Disclaimer: If I owned SailorMoon, do you think I'd be writing this?
Author's Notes: Okay, so I finished moving, but am still unpacking. It sucks. Anyway, went to AX, hee, hee, that was fun. Anyway, am working on this fic, along with my PoT fic, and some Roswell ones as well. If you like Roswell and humor come visit me at , I have the same id. All I'm saying is that this chapter kept giving me problems.
Faraday: I wrote some more, finally. I hope you enjoy.
TriGemini: What happened to Mercury? Well, some of your questions will be answered below. However, don't worry, Ami finds some happiness in this chapter. I promise.
Arabella Silverbell: I'm sorry, very, very sorry for taking so long, but as I said in the above author's notes, this chapter kept giving me problems. Besides, I'm back now, aren't I?
Catherine: Well, I'm glad someone liked the 'speed chess' thing. Wasn't too sure about that idea. Yeah, I wasn't very nice to Ami in the last chapter.
May: I try my best to please. Hopefully, you'll enjoy this too.
Mizu Awa: Umm, you can get up now. I didn't mean to make you stay there for a month. I swear!!
Nadia: I hope to finish this fic too, but so far there doesn't seem to be an end in sight yet. Hopefully, I can get Phoenix to come back soon so she can come up with more ideas. She's gone away again so she won't have to unpack.
Icesaturn04: Umm, the others, well, I can't promise much, but I'll try. How about that?
Meeh2: Well, I'm glad that my story helped brighten up your day. I hope this chapter will have a similar effect.
Princess Destiny Moon: I must confess, my idea isn't original. I got it off Storm from the X-Men, but thought, why shouldn't the different princesses effect their planets, if their powers are drawn from it?
Oldestof3: Well, I'm sorry to say that I don't think I started soon enough. Hope you like.
Usagigreenleaf657: I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapters.
For all of you lurkers too! Here's the next part:
She ended up spending a week in the infirmary before she was allowed to leave. However, even after leaving the infirmary, Serenity gave orders that Ami should be given leave from her duties until she finished mourning. She barely remembered the funeral for her father or anything around that time actually. For the most part, it was still a blur and a part of her was thankful for it. Even now as she swam, Ami couldn't stop the tears from forming as she remembered the fall of Mercury. It was a precursor of things to come. If only they had been more diligent, but by that time the rumors of the attack on Mercury began to have its effects on the alliance. Small outbreaks on the planets started up, the uninformed scared of the unknown enemy, and afraid that what happened on Mercury would happen on their planet.
Eventually, they figured out their enemy to be the Dark Kingdom through rumors and whispers. The data Ami recorded from her computer, along with survivors' account made the planets realized that they weren't invincible. Many meetings were held to discuss what the Dark Kingdom's intentions were, along with how to defend themselves against a repeat of Mercury. They figured out the different weaknesses of their monsters, and they found out about the brainwashing. Unfortunately, what none of them knew was how far the Dark Kingdom had already progressed. No one would find out until much later.
However, at the time Ami couldn't even focus on what went on outside of her own quarters. She tried distracting herself by playing chess, swimming, anything so she didn't have to deal with the events that had past, but nothing worked. Eventually, she went back to her duties as a senshi, but even that provided little comfort. Her friends all tried their best to cheer her up. Rei offered her spiritual guidance; Makoto insisted on making her favorite dishes for a month; Minako decided on getting her to come out of the palace and outside to explore some of the lakes; Hotaru asked for her help on work constantly; Serenity even tried to pay attention in her classes. However, as hard as they tried, Ami continued to act mechanically around everyone. She never really considered suicide, but she wasn't going to lie; the option was there in the back of her head. It got so bad that even the generals started to treat her differently, like she was a ceramic doll and if they weren't careful she would break. The only one who actually treated her like a person was Zoicite. He knew she was in pain, but refused to believe that she needed to be sheltered because of it. Yet, even he could only stand to watch her exist like a shell for so long.
"How long to you plan on doing this?" He asked one day when she was at the infirmary working on an experiment.
"Doing what?" She calmly responded, careful not to look him in the eyes. She felt as if she was hanging on by a thread, and if she had to look into his eyes, she'd loose it.
"This," Zoicite hissed at her as he waved his arms exasperatedly. "You, it's like you're here, but you're not." He was angry, but Ami couldn't tell if the anger was directed at her or himself.
