I waited for a long time, leaning against the wall with my eyes closed next to MOMO's door. Occasionally, I would hear her stir in her bed, and all my senses would tune themselves to the surroundings. But nothing was ever wrong. She was merely sleeping. That was all I did for the longest time... Listen and wait. I wound down after a while, not jumping at every little sound. I wished bitterly that I could sleep so peacefully, but it was a fool's wish. My memories would never let me sleep that well as long as they remained in my mind. My arms, folded across my chest, tightened their grip as I thought about what I had asked Juli Mizrahi and the other members of the Contact Sub-Committee to do with my memories from my past life. I lifted my cyborg arm to my face and looked at it, and I turned and moved all the joints in the metal hand, making it buzz and whirr with mechanics and the turning of gears. I formed that hand into a fist, the metal of my hand scraping together.
Yes. I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget the pain. I wanted to forget the suffering and the hurt. I wanted to erase the feelings of anguish my mind and my heart clung to without reason. I no longer needed to wake with a pain in my heart, remembering the fear and the sadness. I was doing the right thing, forgetting the past. The past was nothing but haunting and agonizing. My thoughts belonged in the present. They belonged with MOMO. I crossed my arms once more, waiting.
As the time passed, the people of the Durandal began to awaken. The first to rise were the guards. I didn't look up as they passed. I felt that they may had deserved a greeting had they been out doing their duty earlier. Soon after the guards came the residents of the ship itself. I saw many unfamiliar faces walk by me, though I recognized Shelley Godwin from the crowd that stood around her. Our eyes met as she walked past, and I nodded in recognition. She returned the nod, then continued walking. I caught glimpses of Realians and humans alike. I noticed Mary's laughter before I saw her face. She called out to me, and I gave her the same head nod I had given her sister. She giggled and told her friends that I reminded her of her sister. I tried to tune my ears to anything that was happening in MOMO's room, but was interrupted when Allen, walking the opposite direction that everyone else seemed to be moving in, came up to me, out of breath.
"Ziggy," he said breathlessly, "Have... you seen... the-"
"Jr. went to ask her to the beach," I responded, already knowing what he was going to ask, "You may want to look for her there." The Vector employee smiled weakly, then started making his way to the dock. As I watched him struggle to make his way through the hallway, I heard a sound at my side. I turned nonchalantly, only to find that the sound I had heard was the sound of MOMO's door opening. I saw the little pink-haired Realian walk out of her room, sleep still in her eyes. I almost jumped with surprise, but restrained myself quickly. She looked up, rubbing her right eye gently, and a smile spread over her face as her eyes fell upon me.
"Good morning, Ziggy!" she told me, taking her hand away from her face, showing her sparkling golden eyes. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry, then looked at my feet, remembering everything that had transpired earlier, and how the look she gave me reminded me...
"'Morning, Dad!" I heard his voice call from the depths of my memory. I winced at the pain it recalled when I could no longer hear his voice. I felt MOMO's face and demeanor fall as she stood next to me. Still looking at my feet, I tried to sound happier than I actually felt.
"Good morning, MOMO," I said quietly. I looked up, meeting her eyes again. They were sad now. Her eyebrows began to creep upwards in steadily increasing sadness. This made me feel worse than I had had ever felt from the time I rescued MOMO from her cell on Pleroma. I uncrossed my arms, feeling guilt spread through my person. "I'm sorry," I told her honestly. "I'm just not feeling my best since last night. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I AM happy to see you." MOMO's face almost immediately brightened. I felt relief this time.
"That's good. I'm just glad you're not mad at me," her voice told of her happiness. She then looked at me, almost curiously, "Are feeling okay?" Not wanting to worry her any further, I lied.
"Yes, I'm fine now." After a brief silence, I remembered that Jr. had wanted me to relay a message. For some reason that was beyond comprehension, I was reluctant to tell her what he had asked me to say. But I did, despite my feelings against it, "MOMO," she looked up with a smile, "Jr. came by while you were asleep. He asked me to tell you that he wished for you to join him down at the beach." MOMO giggled, and nodded her head.
"That would be so much fun!" she told me, heading back into her room. I stayed outside the room, waiting for her to change. I heard her voice call back to me through the metal door. "Are you coming with me, Ziggy?" she asked lightly. I was silent. There was no possible way that I could participate in the activities she would at the beach with my cyborg body. When I didn't respond, I heard her again, "Ziggy?"
"No," I told her after hesitating only a moment more. She was quiet again. After a few more moments, she came out of her room in a pink bathing suit, ready to join Jr. and the others at the beach. Her face was etched with sadness again.
"Why not?"
I couldn't lie to her. She was too innocent for me to lie to her like that. I set my human hand on her head to console her.
"I'm afraid that I would just get in the way of your fun. I'm..." I looked away again, "I'm not exactly the first name that comes to mind when you think of fun, am I?" I asked truthfully. MOMO shook her head, grabbing my arm.
"Sure you are! Please, Ziggy, just come to the beach with me! I promise we'll have fun!"
I couldn't say no to her face. She smiled at me incessantly, her wide, generous eyes staring at mine until I would give her an answer. I remembered, then, that I had made a promise. That made up my mind. I nodded, and she laughed, and began skipping down the hall in front of me.
"We'll have so much fun! Come on, Ziggy!" she said, looking back over her shoulder. I started walking, my metal body clanking and buzzing. It was amazing how she could make me do anything she wanted just by her eyes. He'd had that ability too. I could never say no. They were so alike...
