Flame of Recca:The Parody Edition
By: P.D. Wright
Nothing on this series is owned by me.
And all that cal..
Updated, with several corrections to the original manuscript. Thanks all for catching the errors..
Chapter One: Plot? What plot?
Fans: Nice tunes, but..
JFans: Nice, but what's it got to do with the show..?
Scene: A dark night. A woman running thou the woods. And no hokey-masked killer anywhere in sight.
Voice: Kagero! You must raise this kid in our way, and make the brat the strongest in the village so he can take his place..
Kagero: That's a tall order, elder. Couldn't you just get that Kenshiro fellow from down the block instead?
The Elder sweat drops.
The woman does the hand thing..
Kagero:(Singing) Do the hand jive!
She lifts the infant up into a cool cg effects shot, and lets him go.
Kagero: Recca, my boy..
The crying Recca is lifted off, into the cool CG.
Kagero: ..Your on your own now, buster!
Title Card: The ninja and his princess.
A empty lot. A wall. A figure jumps over the wall, which then, uncharacteristically, explodes.
The boy, still bouncing about, pulls something from his pocket, as the other boy hurls a large stick at the first one, who ducks, and bounces up into a tree.
Domon: Recca, you..
A uncomfortable pause.
Domon: What's my line again?
Your challenging him, you big ape.
Domon: Oh, right.. HEY!
Get on with it!
Domon: Right, right.. Hey, Recca! Get down here, Recca!
Recca: Why should I, big ape?
Domon: Big.. why you! Are you doin' it too?
He smacks the tree, causing Recca to fall.
Domon: Ha! That shut ya up, huh..?
He see what it is, which is not Recca. Recca lands behind him.
Recca: Whatta rube!
Domon: Damn you, Recca, where do ya keep those straw men, anyway?
Recca: Ha! Like I'd tell you!
Domon: Man, your an clown.
Recca: Not a clown, monkey-boy. I'm a ninja!
He tosses a smoke bomb.
Domon suddenly charges out of the smoke, causing Recca to bolt.
Domon: Ha! Thought you had me, huh? It's not like you use that trick every damned time we fight, huh..?
He steps in a hole. And crashes on his but.
Domon: Damn you, when the hell did ya have time to dig this?
Recca: Well, since ya complained my smoke effects are old school..
Domon: Man, your a clown.
Recca: No, I'm a ninja!
Domon: No, a clown!
Recca: A ninja!
Domon: A clown.
And it goes on.. Eventually..
Domon: Look, why don't try something from this century?
Recca: What..?
Domon: Try something from this century! Ninja's are way last century!
A fuse is lit, and Recca stands over the hole holding fireworks.
Domon: Now, wait a minute..
Recca: Here's to you, gorilla!
He toss it in, and Domon shrieks.
Recca: Look, Domon, if ya can defeat me, I'll do the servant thing for your fat ass, alright?
He leaps out of the lot.
Domon: I'll get you yet, Recca!
Recca: Alright! Introduction time.
Recca: (Solemnly)I'm Hanabishi Recca. High school student. And a ninja enthusiast.
More like ninja otaku.
Recca: Hey! This is my intro!
Yeah, yeah.
Recca: Anyway! I'm a ninja enthusiast...
Otaku.
Recca: Enthusiast!
Otaku.
Recca: Look, one more wisecrack or insult, and I'll walk!
Where?
Recca: Er.. Never mind! I'll walk!
Oh, alright.
Recca: Like I was saying.. I'm an ninja enthusiast.. (Snicking is heard off screen) A NINJA ENTHUASIAST! And I've been one for.. Oh, I'm bored with this.. Can I just move on?
Yeah, sure. Otaku.
Recca: Man, if I ever meet this guy..
A shadowy room. A man doing his impression of the human torch.
Mori Koran: (Shadowy, so we don't see his eyes) What a rube.
Kurei: Yes, old man.
Mori Koran: What?
Kurei: Er, father.
Mori Koran: That's better. As you know, Kurei, but they don't, our sinister plan is going well.
Kurei: Er.. yes.
Mori Koran: What is it, boy?
Kurei: Er.. which sinister plan is this?
Mori Koran: Sinister plan 9, of course!
Kurei: Oh, right.
Recca sits a an outdoor restaurant, and prepares to stuff himself.
Recca: Right! Lunch time!
Hey.. didn't we skip a scene?
Recca: Hmm..?
Isn't there supposed to be scene with you and your father here somewhere?
Recca: Yeah.. But I'm bored with that.
Man.. Your the most impatient lose I've ever worked with.
Recca digs into his lunch, thus ignoring the narrator. He watch s some kids race across the sidewalk, followed by a cute girl in a apron.
Recca: Well.. This stories looking up all of a sudden!
