"You have beautifully red hair, Merric, it is quite, quite red." As opposed to "You have beautifully blue eyes, Ernest, they are quite, quite blue." - Miss Gwendolen Fairfax in Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest.

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Chapter eight: Oops it's the wrong redhead!

Joren woke up with a horrible headache. It didn't help to see Cleon lying next to him either.

"AHH!!" screamed Joren, "Alex! Alex! Help! Help!"

He scrambled up and backed away from Cleon's sleeping figure, shuddering and clutching at his blankets around him. He continued to walk backwards until he crashed into a table.

It was a nightmare. It wasn't true. It couldn't be! He huddled and shook, sniffling due to the cold, watching Cleon with horror until Alex came running.

"What's wrong?" asked Alex, concerned.

Joren flung himself into Alex's arms. "They've assigned me bed buddies with Cleon!" he wailed.

"Sorry?" said Alex.

"Cleon, that big oaf, they've made him my room mate!"

"What?" asked Alex, genuinely confused.

"That stupid redhead lying in my bed! CLEON!!!" Joren shouted.

Alex's throat tightened. "Show me." He said.

Joren grabbed Alex's hand and lead him to the still sleeping Cleon.

"Cleon of Kennan," whispered Joren, "the biggest idiot in the Lump's group of friends."

"So…" Alex mused, already knowing what he will hear, "That's not Merric then?"

Joren looked at him in that way.

"I guess not then," said Alex grimly. "ROGER!!!"

***

"Cleon!" called Neal, "Cleon, where are you?"

the search party for Cleon still only consisted of Kel and Neal. Unfortunately, no-one else had seemed to care when they were told about their missing friend - not even his mother, who promptly disowned him when she found out he was missing.

"I supposed it's better than," Neal said grumpily, exhausted with searching, "we don't have to worry about her when we get married

"Cleon!" called Neal, "You shall get no dinner for the rest of your life." Neal folded his arms, gloating. However, when Cleon did not respond Neal became anxious.

"Cleon," he whispered desperately, "If you come out now, I'll give you a million biscuits every day." Cleon still did not appear.

Reluctantly, Neal crawled into a hole and begged to burn. Unfortunately, Kel, who stood nearby, saw everything.

"Nealan of Queenscove," she scolded, "Get out at once and continue searching for our son."

Neal looked at her grief-stricken face.

"Kel," he said unconvincingly, "I love Cleon and we need to find him. But somehow, I don't think we're doing the right thing."

Kel say down next to him in the hole. "Sometimes I think maybe the Gods are involved."

A tear ran down Neal's face. Kel reached over and brushed it off his cheek. Neal held her tightly and they stood in silence.

***

"This can't be happening," groaned Roger, covering his face with his hands, "After all the planning and work I did to get him - we end up with the wrong one."

"Well you could've asked first," retorted Alex, "Wouldn't it have been so much easier if we had bust asked Thom?"

Roger pursed his lips. He didn't not like Alex's way of saying that Thom was better than he was.

"You two were doing the asking," he said, folding his arms, "It's not my fault you asked him straight into a drunk dance!"

Roger took another look at Cleon, then at Joren. "Cheer up Joren, you can always pretend."

But Joren did not appear to have heard. He was slouched in his chair, white as paper and his had that he'd placed on his forehead was shaking.

"That poor boy," said Roger, shaking his head sympathetically. "I know what it feels like."

"No you don't," retorted Alex, "you just want to sleep with Merric."

Roger was silent for a while.

"Yes, I do," he said finally, "And I'm very much disappointed that we have gotten Cleon instead, so I'm going to go take a bath."

"Hold it," Said Alex.

"What is it NOW?" asked Roger exasperated.

"Well you've got to send him back first," said Alex.

Roger paled considerably.

"What?" asked Alex, smirking.

There was a choking sound. "Look! Jorie's dead!" he yelled, pointing.

Alex's gaze followed Roger's finger. "What?" he spotted Joren, who appeared to be choking, and ran over to him.

"Joren!" he called, "Joren, calm down!"

Joren spluttered, spraying the other two with spit.

"DON'T you start that again," warned Alex as Roger opened his mouth to scream.

Finally, they got Joren calm enough so he was sitting in Alex's lap, sobbing silently.

"Alex," started Roger, "Can't we just forget this? I mean, look at Joren! He nearly died!"

But Alex looked back at him with a determined face. "We will get out of this triangle."

Roger sighed. Why did he have to be dead? If it weren't for that Alanna of Trebond, he'd be alive now, living life happily with, say, the Lord Provost, in the midst of riches. Maybe he shouldn't have been evil…

Suddenly, Roger had an idea. What is Joren could think that Cleon was Merric… And then they would be out of this triangle. Alex would be happy, and Roger would get what he came here for.

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maybe it's not that bad being dead after all. I mean, people don't grow, right, so you could have sex all the time without condoms, and not have to worry about pregnancy or STIs. It's the ideal world for sexually active people, like the characters we have chosen to use for this story.

HANG ON! What did Alex mean when he said that he had to send Cleon back? Because if Cleon was dead…