Sara sat down on the bed rubbing her shoulder. They had been in the house for almost a week, and yet she found that it still did not feel like home. Her fingers trailed over the fresh scar on her shoulder, remembering the way the bullet had pierced her shoulder. It didn't really hurt at the time it went in, but when she fell against Erik, it had burned. She had never experienced any pain quite like it before.
She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear the door open. "Is everything alright?" Erik's voice made her jump, and she closed her eyes, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart.
She lowered her hand and turned her body in his direction. "Yes, I'm fine." She said, plastering a fake smile on her face.
Erik's left eyebrow rose in disbelief and he crossed the room to her. "You don't look alright." He told her. "In fact, you look really pale. And all you've done this week is touch your shoulder."
"It's nothing, just lost in thought." Sara said standing and moving away from him.
"Sara you need to talk about it. You almost died; it's a very traumatic experience." Erik pleaded with her.
"What would you know of it? You only kill people; you've never been close to death." She didn't have to hear his sharp inhale or see the pained look on his face to know that she had said something that she shouldn't have. "Erik, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
Erik said nothing. She heard the soft squeak as he turned to leave the room and she jumped when the door slammed shut. She sighed and sat back down on her bed and buried her face in her hands. She didn't know how to explain the experience to him. You couldn't ask someone who had seen a glimpse of heaven what it looked like. It was indescribable.
She had been able to feel her body dying. She had felt herself leaving Erik behind. She remembered the feeling of his body as he ran with her through the streets of Paris. She had heard the woman call him something rude when he had almost knocked her down. And she could remember thinking how the mattress felt wet and disgusting beneath her bleeding shoulder.
Then there was pain as Erik pressed the wound tightly to slow the bleeding. Then there was the feeling of drowning. She had fallen into a lake once when she was a child. She remembered the feeling of struggling to breathe as the water filled her tiny lungs. Luckily her father had been close by and had pulled her out of the water before any serious damage could be done.
Then there was nothing. No pain, no struggling to breathe, no worries. She had felt herself floating. She didn't see the "light" as her grandmother had always told her that she would see. She just felt warm and comforted, and she cried tears of joy when she actually saw her family in front of her.
But at the same time, she could hear Erik calling her name. He had pleaded with her not to leave him, he had pleaded with her to return. She felt a pain in her chest and had looked down to see a red mark appearing and she felt herself being sucked downwards.
The first feeling that she felt was of his tears followed by his lips on her skin. The first sound that she heard was his apologies and his gasp of surprise as she filled her lungs with fresh air. She tried to convince herself to wake up, but she was simply too exhausted to open her eyes.
Then she remembered the dream. Everything that had happened played back in slow motion to her, only she wasn't the one to get shot. It had been Erik and he had been lying, dying in her arms, while she could only hold onto him helplessly. It was that, that had convinced her body to wake up.
At first she was terrified that her dream had been the reality. She had struggled to sit up, but the pain she was in made her cry out. She had never been so relieved to feel that pain. She was even more relieved to have Erik's hand touch her.
In the first few days, she refused to think about what had happened. She wanted to just push it away and add it to the rest of her bad memories.
She had been able to keep it away. She had managed to keep herself too busy to think about it. They had moved into their new home under the name M. and Mme. Revenant. The first few days were spent buying new clothing and anything else that they needed. After that she had to hire people to help run their household.
She told them that her "husband" had been in an accident in his youth and when he did not feel up to covering his scars with makeup, he wore a mask. She also told them that their silence on the matter would be well compensated. She paid them well and they were loyal to her.
Sara wiped away the tears that were sliding down her face. Erik had been right about one thing, she would need to talk about it eventually. She already knew how devastated he had been at the thought of losing her. They had talked about it their first night in their new house, lying in each others arms.
"You're holding me like you're afraid to let me go." She had teased him.
He had tightened his hold on her, almost cutting off her airway. "I am."
Sara looked up at him; she was confused by his comment. "What do you mean?"
"I already almost lost you once; I don't want it to happen again." Erik told her. "Losing Christine to Raoul was painful, but if I had lost you like that, I don't know how I would have gone on."
"Erik, what are trying to tell me?" Sara asked him.
He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "Don't worry about that right now. Just rest."
Sara punched the mattress in frustration. She had hoped that he had been about to tell her how he loved her, but she knew that she had to give him time for that. She climbed to her feet and walked to the door of her room. She had to find him, to tell him that she was sorry, to beg for his forgiveness if she had to.
She cried out in shock when he swept her up in his arms and crushed his lips to hers. She had never experienced such a passionate kiss before, and every feminine part of her was bursting from sensual overload. His lips pulled away from hers and when she licked her lips she could still taste him.
He held her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. "I love you Sara."
Sara's jaw dropped in shock. She hadn't expected those words to come from his mouth. She had expected him to tell her not to say something like she had ever again. She blinked several times as tears pooled in her eyes.
"What about Christine? You've loved her for as long as I can remember." She whispered as tears slipped from her eyes.
She could feel the intensity of his gaze as his thumbs brushed her tears away. "Am I not allowed to love after her?" He asked. "I've always loved you; I was just too foolish to realize it. It took almost losing you to make me realize it."
Sara wrapped her arms around him tightly and buried her face in his chest. She allowed her tears to flow freely as he held her tightly, his hands rubbing her back soothingly. "I love you too." She whispered.