"I don't know what you're talking about Zoicite." She coldly replied.
He narrowed his eyes before coming up with a response. "Yes, you do. You just don't want to admit it. You've been acting like a machine for the past two months. It's not healthy Ami, you can't just exist; you need to live."
She ruffled under his words, "I'm living just fine thank you."
"Sure, and that's why everybody treats you like your made out of glass. The others walk around on eggshells whenever you're around, because they're afraid that if they're not careful you'll hurt yourself."
"You don't seem to have any trouble with criticizing me."
Her flippant remark did not help his mood. He glared at her, "It's not going to work, so just stop it."
"Stop what?" She asked innocently.
"You're trying to make me angry. Angry enough that I'll leave. Nice try, but I saw that one coming. As I was saying everyone is scared because they think it's the grief that eating away at you but it really isn't."
"Really?" She said, trying her best to ignore how close he was to her now.
"No," his tone was softer, kinder, "it's the guilt. You were the princess, your planet's defender, warrior, the one who was supposed to protect everyone. Yet only a few of your people survived including you."
Ami froze at his words but when he finished talking she turned to look at him. His emerald eyes only reflected his concern for her well-being, while she felt hot tears in spilling out of her own. "I should have done something. I could have done something. So many died in the first attack and I still can't figure out how they got past our defense shield in the first place. It was my responsibility, my duty, and I failed because I was too busy having fun for my birthday." Her voice dripping with venom, as the tears kept flowing down her face.
"Go ahead and say it Ami, it's been on your mind for a while now." He prodded.
"Why didn't you leave me there to die?!" Her anguish was undeniable.
"Because Princess Serenity would have never forgive us if we didn't, and because your friends would have all of our heads if we didn't bring you back with us." Zoicited replied in all seriousness, but the answer prompted a small giggle from her.
"That's does sound like them doesn't it?" She said softly as she sniffled tried to try her tears.
He looked at her again, "And now? Do you still wish you were dead?"
She blinked surprised at his question before she answered, "I...I have duties, I have responsibilities to Serenity. I cannot abandon them or my friends." Ami gasped out.
"You have a duty to your heart and a responsibility to your own wellbeing too. As much as your friends love you, they want you to be happy too. If you feel like your happiness lies with your parents in the next life, I think they'll understand. However, I can tell you that we'd all miss you very much, Ami." He quietly told her. She glanced at him realizing that he was offering a choice without any pressure for either result. It was really very simple, did she want to live or did she wish to die? His words made sense, if she chose life, she had to choose because deep down she wanted to live. Ami couldn't live just for her friends or for her duty; she needed to live for herself. She gave him a teary smile.
"Thank you."
He looked at her surprised. "What for?"
"For being my friend."
It took a while, but eventually she was able to smile and laugh again in the palace. Her conversation with Zoicite made her see how selfish she was being, and how hollow she had become. Ami finished another lap and stopped again. Was another confrontation with herself what she needed at this point? She just wanted to decipher what was going on in her mind so these memories would stop haunting her. So what? She should have a crying session when she was alone? Somehow, she had a feeling that it was going to take a bit more than that. She stood up and glanced over the pool, should she continue or should she stop for the day? Now that she was standing, she actually noticed that her muscles felt a bit sore. It was probably a good idea to do a cool down and then take a nice relaxing shower before leaving. So she slowly swam a couple more laps this time concentrating on just relaxing her muscles before getting out of the pool.
As she let the shower water hit her, she basked in the warmth it gave her. The warm shower made her feel relaxed and safe too. Unbidden another memory popped into her head. A memory Ami didn't want to think about because it threatened to ruin the nice warm and fuzzy feeling she was having at the moment. It was a memory of him holding her. For once, can't I take a nice warm shower or bath without having to think about that? Is that too much to ask? Her irritation at herself soon gave way to embarrassment. What had happened to that icy control she had when she was a princess? Why couldn't she just revert back to being icy when she thought about that? Oh no, instead she usually just ended up daydreaming about all of the old feelings she thought somewhat bitterly. Well, she was building herself up to this all day so she might as well just go back into the memories again.
