I crossed my arms, frowning obviously at the ground at my feet. Why couldn't I focus? I had never had such trouble before. I would simply find what emotion troubled me, take it by the scruff and tuck it away in the hidden part of myself. The part I kept locked away from the world. For nearly 100 years I had stored everything in that black hole that anchored itself to my soul. Why was everything I tried to place there now erupting back at me with 100 times the force?
Why did I want it to?
"Distortion detected at direction 8-0-1-8, near the U.M.N. structure." KOS-MOS' voice over the communicator brought my eyes to Shion, who was holding it in her hand as if it were a precious egg. "It is currently emitting a weak column pulse." Shion practically leapt at the words.
"That's it! And your line of fire?" Distortion crackled over the communicator.
"Line of fire, clear. Awaiting orders."
Clear, except for KOS-MOS herself.
I shook my head slightly to rid the thought from my mind.
"Shelley, are the anti-electromagnetic shields ready?" Shion turned to the helm, where Shelley sat, calmly punching buttons, as if she herself were an android. Shelley met Shion's eyes and nodded.
"Preparations are complete. You may fire at will." I turned my eyes from the two women, to where a plainly defined KOS-MOS was hovering in space outside of the Foundation.
"Roger," Shion sounded from nearby. "KOS-MOS, fire the phase transfer cannon!"
There was only the tiniest of pauses in which I could shift my weight to the opposite foot in anticipation. In a fraction of an instant, the darkness outside the Foundation lit up with a terrible and blinding light. I shielded my eyes, wanting to see something, anything. I squinted against the light, and could make out the darker form of KOS-MOS shooting what appeared to be a concentrated beam of energy into the space she had specified. I took a step back to gather the full spectacle in my line of sight. Space itself seemed to contort and warp at the provocation of the gun powered by the strange woman's cartridge. I watched as the sky reeled in pain, the stars winking in and out of existence by the mere suggestion of the powerful weapon that KOS-MOS wielded against it.
Then I saw it. That thing, that craft that would change me. The Song of Nephilim. I could feel the fear and the wrath bubbling in my gut at the very sight of it. As the light faded, the prism-shaped ship stood out against the darkness of space once again, shown for what it was. I pulled my lips back and scowled.
"I knew it," Gaignun muttered against his breath, for the first time since I had known him, actually showing concern.
"It's exactly the same," Jr. growled as he glared death at the obviously familiar craft. "Nothing's changed at all." Shion placed a frightened hand over her mouth.
"So that's...the Song of Nephilim." Her voice lessened, and I heard her vaguely whisper, "Dr. Mizrahi's... Miltia's..."
For a moment, I thought I was actually going to go to her, to comfort her. I stopped myself short.
Concern.
There was one I hadn't felt in a while. Not since MOMO.
Jr. reeled backward, his eyes wide and frightened. I thought he had taken a blow, and moved forward quickly. Then his astonished voice broke through, and he stumbled backwards.
"MOMO," his voice came low at first. Then, anger spreading across his face like fire, he shouted across the bridge, "MOMO's inside that thing!"
I looked frantically from the Song of Nephilim to Jr., not willing to accept it.
"Are you certain?" I interjected incredulously. Mary beat him to it.
"Scanners!" she prompted the 100-Series, who tapped their consoles like mad. One popped her small, blue-haired head up quickly, her pigtails swiveling on her head. I choked back images of MOMO brought on by the movement.
"100-Series Observational Unit prototype MOMO tracked and located! She's in the middle of the distortion caused by the phase transfer." I shot my eyes to the window of the bridge, glaring out at the Song of Nephilim. It simply hung in space, as if mocking us.
"MOMO?" I turned my head slightly. It was Allen. "What's she doing in there?"
Why does that matter? What are we waiting for? She's out there, and by God-
"Damn it!" Jr. cried, slamming his fists against the console in front of him. "It's him...Albedo!" The bridge's silence deepened. "I felt his presence the moment I heard MOMO's voice." I eyed the boy minutely. What on earth wa he talking about? Was he even answering anyone's question?
