Disclaimer- (Sing to the tune of Hot Cross Buns) Is...not...mine. Is...not...mine. Harry...Potter...Harry...Potter...is...not...mine. OLE! (Ok that's my touch)
Authoress' Note- I apologize profusely for not updating for two weeks! I haven't been working on any of my fanfics and have been concentrating on working on my book that I hope to get published. (See Seven Years of Marauding for full details on that). Hope this makes up for my away time! As always review and then... review again! E.D.J.
Thanks to my lovely reader and reviewers! May this chapter meet your expectations! Also please read the response to Sarahlouhardy's review if your wondering about L/J finally happening.
anniePADFOOT- I'm glad you liked the Remus/Liz/Mollie thing. I just had to think of something that James and Sirius could blackmail him with and that's what popped into my head! I like the Sirius/Monica dialogue too!
blinkgurl017- I finally did get the door thing to work! There's a light switch hidden in the blackness when you open the door. I don't know if it's still open anymore though!
saulafansam- Yes finally you can have more! And here's a cookie! Just don't hurt me! What doe Pwez! mean anyway?
Sarahlouhardy-Umm... about Lily/James finally getting together... well the answer is no they are not going to seeing as this is the summer between fifth and sixth year and Lily/James doesn't happen till seventh year. Either by the end of this, Lily will (if possible) hate James even more or actually think he's improved a bit. I haven't decided yet. But don't stop reading this! I am planning on writing a sequel for the summer between sixth and seventh year and there will definitely be much more L/J going on. So keep reading this, so you aren't confused when the sequel happens! (To all readers and Sarahlouhardy who are reading this from the note above) I'm sorry if your upset by this and sending me flames saying 'Oh I hate you! I'm never going to read this again because Lily and James will neve be together!' isn't going to change my mind. This is the summer of fifth-sixth year! It's unrealistic and inaccurate to make Lily and James start dating now. Just wait it out and enjoy the ride and laughs! Everyone reading Seven Years of Marauding (my other Marauders story) is doing that since it starts in first year and goes onward. Can't you wait too? Thank you and read on. E.D.J.
blah blah blah-I am so glad you thought the last chapter was awesome! Yeah I personally think Remus is hilarious too! I think he's sorta like me. Very sarcastic. The Mollie/Liz thing is kinda weird, but that's what popped into my head when I thought of a way to blackmail Remus! He..he..
Ch. 11- Dinner at the Potters' Part Three- Dinner with the Enemy
As they walked to the dining room, Lily mentally listed all the things she would do and not do while at the Potter residence.
Lily Evans' List of Things Not to Do While at the Potter Residence
1)Talk to James Potter- Will lead to an evening of listening to him brag about himself and unwanted date offers.
2)Make Eye Contact with James Potter- Will lead to the above even without talking to him.
3)Talk to Sirius Black- Conversation will be filled with annoying innuendos and complete bizarreness.
4)Talk to Peter Pettigrew- He's just too... Peter. Why are they friends with him anyway?
Things to Do While at the Potter Residence
1)Talk to Emmeline, Hestia, and Monica- No explanation needed. I suppose I can talk to Remus too. He's not an idiot like his friends. Not much of a question of why he's friends with Potter and Black. Some of their pranks are just too elaborate to be thought up by just those two. I suppose that's where Remus comes in.
2)Ask Monica why in the name of sweet Merlin was she talking to Sirius Black!- I personally think an international spy or something has replaced her. Maybe she's tied up somewhere wondering why we haven't found her yet!
3)Find and untie Monica if the above appears to be true- Where could they have hidden her? Why did they take her? Maybe Monica is really an undercover spy for England and some other country wanted her off the case! Bloody hell I've been watching James Bond too much over the holidays. (Add to above #5) Stop watching James Bond films-They result in intense paranoia and suspicions about good friends.
4)Make polite conversation with Mr/Mrs. Jones/Potter if necessary- What do you talk about with your best friend's/arch-nemesis' parents? Finance? How bloody huge their summer homes are? How much you hate their son? Has their son has always been a conceited prat? No, must refrain from insults too.
Lily breathed in and out trying to slow her heart. She glanced around the dining room as they walked in. Huge ornate cabinets filled with delicate china, gold candlesticks on the table, and a giant chandelier hung with sparkling crystals.
"Always knew the git was this loaded," she whispered to Emmeline and they giggled silently.
Mrs. Livingston directed Mr./Mrs. Jones/Potter to one end of the table and the four girls and the Marauders to the other end. As luck would have it, Lily was seated next to James and Monica next to Sirius.
"I hope the seating arrangements are to your liking," said Mrs. Livingston her eyes twinkling. She winked at James who smiled slightly. He had bribed her with a prank-free house for the entire summer if she put Lily next to him. He could still prank the Jones' house of course.
"Actually..." began Lily frowning as James leaned back in his chair a bit.
"What Lily means to say is that it's wonderful! Fantastic! Couldn't be better!" said Hestia quickly smiling at Mrs. Livingston and shooting a stern glance at Lily.
