Chapter Fifteen: Confession
This was a very, very hard chapter to write...I'm sorry it took so long...
kuroi-sakurapetals: No! Feel sorry for Seto! Please! (cries) And hey, he's got serious serious problems. You know what they say: You hurt the ones you love most. Or something like that.
BobGod: Yes! I'm dastardly! (poses) You hope Yutou contracts an STD and leprosy? And then falls off a cliff? o.O And then is steamrolled? Yeah, that might be a little hard to make plausible. Maybe. (sighs) Am I the only one who actually likes Yutou? He's just such a jerk...yeah...I'm insane...
Nikyo: Don't kill my bunnies! Without them, there's no story! WAAAAH!
setokaibawheeler: (pokes) Hah, you speak like Jou! And here's your update. Wai!
The Summer Stars: Uh...I think being hospitalized is a good excuse for not reviewing. Are you okay now? (is concerned) Oooh, and I'm glad you like Mokuba and Otogi...they're in this chapter, too. You know, I never really thought much about them being together, but I think I'm actually the only person who has them as a pairing. I've never seen them together before...
chittyco: Bery sad? Is that like "very"? (I'm just kidding. I spell badly too.)
Firey Charizard: One of the best fics you've read all year? Oh, I really am going to cry...I love you! (glomps)
kiokukaiba: You stayed up until four reading this? (cries) Waaah, I love my reviewers...oh, and the reason that I didn't rate it R was because there's really only two inappropriate scenes in fifteen chapters, and they weren't very graphic at all. That, and I didn't want to lose my readers...
mandapandabug: No, I like your runon sentences. They make me smile. And I like your ramblings. I'm sorry if I seemed snappish...it's hard to convey vocal inflections through writing, y'know? (huggles)
Rosalyn Angel: Thank you for actually liking Yutou! Thank youuuu! Fun and sickening and sad? I try, love. I try.
Saffron-Starlight: Does Yutou die? (does Xelloss impression) Now that is a secret.
PyroKittyKat: Thanks!
Lynx-chan: Yes, ma'am!
Ototou-chan—little brother
They had tried their hardest to cheer him up, but nothing was working. Movies, food, shopping, video games...Yuugi had even brushed off his old deck and challenged Jou to a game of Duel Monsters, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of the morose blonde. Jou had only stared at him before shaking his head slowly, and collapsing on Yuugi's couch.
It was discouraging, Ryou thought, playing absentmindedly with Bakura's hair while his yami pretended not to notice. It seemed that all Jou wanted to do was sleep, and Ryou was fairly sure that was a sign of depression. He was beginning to worry about Jou. It had been a two weeks since Jou had emerged from his apartment, nearly a month since he'd been so unceremoniously "dumped" by Kaiba, and although he had returned to work, that sparkle, that light that made him Jonouchi was gone.
His eyes were dead, uncaring, and it was all Ryou could do to coax a complete sentence out of him. He reminded himself of how upset he would be if Bakura left him, and he marveled at the fact that Jou had even managed to drag himself out of bed, let alone dress himself and eat.
Although, Ryou mused, studying the way Jou's wristbones protruded from his arms and the way his shirt hung on his slender frame, he wasn't entirely sure that Jou had eaten. /Kura?/ he sent cautiously.
>Nani?> Bakura asked sleepily. >What is it, hikari?>
/Do you think Jou's eaten at all? Look at how skinny he is./
>No. If you think Jou's bad, you should see Kaiba.> Ryou felt his yami's wry humour prickling in the back of his mind. >He looks like shit. Don't think he's slept since they broke up.>
/You've seen Kaiba?/
>Mm-hm. Couple of days ago. Ran into him while I was going to work. Some blonde guy was hanging all over him, and he didn't look too happy about it.>
/He's already dating again? That inconsiderate bastard!/ Bakura blinked at his hikari. Ryou rarely cursed, and never at animate objects, although the microwave had suffered his wrath more than a few times. /Does he even realize what he's done to Jonouchi?/
>Kaiba's Kaiba,> Bakura shrugged. Never seemed like the touchy-feely type to me.
"What do you think, Ryou?"
Ryou jumped, chocolate eyes going wide before he realized that Yuugi was talking to him. "What? I'm sorry, I was talking to 'Kura."
