Chapter Seventeen
aloneforevermore: (grins) You scare the hell out of me! No, really! That was an insanely wonderful description of death!
Anonymous: Sankyuuu...
kiokukaiba: Yeah, the character below Seto's navel was the one for "whore." More about that coming up...and thank you for the encouragement!
Saffron-Starlight: I think Mokuba would make a good fangirl.
Yume no Zencho: Yeah...well...Jou's not the brightest person in the world...
kuroi-sakurapetals: Geez, you're all so violent. So many people want Yutou dead...(cries) And you're right, it wasn't constructive at ALL. Thanks.
Arora: Yeah, well, a litle humour never hurt.
mandapandabug: (sweatdrops) Sooo much death....
redrose231: As you wish, milady!
The Summer Stars: (glomps) I love you. I really do. You're so nice to meeee
Johnny-Depp-luv: Augh, the violence...the death...hey, pirate! I wanna be a pirate!
Rosalyn Angel: I love you too! I'm such a ho! I have a flag? I HAVE A FLAG!!! (cheers)
KillmeKissme: 3am? Wow...(sniffles) I'm so touched...
koalared: No! I will complete it! Wahahahaha!
Repmet: Actually...I kicked my friend in the stomach. I didn't mean to, I was just...upset. He screamed. Wimp.
BobGod: I like indignant righteous speeches.
Smoosher of Evil: Hah! I just made you squeal!
Firey Charizard: (hugs) Thank youuu...
(pants) Okay, I gotta get this chappie up before my folks get home, so...I'll reply to the rest of ya next time!
Minna-sama…aishiteru! Arigatou gozaimasu! You're so wonderful and so supportive and I'm sorry I angsted at you…normally I hate dragging real life into my stories, but I just had to get it our somewhere…thank you for all your reviews encouraging me and telling me how wonderful I am…I know I'm too sensitive and critical of myself, but encouragement like yours helps keep me balanced and sane. (does Edward Elric-like pose and grin) Arigatou!
Seto was doing as well as could be expected. His wounds were healing, and he could even walk for short distances now. He could eat on his own, no more IV, and Jou didn't even have to dress him anymore (though the blonde seriously regretted that). Yes, the bruises faded and the cuts left only faint, silvery scars, but Jou wasn't worried about that. Seto was fairly healthy, and he would, eventually, heal completely. He'd always bear the marks across his chest, and the doctor had recommended plastic surgery to have them removed. She'd even been kind enough to arrange for the surgeon to visit Seto in the hospital, so he'd be able to rid himself of the wounds before he went home. Sure, that meant another couple days in bed, but Jou doubted that Seto wanted a reminder of what had happened scrawled across his chest.
Bastard. Jou's fists involuntarily clenched and he only realized he was gritting his teeth when his jaw began to ache. How could anyone be that sadistic, that evil, to want to hurt Seto? Admittedly, Seto wasn't the most charming person in the world, but judging from his other personality, he had been, prior to Yutou's training. And even Mokuba had been insisting as long as they'd known him that his brother wasn't evil, just scared. Look at him now, Jou thought wryly. Congratulations, Yutou. You wanted a cold Kaiba, you got it.
In the past few days of convalescence, Seto had managed to terrify some of the hospital staff to the point where they refused to go anywhere near his room. The young nurses had flocked to him early in his stay, vying for the chance to see the great Kaiba Seto, to touch him, to talk to him. Jou had watched this with remarkable self-restraint; he'd only snapped a death threat at three of them. He could understand why they wanted to see him, he guessed. Sleeping, Seto was so innocent-looking, so…pretty. An angel. And awake, he was so drugged up on morphine that he wasn't able to order anyone around. He managed a weak smile and polite conversation when anyone spoke to him, and the girls had taken that as encouragement, thinking that maybe Seto's attitude was only a farce, a media-driven image that really wasn't him at all.
They were sadly disappointed when Seto was taken off the drugs, and he began hurling anything within reach (gift baskets, flower vases, lamps, books, etc.) at them until, sobbing, they fled from his room.
So yes, his body was recovering nicely.
No, Jou's concern was for his koi's mind. Seto had been quiet lately, lost in thought all the time, when he wasn't throwing things at the hospital staff. It bothered him, because quiet just…wasn't Seto. Sure, he was closed-off and cold, sure he refused to talk when the conversation turned towards himself, but they'd never been so awkward around one another. Jou didn't know what to say (was he supposed to apologize for Yutou's behaviour? Ignore it? Tell Seto that everything would be alright? Why was he to make a promise like that?). And Seto wasn't being especially helpful. Even when he was in the same room he wasn't quite there, his eyes were always distant and it took him a few moments to respond to Jou's tentative questions. And when he did, he called Jou by his name, not 'mutt' or 'puppy.' Yes, in high school the dog names had infuriated him to no end, but now that they were gone…he missed them. They had been a pet name, quite literally, and Jou found them comforting, because he'd been the only one that Seto had ever paid enough attention to to be able to assign him a nickname. Maybe it was a way of proving to himself that Seto cared enough to insult him. Jou had been anxious, thinking that perhaps he'd suffered a head trauma. But no, the doctors assured him that Seto, physically at least, was nearly healed.
