Thanks again for all the reviews everyone. Jackie really appreciates them. An answer for janissima - yes, Sam and Jack are breaking regs, as Jack is Sam's CO. That is one reason I don't write S/J myself - I personally can't see them doing it. But that doesn't detract from the fact that this is a great story that I'm proud to be posting on Jackie's behalf.

Jackie has lots of excellent stories (mainly S/J). This was the first one she wrote, and they just keep getting better. Do you want more? Let us know before this one ends - only a few more parts to go. - Flatkatsi (Jackie's little helper)

What Fate Decrees - Part Thirty-five

Turning the glove around, Jack fingered the leather gently, his mind lost deep in thought.

When he had first read Sara's letter he was angry that she was giving it to him. It seemed as if she was trying to push the memories of their son's death at him, but as he'd calmed down, he realised that wasn't her intention. He'd always purposely avoided anything in his life that reminded him of his son and Sara had repeatedly chided him, telling him he needed to remember the good times and not just Charlie's death – that he needed good memories and had to let his guilt go. Jack had stubbornly refused to do that. He'd never felt he should let go of the guilt, never felt he deserved to.

That day in the locker room he'd only just opened the package and was staring at the glove, trying not to think, trying to blank out the hurt, when Daniel had come in talking about the mission. Jack couldn't face the many questions he knew Daniel would have, and he'd hurriedly stuffed the glove in his pack to hide it. He'd resumed packing and let Daniel ramble on as he forced his mind to focus on the present and the upcoming mission.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Sam stood nervously waiting for Jack to say something more, but when he remained silent she gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and left the room.

She had intended to give him a few moments alone while she splashed her face and calmed herself down, but once she reached the bathroom, she couldn't help herself from sobbing helplessly as she frantically tried to wash the tears away. She could only guess at the memories the glove would dredge up. She knew Charlie's death was never far from Jack's heart.

It took her much longer than she anticipated to hide the evidence of her tears, but she made sure nothing showed before she left the bathroom. She wanted so badly to be strong for Jack's sake.

Coming back to the living room, she found him still hunched over on the sofa cradling the glove. The light was fading quickly, but Sam didn't move to turn a lamp on, leaving the room only lit by the soft glow of the setting sun. She realised Jack must have heard her return. He wiped at his eyes, keeping his head down. She sat down close to him, putting a hesitant hand out to his shoulder.

"Jack?" she said softly.

Jack drew a shaky breath before sitting up straighter and turning to face her. Sam's determination to be strong broke at the sight of the absolute desolation in his eyes and the damn burst. She drew a huge sobbing breath and found herself drawn into a tight bear hug. Despite her own tears, she became aware of the shaking from Jack's body as the barricade he'd erected many years ago finally broke. He clasped her fiercely to him.

Sam wasn't sure how long they sat there, just holding each other. She felt herself becoming calmer and realised Jack's shaking had stilled too. She lifted her head and pulled back a little to try and look at him.

Her heart contracted painfully as she looked deep into his dark eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered "I know it must hurt so much."

Jack stared intensely into her eyes as he brought a hand up to gently trace the side of her face. Wordlessly he pulled her to her feet and together they made their way upstairs where Jack buried himself in the comfort of her body.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

It was the early hours of the morning when Sam awoke to find Jack tossing restlessly. He felt hot and was muttering in his sleep. She tried hugging and stroking him, but the nightmare seemed to be getting worse and he started to cry out. Suddenly he sat up, flinging her away from him. Startled, she lost her balance and fell from the bed, hitting the floor in an undignified heap.

Sam quickly put the bedside lamp on and its soft light bathed the room. Jack was still sitting, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them hugging them tightly. His eyes were open, but he wasn't seeing anything - at least anything in the here and now. His face and body were covered in a film of perspiration and his eyes looked almost black, unblinking in the soft light. Sam's heart went out to him. She wasn't frightened of him, but what did terrify her was the look on his face. She had never seen Jack look as helpless and vulnerable as he did at that moment - and scared - she'd never seen him look frightened in all the years she'd known him and it shook her to the very core.

She was unsure what to do to help. She called his name and tried talking to him softly. She knew better than to touch him at this stage, but it seemed an age before he began to calm down. Gradually his breathing began to even out and his eyes began to focus until his gaze fixed on Sam's concerned face. Shakily, he rubbed his face with his hands and gave a groan.

"Sam, you okay?" he asked raggedly. "I didn't hurt you did I?" He looked terrible, as if he'd had no sleep at all.

"No, I'm fine. Was it a dream?" She moved closer to him, touching him gently.

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair, not meeting her eyes..

"Want to talk?" offered Sam hopefully.

Jack shook his head and lay down. Sam turned off the light and moved close to be enveloped in his arms. She lay wide-awake for a long time, listening to his breathing, knowing he was awake too.

Slowly she drifted off to sleep.