31st October - 7.07 pm

Sitting on my bed nervously - in a DRESS!!!!!!

OK, the reason that I have so many exclamations after the dress (well, not that many, my arm got kinda tired) is I have never, as long as I can remember, worn a dress. Sure I wear skirts (I have to - uniform?!), but never a dress.

I'm still dreading it… And looking forward to it. The Ball, I mean.

I have 8 minutes until I meet James in the common room.

Anna is shrieking from the bathroom. She's lost her glitter mascara. That girl wears so much glitter mascara it is unbelievable.

Why am I writing now? I should be preparing - checking my underarms and topping up on deodorant, and checking my teeth for spinach and garlic.

OK, I'm clear.

Anyway, the dress I have on is unbelievably gorgeous. Us girls are so lucky. The boys have to wear dress robes - HA!

Back to the dress. I am determined to write down a description of it in the ….. THREE(!!!!!!!!) … minutes I have left.

Ahem. Cough cough.

It is gorgeous. It is the sheeny colour of red wine, a rich plum-y, red-y, purple-y, sheen-y, wine-y, berry-y colour. it's a string strap dress, with a scrunched bodice decorated with beautiful glass-bead butterflies and roses. The skirt goes down to the floor, and has butterflies and roses at the hem. I have matching shoes, not very high, but still heels - at least I can walk in them. Also, I have a matching skinny beaded purse bag thingy - called a 'clutch', I think. It is just big enough to squeeze you in, journal.

It has just turned quarter past.

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sitting down, just finished eating

This is unbelievable. Me and James have slow-danced FOUR times!!! And danced loads of other times, of course. Just not slow ones.

Now I have just finished eating - a lamb leg, parsnips, roast potatoes, cranberry sauce, peas, carrots, mushrooms, fruit salad, chocolate fudge cake and kumquats.

I am sure to burst out my dress any time now. Watch out for the exploding Lily! I am so glad Madam Pomfrey is here. She'd sew me back into the dress if I do explode.

James is looking so…. Cute?… nah, not right word…….. Handsome?….. Ugh, bring it on, Shakespeare…….. HOT! That is the word. He looks hot.

If I had known that I would be sitting here, say last September, thinking that James Potter was HOT, I would have so laughed in my own face. Seriously.

Whoah. My heart just did the weirdest little backflip in my chest. Maybe I really did eat to much. But suddenly I feel all flushed. And I can't stop looking at James.

He is wearing these gorgeous dark teal-green-blue dress robes. And his hair is presentable! He's managed to flatten it a bit. Though it still sticks out at the back. And his fringe looks a bit static. I think I seriously have the best looking guy in the whole room.

Remus doesn't look half bad. He's wearing a deep bluey purple colour of robes. He looks slightly nervous, but happy. Him and Anna are getting on like a werewolf and a moon.

Rachel and Daniel are snogging each others faces off. James just glanced at them with wistful interest. Don't expect me to do that, Hot Boy.

Truly Happy and Content with the World

I feel so happy. The stars are so bright. I swear, when I looked up at them, I could see James' name traced out in them, like a sign.

We are sitting on a bench outside in the grounds. The whole place has been decorated. Glistening spider webs threaded on the bushes, bats fluttering everywhere, mini pumpkin heads grinning from all directions.

I can't stop thinking about what just happened.

Me and James were slow dancing to another song, a very beautiful, bittersweet melody with a clash of soft, minor chords underneath, when James looked into my eyes, like a movie scene.

'Can I kiss you?' he asked, startling me.

I stared at him, panicking. 'I might be bad.'

He answered by leaning forward, kissing me. It was the most natural thing in the world. All those pointless Muggle magazines Anna gets are actually right. This was my first kiss - and it came totally naturally.

I didn't even panic about keeping my eyes open or shut or using tongues or anything.

Well, I shall stop going on about it now.

I am so HAPPY!

My bed

I feel so horrible.

James hates me.

I feel like a worthless Flabbleslug, like the ones Professor Jolyll told us about in Care of Magical Creatures.

My life is over. I can't believe I actually care - but I really don't want James to hate me. How could he accuse me like that though?

Any girl would rather have James over that . . . weasel.

After refusing to dance with Paul Parkinson seven times, I finally agree. A short dance, I say. A very short one. James is chatting to Remus and Anna, so I expect this is OK. Sirius is watching me, though. Very intently, I have to say.