He drops his hot dog, and milk, and looks up to see the school trip is gone.
Recca: Looks like a spoke too soon.
He gets up, and strolls on off.
A heavy constructions site. The kids want to look at it, but Yanagi, the girl, is trying to get them to move on. Something falls, the kids run off, leaving Yanagi like rats, as she grabs a kid, and a beam comes down on here. Just then, Recca, having seen far too many bad hero films, pushes them out of the way, and is hit. Yanagi goes back, sees this person she only knows slightly (If at all), suddenly decides to make a big show of healing his wounds.
Recca: (Dreamily) Whatever you say, Sakura-san.. To the bat-poles.. (Awake) Huh, what?
He gets up and runs away.
Yanagi: What a rube.
Recca is sitting on a park bench. Yanagi wanders up to him.
Yanagi: Thanks for saving my life, Hanabishi-san.
Recca: Um.. Yeah, sure. Just doing what I could.
Yanagi: Oh. Your still hurt.
Recca: Yeah, well I only survived a falling beam, and all that.. Wha..?
Yanagi puts her hand on his leg, but before hentei thoughts enter your or Recca's mind, a glow suddenly appears, and the cut on his leg vanishes.
Yanagi: See? That's my special gift. It's also something of a secret..
Recca: Keep doing that, and it soon won't be.
Yanagi: Um..
Recca: Oh, uh, don't worry.. I won't tell!
Yanagi looks relieved. Recca looks disappointed.
Recca: C'mon. Something I'd like to show ya..
Yanagi: Um...
Recca: Don't worry.. It ain't that.
A abandended building. Recca lights some fireworks, and lets go.
Yanagi: Oh, neat.
Recca: Right.
Diabolical laughter suddenly echo around the building. Shadows move, and soon, a woman in black appears.
Recca: Um..
Kagehoushi: Hello there. Was in the neighborhood, thought I'd see if ya needed a hand.
Recca: Naw, we don't need a hand, we're fine solo.
And the peanut gallerie groaned.
Kagehoushi: I should put you out of your misery for that joke, but I won't.
Recca: Spoilsport.
Kagehoushi: I want.. to see your flame!
Recca: Oh? Is that what their calling it these days?
Yanagi hits him, as Kagehoushi sweat drops.
Kagehoushi: I mean, the flame you produce from your hand.
Recca: Um..
Kagehoushi: Not that kind! Damn, your a dirty minded brat.
Yanagi hits him again.
Kagehoushi: Screw it, lets fight.
Recca: Why..?
Kagehoushi: Do we ever really need a reason in these kinds of shows?
Recca: Oh, right.
They fight. She beats the snot out of him.
Kagehoushi: I thought you'd be better at this, seeing as your a ninja otaku..
Recca: Damn it, don't you start! I'm an enthusiast!
They fight some more. She continues to beat the snot out of him.
He is lying on the floor, and suddenly Yanagi decides to do her Shojo manga heroin bit.
Yanagi: Stop it already! So he's not a very good ninja!
Recca: Yanagi..
Yanagi: ..But what's the point in beating him up over it?
Kagehoushi: The point? It's in the script, dumb ass.
Yanagi: Oh.
She fails to see Kagehoushi's knife come up and slice her shoulder.
Kagehoushi: Say.. How about if I do a Hansley family job on this girl?
Recca: Huh..?
Kagehoushi: I mean, she'd be terrific with some broccoli, stuffed potatoes, and dressing.
Recca: Oh, that's gross.
Kagehoushi: And this story isn't?
Recca: Good point.
Kagehoushi: Baka otaku.
Recca: What?
Kagehoushi: Baka, baka otaku!
Recca: That's it! (His hand starts flaming, then is shot straight at Kagehoushi)
Recca: Eat that, Shadow lady!
The flame hits her, but she's there again.
Kagehoushi: I hope that wasn't it, boy. Unlike the black knight, I got not a scratch.
Recca: But your arms off!
Kagehoushi: Oh.. Damn. Look, your gonna hafta do better then that if ya want to kill me!
She vanishes, still laughing.
Recca: Man.. What diabolical acting.
Late night.
Recca is taking Yanagi home. By carrieng her on his back.
She eventually wakes up.
Recca: Ah.. Up again?
Yanagi: What happened?
Recca: Ahh, it's ok. I cleaned shadow ladies clock.
Yanagi: So, she left then.
Recca: Hime (Princess)..
Yanagi: And who's this hime you speak of?
Recca: You, hime.
Yanagi: Your weird.
Narrator: And so, a new chapter opens up in the lives of Hanabishi Recca and Sakoshita Yanagi. There most powerful threats are before them. Can they win out?
End theme.
Fans: Great. More relevant music.
Next: More powerful threats come our heroes way..
Recca: Ah, shut up, and get this over with!
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