Endymion and the generals had returned to Earth about 2 months after the attack on Mercury to deal with small insurrections and other matters. Now, they had been gone for 4 months, and during that time Ami began to think more and more about Zoicite. Ever since their confrontation in the infirmary, Ami discovered that she had done what she feared most. She fell in love with him. It was a revelation that did not please her at all. She was sure of his friendship, but anything else was suspect. Besides, as she told Michiru and the other outer princesses, he was attracted to women completely different from her, so why torture herself. Some how this was all his fault, why did he have to be so nice, intelligent, charming, and handsome? Why couldn't he just stay the arrogant, flirting, annoying cad that she first thought he was? Why? Ami thought as she looked over their unfinished chess game. She was suppose to send him her response but she couldn't concentrate on the game.
"Ami, are you here?" Hotaru's voice echoed through out the empty library.
Ami shook her head to rid herself the last remnants of her reverie. "I'm by the windows Hotaru." She told her younger friend. "Is there something I can help you with?" The young princess of Saturn came over and showed Ami her mask. There was a masquerade ball tonight, and now that Hotaru was 13, she would be allowed to join the others in attendance. Ami had decided on to dress as a water sprite. Hotaru's mask was suppose to represent her namesake, a firefly, however something went wrong during the creation process and Ami could see many cracks and chips on the purple and gold mask. "The damaged isn't too bad. I have some plaster we can use to fill in the chips and cracks. Do you still have the purple and gold paint?" Hotaru nodded. "Good, come on we'll fix this now."
"Ami, you know how the Queen stated that I needed someone to stand with me tonight?" Ami nodded as she walked down the corridors of the palace towards the craft rooms for the needed plaster. "Would you mind terribly standing with me?" Hotaru asked her eyes wide. Ami smiled at the young princess.
"I'd be happy to stand with you Hotaru."
The ball was true to the opulence known from the Moon Kingdom. The crystal chandeliers shone providing a prisming effect all over the ballroom, making the dancers appear to be encased in rainbows. Amidst the marry music and the gay dancers stood Ami and Hotaru by the balcony watching the dancers as they passed them by. Ami had expressed quite often that she did not wish to dance, because she would leave her friend alone. Hotaru also denied invitations for the same reason. However, they still were enjoying themselves because they noticed a group of five masked men in the room whom seem very familiar. Ami gasped as she realized that they were Endymion and his generals, but they weren't expected to come. Hotaru heard her gasp and turned her head to see what caused Ami's reaction. They both grinned as they saw the prince make his way to Princess Serenity to claim a dance. Their smiles widened as they saw Serenity's reaction upon recognizing her lover's presence. Ami's smile got wider as she saw Kunzite find Minako, the way her friend's eyes lit up was unforgettable. Hotaru was the next to gasp and Ami turned her head to see what had gotten her friend's attention. Ami definitely felt her jaw drop as she saw a masked Rei dancing and laughing with a disguised Jadeite. Since when did they start a relationship, or did they just not recognize each other? Shrugging Ami noticed a yawn coming out of Hotaru's mouth. The unmasking wouldn't happen until the end of the ball, and it was still a couple of hours away.
"Did you want to stay?"
Hotaru shook her head, "I'm actually very tired; perhaps it's best if I retire for the night."
Discreetly they made their way towards one of the secret passageways so they could exit unseen. After promising Hotaru that she'd tell the younger girl everything that occurred at the unmaking, Ami made her way back to the ballroom. Once back, Ami saw a frustrated Makoto dancing with a very amused Nephrite; apparently, her friend couldn't figure out the identity of her partner. She was making her way back to her spot by the balcony when a very familiar voice asked for a dance. Turning she was confronted by a set of laughing emerald eyes. Taking his hand, she allowed herself to be led to the dance floor.
"Do you know what I like about masquerades?" He asked her.
"What?"
"It gives people chances to act completely differently than normal. For an example, a usually calm stoic general can relax and maybe even laugh."
"And what about a man with a reputation for flirting and seducing women?" She inquired.
He brought her a little closer to him so he could whisper into her ear, "He'll finally be able to spend time dancing with a sprite instead of just playing chess with her." He leaned back, he eyes twinkling at her blush.
"Suppose the sprite wanted to be left alone?"
"Then afterwards, he'll apologize for his inconsiderate behavior. But does the sprite really wish for her partner to leave?"