Yuugi smiled. "That's okay. I was just asking you if you were going to be able to come to the opening of our store in Akihabara next week. I've been trying to find a big enough piece of land there forever, and I finally managed to find some manga shop that's closed down." (A/N: Akihabara is the manga/anime/game district in Tokyo, where the Gamers store of Di Gi Charat fame is located.)
"Sounds good," Ryou said. "What time?"
"Probably at night. It'll double as a staff party. How about you, Jonouchi?"
Jou winced. "I don' know, Yuug."
Yuugi gave him a puppy-dog look. "Jou, come on, you have to be there. You're my partner!"
"It's formal?"
Yuugi nodded.
"I...don' have a date."
"You've got a week, Jou," Honda cut in. "I'm sure you'll be able to find someone in that amount of time."
"But I don' want to..."
"Look, you're coming and you're bringing a date," Yami snapped. "It's your responsibility to the company to attend every press conference and formal gathering because you own half the company. Just because you're upset that Seto dumped you, you can't—"
"Yami, that's enough," Yuugi warned gently, laying a hand on his lover's arm. "You know how you would be if I left you."
"Y'know, surprisingly enough, this isn' helping," Jou snapped, pushing himself up off the couch, glaring at the first couple in front of him, who happened to be Malik and Marik. Malik eeped and hid behind Marik's shoulder. "I'm glad you guys found each other an' all, but I don' think you've got any right t' be tellin' me to be happy. You wouldn' be happy, because you wouldn' be wit' the one you love. Well neither am I, and I don' see anything to be happy about!"
"Jou—"
"No, Yuug! You don' understand, and you have the nerve t' judge me! Do you have any idea what it feels like t' be tossed aside like garbage? He tol' be I neva meant anythin' to him! Do you know how much that hurt? Do you?" Jou seemed to collapse in on himself and he sank back down onto the cushions. A lone tear wound down his cheek and he sniffled, all traces of anger gone, and if he'd manage to hurt himself with his own words. "I wasn' anythin' t' him. He...he couldn' love me." He buried his face in his hands. "I don' blame 'im, afta what I did..."
"Oh, Jonouchi," Yuugi whispered, wrapping his slim arms around his friend. Jou turned into Yuugi's embrace and Yuugi held him while he cried. "He didn't deserve you, Jou."
"Sorry," Jou apologized miserably. "I don' like cryin' in public."
"We're your friends," Ryou said. "It's okay."
"We didn't mean to judge you, man," Honda said softly. "I'm sure any of us would be just as torn up. We'd like to help, if you'd let us."
"Or we could just...remove Kaiba," Malik suggested innocently. "Make it look like an accident. He'd have it coming."
Marik shot his hikari a wicked grin.
Jou shook his head. "Nah. Thanks, though. Y'know, even if he can' be happy wit' me, I want him t' find someone he can be with. He's not all that bad once ya get t' know him."
"Problem is he might bite your head off while you're trying," Bakura commented.
Jou smiled weakly. "Yeah. He might."
oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo
"Good morning, Mokuba." Seto pasted on a grin and offered his brother a plate. "I made eggs for you."
Mokuba didn't glare, didn't curse at him, and most certainly didn't pay attention to him. He stalked past Seto and snatched a frozen waffle from the freezer, warming it up in the microwave.
"Come on, Mokuba," Seto said. "I apologized for yelling at you. How long are you going to ignore me?"
No reply. Mokuba took a stubborn bite of his waffle. "Otogi, hurry up. I have to get to class, and I want to see you before I leave."
Otogi stumbled down the stairs, still buttoning his shirt, looking much younger without his dark makeup and with his hair spilling over his narrow shoulders. He yawned loudly, his emerald eyes dropping to half-mast. "Mornin', Seto," he mumbled, obviously still half-asleep. "Mornin', kitten." He hugged Mokuba, reaching around him for the coffee. "Sleep well?"
Mokuba smiled and nuzzled into the hollow of his lover's throat. "I did."
"What time are your classes today?" Otogi took a sleepy sip of coffee. "I was thinking I could pick you up for lunch." Mokuba had opted to commute to school rather than living in a dorm; he was closer to home this way, and it was much easier for him to see Otogi. Sure, it meant a few extra minutes in the car, but Otogi was worth it.
"I get out at two. What're you going to do the rest of the day?"
"Work," Otogi said tonelessly. "Yaay."
"I'm sorry," Mokuba laughed. "I should probably get going." He kissed Otogi quickly, then dashed upstairs to get his bag.
"Otogi."