Jou hadn't had the heart to bring in Aizawa-san. The hospital staff had bee pushing it, telling him they couldn't possibly in good conscience release a victim of rape and abuse without a psychiatric evaluation. Normally, Jou would have been touched by their concern, but they'd said it in front of Seto, and even the memory of the shocked pain on his koi's face hurt. Seto wouldn't talk about Yutou, wouldn't look at Jou when he spoke the name, and the doctors had no right to be bringing up Seto's past like that, right in front of him, because you'd have to be blind to not see how much that hurt him. Jou had yelled and screamed and called the staff some rather impolite four-letter words, and Mokuba had eventually been forced to pay 'damages' from Jou's verbal attack. They'd agreed, in the end, to release Seto, as long as they were reassured that he would be seeing his own therapist at home. He'd actually dialed Aizawa-san's number, twice, to tell him what had happened, but he'd always hung up after the first ring. He didn't think Seto could handle it, not yet. Eventually he knew they'd have to start therapy, but…he wanted to delay it as long as he could, for some reason. It just didn't seem right to shove Seto at a complete stranger and expect him to talk openly with them about his problems. Hell, he didn't even like talking to Jou, and Jou was closer to him than everyone except Mokuba, and from what he'd seen, Seto didn't talk to Mokuba either.
"Seto-koi?" Jou said tenderly, squeezing Seto's hand. "Are you alright?"
In reply, Seto sighed. He did that a lot lately, and Jou hated it. It sounded defeated, like Seto had given up, given up fighting, given up trying…like he knew he couldn't beat his demons and he didn't even want to make an effort. And the worst part was, Jou didn't know how to fix it. Ever since he'd found out what Yutou did to Seto, Jou had been researching child abuse and rape in every psychology magazine he could get his hands on. They didn't help much; they told him how Seto was feeling, and maybe explained some of his odd behaviours, such as his irrational fear of cameras—okay, maybe not so irrational, considering those damn photographs—but not one could tell him how to make Seto want to live again.
"Seto?"
"I'm…" Jou steeled himself for another bad lie, another cover-up because he knew Seto was far from alright. It took all of his self-restraint to not shake Seto and force him to talk; he hated seeing Seto tear himself apart like this.
"…not fine."
"Seto, look, you can't keep lyin' t'—wait, what?" Jou blinked as his brain processed what Seto had just said. He'd admitted it. He'd admitted that he was in pain. That was good, right? Acceptance was the first step to recovery? "You wanna talk about it?"
Seto glanced down at his hands and Jou could see that they were fisted stubbornly in the sheets. "Actually…yes. I do."
ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo
It was…well, Seto thought the term 'momentous moment' was too redundant to apply, but frankly, he couldn't come up with anything better. He could feel Jou's incredulous stare boring into the top of his head, and his cheeks flushed. There was no reason to be embarrassed—normal people talked. Normal people didn't throw things and curse when psychiatrists got anywhere near them. Normal people didn't shove people away, hide everything inside and manage to fuck themselves up so badly that they developed another personality to handle the pain. Normal, normal, normal.
Hah.
That was a joke.
"Er…" It was plain that Jou couldn't come up with any response, that he hadn't ever expected Seto to willingly discuss anything without it being pried out of him. Honestly, Seto was a bit surprised too. He'd never needed to talk to anyone so badly, never had so much weighing on his mind that it felt as if it would crush him, given the opportunity. He'd never been this out-of-control before, and he didn't like it.
But he liked the look Jou was giving him even less. Shock and something like joy, mingled with pity. Poor little Seto, all cut up and bruised, helpless and alone…God, he didn't want pity. He wanted everything to go back to normal, back before Yutou had claimed him again, before he'd slept with Jou, before Yuugi-tachi had forced him into that fateful game of Truth or Dare. He shouldn't have told them anything, dammit. He should have kicked them out of his house.
Jou lay a comforting hand on his arm and he jerked away violently, desperately, biting his tongue to keep from crying out. His other personality hadn't been able to repress these memories, and every time anyone so much as brushed against him, he was assaulted with a barrage of recollections, each more violent and bloody than the last.
…Glittering hazel eyes and an insane smirk as rough hands wandered over his body…
…Gentle whispers and harsh pounding and nipping teeth…
…A graceful wrist and slender fingers painting him with a knife, leaving behind a masterpiece done in wide swaths of his own blood…
…Those same artist's hands grabbing him by the hair and hauling him to his feet, holding his head in place and forcing him to look in the mirror at the carvings that mutilated his pale skin and the bruises and the semen streaking his body…oh God, he was so dirty…
…His own voice, thin and hollow and broken, keening, begging for something he'd never wanted in the first place…
…Ropes chafing his skin, fingers bruising his hips, a warm, wet insistent tongue halfway down his throat as he arched and moaned…
…A furious, possessive hiss, laying claim to him…marred, bruised, owned…
Screw that. He hated it.