Lily sighed. She would have to survive this dinner next to James 'Conceited Prat' Potter.
"So Hestia, James, what do you rich brats eat for dinner?" asked Remus breaking the awkward silence. "Gold? Diamonds?"
Everyone snickered.
"Of course not!" said Hestia whacking Remus 'round the head.
"We 'rich brats' prefer a nice lamb for dinner," added James. "Which is what we're having tonight. The gold and diamonds upset the stomach too much."
"I suppose you don't burn Galleons for warmth either?" asked Remus.
"You're hopeless Moony," said James sighing.
"I guess I'm just not 'sophisticated' enough for your tastes, eh Jamesie?" said Remus sighing in mock anguish.
"That's me as well," said Lily sighing. "I wasn't born into a sea of Galleons either. Unlike some people." She faked evil glares at Hestia, Sirius, and James. Well the glare at James wasn't all that fake.
Sirius looked incredibly offended and spoke up after being strangely quiet for a while. "Why did you glare at me?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Bla...Sirius. Everyone knows your family has more money than Hestia and James' combined." Oops that breaking #3 of Things Not to Do While at the Potter Residence! Damn.
Sirius eyes darkened a bit. "Yeah, but a whole lot of good it does them. They're still slimy pureblood gits no matter how much money they have."
Monica heard and saw the change in Sirius and patted his hand without thinking. "Sirius, Lily just meant that..." It was surprising how she had no difficulty calling him Sirius when they were all forced to use each other's first names.
"What Monica means to say Padfoot, is stop acting all moody and pissed off! You know we don't think you're a pureblood scumbag, so just snap out of it ok? You're acting like someone before..." James trailed off before the words tumbled out of his mouth. He couldn't believe he'd almost been so careless as to reveal Remus' secret.
Remus and Sirius were both glaring at him, but for very different reasons. Remus because of James almost blabbing out the secret he'd kept hidden for almost six years and Sirius because James' babbling had made Monica realize what she was doing and had pulled her hand away from his. Sirius stared at Monica's hand willing it to move towards him again.
"Acting like who before what?" asked Emmeline confused.
"Umm... what I was going to say was..." said James racking his brain for an answer. "He was acting like... a girl before 'that time of the month'."
Loud protests from the girls.
The girls all looked incredibly insulted and his friends looked exceedingly disgusted and uncomfortable.
Mutters of "insensitive", "typical", "not that bad", and "stupid wanker" could be heard from the girls as they glared at James who looked taken aback and very afraid.
"Er... sorry...didn't mean...no...stop glaring..." James sputtered out sliding his chair away from Lily on his right and into Peter on his left.
Thankfully, soup and salad were brought in before any blows or insults were exchanged.
On the other end of the table, the parents were discussing their children proudly.
"James is growing into quite a nice, polite boy," said Mrs. Jones.
"Yes, he's getting to be quite the ladies' man," said Mrs. Potter laughing seeing her son looking strangely afraid of Hestia and her friends. "He's always complaining about how he can't go anywhere at school with out being mobbed or followed."
"Word has it that James is after Hestia's friend Lily," said Mr. Jones glancing down the table at the eight teenagers with a slight smirk.
"Oh really?" said Mr. Potter raising his eyebrows. "Is she staying with you? Which one is she?"
Mr. Jones nodded at Lily who was laughing with Remus and Hestia and Mr. and Mrs. Potter watched her for a moment.
"Oh she looks like a lovely girl," said Mrs. Potter her eyes bright. "What's she like?"
"Well for one thing, she said she doesn't think of James in 'that way'," said Mrs. Jones remembering Lily's response.
"She's trying to resist the Potter charm eh?" said Mrs. Potter smiling. "Well that makes two of us. I couldn't stand Jonathan for five whole years!"
"But I got you in the end didn't I?" said Mr. Potter smirking and giving his wife a kiss on the cheek.
"You didn't 'get me'!" said Mrs. Potter smacking his chest. "I just decided it was better to date you than to... well not date you."
"Right," said Mr. Potter rolling his eyes.
"You're so conceited, you know that?" said Mrs. Potter rolling her eyes right back at him.
"But you love me because I'm conceited!"
"No darling, I love you in spite of the fact that you're so conceited," said Mrs. Potter with a laugh.
"Well that works too," said Mr. Potter giving his wife a kiss.
"MUM! DAD!" yelped James from down the table. "Please don't snog each other in public! Especially in front of my schoolmates!" Though I wouldn't mind snogging a certain redhead in front of the entire Ministry of Magic... he thought to himself.
The seven other teenagers sniggered when they saw how red with embarrassment James was.
"Sorry dear," said Mrs. Potter suppressing a giggle as her son's face finally returned to its normal color.
James turned back to his friends. "Sorry about that." He grimaced. "Parents."
Everyone burst into a fit of giggles and snorts again and then James, to their delight, turned red again.
"What?" he muttered staring confused at each of them. "What's so funny?"
"You should see your face!" Lily managed to gasp through tears. "I never not I'd see the day when James Potter was so embarrassed!"