"Hm?" Otogi blinked at Seto.
"Is he ever going to forgive me?"
Otogi shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other. "I dunno, Seto. He's pretty upset with you, you know."
Seto sighed. "I didn't do it just to upset him." He stirred his cereal morosely, having taken no more than a few bites.
"Then...why did you do it?"
Seto's eyes hardened. "I...I can't tell you," he said at last. "I'm sorry."
"Hn." Otogi grabbed his jacket and headed for the front door. "You've been saying that a lot lately." He paused, just inside the doorframe and turned to look back at Seto. "Seems to me," he said, "if you were really sorry, you'd find a way to fix it. But hey, I could be wrong."
Fix it? Seto snorted. How could he fix this? He'd hurt Jou, pissed off Mokuba, and become Yutou's fuck toy –again— and honestly, he couldn't see any way out. The worst part was, he was doing it all for Jou and Mokuba, but they'd never know.
Oh, it wasn't that he wanted recognition. That wasn't it at all, he just wished he could explain to them why he couldn't leave Yutou. Then maybe Jou could get over him and Mokuba could forgive him, and they could just leave him alone with his little corner of hell. It would be worth it, just to know that his brother didn't hate him and that Jou could find someone he could be happy with. Someone he could love...
...as much as he loved Seto.
Seto dimly realized that he was curled up in his seat, hugging his knees and crying, but he didn't care. He had no dignity left, nothing to hold on to. What did it matter if he cried? It fucking hurt, walking away from someone who loved him, from someone he, just maybe, had loved in return. He wouldn't have minded so much if someone had known, someone had been able to tell Jou exactly why Seto had to be far, far away from him. He knew Jou's friends were angry with him. He'd seen the glare that albino tomb-robber had tossed at him, and he honestly couldn't blame him, the way Yutou had been hanging all over him. If they thought, if Jou thought, that he'd already started dating so soon after he'd broken up with Jou—
Well, Seto knew how that would look. Kaiba Seto, doing what he does best: using people and tossing them aside when he was done with them. But that's not me, he thought. The reputation he'd worked so hard to create was against him now. After all, how could someone as arrogant, cold and cruel as Seto fall in love with anyone? It made perfect sense.
Mou hitori no boku?
Seto jerked violently, head flying up. "Who is that?"
It's just me.
Ah. His other personality. Just what he needed. He glanced at the reflection in the copper pan hanging on the wall near his head and was startled to find the ten-year-old reflection staring back at him. "What do you want?" he hissed, hoping that Yutou was still asleep. The last thing he wanted was for Yutou to find him talking to himself.
Why are we with Master? I thought you hated him.
"I do," Seto whispered. "But he didn't give me a choice. It was me or Jonouchi, and I didn't want him to hurt anyone else."
I'm sorry. This is all my fault. If I hadn't gone to Master, he wouldn't have even known where we were! I just...had to see him.
"He would have found us eventually. I still don't understand why you had to see him, though."
I can't tell you. I'm sorry.
"Stop apologizing."
Sorr— Seto felt the younger him smile. I'll try.
"Maybe it's a good thing."
What do you mean?
"I wasn't good for Jonouchi. I would have dragged him down. He shouldn't have to deal with my emotional problems. This way I'm out of everyone's life. I can't hurt them."
But...you love him.
"Sometimes that isn't enough."
What? Something close to panic. How can love not be enough?
"If I really do love him, I'll do what's best for him. Him and Mokuba. And to keep both of them safe, all I have to do is sleep with Yutou. It's not like I haven't done it before."
oooooooooooOOOOOOOoooooooo
He had a point. It made sense. It made so much sense that it rocked little Seto to the core. Love wasn't enough? He had to do what was best, even if that meant not being with the one he loved?
Maybe...maybe he shouldn't be with Master...?
It's not good for mou hitori no boku, he reflected. It was hurting him, hurting him so badly that he couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and still he stayed. Not because he liked Yutou, but because he loved his koi and his little brother. He sacrificed himself, subjecting himself to Yutou's abuse, just so the people he loved were safe.
And it was all little Seto's fault.
How can mou hitori no boku trust me? It's only because he doesn't know...doesn't know what I did. It was selfish, forcing his other personality to suffer just so he could be near Master. It wasn't fair to him, it wasn't right.
And he was going to end it here and now.
"I'm sorry," he said, reaching into Seto's consciousness gently. "I have to do something."