"Sorry," he muttered, looking away. He didn't want to hurt Jou, but he just couldn't help but flinch away, because even though he knew Jou would never willingly harm him, he was still afraid. Afraid of Jou, the only person on the face of the planet that would do anything for him, and he flinched away like some…abused puppy. It was ironic; he was the dog, not Jou. An animal. A scared, useless, worthless, broken animal…nothing left to hold onto, not even his pride…
Oh God, he was so terrified and he abhorred it. He couldn't even look Jou in the eye…he knew, Mokuba knew, even Yuugi-tachi knew…he'd spent so long ensuring that no one ever found out what had happened to him that it had become part of him, warped and mutated into a cold, icy barrier that kept everyone at arm's length while he died a little more inside. Without that wall, he was nothing. He was vulnerable. Weak. Open to whatever anyone wanted to do to him…he had no control.
He couldn't stand the thought of them knowing what had happened to him…what he'd let Yutou do. There was a time when they had respected him, feared him, avoided him, and he'd give anything to have that back. But to see the pity in their eyes…he didn't want them to know how dirty he was. So much for the great Kaiba Seto…he wasn't any better than a whore. He was just like them, spreading his legs for anyone who came along, just to keep himself alive. He was disgusting.
He'd never wanted them to find out…he'd never wanted Jou to see him like this. He'd imagined that it was easy (before this, at least) to pretend it had never happened…after all, the scars had faded in the last seven years. Jou had been shocked when he found out, but he'd never seen Seto after Yutou got through with him. No one had. He was always given a day off after he was used (he couldn't think of it as rape, because goddammit he wasn't just another statistic). He was always given twenty-four hours of blissful solitude, to clean himself up, to heal…maybe even to relax.
But this time…Yutou gave him no rest. There was no time to heal, no time for the bruises to fade. Yutou had taken him what, three, four times a night? Seto couldn't remember. It all bled together in a haze of pain and tears and pleas…he had hurt so badly.
"Seto?"
"Hm?" He jerked out of his thoughts, meeting concerned amber eyes and a sweet, sad smile. Jou reached over and smoothed Seto's hair back, and it took everything Seto had not to flinch. "I…I appreciate you coming and staying with me, but…you can go now."
"What are you talkin' about? Go where?"
"I'm fine. I'm almost healed. I'll be going home in a few days."
"Yeah, but…"
"Look, pup, you can stop with…whatever you're doing. You don't have to take care of me. I'm not going to kill myself or anything. You don't need to be responsible."
"What? I'm here 'cause I care about you, not 'cause I hafta be. I coulda left two weeks ago, if that were th' case."
"Stop it. Just…stop." Seto clenched his fists in the sheets so hard that his nails punctured the fabric. He was lying, he had to be. How could anyone care about something as broken and worthless as him? He was nothing, and it wasn't right to be putting such a strain on Jou, who had no obligation whatsoever to be here. In fact, after Seto had kicked him out, the best place Jou could be was far, far away from him. "I don't know why you're still here, but whatever you want from me—"
Seto froze, playing the words he'd just spoken over and over again in his mind. Whatever you want from me…whatever you want…Maybe…that was why he was here? Maybe he expected some sort of compensation for the weeks he'd spent by Seto's bedside? Maybe he was trying to make Seto think he did care and then…then…
No, Seto told himself firmly. This is Jou. Not Yutou. He wouldn't do that. But, well, it was really the only thing that made sense. He'd hurt Jou badly when he'd thrown him out, why would he come running back just because Yutou beat him? There wasn't any way he could be telling the truth about…loving him. No one loved him. They'd all despised him, reviled him for being so helpless, smirked and spat and hissed at him that he was worthless, useless, no good to anyone. Gozaborou hadn't even loved him, and Seto had done everything he could to make his stepfather care.
Mokuba. Maybe Mokuba did, but then the kid hadn't been the brightest crayon in the box. He'd been horrible to him, treated him with about as much affection as Gozaborou had had for Seto, and still he came running every time Seto called, in the vain hopes that Seto would want to talk to him, to spend time with him. How many times had he come home from work and Mokuba had been waiting, wanting to show him something he'd made in school, or some test he'd gotten high marks on, and Seto had snapped at him to get to bed? He'd always been so busy, and it was hard to break the habit of shoving Mokuba away.
"Whatever you want from me," Seto whispered brokenly, eyes downcast, "just take it and get the hell away from me."
"You're an idiot," Jou said tonelessly. Seto glanced up, brows wrinkled in confusion, and Jou leaned forward to kiss him. Seto whimpered, but allowed Jou to slip his tongue past his lips and into his mouth. It wasn't like the kisses he was used to, even from Jou. There was nothing desperate or needy about it, nothing but softness and warmth and…maybe…love.
"What was that?" Seto whispered once they'd broken apart. Jou's honey-gold eyes softened and he smiled.
"What I want," Jou said gently, "is you. I want you t' be happy. I want you t' smile and mean it, Seto-koi. I l—"
"Don't," Seto said roughly, closing his eyes. "Please don't. You don't love me, you pity me, and you're just too dense to be able to tell the difference."
