Chapter Thirty Eight
The Past and Present

When Rachael awoke the next morning she discovered that Lily was still sleeping soundly in her bed. Taking a glance at the clock, she saw that it was nearly eleven. Figures… Lily's always been a late sleeper when she could be. Rachael raised herself out of bed, took some clothes out of her trunk, and went to take a shower. She knew a shower would help her wake up, as she hadn't gotten to sleep until five in the morning. There were visions of the funeral still fresh in her head and refusing to go away until sunrise, when she was finally able to rest easy. As she took her shower, she found herself vaguely annoyed at Mr. Evans for bringing the subject up, despite the fact that she knew she shouldn't be mad with him. She couldn't help it. She just hoped no one would bring it up again.

Once she was done with her shower and brushing her teeth, she packed up her old clothes in her trunk and took a seat on her cot, waiting for Lily to wake up. Thinking back on the funeral, which had only been the October before, she realised that she didn't really remember much from it, except that one part. She found it odd, though. She was sure she would remember everything from then, but perhaps her mind had chosen to block it out. It was strange that she remembered the next day so clearly. Sirius had asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him and how they had run into the last person they wanted to see. She couldn't even believe they had seen her. She was the last person they expected to come across.

She and Sirius were standing in front of the post office, after mailing a letter to Sirius's parents, as he was required to do every time he visited Hogsmeade. He didn't really understand why they made him do this. It was probably to make sure that he was not in a coma or dead. The two were now debating on whether to go to Zonko's or to the Three Broomsticks. Sirius couldn't decide on either and Rachael was indifferent to both choices, so she left him to battle it out. He was saying to himself how it was pretty cold out and he could definitely go for a butterbeer. On the other hand, he hadn't been in Zonko's for ages and he needed to restock on Dungbombs.

Rachael was about to tell Sirius that he could go to Zonko's first, spend a little while there, and then go to the Three Broomsticks and he would be happy, but something across the street caught her eye. What she saw made her immediately forgot about what she was going to tell him. Across the street, at the corner, was a middle-aged wizard, who looked as if he worked for the Ministry. He was closely guarding a pale woman who appeared as if she hadn't seen daylight for years. The woman looked remarkably like Rachael, her eyes especially. They were green ones, just like hers. How could it be? She didn't want to stick around long enough to find out how it was possible. She quickly grabbed Sirius's wrist and tried pulling him down the street, but it was too late.

"Come on, Mrs. Lupin," said the Ministry wizard, leading Rachael's mother across the street. "Say hullo."

Sirius looked at the man, confused for a mere second, before he realised who the man was with.

"Let's go," he said to Rachael, who was only too eager to comply. They didn't get the chance though, as the wizard headed them off as they tried to make a break for it.

"Rachael Lupin," said the wizard, looking down at her with a kind face sensing her nervousness and desire to run. "I am Mr. Charlie Gibbins. I work with the Ministry of Magic and have been in charge of your mother's case. As you can obviously tell, she has been let off house arrest."

"So I see," Rachael muttered bitterly, wanting desperately for the man to go away. "Um… is there any particular reason you're telling me this?"

"We think it would be a good idea for you and your mother to make amends and forget the past."

Rachael raised an eyebrow at the man. Forget the past? How could she forget the torture her mother put her through when she was younger? This Ministry wizard was in over his head if he thought he could make her forgive her mother.

"Look I've got to be somewhere soon, so I think I should just –" She made to leave but the man stopped her.

"Nonsense, I think you should just talk to your mother for a minute," he said in his most persuasive voice.

"Listen," Sirius said suddenly. "She said she has to be somewhere and you can see that she doesn't want anything to do with this woman after what she did to her."

Mr. Gibbins laughed and placed a hand on Mrs. Lupin's shoulder. "I assure you, Mrs. Lupin is harmless."

"Oh, yes," said Rachael, her voice becoming a little hysterical. "She's completely harmless! She only beat me when I was twelve… Yes, she's completely harmless."

"It was anger issues that have been solved. Two years of imprisonment in her house have made her see the errors of her ways."

"Actually, Mr. Gibbins, I think those anger issues have come back," said Mrs. Lupin, speaking for the first time. The three looked down at her and saw she was glaring at her daughter with a look of the utmost hatred. Rachael took a few cautious steps backwards, though her eyes never left her mother. "I really don't understand why you brought me here. As you can see, my daughter is just as much of a delinquent as she was three years ago."

"I'm not a delinquent! I never was! I never will be! What don't you understand about that? How thick is your skull?"

Mr. Gibbins clearly saw that something bad was going to happen, so he decided to step in. The only problem was that he made the situation worse. "Well, I can see that you two need to talk this over amongst yourselves," he said, quickly edging towards the door of the building behind him. "I'll be back soon." And before anyone could even react he bolted through the door.

For a minute, all the two did was glare at each other, neither one of them saying anything. After another moment, Mrs. Lupin boldly chanced speaking.

"I see you haven't changed much since the last time I saw you," she appraised. "You don't look as beat up, however."

"Yeah, well, that's because no one, other than you, has decided to beat the living daylights out of me," Rachael snarled. "I know you're disappointed that I don't have the bruises anymore. I know you would've LOVED to see them."

"Yes, I would have," Mrs. Lupin agreed, nodding her head vigorously. "I love to see the fruits of my labour." Rachael flinched slightly upon hearing this. How could a mother say that to her daughter? How could someone even think to say that they wanted to see their child in pain? It was one of the many things Rachael couldn't even bear to fathom about her mother. She wanted nothing more than to walk away at that very moment. Just as she was about to, her mother quickly struck her across the face. Smiling as she admired her handiwork, she said, "Maybe now I can see them."

