"Where are you off to tonight?"
It was said nonchalantly and without presumption.
"Oh, you know, Miroku and I are probably just gonna catch a movie or bowl or something."
The answer was just as even. Not even a flinch.
"O.K. call me when you're on your way home."
A routine demand that was the only hope she held on to.
"No problem. Bye"
That pretty much summed up the entire relationship. Or lack thereof.
The door closed, marking his exit and Kagome sighed.
She sat alone on top of a barstool in the house that she dreamed she'd grow old in. She never thought she'd grow old by the age of thirty.
Inuyasha-- her beautiful husband. The man she fell in love with in college. He was everything she ever wanted and there was a time she believed that she too was his everything. They fell into the kind of relationship that most people only dream of. It was beautiful. Every moment was bliss from the first kiss to the first time they made love. But, in retrospect, she should have known that there was no such thing as a happy ending.
They got married and she couldn't wait to start a family but he insisted that they wait a little and enjoy the free time away from the responsibility of parenthood. It was easy to agree when she loved every minute she was with him.
But then there was the accident.
They were on their way back from a dinner party. She was dressed to kill in a white silk gown that accentuated every curve, and he looked dangerously attractive in a white dress shirt – he had taken off the dress jacket because he always felt confined in them—and he was driving with one hand on the wheel and one tickling her leg in a flirtatious effort to woo her into bed for the night. She didn't realize he wasn't paying attention to the road; her eyes were helplessly locked on him or squeezed shut in mock indignation.
He never saw the car on the right.
Pain was something she never knew until then, but there are more gruesome kinds of pain-, as she would soon learn.
They could not have children after that.
It was a tremendous blow to both of them, but he swore he was thankful just for having her there. He swore.
She would get used to lies.
After eight months she was fully healed and more than ready to come home. But something had changed. He had changed.
There was not flirting, there was no laughter, and the home she had come to cherish became an emotional cage of awkward touching and robotic love.
She thought that it was just a phase. He was overprotective and careful, but he had to know she was fine now. Aside from the fact that she could never have children, he had to know she still loved him. But she would learn soon that he didn't know much anymore.
Three weeks went by. Soon it was a year and still there was no change. Well, that's not true. No change between them, but there was a change for Inuyasha.
Kagome first saw her at a dinner party for his company. She was introduced to her by Inuyasha.
"Kagome, this is my secretary, Kikyo."
Kagome thought she was very lovely and elegant. It was uncanny how much they looked alike. But Kikyo, was graceful and winsome, while Kagome was bouncy and energetic. Kagome thought nothing of it, until Inuyasha began to work late.
Very late.
It would start with the calls at 10:30 when she had already made dinner and would sit and wait.
"'Gome, I'm sorry the meetings are running late and I won't be home until after midnight with all the paperwork start without me. I'll come straight home."
She got used to eating alone.
"'Gome, It's going to be a while tonight. Don't wait up."
But it wasn't until he became careless that Kagome really began to lose her heart.
It started when he stopped calling altogether and her eating alone was normal. She became unbearably lonely. The man of her life was becoming a workaholic, she believed. Kagome thought it was her fault. She could not conceive so he looked to satisfy himself in his work in order to escape the disappointment of never having a real family with her.
But then she began to receive different phone calls from an anonymous number.
"Hello?"
Was that static she heard on the other line? It almost sounded like breathing. Heavy breathing.
"Hello?"
"Oh baby you're so good to me . . ." It was moaned and sounded sort of distant. Kagome flushed at the implications of the words.
"I'm sorry you must have the wrong number."
Kagome laughed it off as a mistake. But that kind of mistake could not happen again, could it?
Bring Bring
"Hello?"
The breathing was closer this time and obviously passion-induced.
"Whoever this is, you're phone is on!"
"Uh! Oh . . . do it harder" the voice was definitely female.
"Hello! Please stop calling!"
"Don't stop! Don't ever stop!"
Geez, Kagome thought, these people—
"Inu-yasha!"
Wha-? Kagome's entire stomach dropped out.
"Inu-yasha! Oh baby you're so good."
Tear welled up in Kagome's eyes as her body slid to the floor.
"No . . ." She whispered in denial.
"Gah! Kikyo! Oh! Uh . . ." His voice.
Kagome would recognize that voice anywhere. She loved that voice. It was the voice of her husband. Kagome threw up onto the kitchen floor and the room began to spin. That was the voice of her husband making love to someone. Another woman. His secretary.
Before her entire world went blank she hear the dial tone and thought,
How terribly cliché . . .