"What? Seto—"
"You don't listen. Stop lying to me and get the fuck out of my room."
"I'm not—"
"Dammit mutt, I—"
"No, you listen t' me! It's my turn t' talk now!" Jou's amber eyes weren't gentle anymore, they burned with a fierce, furious flame and Seto shrunk back, burrowing deeper into his pillows. "I love you. Ya hear me, moron? I'm not lyin', I don't pity you, and I'm not leadin' you on just 'cause you're good in bed. I realize you've been hurt, and I realize that you got every right t' be scared of me, but you can't make me stop carin'."
Seto flinched. Was that what he was trying to do? Make him stop caring? Yes, he decided, Jou was right. He didn't want Jou to love him. He didn't deserve it. He was pushing Jou away, as surely as he'd pushed Yuugi-tachi away when he'd first met them. He wanted people to hate him. That was how it should have been, that was all he knew. Hatred and blood and violence and sex and pain…
Truth be told, he was frightened of what Jou was offering him. Jou was so gentle, so kind, and Seto, God help him, didn't know how to react. So he opted for bitter sarcasm in an attempt to drive him away. He tried to make Jou detest him, he tried to hurt him so badly that he'd never want to see Seto again, let alone help him.
It wasn't working.
"I love you. There's nothin' you can do 'bout that."
"You don't," Seto rasped hollowly, drawing his knees to his chest and curling up in a pitiful little ball of misery. "You don't, you can't…"
Jou sat down next to him. "Seto—"
"You can't!" Seto howled, burying his face in his knees, flinging his arms over his head to protect himself. "You can't love me! You're lying! Stop it!" He jerked away so violently when Jou reached form him that he fell off the bed. He scurried into a corner, wrapping his arms around himself, cerulean eyes huge in a pain-stricken face.
"I'm not—" Jou moved towards him and Seto screamed frantically, trying to push himself further against the wall, almost as if he were trying to disappear.
"Stop it stop it STOP IT!" Seto shook his head vehemently and Jou pulled back, afraid of what Seto might do if he tried to touch him. He was frightened, the proverbial cornered animal, and if the stereotype held true, he was more dangerous now than he'd ever been before. Jou had never seen him like this; it was one thing to watch the childlike panic on his other personality's face, but this was Seto, the real Seto, and it was terrifying. His pupils were shrunk to pinpoints, his skin ghastly white, and he hugged himself so tightly that Jou could see blood welling up under his fingernails where he clutched his own arms. "You can't love me! No one can love me! I'll kill you!" Seto screwed his eyes shut, tears finally spilling down his cheeks and he shrieked as loudly as he could, "I'LL KILL YOU! EVERY LAST FUCKING ONE OF YOU! JUST LIKE I KILLED HIM! I HATE YOU!"
"What?" Jou drew back, blinking stupidly at his koi. "Seto…who'd you kill?"
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK? I KILLED GOZABOROU! I THREW HIM OUT A FUCKING WINDOW AND WATCHED HIM BURST ON THE PAVEMENT!"
Jou couldn't move. He couldn't breathe, and all his motor functions seemed to have abandoned him. Seto…killed him? He murdered Gozaborou? Sure, Jou would have liked to do it himself, but…he didn't know if he'd ever have the guts to actually do that to someone, to watch them die like that… "You…killed Gozaborou?"
"I killed him," Seto's face crumpled and he wrenched at his hair, smearing the chestnut locks with blood. "I killed him and I lied about it. It was horrible. Have you ever dropped a watermelon on the sidewalk? Disgusting…disgusting…I didn't…I didn't mean to…I loved him…" He hid his face in his knees, shoulders heaving with the sobs that wracked his malnourished body. "I loved him more than anything, and he hated me…everything I did was for him…I wanted him to…to be proud of me." He gave an anguished wail and Jou flinched. "I wanted to be a good son…a good whore…I'm so sorry…I tried to be good…"
"Oh God, Seto," Jou whispered, easing himself off the bed and kneeling in front of his trembling koi. "You are good. You are." He gathered Seto into his arms and held him, rocking back and forth while the brunette whimpered. "You're good. I swear you're good, you're a good person. I love you." He kissed the top of Seto's head gently. "I love you."
"You can't," Seto whispered. "Everyone I love…they all die. You can't die, Jou. You can't love me, and you can't die." Seto's fists clenched around fistfuls of Jou's shirt. "I don't want to kill you, too."
"Shh…it's okay. I won' die, Seto. I promise I'll neva leave you." He buried his face in Seto's blood-streaked hair and rubbed circles on his back while he cried and gasped for air. "I won' leave."
"I don't want to kill…not again…I couldn't stop it, he…he wanted…Mokuba…he wanted Yutou to train him…" He shivered, although it was easily eighty degrees in the hospital. Every muscle in his body tensed under Jou's touch; he was trembling so violently that Jou was afraid to let him go.
