Aly (I Despise Raoul): Have you ever had one of those days where everything random is like... hilarious?
Me: Well those are everyday for Aly and I! Due to extreme Boredness and a hunger for randomness, we came up with the fic:
Once upon a time there was a fop. He wondered why Christine, his Little Lotte, kept leaving him for her so called "voice lessons". He had a sneaking suspicion it was something else. Raoul rarely had suspicions. He just couldn't figure it out, however, because there was a great void where a brain belonged. So he did what any lovesick fop would do; he poked Christine in the back until she told him why she kept leaving
"Raoul," She began. "Its not that I don't like you sweetie, I do...But Erik told me you were...Well that you were involved with the manager Andre."
The fop stared blankly for several hours before replying, "What?" But Christine was nowhere to be found. For a moment, Raoul had a dejected look tugging at his features, but brightened up instantly when he realized that it was time to get his nails done with Meg.
"SQUEE!" He giggled, and pranced off. After pampering his inner fop, he came back smelling of nail polish remover and cheap wine, looking for his beloved Christine. Christine sat in her room, inhaling the scent of the rose left mysteriously on her bed by an equally mysterious man when something felt out of place…The scent of nail polish and cheap wine was coming her way!
"RAOUL!" she yelped and fled out the window. Raoul opened the door of Christine's room to find the room deserted and the window open. He closed the window saying to himself, "Don't want my sweet puppy love gooey gooey lovemunchkin to catch a cold!"
Christine's heart dropped when she heard Raoul fall ungracefully out of her window. "Oh God…he's following me!" "Hunnyboo munchkins! Where are you going my little lambypoo?" She heard Raoul gush. Noticing that he didn't yet see her, she began to run at an alarming speed through the alleyway and into the stage door.
Erik sat at his organ feeling terribly bored. He decided he should go kidnap Christine and make her sing with him. That always cheered him up while in a bored state. He was utterly disappointed to find that she was nowhere to be seen in her room! But...Something maybe better caught his eye. He saw the Viscount clumsily making his way out of her window... "This might be fun!" Erik silently said, imagining all of the things he could do to torment the worthless fop. Erik slid out onto the hallway and took a nearby window out into the clearing where the fop was perched. He used his amazing ventriloquist skills to lure him away from Christine.
"Free Pedicures! Free pedicures over here in this conspicuously dark alleyway!" Erik called to him. Raoul jumped from the puddle where he sat and ran frantically toward the alleyway, passing Erik without noticing.
Erik practiced his maniacal laugh, only to lead himself into a hysterical fit of coughs... "I need to work on that..."Erik thought. Erik caught a glimpse of Christine running at an incredible speed away form her room...
"What in the world would make her run away!" He stepped back in through the window and watched Christine run, only to trip on her gown and fall face first onto the floor. He couldn't stifle the very out of character giggles that escaped from his deformed lips. Christine snapped up from her awkward position and whipped around on Erik feeling very defensive. "Well at least I have a nose you big bully!" She screeched at him. When she saw the sad look on his face she instantly softened
"You're mean! I hate you!" Erik yelled and turned, running into the dark corner of the Opera. Christine rushed over to him where he sat huddled in the corner. She reached out to touch his shoulder but he slapped her away and cried like a little boy, "Get away from me you stinky poopoohead! I never liked you anyways! You and your soft brown curls...Pink velvety lips..."Erik trailed off with a dreamy gaze on his face. He snapped back into reality and stood up straight, regaining his adult attitude, " I am going to walk away and you will forget what you just heard/saw..." An awkward silence passed between the two and Christine finally said, "Erik..." there was an exceedingly dramatic pause and then she said" Your fly is down." Erik blushed to the temples and wanted to shrink away to nothing
"It's all the rage in Vienna..." He said, folding his arms and turning away. "If you were fashion savvy you would have known that." Christine said in a slightly annoyed voice, "I'm way more fashionable thank you! C'mon, what were you thinking, A white ruffled shirt with a cummerbund? The fashion police should arrest you!"
"What?" Erik gasped. "Look at you, walking around in skimpy lingerie! Excuse me, Rocky Horror... I've found Dr. Frank N. Furter!" Christine grabbed Erik's shirt and lifted him two inches off the ground. His eyes widened in shock "Just what are you implying Monsieur Tasteless!" She growled out.
"I am implying," Erik removed Christine's hand from his shirt and he plopped down to the ground, "that the dark shadow and fishnets, paired with crazy hair and bright lipstick makes you either look like a prostitute or cross dresser..."
Christine's eyes flared in anger. "That's IT! Let's go! You and me, I'm going to beat you down so fast, you won't even know what hit you!" A random announcer popped up and called out in an overdramatisized voice, "LET'S get ready to rrrrumble!"
"Whoa... wait!" Erik looked around and saw no one. "I may be trick people and even kill, but I do NOT hit girls!"Christine threw a sucker punch across his jaw. "OH it is ON!" Erik bellowed.
"Will Erik fight Christine? Is an open fly really a style? And what happened to the fop? tune in next time and find out!
A/N: Go review or Erik will kick your puppy! (says Aly)
First reviewer gets a shard of broken glass from a miror that Erik kick and later drooled on...