AN: Oh... My... Goodness... Is it true? Am I really really posting a chapter of Promise? After almost a year of leaving it unattended? pinches self Ow! So it is true! Xenosaga Episode 2 has brought me out of my Promise slump! Good gravy! ... All right, here's the deal. A lot of people have been asking me about this fic recently, and I hve ressurected it for the love of the fans. I'm working on the next chapter as I write this. So, everyone tell me if I should keep trying to keep this fic alive, because it's always been my perosnal neglected favorite.
Enjoy!
Chapter Seventeen: Fear
Shion left the train when it stopped at the bridge. I watched her go, and she paused at the doors, turning her head slightly. She seemed as if she had something to say. She tapped her fingers on the metal of the door nervously, and I cocked my head slightly.
"Shion," I started, "Jr. has the whole of the Durandal searching for MOMO at this point, I'm sure," I assured her. She bit her bottom lip.
"Will you be... all right?" She asked slowly. The question took me by surprise. I hadn't been asked that question in a long time. For a moment, for an instant, I let my mouth say exactly what I wanted to say.
"I don't know, Shion," I admitted. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, regaining control. "I will join you on the bridge shortly. I have something I need to take care of beforehand." Nodding, as if not completely sure she wanted me to go off on my own, Shion left the doorway, and the doors snapped shut soon after. I could see her through the glass window, waving slightly as the train took off. I folded my arms across my chest and looked away.
That's right, Jan. Aloof and unattached. Just as it's always been, right?
"Stop it," I commanded harshly. I dug my fingernails into the palm of my human hand. "Just stop it."
Don't get attached, Jan. You remember what happened last time. Remember Miltia, Jan.
I stood up quickly, just as the train rolled to a halt at the park of the Durandal. Without thinking, I stormed out of the doors and into the refreshing atmosphere of the park. I continued my angry charge until I was standing at the great, wide windows staring across the Kukai Foundation and ultimately the blackness of space. I leaned one arm onto the window in front of my face and subsequently rested my forehead on my arm. The cool air outside seeped through the glass and soothed my warm skin, and I exhaled loudly.
Upon opening my eyes, I watched the Gnosis swarm outside the walls of the Foundation. I watched blankly, fearlessly. They were circling us, I realized, though I didn't know why. Or even why they had chosen the Foundation as their target. Surely we didn't pose that much of a threat... Then it hit me, and I stood up from leaning on the window. Those... those things in the deep hangar of the Durandal... What had Shion called them? Zohar? Were they attracting the Gnosis? I remembered hearing Shion mention something along the lines once.
I was taken from my thoughts as I saw the Federation ships turning their guns not at the Gnosis, but straight at the Foundation. The refugee citizens that stood nearby, watching as well, gasped and screamed. The breath stilled in my throat. We were going to die. I was finally going to die.
MOMO.
A flash of blinding light, a beam cannon, pierced the darkness of space. I shielded my eyes, tensing myself for the explosion. The light lessened. I looked up. The Gnosis were disintegrating before my eyes. The screams from around me turned to cheers and shouts. Voices began clamoring at once, and I turned to the nearest citizen.
"What's going on?" I asked. The woman was clapping zealously .
"The Dämmerung!" she cried. "The Dämmerung, we're saved!" Raising one bewildered eyebrow, I looked from the cheering woman to the window. I leapt back in surprise.
There was no way a ship could be that massive! It dwarfed the Kukai Foundation! Ships, smaller, thank God, surrounded it. Together, as a unit all of the smaller ships coordinated their attacks with the largest, and the Gnosis were obliterated as if the ripples in a pond scattered the drifting algae. I stepped away from the windows, staring in awe at the terrifying display of power. I nearly stepped into another citizen of the Foundation.
"I'm sorry-" I started, but I recognized the boy as the one MOMO had pointed out and saved on the Foundation. He stared at me, taking in the metalwork of my legs and the disquieting blade on my arm. We stood in silence for a scant few moments, staring at one another, then he shifted to the other foot.
"Don't worry," he told me comfortingly in his tiny voice. "I'm scared too."
I couldn't think of anything to say. My mind drew a blank. I could only stare. And the boy was right; I was terrified, and I was only just realizing it. Realization dawned in my entire body, and I was afraid. I was afraid, and the strangest thing was that I was admitting it. My body stiffened at the sudden realization, and I tried to look resolute in front of the child.
"You don't need to be worried about anything," I assured him. I, on the other hand, am up to my neck in a swelling sea of troubles, I thought as I left him. He turned and followed.
"My name is David," he said, taking the steps two at a time to my one, falling into step with me. I nodded. A pause filled by our footsteps as we neared the exit.
"Ziggy," I said quietly. The boy smiled. I turned my head slightly. "Where are your parents?" He slowed to a stop.
"I can't find them... But I won't stop looking." He looked around the park at the chattering and excited citizens, then back to me. If only I could be more like that boy.
"David," I said as I knelt to his level, placing a hand on his shoulder, "keep looking for them. Never stop looking. They're out there, waiting for you to find them." David looked as if he did not comprehend for a long moment, then he nodded, a smile in his wide childish eyes. I patted him on the shoulder and left the park. David did not follow me.
Now I was traveling with a purpose. I hunted for the train, and it stood, silently, exactly where I had left it. I boarded and quickly barked out the order to relocate to the bridge. The speed of the train was bragged about for a reason, I found. It felt as if I had arrived before my next heartbeat had finished its say.
Perhaps Jr. has already located her.
Don't get attached.
They might even have the coordinates waiting.
Remember Miltia, Jan.
Never stop looking. She's out there, waiting for you to find her.