"It was self-defense," Jou assured him. "After everythin' he did to you, he deserved it. Mokuba was just…just a kid. You did the right thing."
"How can you say that?" Seto pulled back from him, staring him straight in the eye, clearly in a state of disbelief. "Someone's life ended because of me. I destroyed him."
"He destroyed you," Jou shot back. "He ended your life. He took away every chance you had t' be happy. He deserved it, and don' you think for a second that he didn' have it coming t' him."
"I couldn't kill Yutou. He was there, he watched me kill Father…but I couldn't do it." Seto shuddered and hid in Jou's shoulder. "Father kept a gun behind his desk. For self-defense and all…I grabbed it and I aimed at him. I…I told him if he moved, I'd kill him. He believed me. For the first time, he was afraid of me. He'd just watched me throw my own father out an office window, and he was so fucking scared of me…" Jou felt Seto smile against his arm. "I couldn't pull the trigger. Too much of a fucking coward. I should have killed him."
"You're not a cold-blooded murderer, Seto. I couldn'ta done it either. It's nothin' t' be ashamed of. You've got nothin'—and I mean nothin'—t' be ashamed of. I wasn' your fault Gozaborou didn' love you. Wasn' your fault Yutou raped you. None a' that had anythin' t' do wit' you. Stop blamin' yourself."
"Why?"
"You survived. You're still here, you're still strong."
"I'm…not."
"You had t' be. They haven' completely broken you, not yet." Jou heaved a weary sigh. "I wouldn've been as strong. I…I thought I had it bad, y'know. I was stupid. My dad got a little rough a few times, coupla black eyes, cracked ribs, nothin' serious. Pretty dumb, hunh?" He laughed, but it was hollow, empty, desperate sort of laugh.
"Cracked ribs aren't serious?" Seto asked with a hint of his old wry sarcasm. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"C'mon," Jou laughed. "Think how pathetic that woulda looked. I mean, who the hell'm I t' be complainin'? My problems were nothin' compared t' yours."
"That's not for me to judge," Seto said solemnly.
Jou shifted uncomfortably. He'd meant it as a lighthearted sort of joke, just to show Seto that he was strong, stronger than Jou, anyways. He hadn't expected Seto to get all serious on him. It really wasn't that important…
"Look, I didn'—"
"How often did he beat you?"
Jou blinked, taken aback by the question. "He didn' beat me, Seto. He got drunk an' he hit me a few times, that's all. I'm not tryin' t' make myself out t' be a martyr or nothin'."
"I know. You really don't think it was a big deal." Pretty as Seto's eyes were, they could be downright scary. They were boring into Jou's own amber orbs fiercely, intensely, and the blonde shuddered under the stare. "You're so concerned about everyone else that you don't even think about what happens to you."
"Look, this isn' about me—"
"It never is," Seto retorted. "Why do you do that all the time? It's not normal for a parent to hurt their child, period, regardless of 'how bad' you deem it. Abuse is abuse, pup."
"He didn' abuse me," Jou said tiredly. "He jus' had problems with alcohol, that's all."
"And that's why you don't drink, isn't it?"
"Er…I guess."
"And why you get incredibly upset when someone you care about is wasted. I remember prom, puppy. Don't lie."
Jou flushed and looked away. Most of his friends (excluding Yuugi, of course) had been completely smashed that night. He'd very nearly gotten into a fight with Honda, and for the first time in his life he'd run away. There was something just…too familiar about the wobbling gait, the glazed eyes and the drunken smile. He'd never been able to lift a hand against his father when he was drunk, and it seemed the same held true for his friends. Honda had taken a swing at him and Jou had bolted, locking himself in the boy's bathroom until Honda had sobered up enough to apologize. Fortunately, the rest of them were rather happy drunks, and Jou had escaped the night with nothing more serious than a black eye and a bloody nose. "Yeah, I guess I don' like it when people drink. Might jus' be Honda, though. He gets kinda—"
"Violent?" Seto supplied. "He nearly broke your nose."
"He didn'—"
"He did. Why are you defending him?"
"Because he's my best friend!"
"He hurt you!"
"He didn' mean to!" Jou snarled, glaring at Seto. They stared at each other in furious silence for a few moment before Seto sighed and looked away.
"I'm sorry, puppy. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just trying to make a point."
"And that would be?"
"I don't know. That you're a better person than I am? You lived with abuse and you try to make the best out of it. You throw yourself into helping others, rather than being bitter about what happened to you. Me, I just became an asshole."
"You can' really compare us, Seto. I was never raped or anythin'. Just knocked around a little."
"I never was, not really. I suppose Father wanted to keep me in relatively good condition. Up until now, Yutou's never beaten me like this."
"Once is enough," Jou muttered. "Is this relationship really a good idea, Seto?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, we're jus' lickin' each other's wounds. I need something t' take care of, you want someone to protect you…"
"Products of twisted pasts," Seto sighed. "Somehow we found each other, even through all of this."
