Angel's Lullaby

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

Disclaimer: I own no one!

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John couldn't help but notice how quiet Chris, his best friend was. Was he just worried about his wife? Was he acting so oddly for a reason? Was it something John had did?

"You alright?" asked John. Chris nodded. Then, he sighed softly.

"I'm worried about Trish," he admitted. "She's not doing too well," John turned to him. What was going on with Trish?

"How so?" John asked, watching the other man. Chris sighed again.

"She's had one miscarriage at six weeks and one stillbirth at twenty-one weeks. Concieving and giving up the baby has been tough on her," Chris explained. He pulled out a black and white composition book. Handing it to John, he gestured for him to read it. "You never saw this," John opened the book and began to read.

7/15/04

Dear Baby,

It's one am, as I take the time to write this. I am currently suffering from insomnia, due to being pregnant. Oh well, I guess. It's normal. That much I know.

You have two wonderful dads, John and Randy. I love them SO much, especially Randy. They love you and can't wait to meet you. Randy is so sweet. John is funny. Growing up in an environment like that is going to make you (a) spoiled rotten and (b) help you grow into a beautiful young man OR woman.

I am Trish, your surrogate mother. All that means is that you grow inside me, and when you're born, I give you to your dads. It's not like adoption, because Randy is your biological father. With that said, I will state this.

That doesn't make John any less important.

I'm getting kind of tired,so, I'll finish here.

Good night, Baby.

Love,

Trish

"She's been keeping a journal?" John asked, flipping through the pages. Chris nodded. John could tell that Trish loved and had bonded with the unborn child. Giving her up was not going to be an easy task.

"Yeah, every night for the past nine months," Chris replied. He checked his watch. John flipped to the final entry.

4/1/05 3:15 AM

Dear Baby,

At ten-fifteen AM, you are going to be born by c-section. Only Randy, one of your dads will be with me. I don't want my husband with me and John, your other dad is incredibly squeamish. It's amazing Randy even got him in the room for the embryo transplant process.

Today ends our journey together. In the delivery room, I will try my best not to cry. I will try not to let my heart break, as you're born. The guys, your dads, are great people. It's just that it's not easy to say good-bye when you've grown attached to someone.

When I embarked on this journey, I knew it would be difficult. Everything I read said 'become emotionally deattached from your pregnancy' and 'avoid bonding at all costs'. I couldn't do that. In my eyes, children are absolute miracles who should be cherished. Ignoring a human that's kicking you is near impossible.

I'm exhausted, and I must sleep.

Love,

Trish

"John," Chris murmured, nudging him. John glanced up. Randy was walking through the halls, holding something in a pink blanket.

"Randy!" he called, jumping up. Randy stopped. John jogged over to his husband. "My God, that's a baby!" He noticed Randy roll his eyes. John blushed. Why did he have to go stupid at important moments?

"Our baby, or should I say our daughter?" Randy murmured. The baby stirred. "I haven't named her yet," John's eyes widened. Why? Did he not like Rhiannon anymore?

"Well, I did have one-" he started to speak. Randy cut him off, with a shake of the head.

"I was waiting for you. You're as much her father as I am," he murmured. "I, Randall, aka Papa christen thee with the first name, 'Rhiannon'. May you live up to its meaning," Following Randy, John began to speak in a low whisper.

"I, Johnathan, aka Daddy christen thee with the middle name Keith. May it always be a lasting symbol of Papa's love for you," A tear slid down his cheek. He couldn't believe he was a father to such a beautiful baby.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we must get this little one to the NICU," the pediatrician said, apologetically. John's heart rate sped up. NICU? Was she sick? What was wrong with his baby?

"Why?" he asked, trying to keep it calm. The pediatrician sighed.

"She's a good size, she has no obvious respitory problems. Despite this, she is premature. That month she missed out on is basically where Baby finishes developing. Her sucking reflex isn't fully there, so, she may need a naso-gastric tube. I'm putting her in NICU just as a precaution. If all goes well, it'll only be overnight," the pediatrician explained, beginning to walk again.

John had given up on religion the first time he had ever seen Randy cry over the way his father treated him. He had vowed to never step foot in a church again. Yet, as his baby's health lay in the balance, he decided to pray.

Please, God, help my daughter live

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This story has another 2 or 3 chapters left. Worst case scenario, there will be four more chapters. I haven't decided. Also, watch out for Go On, the sequel to Sand and Water. It deals with John falling in love again after Randy's death.

JenLea

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