Rachael didn't even say anything; she didn't want to give her mother the satisfaction of seeing her pain. Instead, she merely turned on her heels and walked up the street, without looking back. Sirius, on the other hand, did not follow her. He chose to stay and give Mrs. Lupin a piece of his mind.

"You remember me, don't you?" he asked pleasantly, though with a hint of resentment in his voice.

She studied him for a moment. Sirius had grown quite a bit since the last time she'd seen him. When she finally recognised him, a look of comprehension appeared on her face.

"You're that Sirius boy, aren't you?" she said, undoubtedly surprised. "Yes I do remember you. Are you going to tell me off again?"

"No, I'm not," he replied, shaking his head. "I'm just going to tell you that you have a daughter who's in mourning for her dead father, your husband by the way, and the way you're treating her is only making it worse. Now, I'm going to go and find her because I actually care about her." Sirius made to leave, but quickly stopped himself. "Oh, I forgot, go to hell please. Goodbye."

Rachael stood farther up the street, listening as Sirius told Mrs. Lupin off, even though he claimed he wasn't. Rubbing the side of her stinging face, she waited for him to catch up with her. She did not dare to go back near her mother. She couldn't believe the woman. Not for her own life could she understand what she did that made her mother hate her, and then to slap her right when she got off house arrest? Did she enjoy being locked up for years without any escape?

"I forgot how much I despised that woman," Sirius muttered angrily, as he joined Rachael in front of an old rotting fence.

She nodded absently. She hadn't forgotten how much she loathed her mother, but she did hate her just the same. The two decided it would be best if they forgot what had just taken place and set out for Zonko's.

"You okay?" Sirius asked as the anger in his voice dissipated.

"Yeah, I'm fine… as always," Rachael answered, trying to keep her voice light.

"Well hopefully that's the last we'll be seeing of your mother today…"

And it was the last that they had seen from her that day, and from every day on. She was glad about that too. She had actually been narrow minded enough to think her mother might see the error of her ways and say sorry. How could I have been so stupid? The day only grew stranger as it wore on. However, the strangeness was more to her liking than a meeting with her mother. She and Remus had returned to the castle to find an empty common room.

Rachael sat on the couch, draping her legs over the arm so that her head rested in the middle. Remus did the same on the other side. They had just returned from the hearing of their father's will. They were somewhat surprised to find an empty common room. They figured, however, that since it wasn't that late, maybe the Gryffindors were taking advantage of the remainder of their time in Hogsmeade. They did expect to see Sirius, Lily, James and Peter at the very least, but they were nowhere in the common room.

Rachael sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "Well… Dad's left us quite a bit," she said lazily, not caring in the least how much inheritance she was getting.

"Yeah," Remus agreed. "A good amount of galleons… Not that we really need it right now. We've got enough at Gringott's." He moved his hand to scratch the side of his neck, but decided against it. "You know, I really hate this," he spat.

"Same here," Rachael muttered. "But what can we do about it?"

"Nothing… But why us? That's what I want to know. Why us?"

"What d'you mean? Why we have to have a lunatic for a mother and then our father goes and dies on us?"

"Exactly! What did we ever do to deserve this? Having a mother who's been touched in the head so many times she's got a dent in it."

Rachael smiled slightly. "There's one way to put it. Look, can't we just forget about it for now? You know Dad wouldn't want us doing this to ourselves."

Remus sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, you're right. So… how was Hogsmeade?"

Rachael hesitated before answering, not sure if she wanted Remus to know who they had run into. In the end, she just said she had fun.

"Good," Remus answered, sounding pleased.

"You know, I found it a little strange that Sirius just wanted me to go with him. He loves going there with you guys, so you can stock up on all of your prank stuff. He had to drag me through Zonko's, instead."

Remus said nothing to this comment, which only made her feel as though he knew something she didn't. Curious, she questioned him about it. Remus said nothing again. He wasn't really sure how to say what he knew, and besides, he found pleasure in hearing his sister nag him. Eventually, he caved in and decided to answer her question.

"Well, you know Sirius really cares about you," he said vaguely.

Rachael rolled her eyes. He couldn't have been more obvious if he tried. She had known that ever since they became friends.

"Obviously," she snarled. "We're best friends, why wouldn't he?"

"No, I mean really cares about you."

"Like brother and sister, you mean?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Okay, Rachael, you're not this naïve. You've said best friend and sister. What else is there?"

Rachael thought for a minute, not quite sure what her brother was referring to. Her eyes widened slightly. She knew what he was talking about. Sitting up, she turned and looked over her brother.

"You're kidding, right?" she asked.

Remus smiled and shook his head. "He told me himself."

"Okay this is weird…I've always thought of Sirius as my best friend, third to you and Lily. How long ago did he tell you this?"

Remus looked up considerately for a mere moment before sitting up and turning to her.

"Oh, I've known for a long time," he replied, putting a particular emphasis on the word long. "And if you want my advice, I'd say you should go and talk to him."

Rachael nodded, sliding off the couch and glancing around the common room. She knew she would have to go and find him. The trouble was that she didn't know where he was. Her first place to look was the boys' dormitory. When she reached the top of the steps she peered through the doorway and found him sitting on his bed, reading a book. He didn't look up when she came into the room.

She stood in the entryway, feeling slightly awkward, as she had hardly ever been in the boys' dormitory. The most she had ever been in there was to check her brother's calendar or to retrieve an item one of the boys had borrowed from her. Looking around and realising Sirius was far too immersed in the book to look up, she took the liberty of knocking on the door. He snapped the book closed on his finger and looked over, smiling when he saw whom it was.