I had entered the lift without knowing. My eyes washed over the now-familiar sight of the Durandal's bridge. The bright red hair of Jr., the well-known form of Shion, and a chipper-looking woman on an overhead screen beaming down at the Chief Engineer of Vector. I stepped forward tentatively, and Jr. turned his head only slightly to acknowledge my sudden appearance. I turned my eyes from the worried Shion to the overly-excited woman on the screen.
"Okay, I'll send it over then," she told Shion with exuberance. There was a pause on the bridge, a silence, as if everyone had been hanging on the words of this woman. I felt again as if I had missed something particularly important. As the bitter thoughts passed through my head, a small case appeared at Shion's feet. She knelt and opened it. If I had felt anything but the churning in my stomach, I could have laughed. The case held only one thing: a small, vaguely bullet-shaped object. Shion looked at it with fear in her glassy eyes.
"Miyuki? Isn't this...?"
"There's some type of force field concentrated near here," the new woman said. I looked up sharply. The nerves deep inside me had been struck. All of my attention was suddenly focused on the brown-haired young woman. "There's a very high probability that it's what's attracting the Gnosis." I looked away for one moment. So much for my own epiphany.
"A force field?" Shion asked incredulously.
"Right. The observational guys said whatever it is, it's definitely something man-made." For no reason, I felt an ire bubbling inside my throat, but I held my tongue. "Anyway, we can find the origin of this field if we link up the Dämmerung's mainframe with KOS-MOS' D.S.S.S. sensor. It appears as though the enemy's using some kind of cloaking device to conceal itself right now, but there should be a wrinkle or two in the surrounding space, though. We figured that if we can tear those open, we'll be able to find out what we're dealing with." The Dämmerung... I looked out of the bridge's observation window and saw it looming like a leviathan outside of the Foundation. The strange woman was in there, then.
"Is that why you gave me this PT cartridge?" Shion looked at the tiny object with dread. "I mean… Do you have any idea what this thing is?" I hoped dearly that she did, for my mind was yearning to know. Odd, how my own curiosity had survived so long.
"Of course!" A deadly pause. "Or so I'd like to claim, but I actually just transferred in, so I'm not really sure." I rolled my eyes, then checked myself. I clenched my fist involuntarily, easing the emotions from my throat.
"Look, Miyuki…" Shion presented the object. "This cartridge is a weapon! It sets off a phase transfer that destroys everything in the area." I stared, incredulous, at Shion. There was no way she'd allow... Now with MOMO missing... "It may be localized, but you could vaporize an entire star with this thing if you wanted to. You'd have to be insane to try using this in a populated area."
"Shion." I nearly jumped. I had completely failed to notice KOS-MOS. She had approached Shion without my noticing.
You're getting old, Jan. One hundred years and counting.
I shut out the nagging voice in my mind, disgruntled.
"What is it, KOS-MOS?" Shion asked, who had obviously spotted the android long before I had. Anger. I shut out the emotion as quickly as it had come.
"By limiting the phase transfer mass, I can activate the device without impacting either the Federation fleet or the Kukai Foundation."
"You can do that?" Shion asked. Skepticism. I locked it away. How could Shion not know what her own creation was capable of?
"Affirmative. This is one of my many functions." I could have imagined KOS-MOS rolling her own dead eyes as she spoke expressionless. Sarcasm. That one I kept.
"Even the Rhine Maiden's got a limitation to how much she can fire. Let's take out the source before the Gnosis overwhelm us!" So the great savior ship was limited in how many lives it could save per hour. There was sarcasm again.
"But..." Shion's voice was meek and afraid. Doubt. That I had enough of on my own. I shoved it away, scowling.
"Shion…" Jr. spoke. Every head turned to him. His eyes were dark, cloudy, and yet terribly, horribly lucid. "This is the Song of Nephilim. There's no question about it."
Nephilim. A shock passed through me. That girl. That intense, all-seeing stare ripped through my mind, and I doubled backwards as if I had taken a blow to the chest. She was seeing me, and I was afraid.
Fear.
I locked it away.
"The Song of Nephilim? What is it?" Shion asked, obviously not making the same connection I was furiously building in my mind. Jr. crossed his arms across his chest, shuddering minutely.
"The single worst creation that ever resulted from Joachim Mizrahi's research." Shock. It came flying to the front of my eyes. Mizrahi. I had seen him die... "It was the Song that destroyed Miltia and summoned the Gnosis. We've gotta stop it before everything goes out of control."
"Out of control?" Shion looked from Jr. to the gargantuan Dämmerung just outside the foundation. Jr.'s mouth turned down.
"And we still haven't found MOMO yet. We've gotta move!"
That had done it. Not only had I failed, Jr. had failed where he had sworn he would surpass me. Fear, doubt, apprehension, they all came swooping upon me. My heart stopped cold, my breath caught.
"I know, but-" I cut Shion off, stepping forward to speak directly with the 100-Series Realians.
"Any sign of MOMO yet?" I could feel the fear in my voice. Jr. looked up sharply, and Shion spun toward my voice, as if noticing me for the first time.
"We're still scanning, but we haven't located her yet."
Don't worry, I'm scared too.
I took a deep breath. Just like that, the emotions dissipated like fog.
"I see..." I turned my eyes to Shion. Dead eyes. "We've got to make a decision, Shion. We can't hold out against another Gnosis attack."
I waited for agonizing moments, each of which felt like an eon, as Shion stared worriedly at me. I hadn't an idea why she seemed so vexed. I had sealed every dangerous emotion behind the stoic, solid look that I was giving to her.
That is why she is worried.
I faltered in the mask of stoicism for only a flash, but Shion's face changed as mind did. Slowly, she turned the small cartridge over in her hands.
"...All right. Let's see what we can do."