SoS: Well! After a year of absense, I'm back! Much to the dismay of some…
Erk: sobbing hysterically
SoS: ahem Yes. I got a weird burst of inspiration when I was teaching my friend how to play Fire Emblem.
Lucius: snickers She's not just a friend now, is she?
SoS: Shut up! And, I'd like to apologize to whoever was waiting for the update of A Rose. SorrySorrySorry! But, I'll make it up to you, I promise! Only a week left in school so, Summertime Updates! WHEE! Onwards with the story!
Canas: SoS does not own Fire Emblem. But he does own Yv-
SoS: muffles Canas Ehehe, on with the story now!
How to Win Soldiers andInfluence Armies
It was a nice quiet day in Eliwood's Elite. Or, at least as quiet as it can get in a battlefield…
"Die you little rats! AYAYAYA!"
Except for that it can never get normal with Karel around…
"I'm to sexy for my armor, too sexy for my armor, so sexy…"
Or Sain…
"Get away from my sister before I mutilate your ears!"
Or Raven…
"Umm, can somebody help me? Durandal got stuck in a tree trunk…"
Or… FORGET IT! ON WITH THE STUPID PLOT! ahem Anyways, it was a pretty routine day. A group of bandits who had been terrorizing a local village were being put down fairly easily. The tactician was soon taking roll call after the battle.
"…Dorcas, Bartre, Wil, Erk, Rebecca, and finally Karla. All present and accounted for?" Salrin looked about the group. It was common knowledge (except to Bartre) that Salrin wasn't his real name. But if anybody called him by his real name, or his hated nickname, he would personally skin them alive and throw their remains into the ocean. Well, everybody, except…
"SAAAUCE!" Came a high pitched squeal. Salrin winced at the sound, and realized who it was. The army smirked in anticipation of the person who just called him Sauce, because they were about to be horribly tortured.
"Yvette! What are you doing here?" He asked and walked up to the girl. The rest of the people wondered what kind of cruel torture the poor girl was going to receive. To their surprise, Salrin hugged her tightly and smiled. "It's been too long…"
"Yeah! I know, that's why I came! And I have a great idea! Since I graduated tactician school and all…" She proudly showed off her diploma. Salrin inspected it and decided not to tell her about the label that said Binkey's Fake Diploma Corp.
"That's… great… I mean… Good Job! I'm proud of you!" He felt a sweatdrop. "So, how long can you stay? A day or two?"
"I came here to ask a favor of you."
"Sure? What do you need?"
"I need some tactician experience, and since you are the best tactician around…" at this, Salrin blushed. "…I was wondering if you could give me a few pointers?"
"Alright! Sounds pretty cool. We start tomorrow, first thing in the morning!"
"So you want me to come to you at noon? Gotcha." She said innocently as he raised an eyebrow. I have a very bad feeling about this…
"Ok, so, seeya later. Go ask Rebecca if she has room in her tent for you." He said and looked at his agenda for the day. Yvette looked around for someone who might be named Rebecca and shrugged at him sheepishly. Salrin rolled his eyes. "Here, here's a book with everybody in the army's picture and profile in it. Now, go find Rebecca." (A/N: Sorry Charlie! I copied your book idea XD) She smiled and ran off. Salrin chuckled and looked over the next piece of business when he realized half of the army was staring at him with wide open mouths. "What?"
The next day, Salrin had his troops up very early in the morning. Today was the day they were going to assault the Dragon's Gate for the second time, and he wanted them mentally and physically ready.
"Alright, as you all know…" He said, fixing his glasses. "…we are going to wage a final attack on Nergal, and this time, we are going to finish the job. Now, we don't know what kind of defense he has in there so expect anything. We did, however, take out most of his morphs in our last encounter, so I don't expect to be against such heavy numbers again. Now, instead of just charging blindly into the room, first the 3 lords, Athos, my apprentice tactician, and I will be going in. We will see what kind of defense Nergal has and then call for the ranks if necessary." This created a wave of murmuring with the soldiers. Marcus and Oswin roared with disapproval. Florina stood up.
"Hey! He got us this far, didn't he? And nobody's been killed. Salrin hasn't let us down yet, so why should we question him now? I'm sure there's a reason for this plan. So just pipe down and let the tactician speak!" She said and sat down quickly, surprised at herself. Everybody was quiet. Salrin mouthed a silent thanks to her and she blushed.