Emmeline and Monica nodded as they positively howled with laughter.
Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Hestia turned to look at James and laughed harder as his face turned even redder.
"It's not funny," James mumbled laying his head down on the table, so he couldn't see them and they couldn't see his face.
"Gross," he said spitting out some lettuce. He had forgotten that his half full plate of salad was on the table and now he had salad dressing and bits of lettuce smeared across his face.
He glared at his friends who were covering their mouths in effort to stop their laughter. "Go ahead and laugh," he muttered dabbing at his face with his napkin as everyone laughed at James' latest predicament.
Once James had cleaned off his face, he moved his plate of salad and banged his head against the table making numerous saltcellars tip over and glasses wobble.
"James, get a hold of yourself!" said Mrs. Potter sternly and James looked up to see her glaring at him. "We have guests. It is not the time for one of your temper tantrums."
"Temper tantrums?" hissed Sirius delighted. "What are you four?"
"Shut it Padfoot!" James muttered.
"Girls I apologize for James' behavior," said Mrs. Potter smiling at the four girls. "Boys can be so immature at fifteen."
The girls nodded smiling delightedly while the Marauders gaped appalled.
"I for one am most definitely not immature," Sirius stated.
"And transfiguring Remus' teeth into walrus tusks last April was what?" asked Monica staring at him skeptically.
"I thought it was a vast improvement," said Sirius ducking Remus' fist. "Remmy's teeth have always been a bit titchy."
"And walrus tusks were the solution?" said Remus giving Sirius a long look down his nose.
"Don't you give me that long-exasperated-down-your-nose-look Mr. Lupin!" said Sirius bitterly. "It makes you look like your thinking, 'Wow I'm so much smarter than this imbecile. Why can't he be a swot like me?'"
"Actually that was what I was thinking!" said Remus chuckling as his best friend's face turned a blotchy sort of purple.
"If we weren't in James' fancy-smancy dining room surrounded by witnesses, you'd be in a headlock right about now Moony," Sirius hissed.
"I heard that Sirius Black!" shouted Mrs. Potter sternly. "Leave dear Remus alone!"
"Oh I wouldn't dream of hurting 'dear Remus'!" exclaimed Sirius smirking at his friend who's ears where rather pink. "Everybody loves him too much!"
"Would anyone like some lamb?" said Mrs. Livingston entering the dining room carrying a steaming platter that smelled of rosemary and roasted meat.
"Yes please," everyone said as Mrs. Livingston and a house elf that followed behind her with dishes of potatoes and bread served them.
"Thanks Vics!" said James grinning at the house elf as he grabbed three rolls from the basket the house elf held out to him.
The house elf sighed and shook his head. "Young master, how many times is I telling you that I is called Victor? Not Vics."
"Sorry must have slipped my mind," said James apologetically though he enjoyed annoying their old house elf. It was all in good fun of course.
Victor squinted up at James for a moment and then scowled. "Young master is not sorry at all!" The house-elf lightly smacked James elbow and hurried to serve the rest of the table.
"I suppose your family's not one to abuse the privileges of having a house elf?" said Emmeline having taken in the whole scene.
"Of course not!" said James. "They're magical beings too! Victor is respected in our house. He's been with our family since before I was born."
"He's much better than Kreacher, our house elf," said Sirius remorsefully. "Since I'm such a disgrace to the family, Mother's told him not to do anything I say until the day she dies. Nasty old hag. I'm getting out of their one day and never coming back."
"So," Peter cut in hastily fearing they would have to hear Sirius complain and insult his family some more. "What are we going to do all summer?"
"We?" said Lily coldly. "I wasn't aware that any of our leisure time was going to be spent with you four willingly."
"Lily!" hissed Hestia elbowing her friend. "Be nice."
"It's fine Hestia," said James shaking his head. "We all know how hated Sirius and I are." He cast a sad glance at Lily who rolled her eyes at him.
"Yes, why can't we just be loved?" said Sirius laying his head on Monica's shoulder. The evening was going alright, he'd thought he give himself a little reward for holding himself back all night.
"Geroff me!" snapped Monica pushing him away.
Well the rest of my hard work just when down the toilet! Stupid, stupid, stupid!
And he was being so sweet too! Goes to show me. Boys never change.
James turned his head from Sirius and Monica's glaring contest and stared at Lily hopefully.
"Don't even think about it you prat," muttered Lily.
Why's he being so insufferable now? He's was actually almost normal before! Blame me for thinking he's been trying to change.
She's impossible! Why am I so hung up on a girl who hates me with a passion? Could this whole change-so-she'll-like-you-and-snog-you-senseless plan be completely pointless?
Kinda angsty at the end huh? But hope you enjoyed the laughs! Just a note- I'm not going to set dates for when I'll be posting new chapters because I'll be stressing trying to finish the chapters and I'll just end up delaying it and disappointing my readers! (tear) Just hold on and I'll get them out as they come to me and when I have the time to type them up kay? Happy trails! E.DJ.
P.S. The shiny button likes reviews! Don't let it die of hunger! Feed the poor thing!