"Look who it is," he mumbled, placing his bookmark in the book and setting it down on the foot of his bed. "How's it going?" he asked, hopping off his bed and walking towards her.

She shrugged.

"Okay, I guess," she replied halfheartedly. Truthfully, she was still confused about what her brother had just told her and of course there was her father…

He nodded and walked around the room as if looking for something.

"You need anything?" he asked from over his shoulder.

"Remus was just telling me something kind of interesting," she said quickly, taking the plunge before she chickened out.

He nodded, stooping down next to his nightstand and opening the drawer. He shuffled through the various items inside, before shutting it and turning to face her. "What was it?"

"About why you went to Hogsmeade with just me."

Unless her eyes were cheating her, Rachael could have sworn she saw Sirius's face turn slightly red. When he spoke his voice was a little strained. "Oh… and what did Remus say?"

"Well… because… you really… care about me… more than a friend, as he put it."

"Well… you're my friend, I do care about you. I guess Remus is right."

"He said he heard it from you, so wouldn't he be right?"

"Not unless he purposely heard wrong."

Rachael shook her head slightly and raised her eyebrow. "So, Remus is lying?" she questioned.

Sirius shook his head quickly before she misunderstood him more than she did. "No," he said, still shaking his head. "No, he's not lying at all. What he said is true. Really true."

Rachael looked at him. She wasn't quite sure what to say after that. "You know, we've been best friends since first year, this is kind of awkward."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and laughed a little. "You're telling me." He sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Look, I don't know why Remus brought this up now of all times… I'm not trying to take advantage of you or anything because you're still upset about your dad. I'm just letting you know that I'm always here for you."

"I know you are. You don't have to remind me."

Sirius stood up from his spot at the nightstand and walked over to her. "I know I don't have to remind you," he said. "I just keep feeling like I have to remind myself for some reason."

He wavered for a minute, thinking to himself that it was now or never. Using every gut and nerve he had, he put his arm around her waist and his hand under her chin. He slowly pulled her close to him, kissing her gently on the lips. Shocked though she was, Rachael didn't object. She seemed to be blissfully unaware of anything else, until she found herself embarrassed to hear a round of cheers coming from the doorway. She and Sirius broke apart and turned to see James, Remus and Peter's heads sticking into the room, all three of them cheering Sirius on.

"Go Sirius!" James said, clapping his hands until Peter hit him over the head.

Sirius looked over at them and raised his eyebrow pointedly. It took James a few minutes to process what his friend was telling him and, in result, Remus and Peter had to drag him back down to the common room. Sirius listened as their footsteps quickly died away and turned back to Rachael, whose face was now a dangerous shade of red.

"They're crazy, aren't they?" he asked. She nodded wholeheartedly. He shook his head as he thought about their ovation, but ended up shaking the thought right out of his mind. Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand through her hair and whispered (so as to not make the three return),

"I love you."

Rachael looked around, finding her eyes slightly out of focus and wistful as she dwelled on this memory. She shook her head and realised that she was alone in the room. Lily had apparently gone upstairs, as she didn't hear the shower running. She slowly got out off her bed and took a glance out the window to see a freshly fallen layer of snow. That was good. The two of them would have something to do that day rather than just staying in the house.

Yawning and rubbing her head, Rachael ascended the stairs and entered the kitchen to see a fully dressed Lily eating lunch. Mrs. Evans was busy reading the newspaper, while Mr. Evans and Petunia were nowhere to be seen.

"Good morning," said a pleasant Lily upon noticing her friend.

Rachael smiled drowsily and took a seat at the table.

"Morning," she replied.

Lily swallowed her bite of sandwich and leaned back in her chair for a second before saying, "I saw you were up before, but you looked like you might nod off again, so I left you."

"Nah, you should've woke me up. I was having a bad… daydream I guess you can call it."

"What about?"

"Nothing… just stuff." Rachael jerked her head slightly towards Mrs. Evans and Lily immediately got the message. This was one subject she didn't want to bring up in front of her mother. Rachael twiddled with her thumbs, thinking about something she wanted to do for a while, and now she had the chance. She wasn't very far from the orphanage and she had a strange desire to go visit Ms. Marshall and Becky. That is, if Becky was still there and they hadn't gotten rid of Ms. Marshall. The first few weeks after she'd left the orphanage, she wrote to Becky and promised she would visit. She just never got around to it.

The only problem was that she wasn't able to ask Mrs. Evans if she could go without getting questions she couldn't answer in return. So, she turned to Lily instead. "Lily?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we could go somewhere this week? You know, somewhere I haven't been in a long time…"

Lily looked at her friend, confused for a minute before realising what she was alluding to and nodded in response. She would be able to take her friend to the orphanage on Thursday at the latest, but for today - "Come on, I know what we can do."

"I can't believe you never went sledding before!" Lily shouted as she dragged her friend up a snowy hillside.

Rachael panted and glared up at her friend, getting somewhat annoyed at Lily's disbelief. It did seem very possible to her for a person to have never gone sledding. "Yeah, well, I never got around to it! Give me a break," she defended, feeling her headache come back as she climbed the last few feet to the top.

Lily didn't say anything; however, she just shook her head and dropped the sled down in the snow. "Now, even though you've never been sledding, tell me you at least know what to do?"

"Of course I do, I'm not an idiot."

"Then you go first."

Rachael backed up and quickly shook her head. She did not feel like going down a steep hill on nothing more than a long piece of wood.

"No, that's all right, you go first," she offered, moving over to the log behind her. "I'll watch."