"My past wasn'—"
"Yes, I know, wasn't as bad as mine. If it makes you feel better, fine, it wasn't as bad. Regardless, I never lived on the streets. If there was one thing I never lacked, it was money. I always had a warm place to sleep, food to eat, things like that. I never had to live with a drunken father, I never depended on a gang to be my family. And," he said with a faint smile, "I had Mokuba. I had someone that loved me, even through all that. I don't think you did."
"I had a family."
"Your mother left you with her abusive husband because she didn't want you, Jonouchi." Jou flinched. "You had a sister you would have died for, a sister you devoted your life to protecting, and what did she do as soon as she'd gotten her operation?"
"Moved to America with Mom," Jou whispered. "She was better off there, anyway. And she came back."
"Did she even call you while she was there? Has she called you very often since?"
"No. She was busy. Still is. She's going to be a fashion designer, you know. Got a lot of stuff t' do."
"And she can't take five minutes of her life to call the brother that saved her eyesight? Without you she wouldn't be able to see clothes, much less design them."
"Who the hell are you kidding?" Jou snapped. "Yuug saved her, not me. I lost, in case you've forgotten. Yuug beat me. He gave me the money."
"It wasn't precisely a fair duel, Jonouchi. Two against one?"
"What the hell're you—" Jou blinked. Oh. It…it had been two against one. Yuugi and Yami against him. It hadn't been fair, had it?
"And the incredible thing is, you'll let Yuugi take all the credit for saving her sight. You won't even get angry that she never calls you. You don't hold your mother responsible for leaving you."
Jou shrugged. "I'm not an angry person," he said simply. "And she was the one who took care a' me after you dumped me."
"Because Yuugi told her to."
Jou growled. "Did not."
"You're in denial."
"Fuck you."
"I'm afraid I'll have to pass on that. Are you mad at me?"
Jou sighed and pulled Seto into his lap. "Of course not. You're right. I jus' don' like talkin' about me. That's all."
ooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooo
"Seto!" Mokuba bounded down the stairs and threw his arms around his brother, nearly knocking him over in the process. "You're okay!"
Seto winced in pain. "Yeah, I'm just peachy," he managed to choke out. "I can't breathe, Mokuba, you mind…?"
"Sorry," Mokuba laughed, releasing his hold on his brother. "I'm just so glad to see you walking again!" He seemed to be unable to contain his joy; he bounced happily on the balls of his feet, hands fidgeting restlessly. "The doctors said you're alright now?"
Seto nodded. "I'm just supposed to take it easy for a while. Surgery went well, at least." He tugged down the collar of his shirt to expose new, pink skin where the ugly wounds had previously been. "Skin grafts," he explained when Mokuba's eyes narrowed in confusion.
"Hey, nice to see you again." Otogi had wandered in, apparently from the kitchen, judging by the anpan he was eating. "Been damn quiet around here without you throwing anything at me or threatening to kill me for corrupting your baby brother." Otogi tweaked Seto's nose roguishly, slinging an arm around Mokuba's shoulders. "I'm glad you're not dead."
"Thank you," Seto snapped sarcastically. "I'm glad I'm not dead too."
Otogi grinned and ambled into the living room. A second later, Jou, Seto and Mokuba heard him flip on the television.
"So…um…I should prob'ly be goin'," Jou said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Don' wanna hit traffic an' all."
"Don't be stupid," Seto said, hanging his trademark trenchcoat in the hall closet. "You're staying for dinner."
"I am?"
"Yes. Don't argue with me. And no, Mokuba, you can't cook."
"Aww, nii-samaaaa," Mokuba whined, sticking out his tongue at his brother. "I promise I won't set fire to anything this time." Jou blinked; Mokuba didn't seem to be joking. "I cooked for Ryuuji the entire time you were gone, and—"
"Otogi," Seto called, interrupting Mokuba. "Do you mind if Mokuba cooks?"
There was a crash, a mad scramble and suddenly Otogi was at the door, bracing himself on the walls, eyes wide and panicked. "Dear God, no!" he cried. "Don't let him anywhere near the kitchen, please! For the sake of all that's holy!"
Yeah, so maybe Otogi was a little dramatic, but he appeared genuinely frightened of Mokuba's cooking. Seto gave his brother a triumphant smile and Mokuba glowered.
"If you think you're getting any tonight…" he muttered as he stalked past Otogi, radiating fury from every pore. The actor winced and followed him.
"Aw, Mokuba, don't do that…I wasn't serious…Mokuba, please!"
Seto watched them go with a crooked grin. "I love pushing his buttons," he confessed to Jou. "Now. We're going to get cleaned up for dinner, and then you and me are going to talk."
Jou nodded dumbly, trailing after Seto. Something had changed, something had finally pulled him out of his depression. It was as if leaving the hospital had flipped a switch, and he was back to normal…no, better than normal because Seto would never have been this lighthearted before. He'd spent the whole ride home humming along to the songs on the radio, (inclusing, surprisingly, The Rasmus…Jou hadn't even known he liked English music) tapping the beat on the dashboard and pointing out the blossoming sakura trees along the roadside, as if he thought Jou might miss their splendour otherwise, since the blonde was concentrating on driving, and not on trees. He made a scathingly sarcastic comment every time Jou remarked on it, calling him 'mutt' and 'puppy' just like he'd always done. Jou couldn't have been more pleased.