"Yes, there is a reason for this plan. This is because the people I have chosen all use Legendary Weapons. And if we meet Nergal face to face, I can't risk losing one of you to his dark magic. Understood? Good. Now, may I please have the people I chose follow me?" Athos and the three lords followed him to his tent. "Alright, now here's what we're going to do… wait, where's Yvette?" He looked around, not finding the girl.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Rebecca couldn't wake her up, so she's still sleeping" Lyn said. Salrin smacked his forehead.
"Elimine give me patience… I'll be right back" He said and stormed away. The three lords just looked at each other. A few minutes later, Salrin came back with a very sleepy looking Yvette.
"Whatr'ye doing? S'too early…" She said and yawned. "I was having a nice dream about eating a lime…" Hector and Lyn looked at each other and then at Yvette.
"Concentrate, Yvette. We have a battle to win. All right, are you guys ready?" The lords nodded. "Good. Now remember- Don't engage Nergal if he has help. Got it? Good. Now, lets go!" Salrin beckoned them to the ancient structure that couldn't have possibly be built by humans.
"Stand back everyone! This is my fight!" Eliwood said, waving Durandal around violently and hitting Lowen off of his horse. "…sorry…" Lyn and Hector just sighed and said that they weren't leaving. Apparently, Nergal had friends. He made morphs that looked just like some Black Fang members. Nergal called them his "Lil' Dollies" and ordered them to attack while he warped… somewhere. Salrin left Yvette in charge of taking care of the Dollie form of Marquess Laus and another Random Dollie General. Salrin gave her a few tips that she planned to remember.
"Remember, trap them into the hallway. Then attack them from a distance with your Long Range units and you should be fine." His words echoed in her head. He had left in her command Erk, Bartre, Dorcas, Louise and Serra.
"Right! Ok! Lets go! Umm… I got it! Louise, stand in front of that big armor guy so he can't move!" Louise looked at her horridly. Having a defense rating of only 11, she would get slaughtered in one hit if the Dollie Marquess Laus hit her.
"I recommend against this…" Erk said apprehensively.
"Pshh. Why not? Seems like a good plan to me!" Serra said.
"Yeah! And besides, Salrin told me to block the hallway so the Dollie can't escape!"
"With Louise?" Erk was incredulous that the famed tactician could make such a stupid move.
"Well, he didn't exactly say to do it with Louise, but why not?"
"Tell me, what exactly does Louise have against that general! If she blocks that hallway, she can't attack it!" He said.
"Nu-uh, even though she can't attack the first one, she can beat up the second one!" Yvette stuck her tongue out at Erk.
"But what about the general in front? That thing could kill Louise in one hit!"
"That's where the axe boys come in! Axes beat lances, remember? So they attack from far away with Hand Axes! This plan is flawless!" She announced triumphantly.
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too Erky poo!"
"Is not you crackpot!"
"Is too Erky-pooloo!"
"Is not you… you… damn, you're good." Erk said, admitting defeat. Yvette smiled sweetly.
"Ok Louise, do your thing! Hey, axe-boys! Follow her, okies? If you need me, I'll be discussing facial products with Serra." She said and chatted away with Serra.
"You need your own Serra-Name! Everybody in the army has one! Since you like Limes so much, how about Lime?" Serra shrieked.
Erk, Dorcas, and Louise looked at each other and shrugged, deciding to put their faith in the tactician-in-training.
10 SECONDS LATER
Priscilla rushed over after hearing a distress call for a medic. She gasped when she saw Louise lying on the floor in a pool of blood with a General's Lance protruding from her neck.
"Hey, Erk, you better call Lord Pent…" Erk nodded. In a few seconds, Pent came over and collapsed to the floor.
"NOOOOOOOOOO! HOW COULD THIS BE! WHAT HAPPENED!"
"Well sir, it appears your wife is sick with a deadly disease. It's called the LanceStuckInTheNeck Syndrome." Erk said sarcastically
"NNNNOOOOOOHOOHOHOHO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! OH, WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME!"
Erk kept up his act. "Yeeeah!" He sobbed. "Why couldn't it have been you!" Pent then went with his wife away. Erk called over the tactician. "What's your plan now, oh brilliant one?"
