Chapter 8- The Cow.
Brought to you by Sarah aka Celebi, bizznitches!
"Huh?... What's... What's a cow doing out on a battlefield?" Rebecca asked, staring at the brown bovine. She glanced around, making sure there were no enemies dangerously near. Then she tiptoed over. Closer... closer... then she was right next to it. She warily poked it with her bow.
"Rebecca! Thank god! I was hoping someone would find me!" a familiar voice came from the cow.
"OH MY ELIMINE! IT-... IT TALKED!" Rebecca screamed, forgetting her common sense. She then fainted.
"Rebecca?... God damnit..."
Five Hours Earlier-
A surprise attack had caught Eliwood's Mercenaries off-guard. The horsemen rode in quickly, with the intent to hit and run. The tactician made an impromptu battle plan and dispatched the units.
One pair, Dart and Wil, were sent out to go deal with some lance-wielders. Also, the two were trusted to take out the boss. Wil was a high-level sniper now, and Dart was damn near being a Berserker. They were confident.
"So!" Wil began, while aiming his bow and pulling back, "Dart! What do you think?" The pirate paused, taking his time angling the throw of the hand axe.
"About what?" he answered, watching his throw hit, then swing back to be caught.
"The zodiac thing!" Wil smiled, as he let loose an arrow into an enemy cavalier's torso.
"Pfft. It's bullshit," Dart stated. Wil gave him an odd look.
"But... you've seen it happen! You saw Raven transform, since Rebecca won't stop hugging him- and you saw Legault turn back after Heath finally got him out of his pantleg-"
"Don't remind me!" Dart shuddered. Bad memories... had that thief NO respect for people's eyes!
"So why do you think it's... bullshit?" Wil inquired, using the exact words.
"There's no such thing as curses. You learn these kinda things at sea. Sorcerer's are crackpots. Sages, they're real. Druids, bishops, real. Sorcerers? Old hags casting curses? As real as the tooth fairy," he explained, with the air of one who's seen it all.
"... The tooth fairy isn't real?... Where did all my baby teeth go!" Wil asked, an air of paranoia setting on him. Dart sighed and shook his head.
"Jus'... forget it. I think I see the enemy boss. Let's take this bitch down and go eat some of Lowen's cooking," Dart suggested. Wil instantly brighted at the idea of Lowen's cooking.
"Yes, sir!" he grinned, saluting with his bow. The two men started up, towards the hill where the enemy commander, a female paladin in crimson armor, awaited them.
"So, and oversized meatbag and some twiggy little sniper. That's all they send against me? Are your little Lordlings to afraid to fight me?" the paladin smirked, readying her sword.
"Hey! We're more than enough to take out one bitch on a horse," Dart huffed, Wil echoing 'twiggy?' in the background. "You're the one who's afraid, unless you get your prissy ass down here and show me what you got," the pirate smirked, swapping for his swordreaver.
"I fear no man!" the enemy boss roared, swinging her sword high above her head and charging.
"Wil!" Dart commanded. The sniper quickly snapped out of his daze.
"Right!" Wil responded, pulling out an arrow and notching it. With a swift pull and release, the arrow went flying. It managed to hit the soft area under the paladin's arm. She winced, but she did not stop her charge. That stood just fine with Dart.
As soon as the horse and rider got within range, Dart swung his swordreaver and brought it down hard on the paladin's torso. The sound of armor breaking rang out, and the scent of blood soon followed. It's owner dead, and it now startled, the horse fled- leaving it's former owner to fall off. The body fell directly onto Dart.
"Hey, Dart! way to g-" Wil's cheer was cut off, however, by a loud POOF and a cloud of smoke. "... Dart?" Wil blinked.
The sniper dashes over to the scene. "Dart?" he repeated, flapping his hands through the cloud of smoke, trying to find his friend. His hand finally connected with something big. "Dart!" he exclaimed, shifting to try and see.
... and he came face to face with a cow.
"Whaaaaa!" Wil gasped. "Dart! Izzat you! Oh no! You're... your cursed! I should have known! Ah, whatnowwhatnowwhatnowwhatnowwhatnow!" Wil rambled, nervously hopping on one foot.
"Wil!" the cow shouted. "Shut up." Wil shut up. He stared at Dart-Cow. Dart-Cow started at Wil. Wil blinked.