"Ah... Albedo," Gaignun muttered, as if tasting a bitter wine. "That explains what that unsettling feeling was about. Not to mention why she's there."
I furrowed my eyebrows. My pulse increased, and I clenched my fists together involuntarily as I stepped up to the man, as if in challenge.
"What do you mean?" I growled. Jr. turned, both pairs of similar eyes on me, as if surprised at the emotion surging through my voice. This time, I didn't hide anything.
"That girl, MOMO," he paused, as if enjoying the sound of his own voice, "not only is she a specialized Realian, but also the repository for the late Joachim Mizrahi's records." I gritted my teeth. MOMO and I had seen him die... "Albedo and the U-TIC Organization want that information. They wanted it for a long time." U-TIC. That I understood.
"Albedo?" Allen sounded, scratching his head. "Who's that?"
Jr. balled his hands into intense fists, his knuckles whitening as he stared furiously toward the Song of Nephilim.
"My dark half," he muttered throatily. "The part I've tried to hide away."
"Dark half?" Allen asked, as if expecting the suddenly cryptic red-head to answer him. I ignored him, not forgetting my rage.
"Jr.," I said flatly, stepping toward him slowly. I had made up my mind. "Get this ship, closer to the Song of Nephilim." Allen's mouth hung open in protest.
"Whaat!" He shouted. Shion's eyes widened. I paid no attention to either of them, staring Jr. straight in the eye. He glared back.
"It isn't necessary to get too close," I assured him haughtily. "Just lend me a shuttle; that'll be enough." Without another word, I turned my back on him, determined to reach the lift. I had to find her.
Jr. had other plans. His light footfalls followed mine intensely until he had overtaken me. His hand attempted to stop my progress, but it was the hate in his eyes that halted my steps.
"Hold it! Where do you think you're going?" He demanded. He retracted his hand from my path, but his eyes did not change. "I'm going to save MOMO... No matter what!"
That arrogant son of a bitch.
"Don't bother," I exploded, my eyes mirroring his. If I hadn't restrained myself, I would have removed him from my path with a swift kick to the groin. A split-second lapsed where Jr.'s pupil's contracted in surprise. Then he neared, ready to fight if necessary.
"What did you say!" He shouted, as close to my face as he could manage.
The entirety of the bridge was hanging on our words, with breath abated. I knew they expected this much from Jr., but what of the cyborg, who never so much as looked wrong at either of them before? I tried to calm myself a degree, breathing deeper than before.
"When someone close to you is in danger, you lose your objectivity. And it almost always ends in tragedy. I've," I paused, fighting the flood of memories that begged to burst from the abyss of my memory, "seen it happen too often."
You old hypocrite.
"Oh, what, so I'm just like them now!" Jr. attacked back, his anger unquenched, the fire in his face as bright as his hair.
"Aren't you?" I shot back, louder. Jr. closed his mouth, staring intently. "This Albedo person... When you finally confront him, do you think you can keep your head straight?" The face Jr. put on, almost a pathetic pout, convinced me he couldn't. It was hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. "If you honestly say yes, that's all I have to say. But if you can't..." Jr. crossed his arms and stared at the ground, as if he could burn a hole under my feet and make me fall into space. Then he looked back up, his lip curling in a defiant sneer.
"You're really something, you know that? You think you're such a hardened soldier compared to me. Tell me then," he coughed, glowering at me with revulsion, "how can I become cold and detached like you?"
"Only allow yourself to think of numbers and battle strategy," I murmured, feeling the ache in my heart at the words. "Don't let your mind wander to the faces or voices of those precious to you... even when it seems cruel not to. Too intense of an interference will overwhelm and ruin everything." I paused ever so slightly. I realized now that I wasn't only talking to Jr. I was trying to convince myself, trying to make my own aching heart understand. "That's what I've learned over these past hundred years." Jr. stared intently at me for a moment, then gave a single, low, mirthless laugh. He turned his back to me, staring at the lift, then looked casually over his shoulder.
