Death is the only thing I want
Information:
This whole story is in Botan's POV(point of view for those of you who didn't know) these things ( mean i am telling you something that you might want to know so don't skip unless you already knew
This is a Hiei&Botan story and all the pairings H&B
Now on with the story
'Thank You'
Yukina told Hiei that i told her he was her Brother, which i did. She seemed rather happy about it. But Hiei, I don't know i did not stay to find out. Now here i am running for the sake of my life.
i have a feeling that he is close. I will continue to run till my last limb breaks down.I have to stop i have no where to run. I know Hiei will be here soon. I might as well await for my murderer. He's here. I am going to let him kill me if it will make him happy. I don't know when it happened but i have fallen for the fire demon. I guess it started when i found out he was Yukina's brother. Or maybe when i found out why he was keeping it from her. I don't think it really matters. I look up at him with sorrow in my eyes. I really don't think he cares. He has His kantana out and is now slowly walking around me."well onna any last words before you die like' please let me live' or some kind of begging".I stare into his eyes. My eyes begin to bleed with tears."no if killing me will make you and your soul happier then tend to it now"i say with sorrow in my eyes. I know i don't deserve it but if that is what he wishes for then so it be.He stares at me with confusion."i really don't think i deserve this but if it is what you wish for then tend to it now before I die of starvation."I say lowering my head to stare at my hands. I await my death. It never comes. I look at him. He still has that look of confusion.I smile at him. He looks cute but i dare say that and i will die even slower. I did have a wish before i died but i can't tell him that. I want to kiss him, if only for once then at least i could die knowing i got my wish.
I really don't care if he kills me now. Now that i know he truely hates me. I only wish to die with a kiss from him. I know it will never come. even if i don't die for a long time i know i will not get what i wish for. I had stopped beliving that wishes came true a long time before. When i wanted to be left alone peace never came and when i only wished that i could be held while i bled with tears comfort never saw me. I had many wishes. I still do but i don't belive they will come true. not one.I look up at Hiei"if you truly wish to kill me then do it. If it will put you out of your misery then tend to it now"I say holding my tears back. I won't let him see me cry. For i do know that one wish will come true soon enough. Death. Like i said it is all i really wish for. He doesn't love me and to me that is reson enough for death. I can love but the love won't return to me.
" Hiei if you are going to kill then do so. "I said. I was fighting back the tears but i can not hold back. I start to cry. I know Hiei can tell. I don't care anymore. I am numb from the thought of death. It scares me but is the only thing i want."hiei if you truely want me gone. then do it. if it makes you feel any better i want death to come to me. I have no feeling. I am numb from the thought of it. It scares me but it is the only thing i truely want anymore Hiei. I just want to be put out pf my misery."I cry."onna don't cry. I only intended to scare you. If i killed you the I would go to prison"He said."Hiei i don't care anymore. You can tell them that i wished for it. All I really want is death. If does no come to me i am lost from the rest of the world.Numb from the pain I feel."I cry. Hiei gets down on the ground where he was eye leavel with me."you truely don't want death onna. Your just saying that"Hiei said looking at me."how do you know what i want! If you truely paid attention then you would know what i want. But what i want will never come. All i can feel now is the wanting of death Hiei. I had many wishes but they have all died. The only thing i want is Death and if you wish to give it to me then i wish for you to do so"I said. I don't think i would feel the pain of his kanatana i was so numb."onna you don't know what your talking about. and stop crying i was only here i scare you"Hiei said."I know what i am talking about. Do you know how long i have waited for death to come to me. i have been waiting for almost 2 years now. Now that i have found truth i want death. I can't live this life anymore. not with what i know. I wish that it wasn't the truth Hiei but it is. There is nothing I can do about it. I knew that when You found out i told Yukina i would die shortly after and that is why i did it. also i think she is happy to know the truth Hiei. I am glad she knows. I am glad that i know. Know that truth."I say."the truth about what?"He ask not understanding."the truth that you really, with your heart and soul, that you hate me. I can't live with that. all i live for is death. please Hiei i wish of no more. please just stop the pain and suffering."i say starting to cry. I don't think he has any intetion of killing me but i know he has no mercy and won't do it because of what will happen."i know there are those out there who care for me but i can't live with you hating me. I haven't answered you truthfully in the past. When you would ask me if I had a death wish i would say no with the hopes of you not hating me soon. i now know that will never change. I have a death wish. It has been there for so long. No one notices my sadness. It is hiden behind a lie. I am not happy and wish to die. I wish to die as soon as i can. But i can tell you refuse to give it to me not matter what i cry. If you really want to send me to death then i will finally rest not in peace knowing you hate me but not suffering you anymore."I say."onna why does it matter that i hate you it did not matter before but now it maters."Hiei says.'Hiei you have no idea how long it has mattered. It mattered long before my death wish."i say."onna why does it matter so much?"Hiei ask."Hiei you want the truth. I will give you the truth if it will make you happy.It is because i love you. I can't live in a life where i love but get nothing in return. That is why i want a death wish."I say. I know he will belive me. And i know that i will get my wish now that he knows.
"onna i never said i hated you with my heart and soul. I have protected you with my insults but hurt you too. I don't want to see you cry for death because of me."Hiei said. everyone else had came to but i paid no mind to them."Hiei i don't care any more I am numb from everything. I only want death even now that i know that you don't entirely hate me i still can't live without you loving me. Please I want death. There are even witnesses who heard me. Now you won't go to jail."I cry."why does she want death Hiei?" Kurama asked."shut up fox this is my problem you can stand and watch but do get in" Hiei said to Kurama."Hiei please give me my wish. I don't want to live in this world anymore or with me broken heart."i start to cry again. Hiei was still on the ground. He wraps his arms around me. i don't notice i am still numb."please botan stop crying."Hiei says. I don't hear him i am deaf from pain. I cry more with no one stoping me.Hiei just rocks me back and fourth. My numbness ever so slowly starts to go away. I finally notice that Hiei is holdinjg me i don't care. "Botan i love you. You don't need to cry anymore. You don't need death. Your not alone"Hiei says. when i hear that i look up at him.I just start to cry more."shh you don't need to cry"Hiei says. neither of us cares that the whole team knows. We really don't care about anything at the moment.Kuwabara was about to laugh until Yusuke jabbed him in the side with his elbow and said"Now is not the." I couldn't stop crying. I am happy yet sad. I am happy that he loves me but i am sad because I have be suffering so long."Shh. You don't need to cry anymore. I am here."Hiei says. I just wrap my arms around him and continue to cry. I finally realize i may have suffered in the past thinking I knew the truth but now that i know i was wrong there is no need to cry over it. The bleeding of my tears stop. As Hiei said I don't need to cry anymore. I sit there continuing to hug him with my eyes shut. I blive wishes come true. Not because you want them Because you try and wait for them and that is what makes them come true.
I let go of Hiei and get up. I help him up to. If i had not found out the truth this whole thing could have lead to killing myself. Before i was not sane enogh not to kill my self. But now Hiei has put my sanity back. I look at the team. I can't help but smile. Knowing that those around me don't want me to die. even if hiei didn't love me and i tried to kill my self some one would always be there to stop me."Botan are you"Yusuke was about to ask when i put my fingers to his lips and said" Yes now i just want to go home." "But why did you want the death wish?" Kuwabara asked. I just paid them no attention. I just wanted to hold on to Hiei and there be no noise nor sound. I still have not gotten my kiss wish but it will come soon enough. soon enough.