Wait, what're you...do...ing...dammit, let me...go... Seto was drifting away, his vision darkening and he could feel that damn brat stretching in his mind, claiming control of his body while he forced Seto into sleep.
"Sorry, mou hitori no boku," little Seto said, rolling his head on his shoulders, getting used to the feel of an actual body again. "I have to fix what I broke."
He pushed himself away from the table, his innocent eyes set in an uncharacteristically grim glare, and headed for the stairs.
oooooooooOOOOOOooooooo
"Good morning." Yutou was dressing himself and he barely glanced up when Seto walked in. "Have Mokuba and Otogi already left?"
Seto seated himself on the bed. "Master. I...I need to talk."
Yes, Yutou was listening now. It was so rare that his little dragon requested anything that it immediately piqued his curiosity. "What is it, little dragon?"
"You're hurting mou hitori no boku. He loved Jonouchi. You have to let him go back."
"I don't have to do anything. I own him, not the other way around."
"Please, Master. I'm afraid he's going to die if you don't let him go. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep. He's tired, Master. He's fading."
"And?"
"And I can't do this, it's not right! Please, I'll do anything...anything...what I did was wrong."
Yutou fisted a hand in his shirt and jerked him close. "I'm not letting him out of my sight just because you've had a sudden attack of conscience. Or did you forget that threatening Jonouchi was your idea?"
Seto flinched. It had been, he'd been the one who had suggested that Yutou break the two apart by appealing to his other personality's paranoia where his loved ones were concerned. It had been stupid, selfish, be he was so caught up in finally seeing his Master again that it didn't take much for him to push the real Seto out of his mind.
But betraying his angel had been eating him apart. He kept remembering the first time he met him, golden and beautiful and sososo nice. Even though he knew what a bad boy Seto had been, even though he knew how dirty and worthless he was...he'd cared. He'd comforted him, and told him he wasn't ugly, and...
Oh, he'd been so wrong.
Seto was bad, he was ugly, but not because of what Yutou had done to him. Because he had sacrificed not only his other personality's feelings, but his angel's as well. He'd hurt the only person who'd ever been kind to him, just because he'd fallen in love with Master. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, but what could he do? Nothing. It was already done.
He had to leave.
"Master...I need you to go away. Please," he added as an afterthought.
"Excuse me?" Yutou's voice was deadly, his eyes sharp as flint. "I'm not going anywhere."
"But mou hitori no boku—"
"Will you shut up! I don't give a shit what Seto wants! I own him, the same way I own you. He'll forget about Jonouchi soon enough. He'll be mine again, mind, body and soul."
"Do you love him?"
Yutou snarled. "What the hell kind of question is that? Of course I don't. He's a cold, arrogant son of a bitch. He's good in bed, that's it."
"Which one of us are you trying to convince?" little Seto asked quietly, dropping his gaze to his folded hands. "You wouldn't have gone this far if you didn't feel something for him."
Yutou's fists clenched spasmodically. "I—do—not—love," he spat, livid with rage. "I don't love him, and I don't love you. Get it through your head, boy."
Seto met his eyes for the first time since he'd entered the room and Yutou's mouth snapped shut. This wasn't his little dragon, it couldn't be! Where was the childish innocence, the blushing laughter, the reluctant love, the shamed lust? His cobalt orbs were cold, crueler than he'd ever seen the real Seto's. "I think," he said at last, "that I finally have."
Yutou couldn't take it, couldn't handle those eyes, that accusing glare. It was just like the first time he'd slept with Seto (he refused to use the word rape) and Seto had stared at him the whole day after, silent as a mouse, face bruised and bleeding, those eyes watching, watching him, haunting his dreams...God, it drove him mad, insane with fury and he hurled himself at little Seto, knocking him off the bed and onto the floor. "You little shit!" he hissed, shaking Seto by the shoulders, slamming his head against the floor. "How dare you! How dare you talk to your master like that!"
"I dare," little Seto snapped back. "All I ever did was love you! That's it! I don't even know why! I didn't do anything to you, nothing to deserve being hurt like that! You don't even know what I did wrong, because you don't have a reason! You're crazier than I am, Master!"
"SHUT UP!" Yutou punched him and Seto spat blood back at him, staining his white shirt. "I'M NOT CRAZY!"
