Chapter Three

Perfection

No one knew how hard Jordan had worked just to survive after Woody ousted her from his life.

First, she had worked like the devil himself was breathing down her neck to solve Garret's case…her goal was to get Slocum out of the morgue and Macy back in. She willingly put in long hours and painstaking detail to get one part of her life back to normal. And while she was immensely relieved the day that Garret had walked back into the morgue and was chief ME again, their relationship had altered.

He was off the pedestal.

No longer was he a man beyond reproach that she could look up to…he was a fallen individual. A mere mortal. Simply a co-worker. A person no less able to resist temptation than she was. And while she still loved him, the revere was gone.

Garret felt it, too. Rarely did she go to him for advice now. Rarely did they sit in his office and chat for hours on end about nothing important at all. Rarely did they go out for drinks after work.

Jordan was too busy trying to mend her broken heart and begin her life without the prospects of Woody being a part of it. Something she had never contemplated before. She had assumed that even after the ring debacle, they would still end up together…stumble back towards each other, somehow, someway, someday.

Only it didn't happen. He summarily kicked her out of his hospital room and out of his life. He didn't want any contact with her again.

This time, moving on was real. It was necessary. It was vital. It had to happen.

So, at first work was her outlet. First Garret's case and then any other case that she was assigned to. She found if she nearly drowned herself in a sea of work, she could go home exhausted and fall asleep nearly immediately, often without dreaming of a tall man with crystal blue eyes and a smile that melted her heart.

This effort was as necessary to Jordan as breathing. As recent events had unfolded, Jordan began to mull over in her mind why they had to happen…more specifically, why did they have to keep happening to her. Her mother's death. James' apparent suicide. Her father desertion of her. Garret's betrayal. Woody's abandonment.

The only reason she could formulate was that she was hopelessly flawed as an individual and as soon as people realized that, they left her. They couldn't stand her imperfection.

So, her mode of survival was perfectionism. She became the perfect employee once Garret returned to the morgue…willingly putting in all the hours needed without complaint, keeping her paperwork caught up, making sure every autopsy was done to the highest standard. Working with Jack Slocum had taught her how…one debt she did owe the bastard.

Her apartment became immaculate. Clean, well-organized….down to the alphabetized spice rack. Her wardrobe became more than perfectly pressed….it became perfectly coordinated and professional. Rarely did anyone catch her in jeans around the office any longer. Those had been relegated to Saturdays and Sundays when she was lounging around her apartment.

She tried to evolve into the daughter her father wanted…making peace with her grandmother, being considerate, not as stubborn…quiet, more feminine…a mature woman putting her past behind her.

She worked hard to become a better friend to Bug, Lily, and Nigel. Especially Nigel…the one person who had stuck with her through thick and thin and had propped her up emotionally after Woody had turned her away. Nigel was often by her side in the evening, but never in her bed. That was the understanding between them…she wouldn't be in anyone's bed until she had learned how to be as perfect in a relationship as she had everything else.

And that was the one area that was eluding her. She had no idea how to be the perfect girlfriend who in turn would become a perfect wife. She finally had given up, believing that to be an area that she would never need perfection in, because no man would want her given her hopelessly flawed personality. Maybe in his bed, yes…but never a permanent place in any man's life.

If the truth be known, she still couldn't see herself with anyone but Woody. Maybe that was because for so long that picture had played on in the back of her mind, despite of everything that had happened between them.

But then again, maybe it was because no other man had showed an interest in her the way he did.

Only now he didn't and she assumed that part of her life…a permanent relationship with a man … was off the table for her. So she concentrated on the other areas…employee, friend, daughter.

She assumed, when she did everything perfectly, everyone that she had lost may find their way back to her. Her father. Her relationship with Garret. All of her friends.

And when days passed and they didn't, instead of getting discouraged, she simply tried harder. And harder. And still harder.

Everyone applauded her efforts, "Jordan iss maturing," they all said. Everyone that is, except Nigel and Dr. Howard Stiles, the state psychologist. Nigel feared she was working too hard. Dr. Stiles feared her pursuit of perfection would be her ultimate downfall. "When she realizes that it can't be met…and even if it could …it probably wouldn't matter to these people…she'll collapse. And there may be no bringing her back."

However, Jordan doggedly pushed ahead with her plan to be as near-perfect as possible. And she had been succeeding fairly well. Until today. Wearily she pushed open the door to her apartment, went inside, closed it behind her, and leaned against it for support. Working with Woody again. It was bound to happen, after all he was the chief of detectives and she was an ME. Homicides fell on both sides of the line there.

At no time had she dreamed Drew Haley would ever walk back into her life. After the Digger case and he kissed her good-bye, she had assumed that she would never hear from him again. Despite the fact that the sexual chemistry between them was hot enough to raise the temperature in a room several degrees…and despite the fact that if the chance had arose during the Digger case, she would have slept with him, she never expected to hear from him again. They both knew they each carried too much emotional baggage at that point in time to be anything other than work partners. But now five years was behind them. She had matured, relegating her past to well, the past. And the look in Drew's eyes made her think that somewhere along the way his burdens had eased, too….his eyes no longer looked tortured or held a haunted gaze.

Jordan frowned and pulled away from the door, longing for a shower and a cold beer. She undressed, hung up her clothes, and turned the shower spray on hot and hard. However, she thought, now both men are in the mix…and both of them are pacing around each other like two caged bears. How am I going to manage my emotions and get them to work together nicely?

The answer was eluding her as she dried off and got ready for bed, chugging down a cold beer all the while. Whatever happened, it was going to be interesting.

Whatever happened, she just hoped her heart would survive.