Partings- William

After a week of breathing hot, stale air in cramped cargo transports across half our known world, and not an hour from touching down at the flight terminal across town, here I am being asked whether I agree to my wife's request for a divorce, whether I agree to not be a part of my family's home and life- to give up all that I hold dear.

No, of course not!

How can anyone agree to such a thing?

Yet, Caroline does- she wants this- she asked for this! She thinks she and our sons will be better off without me.

Gods, how that hurts!

I love her…I love my sons! Living without our being a family is… unthinkable.

Caroline was what kept me going during the war- the anticipation of our marriage, of having children, our future together. Lee and Zak are the reasons I am fighting so hard against the changes the military wants. My life- what I do- is for them. I want to protect them, to make sure their future is safe.

Six months ago, I made sure I was home on leave for our twelfth anniversary. I know I've missed most of our anniversaries, and a majority of birthdays, too, but my schedule…sometimes being away couldn't be helped. I don't think Caroline ever believed it, but it was true.

I took her to her favorite restaurant- or rather, what I thought was her favorite. Seems her tastes had changed since the last time I was home, but I didn't know- she didn't tell me. I hardly heard from her. We ate, shared a bottle of ambrosia, and talked about the boys and their plans for the summer and then… she asked me for a divorce.

I was aware Caroline was unhappy, but, I had hoped we could work things out, that it would never come to the point of dissolving our marriage.

She and I talked all night. I tried to tell her how I feel, but I have never been good at that. It's hard to find the words to express what's in my heart… I tried, as best I could, but it seemed no matter what I said, she heard something different. I wish….I wish I could make her realize how much I love them, how they are my world.

What words can tell another that they are at the center of your heart, that they own your soul- that you cannot simply toss aside years of love and marriage by removing a ring and signing a paper? There are no words to express that adequately, or at least none that I know.

They are still my world and I still wear my ring. In my heart, despite what the papers before me say, we are still a family.

I look away.

I look away from the papers cutting my family from me, giving her custody of my children, who I love more than my own life.

Visitation. I will be allowed to visit my children.

And she thinks they will be better off without me; she thinks this is for the best?

I force myself to breathe, to draw another breath, thinking, searching…. Is there anything, anything I can say to make her change her mind? Should I again tell her how much I care, how much I want and need-

But, no. The words have been said before. There's nothing else to say. Caroline has decided what she wants and to fight further will simply hurt her and the boys and I do not want that. I never wanted to hurt them.

A thread of panic weaves its way through my heart- how am I going to live without them?

I pick up the pen, nearly dropping it, then hold it tightly and sign my name.

The official reaches for it, looks it over.

And, with one last stroke of the pen…

…our marriage is dead.