Seto was screaming and crying and there were tears and blood everywhere, because he'd snapped, he's finally snapped and to hell with it all. He loved a psychopath, what else could go wrong? His hands grasped at Yutou's shirt and he curled towards him, burying his face in Yutou's chest. He didn't want to, shouldn't want to, because he'd finally realized that Yutou couldn't ever feel anything, not for him, not for anyone. He'd always known but he'd never believed as much as he did now. His narrow shoulders shook and Yutou let him cry for a few moments before roughly pushing him away. "Get the hell off of me."
"I—I'm sorry," he sniffled. "But it's not right, you know it's not. You know you shouldn't be doing this to Seto."
"Perhaps, but you never said anything about what I shouldn't be doing to you." Yutou leaned down and nibbled softly on his ear before taking the lobe into his mouth, swirling patterns with his tongue. Seto gritted his teeth and his grip on Yutou tightened a fraction of an inch.
"Hah...Yutou...stoppit."
"You want my love? Let me give it to you."
"Not...please, not again, no..."
"Love me or hate me all you want, little dragon. I don't care what you think about me, as long as you respect me." His hands slid under the waistband of Seto's pants. Seto shivered as Yutou's hot breath washed over the shell of his ear, closer this time.
"You're mine."
oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
When Mokuba got home that day and kicked off his shoes in the entrance hall, the whole house was dark. Not that this was unusual; after all, at six o' clock on a Tuesday evening Seto was normally still at work. Since Yutou had started living with them, though, he'd been staying home more and more and Mokuba had sort of grown used to someone being there when he came home.
Not that his brother was the first thing he wanted to see when he got home. He was sick of Seto trying to apologize every time he walked into a room. He didn't want an apology, he wanted Seto to fix it. Words meant nothing to him. Mokuba had spent enough of his life trying to help Seto, to repair something that, he was beginning to think, had never been broken in the first place.
Had Yutou really raped his brother? He must have done something, Mokuba told himself, because Seto wouldn't be so screwed up if nothing had happened. But, a traitorous little voice in the back of his head whispered, why would he have gotten back together with Yutou? No rape victim would willingly let the rapist into their house, into their bed. Gozaborou admittedly hadn't been the best father, but he'd never hit Seto, never physically abused him. Maybe Seto had...made it up?
Maybe he just wanted the attention?
No. His brother wouldn't do that.
Right?
He shook his head violently. Maybe Seto thought it was real. It would certainly fit with Seto's problems...schizophrenia was definitely a possibility. Maybe it was all in his brother's mind.
He sighed and dragged his heavy books upstairs. He kicked open the door to his bedroom and dumped the books on his desk; he didn't have enough homework to warrant opening any of them. He was exhausted, though, and he badly needed a nap. He didn't want to think that his brother would make something like that up, certainly not to the point where he actually believed it, and the mere sight of Yutou brought on panic attacks, but it just made too much sense for him to ignore.
He stripped off his shirt, not bothering to hang it up. He was tired, too tired to clean. He'd do it later. He pulled the sheets back and barely managed to muffle his yelp when he realized that someone, more specifically Seto, was already there.
"Nii-sama?" Mokuba asked quietly. No response: Seto was asleep. He was curled up on his side, clutching what looked like the sheet from his own bedroom around him. It was hard to tell against the dark blue, but Mokuba was fairly sure that the sheet was dirty. Why would Seto be in his bed, wearing a dirty sheet?
Mokuba loosened his brother's hold on the sheet and gently unwrapped his torso.
All colour drained from his face and he clasped a hand over his mouth to keep from throwing up. Seto was wounded, and badly; the stains on the sheet had been blood. Lots and lots of blood.
He was so covered in purple-black bruises and the green shadows of already-fading wounds that it was nearly impossible to find a square inch of unmarred skin. His wrists were raw and bleeding, little rope fibers still embedded in his skin. And his chest—oh God, that was sick—had been carved, inscribed with the kanji for Yutou's name, and right below his navel was a smaller carving, the character for 'whore'. The blood was sticky, half-dried, and Mokuba placed a hesitant hand to his chest, heart in his throat, worried that his brother wasn't asleep but dead, because no one could lose that much blood and live, could they?
He exhaled in a rush when he felt the faintest flutter of a pulse and Seto whimpered in response. "Nii-sama?" There was no way Seto could be making any of this up, because he didn't even use kanji, and that wasn't his handwriting and oh God what had Yutou done to his brother? "Nii-sama, wake up." He shook his brother gently by the shoulder and Seto stirred.
