Lookie, everyone, it's me! The marvelous me! Woohoo! Here's the next bit!

Chapter fifteen: Utterly Hopeless

"I'm so confused," came a voice, and Joren turned to see Thom walking through the doorway.

"Every morning, I ask the kitchens to serve me black tea, and what do I get? Cranberry juice. And - Good Grief, what is that smell?"

Thom sniffed the air and surveyed the room. "They've got you too! They gave you off apple juice!" His eyes fell on the wet patch on Joren's pants. "Although most people drink it, not pour it on their groin area."

Joren's mouth fell open for the fifth time in fifteen minutes. "I didn't pour apple juice on myself!" he protested.

Thom frowned. "So you wet your pants?"

"No," explained Joren, "Merric wet me!"

Thom raised a hand. "Whoa! Merric wet your pants? How?"

Before Joren could embarrass himself further, Roger and his purple cape charged in. "You!" he roared, pointing at Thom, "Outside! Now!"

"Now, Roger, this really isn't necessary," Thom protested. "I wasn't doing anything to Joren, we were just talking -"

"I need your help."

"- really, I didn't do anything - what?"

Roger swallowed. "I need to ask a favour of you."

Thom looked around and back at Roger. "What?"

"In the pool outside are several items of clothing which belong to your arch enemy."

"You mean the Boogey Man?" asked Thom.

Roger stared at him. "Yes," he said, after a while.

Thom crossed his arms. "You expect me to believe that?"

"But you - you're the one that brought it up!"

Thom raised his eyebrows in a you're-wasting-my-time kind of way.

"Alright, alright," cried Roger, "in the pool are several items of clothing that belong to your arch enemy - my uncle."

"You mean King Roald?" asked Thom slowly.

"Yes." Roger put some emphasis into this with a nod.

"But… how is he my evil arch enemy?" Thom was confused… again.

Roger opened his mouth. "Um… I'll get back to you on that one. Now what you have to do is to collect these clothes and put them in your cupboard."

"Why can't you put them in your cupboard?"

"Because… because the Boogey Man lives in my cupboard."

"Roger," Thom scolded, "You know it's bad to lie."

"Thom," Roger scorned, "You know it's bad to disobey me," and waved a finger threateningly.

Thom looked towards the ceiling. "Roger, I'm al-rea-dy dead," he said, annunciating each syllable carefully.

"Scoundrel!" cursed Roger. He began pacing up and down the corridor.

Thom watched him go, wondering how in Mithros' name he could have passed university as a top mage.

"Roger!" he hissed, "What are you doing?"

Roger looked up, his face brightening. "I have a most brilliant idea!"

Thom raised an eyebrow, "You had an idea involving the Boogey Man before, and that didn't work, did it?"

Roger's mouth flew open in protest, but quickly he closed it and smiled. "Thom," he said, "I know that sometimes it is difficult for you to get over the fact that your sister is a knight and you aren't, but there's no need to show any hostility towards me."

"Well, you did kill me." Thom retorted.

"And your sister killed me!"

Thom frowned. "Are you implying that I am my sister?"

"No," said Roger sincerely, "I'm implying that your sister is utterly hopeless. The fact that she, in her utterly hopeless state killed me in my absolutely fabulous state who killed you in - your state implies that you are obviously a lot worse that she -"

But he did not get to finish for Thom had slapped him hard on the face.

"How dare you," Thom hissed as Roger rubbed his face gently.

"What did you do that for?" Roger whined loudly.

"How dare you say that I'm worse than my sister in her utterly hopeless state!" Thom screeched and Roger cowered.

"Um…" he did not want to face Thom's wrath. Like Alanna, he was scary when angered.
"You're scarier than her when you're angry," Roger offered.

Thom looked somewhat pained at this comment. "I will overlook this," he said, thinking of Joren.

Roger looked expectant for more.

"Because… I'm so very endearing." He smiled at Roger.

Roger looked at Thom who looked back. It was completely silent as the pin that usually dropped at this point did not.

However, before a well-formed understanding could take place, Merric burst out of the room.

"Alex!" he yelled, "Joren's wearing me pants!"

"Aha," Thom exclaimed, "That's how Merric wet Joren's pants!"

And there's another one. A very short one, a prima facie meaningless one, but that's not a crime is it? If it was, Aaron and I would certainly have mens rea. (I used it again! In your face Aaron!)

This chapter mainly explored Roger and Thom's relationship. Some of you could ask "What relationship?" but remember, Roger does think Thom is sexy, although he may not admit it. And Thom certainly has an interest in Joren. And I love Thom. So you can expect to see a lot more of him from now on! This is so much fun!

But this is a very exciting story. Yesterday Aaron and discussed the outcome of this story over msn. There, we concocted a scene (well, I did, Aaron just sat back and read) that is crucial for the ultimate ending of the story. Whoopee!

What do you think that the ending will be for this fic? What will happen to the dead world people? And the live world people? Will Cleon be corrupted into their sodomite ranks? Will Alex, Roger and Joren ever solve their triangle problem? Will Neal and Kel ever get over their fights? Will the first-year page Sunne turn up again? Tell us what you think by dropping a line!

Also, Aaron, if you're reading this, we must step lively and try to finish this story soon. Preferably by the end of August.