We prance about difficultly - him not being able to dance for one thing, and me trying to keep my nostrils as far away from his dog breath as possible.

Then, to the end of the song - he kisses me! On my lips. I swear, I am so glad I came with James. He kisses a whole lot better than Paul. I push him away, wiping my mouth, and walk away, disgusted, and come face to face with … James. I'm all ready to say hi and ask for another dance, but James gets there first.

'What was that?' he demands. He looks angry, upset, disappointed.

'What?' I reply, trying to work out whether he saw or not. 'Paul asked me to dance, and I said OK, though I wish now I hadn't but…'

'No - not that. The whole kiss thing.' James looks hurt. 'Do you like him or something?'

I was appalled. 'Of course not! How could you even think that?!'

'Well, everyone could see it.'

'What?' I actually laugh slightly, though when I do, I realise that was a big mistake. James' eyes flash menacingly. 'You actually think I enjoyed that … that … humiliation?'

'What humiliation? It looked to me like you liked it.' he says coldly. 'And to basically everyone else in the room.'

'Liked it? What do you think I am?' I feel as if I am about to cry.

James gave me a long, cold, hard stare. 'I think I'd better not answer that.' he replied quietly.

I stare at him disbelievingly, hardly daring to speak.

'See you, Evans.'

He strides away, shrugging Sirius off him as he goes past. Sirius makes his way over to me, after watching James disappear.

'What the hell did you just say to him?!'

'Me?'

'Yeah you! Everyone saw that thing with Paul! Including me, including James! I can't believe you'd do that to him!' Sirius looks really mad.

'I didn't… I didn't do anything.' I say limply.

Sirius looks at me.

'So it was all Paul?' he sounds doubtful, but there is a hint of hopefulness in his voice, like maybe he believes me…

'Yes, of course it was! You don't actually think I'd do anything as … wrong … as that?'

'Well, no. Not really, but you never know.'

'So you believe me?'

'Well, yeah, but I'm not sure James will see things the same way I did. I was watching you ever since you got up and went off with him. You looked pretty disgusted, like wishing you were someone else. Then James asked me where you were, and just as I pointed, he kissed you… I dunno. He just stood with a look of total shock on his face. Well, I have to admit, you looked the same, but James only saw the kiss - not the reaction.'

'Great. Just great.'

And as I stood, I tried to figure out what to do.

'Will you help me?' I ask sullenly. 'Try to convince him of the truth?'

'I dunno, James can be pretty strong-minded when he wants to be. I mean, he was determined to go out with you, and even when I said you would never say yes, he kept trying and eventually his determination paid off.'

'I should have never agreed to go out with him in the first place.' I said. 'Well, yeah, I had a great time and all, and I was starting to think there was more to James than what I've been thinking for seven years, but then I screwed it up.'

'You didn't screw it up, it was all Paul's fault.' says Sirius firmly. 'Look, I'll try my best. I talk to him about it. I try convince him. But I'm not sure…'

'Thank you! Thank you!' I say and throw my arms around Sirius' shoulders. He pats my head awkwardly, and then we make our way to the Common Room.

But I can't help the gnawing feeling of something in my chest. I don't know what it is. It hurts terribly.

1st November

Have told Anna and Rachel what has happened. They are shocked.

'That complete moron!' cries Anna.

'I can't believe it - you and James were getting along so well, then -splat!- Paul has to come and stick his big fat, spotty nose into everything and ruin it.' says Rachel.

I suddenly spot James enter the Great Hall. He avoids my gaze Sirius, walking behind me, shakes his head at me.

'No luck.' he mouths.

I smile gratefully back, but inside, the gnawing feeling intensifies.

2nd November

I don't know what it is. I don't feel hungry. I don't feel like doing anything. I just sit in the library, flicking through books, just to be away from everything.

3rd November

Everyone is talking about the Ball. I want to rip my ears off. I can't stand it.

4th November

I finally caught his eye today. I smile hopefully, but he gave me a blank look, then turned away.

5th November

I think I know what this feeling is. All the time I had Potter annoying me, asking me out, try to converse with me, I was always wishing he would leave me alone, go away. But now that he's gone, stopped talking to me, ignoring me completely, I miss him.