A/N: Hello! Sorry guys for being away so long but I have two chapters for you to make up for it! I'm trying very hard to get this story finished quickly cause I've got exams approaching. I got Lady Knight at last! And that put me back into a TP mood! But I'm not going to say anything in case one (or some) of you are reading this and haven't read LK yet! So, anyway, I have to go to bed soon so I can't be long. If anyone asked me a question- I'll try and reply to it in the next chapter I put up.

Thanx to everyone- I luv u guys! (and special thanks to Lauziek my beta reader)

~Merry.

Chapter 14- Lost.

With a sigh, Kel mounted Peachblossom and started her large gelding moving. Her sparrows chirped around her, trying to cheer her up. She smiled weakly at them but wasn't really any happier. Neal's appearance and advice on falling in love had made her realise just how much of a fool she had been. She really should have let go of Cleon long ago and moved on; she should have trusted Dom; she shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. But she had. She had behaved like an idiot and she had learnt the hard way. Now Dom was gone, upset with her and she had no idea where he was (apart from she had found out he was on King's Own business). And now she was leaving the country, to act as a spy in her homeland's enemy capital to try and save some guy she had probably never met before.

How she regretted taking this job. How she longed to turn Peachblossom around and charge the warhorse through Tortall until she could find Dom and make up with him. He had said he would always love her... But what if he had just been saying that? What if really, he was off with some other girl? Alianne; or some beautiful, delicate, court lady? No- she would trust Dom. The notes he had wrote her could only have been expressed if he had true, deep feelings.

Kel sighed again and rubbed her face. It was going to be a long day. It was going to be a long week.

~*~

Kel, almost in a daze, smiled weakly at the captain and boarded the ship. She followed the cabin boy down to her room in the hull where he dropped her bags, gave her a few instructions and then disappeared to help with the vessel. Kel slumped down on to the bed. It was hard and Kel knew it wouldn't give her much comfort in her dream-filled nights. She stood and walked over to a basin, trying to get accustomed to the gentle rocking of the boat. She sighed at her reflection in the mirror and splashed cold water on her face in a vain attempt to wake herself.

In each day she had travelled, her mood had worsened. Kel blamed it on George and Myles- they had sorted everything out so fully that all she had to do was actually carry out the active side of the scheme- she had nothing to plan out herself. That meant that all the time she was travelling she was free to think of what she wanted. Not good. She dwelled on the past; she fumed at her behaviour and her mistakes; she cried to herself and replayed scenes between Dom and her reprimanding herself continually.  She felt alone; isolated because of her own stupid self-pity; her own ridiculous arrogance- thinking she would be able to overcome any feelings for Dom if she caused him pain.  She had given herself over to her job again, putting that before her heart. Now she was paying the price. If only, she said to herself, she could find a way to go back to the night of Alianne's eighteenth birthday and figure out a way to make her relationship with Dom work. Maybe then, she wouldn't be stuck in grey thoughts; maybe then, she wouldn't be so bleak and unhappy.

~*~

One evening on the boat, when all that was around was water calmly lapping the sides of the slow moving ship, Kel came out to lean against the prow of the boat. From there, she watched the sun go down and all she could think of was the one night, seemingly a lifetime ago, when she had lain on a beach with her head on Dom's warm, muscular chest and watched the sun set on the sea before falling asleep on Dom. She felt a tear run down her cheek. What was wrong with her? And more importantly, why couldn't she snap out of it?

She had to be strong, she had to be herself. It was no good going into any kind of mission when you didn't know yourself like Kel didn't at the moment. Her emotions were taking over- something she was unused to and she couldn't seem to get control of them again. She would think she had, she would think she was finally pulling herself out of this dark, clinging cloud and then something would remind her of him and everything she had gained, she would loose. She couldn't seem to make ends meet, however hard she tried and if she finally thought she may have done it- she couldn't hold the ends together for long before she'd break up once more. But she couldn't and she wouldn't give up. When she reached a real low point, she would think of her years in the Yamani Islands and what she had been taught there; she would think of her page training and Lord Wyldon's unforgettable lessons; she would think of her time under Lord Sir Raoul's guiding hand and all she had learnt off of him; and she would think how these people would react if they saw her now. What would they say? What would they do?

Kel sighed and brushed the tears off her cheeks. She pushed herself away from the railing round the ship's edge and made her way back towards the hull of the ship before she fell asleep on deck. In the doorway, she stopped and, turning, watched the sun finally fall below the distant horizon.

~*~

According to the captain, they were almost there. Not that she cared much. She kept telling herself she had to be strong and pull herself out of this dark cloud but the days just merged into one timeless haze...

A timeless haze... and she was lost. Amid the clouded thoughts of her mind, Kel realised she was walking down the gangplank... off the boat, into the Copper Isles. She looked around her. The docks were busy, filled mainly with sailors but also the local common women. She felt she stuck out like a sore thumb. She had no idea what direction was what, only that behind was home... And Dom. She now knew what it was like to feel lost, completely, utterly lost.

Kel had am impulsive longing to be home, to be safe. And a longing to be with Dom, in his arms... Kel suddenly realised how disgustingly weak she was being and found new strength, new resolve. She pulled herself together a bit. She would get through this. She would.

There were no longer dark storm clouds submerging her- only grey clouds, partially concealing the sunlight.