That had been 2 weeks ago, and Kagome continued to receive the same phone calls. It destroyed something in her that the car crash did not. Her will to live.
Kagome lived for Inuyasha. He was her life. But he had moved on and she could not stand to live in an agony of life where he loved another woman right in front of her eyes- or ears.
So for the next week after, she went along with the same routine.
"How's Miroku?"
"Hm? Oh. He's great. Ya' I'll be seeing him later tonight we're going to have a drink at Jerry's."
"Oh. O.K. Call me when you're on your way home."
"k', g'night."
The sound of the door closing was like another piece of her heart being ripped from her body with a blunt knife. She smiled bitterly.
But she knew what to do. Tonight was the night.
First, though, she had to make a phone call.
"Hello?"
"Sango? It's me, Kagome."
"Hey sweetheart. How are you?"
"I'm fine. Is Miroku around? Inuyasha had a question to ask him."
"Oh yeah let me get him." Kagome closed her eyes as the last minute traces of hope began to burn away inside her.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Miroku"
"Kagome! What can I do for ya'?"
"I was wondering if you and Inuyasha had plans for tonight?"
"Um . . . Nope. Not that I know of."
The tears fell silently but she forced herself to sound normal.
"Oh OK. Um thanks. Can I talk to Sango for a moment?"
"Ya hold on . . . Bye, Kagome."
"Bye, Miroku"
"Yeah?"
"I just wanted to say goodbye. Because I haven't seen you in a long time and I wanted- . . ." sound normal. Sound normal. Sound normal. She had to force herself.
"Well. Bye, Sango."
"I'll talk to you later 'Gome-chan."
click
Kagome wept for the loss of her friends, her family, her love, her heart, her hope, and her will to live.
The next few minutes were a blur. At some point she got in the car and next thing she new she was standing on the bridge across from her old university. The very same bridge that she met Inuyasha on.
She waited for the phone call.
When it came she was ready.
beep
"Hello?"
"uh! Oh! . . ." The moaning was grotesque and it tore the last remnants of regret she held in her head.
"Inuyasha? I know you can't hear me. I mean, I know you're a little busy right now-" She smirked bitterly and without any happiness, "-but I wanted you to know that I- . . . I love you. I always have. Now I know that nothing can change that. But sometime your head and your heart don't agree and one wants to persevere while the other is ready to die. I'm ready I think. So I want you to be happy. I'm just sorry I can't be your happy. I guess. I guess I just want to say. . . Goodbye, Inuyasha."
She closed the phone delicately and placed it on the ground. Looking around at the vastness of the bridge she took measured steps forward to the ledge. She didn't look down. Kagome Higurashi never looked down. She may be going down, but she was going to do it with dignity.
She took one leg and placed it over the railing, and braced her hands on the smooth, cool, metallic ledge. When she finally had her entire body over she looked out at the unending dark sky with its cloudy confused moon.
Confused moon.
That's what Inuyasha called it. She remembered them having made love for the very first time and she curled up in front of him as he cradled her body.
"Inuyasha?"
"Hm?" He nuzzled the side of her neck. She loved it when he did that.
"What does the moon look like to you?"
He looked up for a moment then kissed her and said, "Confused."
"Confused?"
"It never knows what it wants to be. It's ever changing."
She snuggled up to him and smiled.
"We'll never change, will we?"
"No, Kagome, I will love you forever."
The moon mocked her tonight, but she stood ever strong in the face of humiliation. She had, after all, nothing to be ashamed of. She kept her promise. Inuyasha just couldn't. Sadly, Kagome smiled, she understood why he had to be with someone else. But it was just too much for Kagome.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head up. Taking a deep breath, she spread her arms out wide and released the railing.
"Hey! What are you doing! Hey! Don't!"
Kagome smiled and leaned forward and felt the memories of her and Inuyasha falling in love wash over her.
"Yasha?"
"Don't call me that." Inuyasha hated it when she ignored his rules. This was strictly sex. No pet names. He threw the sheet off of himself and sat up. He leaned his elbows on his thighs and rested his face in his hands. He thought of Kagome's trusting, smiling face and scrubbed his face of the image- of the guilt.
Glancing at the clock – 2:30 AM – he swore before grabbing his pants and putting them on.
"Inuyasha?" her mocking emphasis placed on "inu" was not lost on him, but he just ignored it and rolled his eyes.
"what?"
"You might want to see this on the news some lady fell into the river."
What did he care? He had to get home before his wife woke up and wondered where he was.