Ami looked at her partner, his face showing nothing, but his eyes were anxious awaiting her answer to his question. She smiled and feeling bolder because of their conversation and the atmosphere of the ball, and placed her head on his shoulder, moving closer to his body as they continued their dance. "No, she rather enjoys his company." Ami smiled at the stunned expression his eyes made at her actions, but his eyes quickly softened at her words and he tightened his embrace. She liked feeling his warmth against her body. She felt warm and safe in his arms and closed her eyes to enjoy the moment.
Even after they danced a while longer, he never left her side. Without even talking about their feelings or the consequences of their actions both silently acknowledged that something in their friendship had changed. It was in the way he stood by her for the rest of the evening, the way he held her close to him when they weren't on the dance floor, and her silent acceptance at his actions. When they weren't dancing he placed his arm around her waist to keep her close to him, and she smiled at the gesture. It was loose, but she was still close enough to him to warn others that he did not intend to loose her to another partner unless she wished to dance with another. If she felt someone was bothering her, he'd pull her closer and glare at the unwanted person until said person would leave and she began to relax again. If he was being bothered by a coquettish woman who didn't understand the word "no," then she would calmly remind the woman that he wasn't interested while taking his other hand into her own. Both of them smirking as disappointed suitors and scowling women left them alone.
As the hour of unmasking came closer, the couple danced for a while longer before walking towards the balcony for some air. Ami couldn't help but feel a bit sad, this night was special; when it was over they would have to talk. She walked out to the end of the balcony to look out at the stars and saw the beauty of a blue Earth. Her companion stood behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. Both of them stood there in comfortable silence not wanting to disrupt their new fragile bond. She was unsure of the time they spent out there without speaking, but she eventually turned to her partner. "I promised a friend I'd tell her what happened during the unmasking. We probably should get back so I won't break my promise."
He nodded at her, his green eyes now held a look of confusion, and his mouth was in a thin straight line, "I...Ami..." he whispered hoarsely.
Ami placed a finger on his mouth to stop him, "It's been a wonderful night; please let's not ruin the illusion of the masquerade by bringing up reality now. Things will not change when the morning comes, and we can talk then." She said softly. He nodded again at her words before offering her his hand to lead her back into the ballroom. Before accepting, she leaned forward to give him a soft kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for the lovely evening, Zoicite."
They returned in time for the unmasking and laughed, as a very indignant Rei found out the man she found so charming was none other than Jadeite. Ami smiled watching a stunned Makoto only gaped at a grinning Nephrite after he removed his mask. They quickly joined Minako, Serenity, and their partners as they chatted and teased their friends about their masked partners. They all laughed as they heard surprised shrieks all over the ballroom, from people discovering whom they really were dancing and possibly kissing with all night.
In the morning, she received a missive from Zoicite, but instead of his usual chess move, it was a message asking her where they could talk in private. Knowing he wished to get away from the prying eyes of both her and his friends she replied back telling him to use the passageway at the pool and she'd meet him halfway inside to lead him back to her private rooms without arousing the others' suspicions. He surprised her by sending another message stating he would just teleport into her room if she didn't mind.
She sat at her window seat playing her lyre as she waited for him to arrive. It was early afternoon when she saw him teleport into her room. Looking at him, Ami was surprised to see him extremely agitated. He was so anxious that he didn't even give her a proper greeting, instead Zoicite started to pace around the area in front of her bed muttering to himself. Concerned she rose and walked closer to him, she heard him utter some words like "her reputation," "responsibility," "duties," and "wouldn't work." Worried she spoke to him, "What 'wouldn't work?'"
Zoicite suddenly stopped his mutterings and looked around his surroundings. He seemed surprised by the fact that he was in Ami's chambers, as if he hadn't intended to teleport there at all. He frowned, "I thought I teleported to my room, what am I doing here?" Ami giggled at his confusion that only made his frown bigger.
"I'm sorry, Zoicite, but this is the second time you've come into my chambers and didn't seem to know it." She told him between giggles. He paused as he pondered her words before giving her a sheepish grin. "Now," Ami continued with a soft smile, "you never answered my question, what 'wouldn't work?'"
Zoicite's relaxed posture immediately went back to being tense. He obviously did not want to talk to her about his thoughts at that moment. "I'm not sure how to say this," he muttered. "Last night...what happened last night can't happen again Ami."