"You sure? Well, okay, then."

Rachael rested on the log while Lily jumped down on the sled and went down the hill alarmingly fast, going straight towards a grove of trees. Rachael made to stand up, in case she needed to go pull Lily away from them, but Lily stopped the sled in time and dragged it back up for another ride. Lily was quite a sight to watch. Every time she went down the hill she would emit a high-pitched shriek of delight, which she masked as a shriek of terror just to scare her friend. It did work the first couple of times she did it, but it lost its affect after the tenth time.

Rachael wished she could join Lily in her fun, but her headache was preventing her from doing much else except sitting on a log and watching. Even though she was having fun, she felt a little bored. She chose to go on the next ride when Lily offered it to her. But Lily was taking her time getting up the hill and it looked like she would be waiting some time before she got her chance. Shivering slightly as the winds increased, Rachael sat down on the log and watched lazily as snow began drifting towards the earth. She was actually glad Lily had suggested going sledding for the day; it helped her take her mind off things that had plagued her thoughts the night before.

She laughed when she saw Lily's head begin to emerge from the bottom of the hill, only to vanish quickly as the sled slid back down the hill. She heard Lily's surprised cry and went over to see if she was okay. Lily was all right, though she was covered in a mound of snow and was cursing under her breath.

"It's cold!" she cried when she spotted her friend.

"It's snow. What do you expect?"

Lily shook her head and carefully pulled the sled back up the hill and handed it over to Rachael. "Now, you remember what to do?" Lily asked, suddenly adopting the voice of a drill sergeant. "You slowly lean over the front and gently let yourself go. Now, if you think you're going to crash into the tree you –"

"Lily! I know what to do."

Rachael leaned forward on the sled and let herself go down the snowy slope, feeling the excitement as the snow whipped across her face as she caught more and more speed. As she sped down the hill, she realised she was stupid for declining the offer to go first. This was how she wanted to spend the rest of her winter days, speeding down a hill and able to forget all of her troubles. She could let the billowing wind wipe them all away as she got closer and closer to the grove of trees.

However, as soon as she spotted the trees her headache came back in full force, taking her completely by surprise. Closing her eyes and holding her hand up to her head for a minute to try and suppress the pain, she wasn't able to stop the sled in time and the bow of the sled hit the tree trunk with full force and sent her smacking up against it. Sparks shooting in her eyes, she was knocked unconscious the very second her forehead hit the tree trunk. She fell backwards, half her body on the sled, the other half in the snow, not moving an inch.

The second Lily saw Rachael lose control of the sled, she burst out laughing. She thought the entire act was a joke, as Rachael had cut her explanation of stopping short. She continued laughing, until she saw the sled bang against the tree. Then her laughter turned to a gasp when she saw Rachael fall backwards and stay in that position. She ran down the hill and dropped down next to the unconscious form of her friend and gently shook her in hopes that she would wake up. On Rachael's forehead was a large cut from the bark and it was slowly beginning to seep blood and a large bruise surrounded the cut and her nose was bleeding a bit.

Shaking her even more, she said, "Come on, this isn't funny! Wake up!"

But Rachael didn't respond to the movement. Her head merely lolled from side to side and she stayed unresponsive while Lily looked around for help. The area of the park they were in was one that was rarely visited and she doubted a person would walk by for a good half hour. By then she wasn't sure if Rachael would still be okay. Squinting into the clearing, she saw the faint outline of a portly figure that was taking a stroll around the edge of the trees. Squinting harder, she was able to recognise the figure as Vernon Dursley's (Petunia's boyfriend) sister, Marge.

"Just my luck," she whispered bitterly. If Marge was the only person left on Earth Lily still wouldn't chance leaving her best friend with her. But there was no one else around. She had no other choice. "Marge!" she called out. The figure of Marge stopped and looked around for the source of the voice. She looked through the trees and saw Lily waving at her. "I need help! Please!"

Marge hesitated for a moment before reluctantly approaching Lily with a questioning look.

"What do you want?" she snarled.

"She hit her head on the tree," Lily explained, gesturing down to Rachael. "I need to get to my house to call an ambulance and I can't leave her here by herself. Just watch her until I get back. Please?"

"Fine, but hurry! I've got places to be."

Lily didn't waste any time getting from the park to her house. Sprinting faster than she had ever sprinted before, Lily ran through the front door of her house in a matter of three minutes and saw her mum and dad in the kitchen. Her mum looked up, bewildered when she saw Lily out of breath and an intensely worried look in her eyes.

"Lily?" she asked, utterly perplexed. "What's wrong?"

"Rachael… we were sledding… she hit a tree! She's not moving and we need an ambulance!"

Mrs. Evans stood up and went for the phone straightaway, while Mr. Evans asked his daughter who she had left her with.

"Marge is with her," Lily answered quickly, wanting her mum to hurry up on the phone.

Mr. Evans gave his daughter a sceptical look and led Lily out of the front door, grabbing his coat and hat in the process. "She would've been better off by herself."

The ambulance ride was a quick one, as there was no traffic at all with the growing weather conditions. Even if there had been traffic the ambulance was able to manoeuver its way through. The Evans followed close by in their station wagon, all of them nervous and anxious about what damage had been inflicted upon Rachael. The doctors didn't think it was anything too serious, from what they could see from running some tests in the ambulance. They just needed to make sure they were right.

The ambulance skidded to a halt in the Emergency Room entrance, while the Evans pulled their car into the main parking lot and went to the waiting room as instructed. Mr. Evans went over to the front desk while Lily and Mrs. Evans took a seat behind an aquarium full of tropical fish. Lily sunk back in her seat, looking around the waiting room apprehensively. She hoped the doctors were right when they said no serious damage had been caused. From watching Rachael crash into the tree, it looked as though severe harm could have been imposed.