No, I told myself. It was time to forget the past. The past was pain. There was no longer room in my life for that pain. It was time to forget. I looked up at MOMO's happy face, then I caught up with her, taking her hand in mine.
"Alright, MOMO... Let's go."
Her bright smile assured me that this was no mistake. The past didn't matter anymore. She was all that mattered.
And I would make sure that nothing ever happened to hurt her.
Yes. I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget the pain. I wanted to forget the suffering and the hurt. I wanted to erase the feelings of anguish my mind and my heart clung to without reason. I no longer needed to wake with a pain in my heart, remembering the fear and the sadness. I was doing the right thing, forgetting the past. The past was nothing but haunting and agonizing. My thoughts belonged in the present. They belonged with MOMO. I crossed my arms once more, waiting.
As the time passed, the people of the Durandal began to awaken. The first to rise were the guards. I didn't look up as they passed. I felt that they may had deserved a greeting had they been out doing their duty earlier. Soon after the guards came the residents of the ship itself. I saw many unfamiliar faces walk by me, though I recognized Shelley Godwin from the crowd that stood around her. Our eyes met as she walked past, and I nodded in recognition. She returned the nod, then continued walking. I caught glimpses of Realians and humans alike. I noticed Mary's laughter before I saw her face. She called out to me, and I gave her the same head nod I had given her sister. She giggled and told her friends that I reminded her of her sister. I tried to tune my ears to anything that was happening in MOMO's room, but was interrupted when Allen, walking the opposite direction that everyone else seemed to be moving in, came up to me, out of breath.
"Ziggy," he said breathlessly, "Have... you seen... the-"
"Jr. went to ask her to the beach," I responded, already knowing what he was going to ask, "You may want to look for her there." The Vector employee smiled weakly, then started making his way to the dock. As I watched him struggle to make his way through the hallway, I heard a sound at my side. I turned nonchalantly, only to find that the sound I had heard was the sound of MOMO's door opening. I saw the little pink-haired Realian walk out of her room, sleep still in her eyes. I almost jumped with surprise, but restrained myself quickly. She looked up, rubbing her right eye gently, and a smile spread over her face as her eyes fell upon me.
"Good morning, Ziggy!" she told me, taking her hand away from her face, showing her sparkling golden eyes. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry, then looked at my feet, remembering everything that had transpired earlier, and how the look she gave me reminded me...
"'Morning, Dad!" I heard his voice call from the depths of my memory. I winced at the pain it recalled when I could no longer hear his voice. I felt MOMO's face and demeanor fall as she stood next to me. Still looking at my feet, I tried to sound happier than I actually felt.
"Good morning, MOMO," I said quietly. I looked up, meeting her eyes again. They were sad now. Her eyebrows began to creep upwards in steadily increasing sadness. This made me feel worse than I had had ever felt from the time I rescued MOMO from her cell on Pleroma. I uncrossed my arms, feeling guilt spread through my person. "I'm sorry," I told her honestly. "I'm just not feeling my best since last night. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I AM happy to see you." MOMO's face almost immediately brightened. I felt relief this time.
"That's good. I'm just glad you're not mad at me," her voice told of her happiness. She then looked at me, almost curiously, "Are feeling okay?" Not wanting to worry her any further, I lied.
"Yes, I'm fine now." After a brief silence, I remembered that Jr. had wanted me to relay a message. For some reason that was beyond comprehension, I was reluctant to tell her what he had asked me to say. But I did, despite my feelings against it, "MOMO," she looked up with a smile, "Jr. came by while you were asleep. He asked me to tell you that he wished for you to join him down at the beach." MOMO giggled, and nodded her head.
"That would be so much fun!" she told me, heading back into her room. I stayed outside the room, waiting for her to change. I heard her voice call back to me through the metal door. "Are you coming with me, Ziggy?" she asked lightly. I was silent. There was no possible way that I could participate in the activities she would at the beach with my cyborg body. When I didn't respond, I heard her again, "Ziggy?"
"No," I told her after hesitating only a moment more. She was quiet again. After a few more moments, she came out of her room in a pink bathing suit, ready to join Jr. and the others at the beach. Her face was etched with sadness again.
"Why not?"
I couldn't lie to her. She was too innocent for me to lie to her like that. I set my human hand on her head to console her.
"I'm afraid that I would just get in the way of your fun. I'm..." I looked away again, "I'm not exactly the first name that comes to mind when you think of fun, am I?" I asked truthfully. MOMO shook her head, grabbing my arm.
"Sure you are! Please, Ziggy, just come to the beach with me! I promise we'll have fun!"
I couldn't say no to her face. She smiled at me incessantly, her wide, generous eyes staring at mine until I would give her an answer. I remembered, then, that I had made a promise. That made up my mind. I nodded, and she laughed, and began skipping down the hall in front of me.
"We'll have so much fun! Come on, Ziggy!" she said, looking back over her shoulder. I started walking, my metal body clanking and buzzing. It was amazing how she could make me do anything she wanted just by her eyes. He'd had that ability too. I could never say no. They were so alike...
No, I told myself. It was time to forget the past. The past was pain. There was no longer room in my life for that pain. It was time to forget. I looked up at MOMO's happy face, then I caught up with her, taking her hand in mine.
"Alright, MOMO... Let's go."
Her bright smile assured me that this was no mistake. The past didn't matter anymore. She was all that mattered.
And I would make sure that nothing ever happened to hurt her.