"Um, Seto?"
Seto pushed open his bedroom door and waved Jou inside. "Yes?"
"Why're you so happy all of a sudden? You were pretty out of it in the hospital…"
Seto grunted in agreement, rifling through his closet. He tossed a black shirt at Jou, who barely managed to catch it before it hit him in the face. Jou took a moment to admire the subtle rippling muscles in Seto's back as the brunette pulled his shirt off and searched for a clean one. Jou coughed suddenly, realizing he was staring, and directed his attention on his shoes, which were a considerably safer place to be staring. He could see Seto dressing out of the corner of his eye and he kind of wished that he hadn't denied himself the view, but…it seemed kind of wrong, boyfriend or not. "I mean, not that I don't want you to be happy, it's just—"
"Just what?" Seto stuck his head out of the closet, arching an eyebrow at his koi. "Put that on, pup. I doubt you've changed your shirt for a while."
Jou flushed. "Do I smell? I didn't exactly have time to go home and change, y'know. I was tryin' t' take care a' you. Least I showered."
"I know, I know."
"Answer my question," Jou demanded, stripping off his dirty t-shirt and replacing it with the black one. It was a nice shirt, soft and comfortable, but it kind of…clung to him in a strange way.
"Or what?" Seto asked teasingly. Jou padded quietly over to the closet, wrapping his arms around Seto's waist from behind. He nudged Seto's throat gently with his nose and something that might have been a purr rumbled deep in the CEO's chest.
"Or I'll tickle you to death," Jou said.
"Hm?" Seto barely had time to register what he'd said before Jou attacked him, fingers mercilessly manipulating his sensitive stomach. Unable to stand, Seto crashed to the floor, giggling helplessly and halfheartedly batting Jonouchi away.
"Augh! Puppy, stoppit!" he cried, trying to curl up and protect himself. Jou was relentless, slipping his hands up Seto's shirt for better access. "Alright, alright! I'll tell you! Just stop tickling me!"
Jou collapsed, laughing, lying on top of Seto and hugging him for all he was worth. Seto panted, attempting to catch his breath, tears of mirth clinging to his eyelashes. "Bad puppy," he murmured, burying his face in Jou's hair, kissing the top of his head gently. "That was mean."
Jou pouted adorably. "But you never tell me anythin', Seto. I had t' do somethin'."
"You want my answer? I'm—in—a—good—mood—because—of—you." Seto said, assaulting Jou's face with a barrage of quick kisses in between each word. Jou chuckled, nuzzling deeper into Seto's chest, just enjoying the moment, the feel of their bodies pressed together, fingers entwined, peaceful and calm and so gentle.
"It's over," Seto sighed blissfully. "It's over. I'm finally free, Jou. I've never been so…liberated before. I was always accountable to someone, always held responsible for everything. I was punished for the stupidest things, and I always blamed myself, but…I don't think it was ever really my fault. "
"It wasn'," Jou said calmly. "I'm glad you finally figured that out."
"So am I." Seto pushed himself up so that he was supported by his elbows, Jou still lying across his chest. "I have to talk to you."
"Mmm? 'Bout what?" Jou asked.
"I think you know already, but…I want to do this right."
"Do what right?" Jou was thoroughly confused. Sure, a kind, gentle Seto had thrown him off, but he had absolutely no idea what the hell his koi was talking about.
"Before you left, when we were in New York," Seto began, eyes clouding as if the memory hurt him, "you told me something. Do you remember?"
"I do."
"That was all that kept me alive. When things got bad, really bad, I'd sort of…leave. I let Yutou do whatever he wanted to me, and I just thought. About you." Seto glanced away and Jou stared at his koi. Was he blushing?
"What are you—"
"Shh," Seto whispered, meeting his gaze again and pressing a finger to Jou's lips. "Let me finish, puppy."
Jou nodded dumbly.
"I know how much I hurt you when I said I didn't care. I didn't mean it, and you know that. I wanted to protect you. I didn't want you going through what I did. I'm sorry."
" 'S okay. Not like you had much of a choice or nothin'."
"I just wanted you to know…" Yes, he was definitely blushing now, a light pink flush across his pale cheeks. Jou smirked at the sight, marveling at the strangeness of it all. From rivals, to sparring partners, to almost-friends to…ah, well, life didn't get much better than this.
"I love you."
Jou was sure that he looked like an idiot, lying on Seto's chest and grinning at him like the Cheshire Cat, but he couldn't help it. It was too much, too good. Yutou was gone, Seto was his again, and he'd had even started being nice on occasion! It was almost sweet how shy he looked, smiling hopefully up at the blonde nestled on his chest. Jou kissed him gently. "I love you too, you moron."