"Hey... so your hair IS brown! I could never tell, 'cause most of it was under that bandana and I thought Geitz might know 'cause he's your tent-mate, but he wouldn't tell me 'cause he was too busy talking to Isadora and Fiora and-"
"Yes, Wil. My hair is brown. Now will you help me with this!" Dart twitched, putting on his best annoyed cow face.
"... Help?" Wil tilted his head to the side. "How do I do that?" he asked.
"Get me back to camp!" Dart twitched. "The tactician's gonna be pissed," he added in a mutter.
"Oh, yeah, she'll have a cow!" Wil agreed. The brown-haired sniper was oblivious to the glare he was getting.
The unlikely pair began their way back to camp. There seemed to be no enemy reinforcements to bother them. All of their allies had already gone back to camp, so it seemed. The patch of forest they were going through seemed unusually quiet. Occasionally they'd run into a couple bloodied corpses, probably product of the resident psychopath- Karel. Wil was whistling a merry tune, looking around, and occasionally finding small bits of change, or arrowheads. Dart was just trying to keep moving.
It came out of nowhere. With a resounding bellow, three bandits charged out from the underbrush. Wil, forgetting himself in long-range preservation techniques, ran to the back and notched an arrow. This would have been fine, if his pirate guard wasn't currently beef. The enemy was well aware of this fact.
"Meat!" cried one, dashing forward. Dart-Cow panicked, he shuffled to the side and barely dodged. Then the brigand had a chance to attack from behind. He soon regretted that as the natural protection instinct came up. The bandit was delivered a swift hoof to his nether regions.
"I am not your goddamn lunch!" Dart-Cow yelled. The two other brigands stared at him, wide eyes and slack jawed. Wil took to opportunity to snipe off the bandit who was currently curled up in pain on the ground.
"It's... the God Cow!" one of the remaining two gaped.
"The God Cow!" the other echoed. Dart-Cow stood baffled as the two bandits sunk to their knees, shouting incomprehensible praises of the 'God Cow'. He shot a pleading glance back at Wil to do something. To snipe them, or anything! He couldn't kill a man as a cow! Luckily, Wil had a plan.
The archer rose from his place in the bushes.
"Yes! The God Cow has risen!" he declared, raising his voice. The bandits continued to bow, in righteous awe. "The God Cow needs disciples, to go and teach his ways of... Cow!" Wil continued. "You have been chosen!" The two bandits gasped. One echoed 'We have been chosen!'. Wil grinned. "Now hear the God-Cow's will!" he motioned to Dart-Cow, who was smart enough to pick up.
"You have displeased me, however!" The bandits cringed at Dart-Cow's booming voice. "I shall forgive thee if thee... um.. climb to... the top of the highest mountain in Bern- No! Of all Elibe!" he declared. The bandits glanced at each other.
"Did you not hear the God-Cow!" Wil yelled, the perfect vision of scorn and superiority. The bandits jumped up. "Go!" Wil ordered. The bandits ran off in a hurry.
"... That was pretty impressive," Dart-Cow nodded.
"I traveled with an acting troupe for a couple of weeks, once," Wil grinned. "it was so weird! There was this one guy, and he had the funniest mustache, and-"
"Okay, it's not impressive anymore," Dart-Cow muttered, while walking towards camp. Wil let out a little exclamation, before grabbing his bow and following.
Present Time-
"Long story short, we got separated- and Rebecca found Dart!" Wil finished. Everyone was sitting around the campfire, enjoying some of Lowen's cooking. Dart was still Dart-Cow, and refused to say anything.
"That was still a pretty long story," Sain pointed out. "And absolutely no pretty damsels!" he added in a distressed tone. Kent's eyebrow visibly twitched.
"But... why are you still a cow?" Nino asked. "Hasn't it been a really long time?"
As if on cue, a POP resounded, and the area where Dart-Cow had resided was filled with smoke.
"Oh my Elimine!" Most of the women squealed and covered their eyes. After all, a very exposed Dart was now present.
"... Not bad," was all Legault had to say. He was promptly strangled by a blushing Isadora.
Chapter 8, Fin.
Yay! I finally finished!... Um... not much to say. I had way too many ideas for this chapter, which is why it took so long. Plus, now, they're all squeezed into one. it's probably for the best. 'Cause now Saisu can take over again and you can have semi-regular updates! Yes, Saisu, not unlike fiber, keeps us regular! -shot for terrible joke-
Sarah aka Celebi