He buttoned his shirt and headed for the door. He passed Kikyo on the way out and patted her head, "Same time to—"
"—the woman is fell from a forty foot drop and was seen, luckily, by a passerby who called out to her. He said she ignored him and jumped. Divers have already retrieved the body and paramedics found a very vague sign of life from her. The woman has been identified as Kagome Higurashi, a local who went to the very university this bridge is a--."
Inuyasha felt his throat close up as his gut clenched and his mouth went dry. He slowly turned to the television and saw a picture of his wife smiling in the corner as the news reporter went on about the accident.
Accident? This was no accident.
He had to find her. She was his life.
"She is currently being held at Shikon Hospital and we will all pray for her speedy recovery."
He was out the door before anyone's prayers got started.
When he reached the hospital he was shaking with nerves. He had almost lost her once he could not lose her now. She was his everything.
After what seemed like an eternity he was on his way to her room when he found Miroku sitting at the end of the hall with his face in his hands as he rocked back and forth.
"Miroku?" He said, unsure of what was going on. She would be okay. She had to be.
Miroku shook his head before he ceased his rocking and wiped his eyes. Finally after taking a deep breath he looked up.
"Where were you?"
Inuyasha was taken aback by the question. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "At work. How is she?"
"When do you take your shirt off at work?"
"Wha-!" But even as he looked down he noticed that he had buttoned his shirt up wrong and not even all the way.
Miroku shook his head and looked away as if ashamed to face him.
"She called our house. She sounded fine. She asked if we were doing anything tonight and I told her I didn't think so."
Inuyasha felt his eyes widen as his heart squeezed . . . she knew.
His feet failed to support him and he dropped to his knees "no . . ."
He had never felt so worthless in his entire life.
"Why'd ya' do it?" Miroku asked almost forcefully.
"I don't know." Inuyasha said. The reasons were muddled in the mush that had become his conscience.
"Well I hope you're happy you sick fuck! Because you-" Miroku dropped his tirade as he saw Sango walk out of the hospital room.
"How is she?"
She looked up with a pitiful tearstained face and winced when she saw Inuyasha there. But she ignored him and rushed to Miroku's embrace.
Her response was muffled but Inuyasha heard it clearly.
"She's dying."
"Oh, Sango."
Inuyasha didn't think he had ever felt so sick in his entire life. But he found some anger deep inside of him.
"What do you mean! Can't the doctors help her?"
Sango's grip turned fierce and she pivoted pointedly to face Inuyasha angrily.
"As a matter of fact, yes. Yes they can save Kagome."
"Then what the fuck's the probl-"
"-You don't understand. Kagome doesn't want to be saved." She bit out.
"Kagome wants to die."
Inuyasha barely let her finish the sentence before he was at the door and stepping in the room.
Kagome couldn't want to die. She was so full of life. She was everything light to him. She-
was lying in a hospital bed and dying.
He stepped towards her carefully. Quietly.
Her eyes were closed her face and arms were bruised and there were tubes coming from everywhere. He sat in the chair next to her bed and carefully picked up her delicate and damages hand.
Her eyes fluttered open and she drew a ragged breath.
Her beautiful brown eyes came to focus on him and he saw her pain. Pain that he had caused.
"Kagome, I can ex-"
"-Shhhh. Don't" It was so quiet he almost didn't catch it.
He felt tears sting his eyes and he wanted to tear this place apart.
She looked at him and weakly squeezed his hand and smiled.
He felt like such a sack of shit.
"Kagome the doctors can-"
Kagome kept smiling and shook her head.
"I'm dying. Inuyasha."
"No- Kagome!" His voice broke and he leaned closer to her.
"It's okay, Yasha." She took another ragged breath and winced at the way it rubbed against her broken ribs.
"I want you to be happy, Inuyasha . . . Even if it's with- her." Her words were stilted and weak. She was dying.
"No! Kagome, she doesn't make me happy! You do! I love you!" He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck.
When he pulled back to look at her she was smiling.
Her dazzling smile. The smile that could light up a room. The smile that could make a blind man see.
"I'm glad Inuyasha. I love you." She squeezed his hand and let her eyes flutter shut.
"Kagome!" He shook her lightly, "Open your eyes Kagome!"
Her mouth dropped open, "Be . . . happy . . ."
Her hand released its weak hold and Inuyasha felt the world as he knew it crash down on him.
The light in the world dimmed. His throat became unbearably tight and he nuzzled her neck and sobbed his grief out onto the woman he loved. The woman he destroyed.
Kagome was dead.
A/N: I'm sorry if this is really bad. I'm just starting this and I was feeling depressed. But I want honest opinions. How can I do better? Please feel free to give me some helpful pointers.
Thank you all for reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Inu-Yasha. It's all Rumiko Takahashi.