She widened her eyes in shock; she was so sure that he would say the opposite. After all this was Zoicite, the man had seduced and flirted with at least half of the women of the court. He was proud of his reputation, making a princess fall in love with him would send that reputation to another level, and instead, he was doing everything he could to convince her to be just friends. A part of her mind was telling her that she should be angry with him for being arrogant enough to think she felt more than friendship for him. However, a larger part of her found the whole situation ironic. Ami thought she would have to be the one telling Zoicite all the reasons why their relationship wouldn't work, while he would be the one telling her that it could. Yet, somehow, a role reversal occurred, and she was forced to listen to him.
"...if we're romantically linked your reputation would suffer for it. I know how vicious some of the court gossip can get, and I don't want to see you hurt that way. There's also the matter of the Mercury Counsel. Granted, only one or two members survived, but if the counsel found out that you were with someone of my reputation, they would demand that you stop seeing me anyway. Besides we both have responsibilities..." he rattled on.
Ami stifled a giggle; she couldn't help it. Here was Zoicite, one of the most intelligent and well-spoken men in the alliance blithering like a nervous school boy. Then she realized that he actually was very nervous, was it possible that this speech was more for his benefit than hers? Although his speech was disorganized, Ami could tell he put a great deal of thought to his reasons, and she couldn't find fault with them. He was putting up a very logical argument, but that was also the flaw in it. He was being too logical. Ami decided it was time to find out how he really felt about the situation. "I agree." She abruptly told him.
He stopped, stunned by her exclamation. "You, you do?" Was Ami imagining things, or did she actually see a hint of disappointment in his eyes?
"Hmm," she nodded as she walked closer to him. "You've made a very convincing and logical argument; I just have one problem though." She stopped inches from him. She looked straight into his eyes, "I don't think you meant a word of it." She continued, "And I believe I can prove it too, but I'll make a deal with you. If I'm wrong, I'll agree to never mention this subject again, I won't try to convince otherwise, and we can go on being friends."
He raised an eyebrow at her, "Really, we'll never have to do this again?" She nodded, hoping her face revealed none of her intentions. He gave her a wary look before answering, "All right, how to you plan to obtain your proof?"
She lifted her head up to him defiantly before reaching up to place her arms around his neck and gave his lips a soft sweet kiss. Ami felt Zoicite stiffen in momentary surprise before he returned her kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer to him. They remained locked together in each other's embrace for a couple of moments before Ami pulled away. Still looking right into his eyes, she made one request, "Tell me again why we shouldn't be together." She bit her lip as she watched Zoicite ponder her request; she followed her heart, would he do the same? She could almost hear the wheels turning in his head, the longer they stood there, the more anxious she became.
After waiting for a while, Ami decided that Zoicite was just going to bury his feelings; she turned away to walk out of her room. But before she could even take a step, he grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him again before lowering his lips upon hers once more. Her kiss was innocent and undemanding, showing him that she cared. His kiss was desperate and insistent, telling her how much he needed her. He held her possessively close to him and placed one of his hands on her cheek. After a couple of minutes, they pulled apart, both breathless, and Zoicite appeared to be pleased but emotionally drained. His eyes had a slightly dazed look, and he bemusedly sat at the foot of her bed. Ami on the other hand was happy at the turn of events; she was important to him; important enough that he was willing to give her up instead of possibly hurting her. He finally looked up to her, his eyes alert again, sparkling but questioning, "Are you sure?"
She thought of a hundred different responses, but quickly decided on one, "A good friend once told me that I had a duty to my heart." She told him as she sat down next to him.
He was startled by her use of his own words, but returned her smile and then began to laugh. "I can't believe I said all those ridiculous things earlier. It's a good thing nobody saw us. I'd never be able to live it down if Jadeite or Nephrite ever found out that I, the 'sauve and charming' Zoicite started babbling like a complete idiot to stop you from being with me."
She giggled with him, before a yawn slipped out of her mouth. She gave him an impish grin, "Sorry, I was up late last night."
"Well, I'll just have to find the person responsible and give him a piece of my mind. Meanwhile, you have a couple of hours before dinner, why don't you rest of a while?" Without waiting for her reply, he picked her up; walked around to the side of her bed and gently placed her down on her pillows and blankets. He turned to leave when she grabbed his arm.
"Stay, until I fall asleep." She requested softly. He rewarded her with a soft, gentle smile, which she knew was meant for her and her alone, before nodding. He went to her desk to grab the chair and then sat by her bed; he held her hand until she closed her eyes to welcome the oblivion of dreams.
Jadeling's Notes: So, how was it?