She waited patiently for her dad to finish filling out some papers the receptionist had given him. She waited even more patiently for the doctors to come out. Her dad did wander over eventually, looking a bit disconcerted, however, when he sat down next to his wife. Lily looked at him curiously, wondering what was making him look like that. As if reading his daughter's mind, Mr. Evans merely said,

"I'm just worried. What if her mother takes this the wrong way and says we weren't responsible with her daughter?"

Lily shook her head slowly, hating herself for doing it, but knowing that if anyone would understand this, it would be her parents. Mr. Evans nodded at Lily, signaling for her to explain.

"Her mum would be happy if she found out Rachael got hurt." Mr. and Mrs. Evans exchanged perplexed glances. The both of them were thinking the same thing - why would her mother be happy? What parent could possibly be elated at the news of their child being injured and in the hospital? "Her mum doesn't like her very much," Lily explained. "She blamed Rachael for an accident she and her brother were in when they were eight and she disowned her. She's taken her anger out on her at least once. If you told her that she was in the hospital, she would think you two are gods or something."

Mr. and Mrs. Evans were shocked upon hearing this. How could a mother disown her child and take her anger out on her, as well? It was unreal to them. They were two people who had always tried to be kind to their children. This news quickly eliminated Mrs. Evans plan of calling Mrs. Lupin in Romania (where they now strongly doubted she was) and telling her what had happened. Lily would probably be right and she would most likely congratulate them. The very thought sickened the both of them.

An hour later, after several tests and x-rays, the doors to the emergency room opened and Rachael came out, quickly followed by one of the doctors from the ambulance. Rachael had been supplied with an icepack and was holding it against her forehead, all the while closing her eyes in pain. The doctor led her over to where the Evans were sitting and moved a stack of magazines over so she could sit down.

"She seems to be alright," the doctor said, a tone of relief evident in his voice. "She will be experiencing some strong headaches for the next few days, but nothing too serious. And she will have to come back for another checkup to see if she's recovered. Other than that, she can leave whenever you're ready to go."

"Thank you, sir," said Mrs. Evans as the doctor retreated back through the emergency room doors. Lily got up from her seat and went to sit down next to Rachael, wanting to tell her what she had told her parents an hour before. But she never got the chance, as her parents had taken the job right out of her hands.

"Rachael," said Mr. Evans unhurriedly and cautiously. "Lily told us something while you were in the emergency room." Rachael nodded her head to let him know she was listening and he could continue. "We were planning on informing your mother about this… But, from what Lily told us, it seems like that would do no good."

Rachael raised an eyebrow at her friend. She told them? "She told you what my mum did to me?" she asked quietly. "That she disowned me?"

"Yes," replied Mrs. Evans. "But, if you don't mind us asking, what did you do?"

"It's nothing I'm at liberty to tell. It's my brother's business, not mine."

"Well," disrupted Lily, wanting this conversation to end before they got into it any further. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, just a really bad headache."

"Well, when we get home you can take a nap. It'll make your head feel better," Mrs. Evans offered. "Now, let's leave. Hospitals aren't the best of places to be."

Mrs. Evans idea of taking a nap did have a positive effect on the searing pains in Rachael's head. Her head still throbbed, but a mite less than it had at the hospital. The moment she walked to the front door, she hurried to the basement and fell right to sleep on her cot. Lily, on the other hand, stayed awake to think the day over. She wondered if she had done the right thing by telling her parents what she had told them. She wasn't in any position to disclose that information. But what else could she have done? Her dad was frightened that Mrs. Lupin would take legal action if she found out what happened. Lily needed to tell him there wasn't anything to worry about, and she needed to back that up with a reason.

She had talked it over with her mother once she was sure Rachael was asleep. Mrs. Evans agreed with her. She thought that they needed to know what was going on. They were getting a little suspicious, since Rachael was so distant when she explained where her mother was. If she hadn't told them, they would have kept wondering and would have gotten nowhere. She knew that Rachael might be upset about it for a little, but, in the end, she would thank her friend for telling. There were only so many people who could know, and now they were two of them.

So, Lily didn't feel too guilty anymore. Though she still didn't feel completely innocent, especially after she told her mum where Rachael wanted to visit. Rachael wanted to visit the orphanage she had lived in, which was why she didn't ask Mrs. and Mr. Evans. Mrs. Evans agreed to visit the orphanage the next day when Rachael was feeling a little better. Although, she did have a little trouble comprehending as to why she would want to visit there again.

"Did you ever have one of those dreams where things keep repeating themselves?" Lily and Mrs. Evans looked around and saw Rachael coming into the kitchen. They both nodded at her question. "I kept dreaming that I was crashing into a tree… made me feel better though."

Lily laughed and gestured to a seat at the table, which Rachael gratefully took. Lily took a seat beside her and said, "Tomorrow you can visit the orphanage if you want. My mum said it was alright."

"Okay… yeah, I'll go tomorrow." She laughed slightly and added, "It'll probably scare the daylights out of Ms. Marshall to see me though."

Mr. Evans stopped the old station wagon right in front of an aged, white, three-story building. Rachael hadn't seen it for three years and at first glance she saw nothing about its presence had changed, on the outside at least. She only wondered what changes could have taken place inside while she was gone. Stepping out of the car, she looked at the railing with the chipped paint in the front of the building. She distinctly remembered the last day she had lived here, when she was sitting on it waited for the cab to take her to the train station. Ms. Marshall had told her their doors were always open to her. This seemed as good a time as any to take her up on that offer.