"Shut it, Erk. Now that Louise is down, I guess I have no choice but to send Dorcas to block that general from escaping…"
"I suggest against that too…" Erk said.
"Why? Axes beats lance, remember?"
"Normally, yes, but right now he's equipped with an Swordslayer."
"Oh. Well, umm…"
"What is it?"
"What's a Swordslayer?"
Erk smacked his forehead. I'll kill you for this, Salrin. "It's a weapon that reverses the weapon triangle. So then, an axe beats a sword but it can be beaten by a lance."
"Oh. Well, why did he equip that?"
Dorcas then intervened. "Because of them." He pointed towards Dollie forms of Linus and Lloyd, who were heading towards them uncomfortably fast. Yvette gasped as they were surrounded by Dollie versions of Linus, Lloyd, Marquess Laus. And the random General. Then, her squad was beaten senseless.
LATER (A/N: I was tempted to say "Meanwhile, in Bikini Bottom…" XD)
"AAAH!"
"WHAT THE!"
"HELP!"
"I NEED A HEALER OF HERE!"
"OOWWW!"
"MY LEG!"
"MY SPLEEN!"
"MY HEAD!"
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"
"NOOO!"
"…"
Salrin was confident his plan would work, so he immersed himself into his War Novels. He was so distracted he didn't notice Kent come up to him urgently.
"Umm, Sir Salrin? This is very important."
"Mm. Right. Go ahead." Salrin said, obviously not really paying attention.
"I, uhh, have news from the battle."
"Right. It went well?" He said not even laying his eyes on Kent.
"Well, it was…"
"Good. Good."
"But then disaster struck."
"Ah. It worked that well huh."
"Well, no sir. Well it was a chain reaction. First, Louise was hurt gravely, which forced Pent out of action. Then Ursula and Jerme, who Pent was supposed to get rid of, surprise attacked our Archers and forced them back. This freed Uhai's men- err, morphs- and he formed a crescent moon with the Generals, who Louise was supposed to help take care of and trapped our soldiers against the wall. Athos then came to help, but the magic users he was supposed to take care of joined up with Dollie versions of Linus and Lloyd and pushed them into a tight position with the entire army. So, in one swift move, the effectively made a circle and cut our army to pieces." Kent said in one breath and started panting.
"Oh. That's great, that's great. Tell the army I'm proud of them. You are free to go, Kent."
"But sir, don't you want a damage report?"
"Kent, there's no need to flatter me. Just go on and party with the rest of the group."
Kent, horribly confused, just left the tactician to his business. Meanwhile, Salrin stretched his legs a little and drank some of his Lime Juice. Then his eyes shot open as the full impact of what Kent said set in.
"WHAAAAAT!"
The army was a mess. Various body parts were broken, burn wounds, freeze wounds, dark magic wounds, cuts, slashes, etc. It was just bad. Salrin walked among the ranks of the defeated army and felt it was his fault. He went to Yvette's squad in particular.
"Listen guys, I am SO sorry. I should have known that Yvette couldn't handle the last battle yet. Forgive me?" He looked pleadingly at the heavily bandaged team. They looked at him with disgust in their eyes.
Later that day, Erk finally got healed and was looking for Yvette so he could kill her. He found her by the beach, staring at the sunset. Before he could say a word, she spoke.
"Gosh, Erk, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you…" Erk couldn't believe his ears. Was she apologizing to him? "It's just… oh, I don't know… I'm a lousy tactician…" She said and she started sobbing. Erk didn't know what to do so he just let her cry into his chest.
"Well… I… D-don't worry, I'm sure Salrin is willing to help you through this… I'm sure he'll help…" He didn't want to hurt the girl more, so he just let her cry on and on.
To Be Continued…
SoS: laughing Hysterically Wow, I didn't even realize I created a perfect opportunity for Erk x Yvette until I was halfway done with that part! Woohoo!
Erk: …I can't believe you paired me up with your girlfriend…
SoS: still laughing It's just a fanfic, Erky. Oh yeah, if anybody wants to make a short appearance in this fanfic, then contact me. I don't check my email often enough anymore though, so AIM's your best bet. Or if you know me on Merlinus' Tent, you can find me there too. So, Tata! Viva la Erk x Yvette!
Erk: Oooh I'm going to get you…
SoS: Hehehe