Spider-Bat Presents

Harry Potter

and

The Half-Witted Musical 2

Chapter 4: Take Him Out/ I Am Hungry

Voldemort hid behind a bunker with Hermione and Hottmoma while the Death Eaters killed various students.

"You evil man!" said Hermione. "You tricked my mother and I into this! You evil, horrible, sexy, delicious, perfect-- hey! Stop using your Jedi Mind Tricks!"

"But Hermione!" said Voldemort. "I am your father!"

"No you're not!"

"No…" Voldemort said. "But I will be in a moment!" He then stripped Hottmoma down and they… well, I don't want to get too inappropriate for the kids.

"Okay…" said Dumbledore in the confines of his office. He had a map of the grounds of Hogwarts that he stole from J.K. Rowling laid out on his desk. Dumbledore's Army was circled around him.

"We will go here," he continued, pointing at a badly-drawn bunker. "and raid this bunker. That is where Voldemort is. TAKE HIM OUT!"

Harry and Ron got out their guitars again and played one last song while they stormed onto the grounds:

"So if you're lonely, you know I'm here waiting to poo. I got some bad hair… It is all messy and on my head. Now, if you leave here… you leave me toasted, like some bread. I've got some bad hair… I've got it and now I'm going to die! Ah, ah, ah! I know I'm going to need a beer… after dealing with you!

"I say, 'Look some snow!' You say, 'What a hole!' I say, 'TAKE HIM OUT!' I say, 'I've got to go! Don't move! I'll go in the snow!' I say, 'TAKE HIM OUT!'

"I say, 'Look some snow!' You say, 'What a hole!' I say, 'TAKE HIM OUT!' I say, 'You will die!' You say, 'I love pie!' I want you to be TAKEN OUT!'

"I know I'm going to need a beer… I know I'm going to need a beer… I know I'm going to need a beer… I know I'm going to need a beer… after dealing with you!

"I say, 'Look some snow!' You say, 'What a hole!' I say, 'TAKE HIM OUT!' I say, 'You will die!' You say, 'I love pie!' I want you to be TAKEN OUT!' If I move, you will die! If I move, I'll squash your pie! C'mon… TAKE HIM OUT!

"I know I'm going to need a beer… I know I'm going to need a beer… I know I'm going to need a beer… I know I'm going to need a beer… after dealing with you!"

Ron farted in Voldemort's face and old Voldie instantly died.

"Yay!" yelled Hermione, giving Harry a kiss. "We won!"

"We did?" asked Harry. He looked down at Voldemort's body. "We did! Wee!"

"I'm deaf," said Ron. "but I think this stupid story should be put to an end… with a song!"

"Okay," said Harry. "here it goes:

"A beauty queen of only 16 I… have some trouble with myself! Ron is always there to help me but… doesn't give me much help. I rode for miles and miles just to wind up at that door! I had food so many times but somehow I want more!

"I don't mind spending all my money! For some chicken with a glaze of honey! Look for the eggs with the broken shell! Ask 'em to get scrambled! And I am hungry! I am hungry, oh yeah.

"Tap on a rib bone, knock on the fridge door, I want food that is beautiful!

"I know I tend get so insecure and that's because I am ravenous! I can't eat no rainbows or butterflies or compromise I just want some food! Until it's full I want stuff in my tummy before I puke on the floor, yeah, yeah, yeah!

"I don't mind spending all my money! For some chicken with a glaze of honey! Look for the eggs with the broken shell! Ask 'em to get scrambled! And I am hungry! I am hungry! I am hungry! I am hungry, oh!

"I know where you hide some food in your car! Know all of the things inside that jar! I know that goodbye means nothing at all cause when I'm hungry I might eat my left ball! Yeah!

"Tap on a rib bone, knock on the fridge door, I want food that is beautiful!

"I don't mind spending all my money! For some chicken with a glaze of honey! Look for the eggs with the broken shell! Ask 'em to get scrambled! And I am hungry! I am hungry! I am hungry! I am hungry!

"Don't try so hard to feed yourself!"

"Wow, Harry, that was brilliant!" said Hottmoma.

"Let's go get you some food, honey!" said Hermione as she kissed Harry's cheek.

"Okay, Hermione," said Harry. "but I have just one question."

"Alright," Hermione replied. "shoot."

"What is food?"

6/9/05