"The day numbers and battle strategies replace people," he said, quietly over the deadly silence of the bridge, "it'll be game over, cyborg."
He's going to walk away, just like that.
"Jr.," I called. He stopped. I wanted to shout at him, just as he had done to me. I wanted him to feel the pain I felt now, deep in my heart. But I couldn't. As much as he must have hated me, I couldn't help but remember that this boy was my friend, and he, too, cared for MOMO. As much as I wanted to eject him into open space, I knew that I couldn't. "Remember to stay focused, no matter what he does to MOMO," I told him finally. "Only by doing so will you be able to save her. Listen to my advice." It's my fault he died. "I know what you're going through."
Then, Jr. turned from the lift, facing me. It was the same look he had given me on our trip to Old Miltia in KOS-MOS' Encephalon. That same curious, probing look, as if he expected me to divulge something to him. I averted my eyes. Who knows what he would find if he looked hard enough?
Life slowly started to stir on the bridge. Others moved besides Jr. and myself. Shion stepped cautiously forward. My surprise came when she looked toward me an not to Jr. I tried to hide my disbelief.
"Ziggy," she said cautiously, peeking her green eyes around my broad shoulder to look me in the eye, "are you feeling all right? I've never seen you act... like that..." she trailed off, perhaps thinking the question sounded odd. I shook my head honestly.
"Not until we find MOMO," I answered. I chanced a ghost of a smile. "After that, I'll have time to... 'feel all right'." Shion's nervous face twitched into a mirror of my own.
"The Foundation has its hands full dealing with the waves of Gnosis," Gaignun said quickly, and all eyes shot to him. "We cannot move from our current location. We'll need a ship with sufficient mobility in order to get past the Gnosis and dock with the Song of Nephilim." Jr. rubbed his hair in thought.
"The Durandal's landing shuttle won't do. How about the Elsa? Is it operational?" I smirked. The Elsa was seeming more and more like our sorry pack mule every misadventure we decided to take on. There was a pause and the beeping of buttons on a console.
"Yes," Shelley answered after a time. "I checked its status just now, and fortunately, it seems to be unharmed. Shall we relay a message to Captain Matthews?" Jr. nodded quickly, his eyes darting to the Song of Nephilim and back.
"Yeah, go ahead," he said loudly. Then, in a lower voice, he muttered, "Damn, that feeling I got from him. That bastard was trying to access MOMO's subconscious." He looked up sharply, to my astonishment, to meet mine. "We don't have time! Let's go old man! chaos!" He nodded his head for the two of us to follow him. I, for one, thought that he would try to have me tossed out of an airlock rather than let me tag along. Maybe it was that look, the examining look he had given me, that had suddenly changed his mind. I had started to follow, when Shion's voice cried out from beside me.
"Wait, Jr., let us help too!" she pleaded.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Jr. rebounded, his movements exaggerated by his infuriation. "You have any idea what kind of place that is! Do you know what that lunatic is like!" Personally, taking my eyes from Jr. to the young woman, I made the assumption that she did not. And neither did I, for that matter.
"Please! Let us go with you," her voice dripped with sorrow.
"Shion..." Jr. breathed with a sigh of exasperation. Shion stared him down impertinently. He gave another growling sigh. "All right. But you better not let your guard down, even for a second. There's no room for mistakes in there, got it?"
"Yes," Shion added quickly, back to her normal, bubbly self in no time. Had the situation allowed for it, I would have rolled my eyes at her expense. But then, as I watched her follow Jr. and chaos to the lift, I saw in her eyes what I had seen in Jr.'s. She loved MOMO. We all did. There wasn't a soul among us that didn't resonate with hers.
Jealousy.
The void in my heart was reversing itself.
Everything I had tried so hard, for so many years, to hide away was returning like a speeding train to my mind. Could I really expect Jr. to follow my advice... when I couldn't even follow it of my own accord?
AN: YES! Spring Break without a compy is ovah! You may all now enjoy one of the most fun chapters I've had the pleasure to write! FEEDBACK OO;;