Jou didn't think he'd ever seen Seto like this. The scowl was gone, the ice-chip eyes were almost warm…and he was smiling. Jou was reminded of the old, dusty photograph he'd found in the Kaiba brothers' 'library,' and he realized that for the first time since they were children he was seeing Seto happy. It was a genuine, contented smile and it was incredible how it lit up his face, made him look so…un-Kaiba-like.
He was cute.
Jou kissed him again, more insistently this time. "Y'know, your carpet's pretty comfortable…wanna test it out?"
Seto smacked him, and Jou wasn't entirely sure it was playfully. "No, you perverted little mutt."
"We're alright now?" Jou mumbled, resting his head on Seto's chest again.
"As alright as I think we're going to get. Thank you, Jonouchi."
"Fer what?"
"For not running away."
"No problem," Jou yawned. "No problem."
oooooOOOOOOOOoooooooo
There was no reason to panic. None at all. Mokuba was overreacting. The books weren't gone, the maid must have moved them back into the library. Of course. That had to be it. Mokuba clutched the carved mahogany of his bedside table desperately, dread gripping his heart in an iron vise and weakening his knees. There was no way…no way anyone could have found those books, because who could have known to look for them?
Who could have known they were there?
……
…oh God.
He'd been so worried, so worried about getting his brother to the hospital…Yutou must have had a key, some way into the house and Mokuba, in his foolishness, hadn't alerted the police until they'd gotten to the hospital, until after he was sure that his brother would live. Yutou was intelligent, brilliant, if somewhat crazed, and he would have figured out immediately what has happened…finding them gone, Seto's bloodstains in Mokuba's bed, and the books, those goddamn books on the bedside table…!
"Mokuba?" Jou knocked on the doorframe and stuck his head inside the room. "What're you doin' in here with the lights off?"
"Jou," Mokuba said in an oddly strangled voice that didn't belong to him, "I'm so sorry."
"Eh?" Jou flicked on the lights and crossed the room, grabbing Mokuba by the shoulder and spinning him around. Mokuba stared blankly at the ground, eyes wide, face paler than Jou would have thought possible. "What're you talkin' about?"
"The books. Seto's books. They're gone, Yutou took them!"
"Books? What books? Slow down, Mokuba, I don' undastand." He pulled the boy towards him, wrapping comforting arms around his shoulders as Mokuba buried his face in Jou's chest.
"The albums. The…the pictures Seto kept from…"
"Fuck."
Mokuba nodded miserably. "I was just so worried about Seto, I didn't even think about them until just now…I left them on my bedside table, and I thought maybe a maid put them back in the library, but the maids aren't allowed in the library, they wouldn't have known where the books went."
"Why would Yutou want them?"
"I don't know," Mokuba said dazedly, shaking his head. "I have no idea."
"Think, Mokuba. There's gotta be a reason, that bastard's got a reason for every fuckin' thing he does."
Mokuba tried, he really did, but he couldn't come up with anything. He didn't seem like the type to want a memento, so that was out. He'd seen the pictures before anyways, and they were a poor substitute for the real thing. Seto didn't even want the pictures, so he couldn't be doing it to hurt him…then why? Sure, Yutou was crazy but it was a cunning, brilliant type of crazy. There had to be a reason. There just had to…
Wait…what was it his brother had said?
Seto shook his head. "It won't work, Mokuba. He's too powerful, too influential. If word leaked to the press, it would be over. Everything I've worked for would be gone, just like that." Seto drew a shuddering breath. "I can't do anything. I'm sorry."
He…he was going to use it as blackmail.
"Blackmail! Shit, Jou, he wants Seto back! We've got to tell him!"
"Tell him what? Jou sank onto Mokuba's bed, head in his hands. "Tell him his psycho lover-boy stole somethin' that could ruin his life? I don' really wanna be the one t' break it t' him, how 'bout you?" He scrubbed his hands quickly through his hair, tugging at the golden strands, frustrated. "All I want is for Yutou to go away. I want him t' leave Seto alone…he's gone through enough."
"Yeah, I know." Mokuba dropped onto the bed next to Jou, leaning his head on he blonde's shoulder. "It's not fair."
There came a gentle knock on the door, tentative, almost shy.
"Who is it?" Mokuba asked.
"Me. Otogi."
"C'mon in," Jou said. Otogi pushed the door open just enough to slip inside, closing it quickly behind him.
"Where's Seto?"
"Sleepin'," Jou said. "What's wrong?" Otogi looked nervous, very much so. He was pale and his hands trembled as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. Jou had never seen Otogi nervous before, never seen anything buck that same cocky grin on his face, and it was extremely unnerving. "Togi? You okay?"
"Have you watched the news yet today?"
"Nooo…why?"
Otogi sighed and reached for Mokuba's TV. He flipped it on and flicked through the channels quickly. "There's…something I think you should see."
A/N: Hell, that was long. Really, really long. I hope you enjoyed the little insight into Jou's life. No, I didn't make Jou the abused-bishie in this one, but I was trying to express that, although he hasn't had the most fantastic life, he still sees himself as better off than anyone else. It's not healthy, living in denial like that. (shakes finger) Bad Jou. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter…this damn thing's turning into an EPIC. Geez.