"Nn?" he asked sleepily, blinking up at Mokuba. "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" The blood loss was obviously affecting him; he seemed pretty out of it. (A/N: Just to clarify, this is normal Seto.)
"Nii-sama, what...your chest..."
Seto glanced down and his head snapped up quickly, his face panicked, scared...and ashamed? "It...it...nothing, Mokuba, I can't—"
"Yutou did this to you?"
"He didn't—"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I wanted to," Seto pleaded. "I just—"
"I could have helped."
"I don't want help!" Seto snapped weakly, eyes sliding in and out of focus; he was in the verge of losing consciousness. "I just wanted you to understand...I know you're angry at me...I'm sorry, ototou-chan..." Seto buried his face in the pillow, ashamed, and Mokuba felt tears prickle at his eyes. Seto hadn't called him that since they had been adopted.
"It's not your fault, Seto," Mokuba said softly. "Please, just tell me what happened. Is Yutou still in the house?" Seto shook his head.
"He said he was going out."
"What's that mean?"
"He's going to pick up someone at a nightclub or something and bring him back for 'playtime'," Seto spat bitterly.
"With you?" Mokuba asked, horrified. "He's going to invite some random stranger to sleep with you?"
Seto shrugged halfheartedly. "Whatever. It's happened before?"
"Whatever?" Mokuba nearly shrieked in outrage. "It has? He makes you sleep with other people? Why?"
"I don't know."
"Nii-sama—start from the beginning. I want to hear it all. Everything."
"You don't," Seto told him. "You don't want to know."
"I don't," Mokuba agreed. "But I have to. I have to understand, Seto. I can't just let this slide. Look what he did to you!"
Seto smirked mirthlessly. "It's probably for the best."
Mokuba filed that comment away to ask about later and pressed his brother. "Please, Seto. I can't help if you don't talk. Do it for me, nii-sama. How long has this been going on? You told me he only raped you once."
"I lied. He—he's been doing this since I was fourteen. Gozaborou hired him to 'train' me, and he took it pretty literally." Seto reached for Mokuba's bedside table and Mokuba turned to see three thin, black-leather books with broken silver locks that definitely hadn't been there when he'd gone to school this morning. "I got these out of the library...I have to tell you. You need to know why you have to stay away from him, Mokuba."
Mokuba flipped the first book open and was met with a picture of his brother at fourteen, giving the camera a shy smile while peeking through chestnut bangs. He was dressed in his school uniform, the top half unbuttoned, and he was sitting on the piano bench, hands fisted self-consciously in his lap. "I've never seen this before—I thought you didn't like having pictures taken."
"I don't," Seto said wryly. "This is why."
Watching Mokuba's face twist in horror became painful after a few minutes, and Seto close his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. He hadn't wanted to show these to Mokuba, but what else could he do? After Yutou's latest 'lesson,' Seto could scarcely move, let alone walk, take care of himself and pretend that everything was alright. It had taken everything he had to drag himself to the library and then back upstairs; he'd only meant to leave the books in Mokuba's room, but he was so weak by that point that he'd crawled into his brother's bed and fallen asleep. He needed medical attention, and Yutou sure as hell wasn't going to get him any.
Maybe death would have been easier. No more pain, no more fear, no more nothing...he wouldn't have to worry about hurting Mokuba and Jonouchi anymore, he wouldn't—
No, Seto thought. I won't die. Not like this. I won't let him control this, too.
"Nii...sama..."
Seto opened his eyes.
Mokuba was crying and it startled Seto. His brother hadn't cried in years, not since...well, not since Duelist Kingdom, actually. He'd changed after that, after he saw how terrified and desperate his brother was to get him back. He sensed that something wasn't right with Seto, although he knew nothing about the incident with Yutou at that point. After Yuugi had told him that Seto literally and figuratively put his life on the line to have even the slightest chance of rescuing him, Mokuba stopped crying altogether. He knew that he couldn't keep depending on Seto, because Seto wasn't nearly as unshakeable as he seemed, he was broken somewhere, deep inside, and Mokuba had to be stronger than him, had to protect him from himself.
But now, with Mokuba curled up on his bed, hand clasped over his mouth to stop his whimpers, Seto felt like he was sixteen again, soothing his little brother when he woke up screaming from a nightmare. "Shh...it's okay," he whispered, wrapping his arms around his little brother, who sobbed into his bloody chest.
