A/N: Update... believe it or not! I hope you are reading although I let you down for so long. It's not that long I know, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Enjoy!

As usual: R&R You know yourself how motivating that can be!

Dela

CHAPTER FIVE

You know this nagging feeling when something is wrong but you don't know for the life of yours what it is? This feeling roused me from my sleep into a dull state of half asleep at 3.30 A.M. in the morning.

Lazily I turned and reached out for the warm body next to me to snuggle against him and go back to dreamland. But I didn't get the chance to do so.

My eyes sprung open. I was wide awake in a second. Where was the warm body that was supposed to lie next to me?

I sat up and looked around. His clothes still lay on the floor where they had landed some hours ago. So he was still here. I wouldn't have thought him to be the one night stand kinda guy. Not really. Though my heart beat faster the moment I found him missing. Weird feeling to be the one to find the other person gone, I tell ya!

I got up, grabbed the bathrobe from the floor and opened the door only to feel a cold breeze.

I frowned and walked to my balcony. Well, it's not a real balcony. More a big window with a banister to keep people from falling out of it.

And guess who stood in the window, arms resting on the railing?

"Hey stranger."

He turned, a distant look in his eyes, and smiled at me sadly.

Immediately my stomach twisted. I gulped down a knot the size of a football. A sad smile, distant, mulling look, not a good sign after an unbelievable hot, mind blowing night filled with... well you know what.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing!" he says and you know what, I didn't believe him.

"Yeah, right. Something's on your mind. And I think I know what it is. I mean, it's quite obvious. After all that happened, and considering our past..."

"I was thinking about Charlie!" he stated and interrupted my ramble.

"Oh!" was all I was able to reply.

It was worse than I thought.

Remember my three fears why Jack and I would never work out?

Well, one of them seemed to just come true. I should have known better.

My heartbeat became faster, the air in my lungs began to sear, I gripped that rail to stay on my legs.

"You know it's just..." he began, but I rose my hand to stop him before he could say any more. Because I knew quite well what he had to tell me. I didn't need him to say it out loud.

"Please."

God, it hurt so much to see into his eyes and find regret.

Everything I was afraid of was true.

I should have known better!

I scolded myself for being so stupid.

I had to turn away from him. I didn't want to see him any longer, see him as a mistake, because it didn't fell like a mistake.

It felt so right.

Just as I wanted to make my first step away from him he spoke again.

"He was such a happy kid. He was all I ever imagined my son would be like. All witty, funny, fun to be with. And then he was gone. Everything was gone."

He let out a long breath, bowing his head, shaking it.

"And seeing you again... you remind me of him. You remember that one Christmas when we wanted to bake cookies to surprise Sara and we all ended up with flour all over us? I had laughed so hard my stomach hurt." His voice was loaded with emotion. Hurt, anger. It quivered when he spoke. He had never appeared that fragile to me before and after that moment.

I knew it!

"You remind me of all the fun time we had together, his laughter, our laughter."

I slightly turned back to him.

"All I could think about the last years was what I have lost. I thought about everything we could do together, should do together. About that he was taken from me way to early. No father should survive his own child."

Then he looked up and smiled at me. He really smiled a genuine smile.

"I have wasted so much time. Too much."

Now I was confused. Really confused because I really had no idea what he wanted to tell me. Did he want to end it or not? I wasn't able to tell.

First the regret thing and now the smile.

And everyone says women are complicated. Honestly!

"I know this... us... is kinda tricky... and I hate tricky things. I really do. But you make me think about Charlie again like I haven't in years. And I like that. I don't wanna waste more time."

He took my hand.

I wasn't able to say anything not to mention do anything. This was probably the most beautiful compliment I ever got.

A weight was lifted from me. An almost unbearable weight. He didn't regret it. God, he didn't. And I thanked the Lord, or Charlie or whoever was watching over me that he did not regret it. And more important that I didn't feel any kind of regret. I was relieved to no end. Because I wanted that. I needed that.

He led me back to his side and looked me deep in my eyes.

Slowly he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

When he withdrew a little, only so much so ours lips weren't locked, I had to say what I wanted, needed to say him. I couldn't hold it back any longer, because with every passing moment I spent in his arms, in his nearness I knew that I wanted more of this.

"You know we have to talk about some things?"

He nodded and our foreheads touched.

"Yeah, but that can wait till tomorrow." he said.

I nodded.

"Hey, let's see if a young gal like you appreciates good music." He left my side and walked over to my stereo. He looked through my CD collection, frowning from time to time until:

"Ah, good. I have my faith back in the present generation."

Skillful and with practiced hands he opened the CD changer and put a CD in. I had no idea which one until a trumpet began to play and a clarinet followed.

"Mhh... Billy! Nice choice." I commented and followed him back into the living room where the soft tune of Billy Holiday's "Summertime" engulfed me.

"You just can't deny the basics!"

"Nope." He whispered and closed the distance between us once again.

"You'd mind to have a little dance with an old man?"

"Not at all!"

He laid one hand on my waist and took mine with his other and like this we began to sway to the blues. It was nice, we didn't talk at all. Nothing. We just enjoyed being there together. Together. I like the sound of that. Jack and I together. I think I'll keep him, a while or two.

We continued to dance like this until, well until we decided that the bed would be a more decent place for us to be.