Mr. Evans said he would come back in an hour and a half for her, to give her some time to look around and talk with old friends. Rachael nodded and thanked him for the ride. She waited until his car was safely around the corner of the street before walking up to the front door and ringing the bell. Tapping her foot patiently, the door opened only two minutes after she had rung. Standing in the doorway, was an aged woman with a kind face. It was one of the first faces she had met seven years ago, when her father left her here with Mrs. Ramben. She was standing face to face with none other than Ms. Marshall, her old "personal instructor."

"Ms. Marshall?" she asked uncertainly, not sure if she would remember her.

The old woman looked at her for a moment, as though she was trying to place her. When she realised who was standing in the doorway, her face broke into a small grin. "Rachael Lupin?" she replied disbelievingly. She had never expected her to come back once she left.

"Yes?" She was beginning to get uncomfortable with the one to two word answers.

"What brings you here?"

"Well, I was in the area… I'm staying at my friend's house for the holidays and I thought I'd come here to visit."

Ms. Marshall smiled and stepped aside for Rachael to come in. "I guess you took me up on the offer that our doors were always open for you," Ms. Marshall said cheerfully.

Rachael nodded, happy and surprised to see Ms. Marshall in such a good mood. When she had lived at the orphanage, it was extremely rare for this ever to happen. Ms. Marshall led her through the familiar common room and down the corridor that led to the room she had once shared with Becky Beckham. She wondered how much the room changed since she left it. She only remembered it to have bunk beds and yellow walls. She doubted Becky would've rearranged it much.

They stopped at Room 35 and Ms. Marshall knocked on the door. From inside the room they could hear the voice of Becky say, "Who's there?" Ms. Marshall responded, saying that she had a surprise for her. This got Becky's attention and the door flew open within seconds. Standing in the doorway was a blonde haired, blue-eyed girl of fifteen, who hadn't changed much from her twelve year old self. When she stepped backwards into her room, she saw Rachael and her eyes lit up.

"Rachael Lupin?" she said in the same tone Ms. Marshall had used.

Rachael nodded and joking said in the same voice, "Becky Beckham?"

Becky laughed shortly and stepped aside so Rachael could walk in. After being away from this room for three years and having the girls' dormitory for a home, she found it wasn't much different than it had been. The walls were still yellow. She could see through the space in the door that the closet was still full to capacity. The only thing that seemed to have changed was there was a single bed instead of bunk beds. Ms. Marshall left the room, saying she had to talk to Ms. Ramben about important matters, and left the girls to themselves.

"So," said Becky, sitting down on her bed. "How've you been?"

"Pretty good," Rachael answered, leaning against the wall. "Spending the holidays with my friend from school. Are you doing anything for Christmas?"

Becky nodded, somewhat enthusiastically.

"Ms. Ramben decided to get all the older kids tickets to see A Christmas Carol at the theatre. So, I'm going to go."

"Sounds fun. I'd rather be at the theatre than at my friend's house with a sore head for days on end." Becky raised an eyebrow, signaling she didn't know what her former roommate was talking about. "I've learnt that sledding, trees, and I aren't that great of friends," she explained carelessly, gesturing to the cut on her forehead. "Went sledding yesterday and let's say a certain tree trunk and I got to know each other better."

Becky laughed slightly and took a look around the room.

"Are you, Brenda, and Brandy getting along any better? Or are they still as stuck as they were three years ago?"

"They've gotten worse if you can believe it," Becky grimaced, suddenly looking bitter. This expression gave Rachael the impression that something bad had happened between the three of them. Their relationship hadn't been the greatest when she left, but it hadn't been so bad that it would bring that kind of appearance on Becky. Faintly inquisitive, she almost asked if anything had happened, but she restrained herself. She didn't want to go prying around in someone else's business, especially if it involved a fight with someone who was your good friend.

Becky, however, wasn't the least bit hesitant in disclosing this information. She explained it in little detail how Brenda and Brandy started making up nasty rumors about Becky with no reason to do it and they were circulated around the entire orphanage. The rumors were so nasty that the entire orphanage made fun of her for three weeks and therefore ended the friendship that was once known as The Three B's. Rachael wasn't the least bit shocked that those two would have done something like that. They were always capable of it. It was only a matter of time before they would actually execute it. What did surprise her was that they did it to Becky. Becky was their leader, their role model and for them to do that to her was definitely astonishing.

"Well, friends do tend to do that you," Rachael added, thinking of Sirius and what he did to her. But, shaking the thought out of her mind, she continued listening to Becky's tale of how she hadn't seen them for weeks and how they were supposedly adopted. Rachael found that extremely hard to believe, considering the circumstances. First of all, no one who ever visited the orphanage adopted someone over five. Brenda and Brandy were well over five. Second of all, why would any adopt them in the first place? A person looking for a child would want someone sweet and lovable, not two girls who were self absorbed and nasty.

"Those are only rumors, right?" Rachael asked concernedly. "I mean… no one in their right mind would subject themselves to that kind of torture. Here you can get away from them, but at your house there's no escape."

"I hope they're only rumors," Becky agreed. "But I think they're true, since I haven't seen them in ages and at school they've been marked absent for a lot of days."

Rachael shook her head disgustedly. What human with a functioning brain would do that to himself? That's madness.

The two spent the rest of the hour talking over the past three years and how each other had spent them. Rachael told her how she and her brother were living at their school with the Headmaster over the break. Becky didn't understand how someone could actually stay at school all year round on their own free will, but Rachael said it was better than most people thought it would be. Rachael learned that the important matters that Ms. Marshall had mentioned were actually plans to stop the orphanage from closing. With all of the orphans getting older than the normal adopting age and no new ones coming in, they were running out of money to keep the building open.