"My God, Seto," he choked out. "Why didn't you...you never told me what he did to you...oh God, nii-sama, I'm so sorry you had to go through that...I'm so sorry."
"Stop it," Seto snapped. "It wasn't your fault."
"But...I mean, you only did it because otherwise they would have gone after me, and—"
"And nothing," Seto growled. "It wasn't your responsibility. I don't want to hear another word about it being your fault."
Mokuba sniffled and nodded. "Sorry."
"It's okay. I didn't want to show you these, Mokuba. I knew it would hit you hard, but I want you to realize how dangerous he is. I don't want you anywhere near Yutou, do you understand me? He's insane, and there's no guarantee that he'll keep his word about staying away from you."
"Is this why you left Jonouchi?"
Seto flinched and looked away. "I didn't have a choice. I can't let anyone else go through this. It would kill Jou, you know that."
"Yes, but—"
"There's nothing else I can do," Seto said in a tired, defeated sort of voice.
Mokuba wiped his eyes, smearing Seto's blood across his face. "Nii-sama...doesn't it hurt?"
Seto couldn't look at him. "Yes," he mumbled. "Yes, it does."
"Can't you turn him in? I mean, what he did to you is illegal—"
"I can't prove anything. He wasn't in any of the pictures. He's too intelligent to be caught so easily."
"But what he did to you—!" Mokuba touched the bloody carvings gently. "There's no way this is legal."
"I can't turn him in for domestic violence. Japan still won't recognize homosexual couples. We're not technically legal."
"But for battery, rape...?"
Seto shook his head. "It won't work, Mokuba. He's too powerful, too influential. If word leaked to the press, it would be over. Everything I've worked for would be gone, just like that." Seto drew a shuddering breath. "I can't do anything. I'm sorry."
"For what?" Mokuba asked gently. "You didn't do anything wrong."
Seto bit his lip and Mokuba was startled to see tears threatening to spill down Seto's bloodstained cheeks. "Nii-sama...you can cry if you want to."
That was it. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Mokuba had never ever seen his brother break down and cry like this, had never seen so much emotion on Seto's normally impassive face before. The dam shattered and Seto sobbed desperately, clinging to his little brother, begging Mokuba not to leave him, not to tell anyone...he'd be good, he'd be a better brother, he just didn't want to be alone and he was so sorry for everything he'd ever put Mokuba through...
"Shh...I'm not going anywhere, nii-sama...it's okay, we'll find a way out of this, don't worry..."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Seto whimpered, holding onto Mokuba so tight that it hurt. "I know I'm not nice, I know how badly I hurt you when I ignored you, but I didn't want Gozaborou to think that you were my weakness...he would have hurt you and I didn't want that, I'm so sorry. God, Mokuba, you were so innocent and happy, I couldn't let him take that away."
Mokuba didn't know how long they sat there, but Seto told him (between gasps and sobs) everything that had been going on since they'd been adopted, everything Mokuba had been too naive and young to recognize. Emotional abuse since he was ten, courtesy of Gozaborou, physical abuse since he was twelve, thanks to Yutou, and of course the sexual abuse starting when he was fourteen. Two-year-increments seemed to be the typical trend; attacking childhood, adolescence and then the teenage years into adulthood. The first time Yutou raped him was on Seto's fourteenth birthday, and Mokuba couldn't help but gasp sympathetically when he heard that. Seto had hated his birthday as long as he could remember, but he'd never given any reason beyond "it's a stupid thing to celebrate" until now. Now it made sense, all of his brother's quirks were perfectly natural.
Seto wasn't a hypochondriac (Mokuba felt guilty for even thinking that), he actually hated being noticed. He spent six years trying to sneak around his own house, since the moment Gozaborou or Yutou saw him he would either be hit, yelled at, or molested. He distanced himself from Mokuba because he knew if Gozaborou and Yutou realized how much he loved Mokuba that they'd use him to control Seto.
"Mokuba?"
"What is it, nii-sama?"
"I...I don't feel very good..."
Mokuba barely managed to catch him as he pitched forward, nearly toppling off the bed. He had fainted, Mokuba hoped, because he couldn't feel him breathing—no, he wasn't breathing, he didn't have a pulse...oh, God, no, what had happened? He was fine a minute ago, what could have gone wrong?
"Nii-sama!"
(A/N: Why do I do this to you? I like to watch you suffer. )