they really wanted coffee, were not above using creamer a bit past its expiration date. He had always found that very gross and disturbing, but they never listened.
Suddenly he remembered something.
"Hang on..." Hopping off the counter, he started feeling around in various pockets. Since he was wearing a button down shirt and cargo pants, he had a lot of pockets.
"You carry creamer around on you?" Pete asked.
Sam was staring at Jack incredulously as he pulled various items out of his pockets. Aside from the usual wallet, keys, and cell phone, he also found a yo-yo, a chewed up pencil, a pocket knife, the trick deck of cards, a handful of humbugs, a map from the Magic Kingdom, four receipts, and finally, two packages of creamer from their hotel.
"You drink your coffee black, why would you bring this home?" Sam asked as he tossed them to her and started filling his pockets back up.
"Daniel was obsessed with it, I was going to give it to him tomorrow at breakfast. But what he doesn't know won't hurt him."
"Thanks," Sam said, and began adding it carefully to her coffee. While she hadn't been as obsessed as Daniel with whatever special Disney creamer they used, it was really good.
"Oh, Pete, here, pick a card!" Jack said suddenly, glad to have someone to try out his magic card tricks on, even if it was Pete.
Sam picked up Quarks, pet him a bit, and set him down on the ground. He wasn't safe around coffee with cream in it, as he had the tendency to stick his whole head into the cup for a sample, rendering it completely undrinkable. Quarks crossed the kitchen, leapt up onto the chair next to the one Jack had occupied, and got up onto the table.
He stealthily inspected Jack's cup and even looked like he was thinking about tasting it just to make sure it didn't contain any dairy products, but Jack, in the middle of a magic trick, moved the cat to his lap before his coffee could be violated, muttering, "Nice try there, Quarks. Go play with Magnet."
Magnet was still not in the mood to play, which Quarks, of course, already knew. She was sitting next to Sam, perfectly friendly and wagging her tail in response to Sam's petting, but she still considered herself 'on duty,' and wasn't going to be distracted from guarding her Sam, not even by her best buddy Quarks.
"You guys give your pets weird names," Pete commented as he watched Jack do another magic trick.
Jack and Sam looked at each other. Jack winked and turned his attention back to his cards. "Yeah, that's a scientist for ya," he commented.
Sam rolled her eyes but refused to take the bait.
"Wow, how'd you do that?" Pete asked, clearly impressed with whatever it was Jack was doing with the cards – Sam couldn't see from where she was leaning against the counter.
"Magic. Works better with my black cat assistant," Jack commented, roughly petting the cat in his lap.
Sam laughed and shook her head, taking her coffee over to the table to watch the 'magic show.' Of all the possible ways she could have predicted this day might end, none of them would ever have involved sitting in her kitchen in the middle of the night, watching Jack entertain Pete with card tricks. She'd give them both one more cup of coffee, send them home, and then probably spend the rest of the night trying to figure out what the hell she was doing.
The end.
A/N: Final installment is next - Birthday Traditions 8. Story ID: 2451144