If the building did close that meant that everyone who wasn't old enough to live on their own (which meant they weren't eighteen or older) would be sent to foster homes until they could find a job for themselves and a home. Becky would be one of the orphans that got sent to a foster home. As she was only fifteen, she had no means of getting a job to support herself. If the orphanage closed that meant all of the administration would be out of work, and Ms. Marshall was too old to enter a regular job, she was nearing the retirement age. Everyone would be at a loss as to what to do with their lives if the building closed.

"You're lucky you left when you did," Becky said sullenly. "All the problems started a little while after that. The money just started disappearing as people became less interested in us."

"No one wants to adopt someone just because of their age?" Rachael asked angrily, even though she knew that was the top reason why no one was getting adopted. "That's ridiculous. People should be grateful that they wouldn't have to raise them from infancy."

"Well, that's just the thing," Becky said quickly. "People want to raise an orphan from birth or a young age because then it wouldn't be so difficult. They figure we'll be rebellious if they don't." Becky sighed and shook her head. "It's really stupid, but that's the way it goes and we've all learned to accept it."

"You shouldn't accept it if that's what's going to happen. You should put up a fight or something. Why go to a foster home without a fight?"

"Well, I wish Ms. Ramben had your attitude. She's just letting it all happen. She doesn't care how many kids go somewhere they don't want to be and how many people she puts out of work. She just cares that she's getting a nice profit."

"Then she's even worse than the people who are buying this place."

Mr. Evans came, as he said, an hour and a half after he dropped her off and brought her back to the Evans' house. The car ride back was a very quiet one, as Mr. Evans still felt a little guilty about his topic of conversation at dinner two nights ago. Rachael was too busy ruminating over what she and Becky had discussed. She just couldn't believe the orphanage was going to be sold and everyone there was going to be sent to different places, probably never to see each other again. She had never really liked Ms. Ramben. But she had always respected her for being able to open an institution for kids with no place to go when their parents died or just didn't want them. Now she had about as much respect for her as she did for her own mother, and that meant it was nonexistent.

She was disgusted at the people more than she was at the orphanage administration. She was disgusted that people would refuse to take on a child just because of their age. This child could be well-behaved, intelligent, funny and sweet, but just because they were over five they could no longer have a home. It just wasn't fair and, even though she knew a lot of things weren't fair, she just didn't think people could actually do such things. It sickened her.

They pulled into the driveway, where she saw that Lily was sitting on the porch, lazily flipping some rocks into a rose bush across from her. Lily looked up when she heard the car engine and smiled, dismissing her rock throwing activity.

"How was your visit?" she asked her friend inquiringly.

"Oh… it was fine… They remembered me; I remembered them, nothing too spectacular."

"You sure? You sound like something bad happened."

"No, nothing bad happened. It's an orphanage, what bad thing could possibly happen. You know, I think I'm going to go sit down for a while, my head hurts again." And before Lily could stop her, she raced up the steps and down to Lily's room.

On Christmas morning Rachael was awakened to the sound of Lily singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" in a loud and purposely annoying voice. She was letting all the high notes screech high enough to shatter glass. This was her idea of a wakeup call on a holiday, acting like an eager five year old that couldn't wait until nine o' clock to open her gifts. Rachael snatched her pillow and held it tightly over her head in hopes that it would block out the sound. To her misfortune, however, Lily merely ripped the pillow up and sang even louder in her ear.

"I give up!" Rachael yelled, pulling her sheet up and waving the white flag of surrender. "Just spare me a hearing aid!" Lily laughed triumphantly and pulled the sheets off her friend and proceeded to drag her up the stairs. "Jeez! Are you always like this on Christmas?"

"Of course I am!" Lily said, taking her friend's question as an insult.

Rachael rolled her eyes and continued to be dragged up the stairs, stumbling over nearly all of them, as Lily was moving at the quickest speed she could. Rachael didn't understand why she was so eager to get up there; it wasn't like the presents were going anywhere. Then again, this was Lily, the girl who was always excited to get something – whatever it may be.

Finally reaching the top of the stairs, only after Rachael tripped and brought Lily down with her, they reached the living room and saw a large pile of colourfully wrapped gifts under the brightly lit Christmas tree. Mr. and Mrs. Evans, along with Petunia, were already sitting in the living room, obviously having been woken up by Lily's inhuman singing. They gave her a glare as she walked by, but quickly forgot about their alarm and began passing out presents.

Rachael enjoyed watching them open their gifts, as Lily made a huge fuss every time she got something she really wanted or she was surprised by it. She didn't know whether she always did that, or if she was just doing that to act stupid, either way it was funny. She was surprised to see that she had gotten presents as well. She didn't think that she would, since she wasn't at Hogwarts like she always was. But all of her friend's owls had managed to find her and she found that she had a decent pile of presents in front of her. James's owl had brought her two presents, one from James and one from Remus. Peter had managed to find an unfamiliar owl and sent something. Lily's owl didn't need to go anywhere at all to deliver the gift.

Christmas at the Evans' house was much different from Hogwarts, and by different that meant celebrated at a much larger scale. They had relatives from both sides of the family, friends from the neighbourhood, tons and tons of food, a truckload of gifts, and loud holiday music. It was a marvel that so many people and things could fit in the house at once. Rachael and Lily spent most of their time with Lily's cousin, Marie, who was older than them by a year, but proved to be just as childish as Lily was.

Christmas dinner was even better than the House Elves'. Mrs. Evans made every food imaginable, which was a lot in comparison to how much the relatives brought. Rachael and Lily were beside themselves and managed to eat three helpings of everything, even the stuff they didn't like. This must be what Christmas in the house does to you.

Time for the end of the break came too quickly for Rachael's liking. She had grown fond of staying at the Evans' and didn't want to go back to her humdrum life at school. Reluctantly, she packed up her bags on the last night of the break and, even more reluctantly, dragged them down the stairs when they had to go catch the train. They were nearly late on their arrival at King's Cross, but managed to get to the train just as it was pulling out of the platform.

They walked down the train for about five minutes before they discovered Remus, James and Peter in a compartment, discussing their breaks. They sat with them and immediately joined in the conversation. They listened to James and Remus as they unraveled their tale of Christmas dinner mischief. James and Remus were feeling a little restless and decided to stir up some trouble, which meant that the entire dining room was filled with the frogspawn they had gotten at Zonko's Joke Shop. Everyone was startled for a minute before they saw James and Remus looking through the doorway in the hall. Mrs. Potter shook her head and took away the two plates she out for them, which caused an uproar on the boys' part. They did get their dinner back, only after they had to chase down every frog that escaped the dining room.

Lily and Rachael didn't go into too much detail about their Christmas, as there wasn't anything as spectacular as rabid frogs. They did mention things that were worth mentioning, such as the tree. They spent the rest of their train ride playing Exploding Snap, which of course Remus won. They didn't have the faintest idea of why they played it. They just assumed they liked to see themselves lose.

The Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogsmeade station just as the sun was setting and casting its pinkish glow over the sky. Lily and Rachael got out and hurried to get their things to avoid the rush of students who were taking their time and clogging up the platform. They found their trunks under a gigantic pile of Slytherin trunks and pulled them out, not being too careful at keeping the Slytherin trunks in place. On their way back to the castle, they saw out of the corner of their eyes Sirius and Marilyn talking. Rachael slowed her pace and observed them inconspicuously, so they wouldn't be able to accuse her of spying. She fixed her attention on the tree above them, already with the excuse that she was watching the bird on it. She listened carefully, trying to catch as much of the conversation as possible. Except what she heard she wasn't sure if she should take as good news or bad news.

"I feel really bad about what I did," said Sirius in his most sincere voice.

Marilyn merely scoffed at his words. "Why should you feel bad? It wasn't like she had a right to get all upset at you. Did she ever say you couldn't see someone else?" she questioned harshly, her eyes flaming somewhat.

"Well, no… she never said that, and since she didn't say that… I really didn't do anything wrong, technically."

"That's right, technically."

"But what about you and Remus? Do you realise how bad you made him feel?"

"Not as bad as you made her feel, I bet."

"Still… He's not mad anymore I don't think. But if you apologise to him, I'll apologise to her."

Marilyn didn't say anything. She simply nodded her head and walked off with no intentions of doing as she was told. Sirius watched her leave and looked around for any signs of Rachael, who quickly vacated the scene once their conversation was over. She and Lily hurried through the large double doors and up to Gryffindor Tower, eager to dispose of their trunks in the dormitory.

A few minutes after, Rachael went down into the empty common room, leaving Lily to finish some homework. Once she got to the bottom step, she discovered that the common room wasn't completely empty. It held just a single occupant, who was watching her from the couch. Sirius was sitting on the couch, looking at her expectantly, thinking she was going to say something to him. She wouldn't, though; she turned on her heel and attempted to run back upstairs.

"Please, don't go upstairs," he said, just loud enough for her to hear. She hesitated for a moment, but still kept moving. "Please, I want to talk to you."

She was considering going back upstairs, but Sirius actually sounded desperate, and it was only on rare occasions that he sounded like that. Sighing in defeat, she retreated from the steps and took a seat on one of the armchairs.

"What about?" she asked dully, pretending she didn't already know.

"About what happened before the holiday. I feel really bad about what I did."

"You should feel bad."

"Look, I know what I did was stupid and –"

"What you did was incredibly stupid."

"Will you stop interrupting me?"

"No. Everything you're saying right now is what I told you then. Why would you just go and kiss her? Of all people, it had to be her, the girl I can't stand and the girl who was going out with Remus, who, by the way, isn't really over that."

Sirius groaned in frustration. Why wasn't she listening to him? Why was she being so stubborn that she refused to listen to his explanation, which he intended to turn into an apology? He wanted to apologise ever since he did it. He hadn't been able to think up something to say. And now that he had something to say, she wouldn't listen to him. He had thought she would listen.

"Why are you being so darn stubborn?" he burst out, not meaning to say that.

"I'm being stubborn because you're probably apologising just to get it out of your head. You probably don't mean it!"

This made him mad.

"What are you talking about? How could you say that I'm apologising but don't really mean it? I'm not that shallow! I'm saying I'm sorry because I mean it and I care about you almost as much as I care about my best friend! And you know me and James, which means I care about you a lot! I don't understand what you're not getting. Isn't sorry enough? I am really, truly, deeply sorry about what I did and I would never do it again!"

"To coin a cliché, how do I know you're not going to do it again? You could if you wanted to so how do I know you won't? You made me feel horrible. You, of all people, made me feel like absolutely nothing. How do I know you won't do that again?"

"You want to know why I won't do it again?"

She nodded, glaring dangerously at him. Sirius put an arm around her neck and kissed her. He pulled away from her and in the most heartfelt voice he could, he said,

"I wouldn't do it again because I love you, Rachael Lupin, and that's all there is to it."