After the Veil

By Neurotica

Comfort

Lupin stared moodily at the unopened, brown bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey that he and Sirius had been saving for the weekend. He wasn't sure it was right to drown his sorrows in the amber-colored liquid, but he couldn't see any other way to forget the pain he was feeling at the moment. He summoned a goblet from the cabinet and filled it to the rim with the drink. Picking up the goblet, Lupin toasted the empty chair across from him—Sirius' chair.

"Cheers," he muttered to the empty kitchen before downing half the goblet. He repressed the urge to wince as the liquid burned his throat when he swallowed—that would go away after a few more...

The majority of his day was spent locked up in the Black family library. Lupin had found a nice, thick volume covered in dust that had a long chapter on ancient death penalties. One picture depicted a slightly tattered veil, fluttering in an invisible wind. It wasn't that he was trying to find a way to bring Sirius back—even in his grief of losing his best friend, he was still very aware that it would be impossible. No, Lupin just wanted to understand what had happened to his friend. The revelation he'd discovered wasn't quite what he'd pictured death to be. Sirius was sort of trapped in a world between the living and the dead. His soul would have to fight its way to the afterlife. This only succeeded in depressing Lupin more than he had been before he'd found the book.

"Having a nightcap, are we?" said a voice from the foot of the stairs. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," Lupin said automatically in his quiet, hoarse voice.

He summoned a second goblet from the cupboard and filled it to the rim as Tonks sat across from him, beside Sirius' chair. She gave him a small smile as she accepted the goblet and downed it all in a few gulps. Must be a Black family trait, Lupin thought with a hint of amusement. Sirius was the only other person he had known that could drink firewhiskey that fast without nearly choking. Lupin filled her goblet once more—this time she only took small sips.

"So do you think the Dursleys will listen to us?" Tonks asked, running a finger along the rim of her own goblet

Lupin suppressed the urge to laugh bitterly. He'd known Petunia Dursley before Harry had even been born. On Lily and James' wedding day, she'd surprised everyone present—namely Lily—by showing up halfway through the service and glaring daggers at anyone who dared look her way. Lily confided in Lupin later that it would have been better had her sister not even shown up. "I don't know, but it doesn't hurt to try, I suppose," Lupin said quietly.

"Harry's a good kid. Never seen anyone like him," Tonks said quietly

Lupin nodded and looked back down to the table. The two Order members fell into an uncomfortable silence during which Lupin could feel Tonks' eyes upon him. He didn't look back at her, though; he didn't have the strength to move his head after all the firewhiskey. A faint buzzing filled his ears as his eyes became unfocused. He'd need to get to bed soon, or he'd never make it up the stairs.

"I miss him," Tonks said suddenly and quietly.

Lupin's head snapped up. Tonks was looking sadly at Sirius' empty chair. "Me too," he tried to say. It seemed his voice had stopped functioning.

"He was always the only family member—besides my parents, of course—that I could actually stand," Tonks continued quietly, a very sad smile on her face. "After he was sent to Azkaban, I didn't know what to think. I was only eight at the time. Mum told me everything..."

Lupin looked up and watched her shake her head sadly. "Then that first Order meeting..." Tonks chuckled—Remus inwardly smiled at the sound. "He acted like nothing had ever happened… He was so casual about it. Kingsley told me afterwards that he wasn't sure whether to hug Sirius or arrest him that night. I mean, the man had been working so hard on capturing Sirius and all of a sudden, there he is."

Lupin actually felt himself smile at the memory. Kingsley had looked completely dumbstruck. Sirius had hidden his nervousness well, but Lupin knew his friend was just waiting to be cursed by someone that night. Luckily for everyone, the majority of the Order accepted Dumbledore's version of events and welcomed Sirius back to them—many of them had even apologized for thinking he was guilty all those years.

"He loved you, you know," Tonks said thoughtfully. "Said you and James Potter were the closest things he ever had to brothers."

Lupin closed his eyes tightly. He could feel his eyes welling up with tears at the admission. What could he say to that...? One of the warm tears slipped from his eyes, slid down his cheek, and fell to the table. Tonks stood and walked around the table, bending down in front of Lupin, embracing him tightly around his neck. His arms moved automatically around her waist, and he pulled her to him, crying into her shoulder.

As Tonks rubbed her back reassuringly, he began to feel a sense of comfort he hadn't had with anyone besides the Marauders. Never had he cried in front of anyone, save his mother. Even at James and Lily's funeral, Lupin held his emotions in until he'd reached the sanctuary of his own home.

Lupin and Tonks held each other until both their tears had been spent. How much time had gone by, neither knew, nor did they care. Tonks pulled away, her eyes puffy and red, her cheeks stained with tears. Lupin reached over and gently wiped a stray tear away as she sat beside him.

Lupin sat back in his own chair, still holding Tonks' hand. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome."

A few days following the kitchen meeting between Tonks and Lupin, Lupin walked, once again, through the front door of Number Twelve. He felt better than he had in days, which wasn't saying much; he was still in shock over everything that had happened. Life had to go on, however. The Order members had, in their opinions, successfully confronted the Dursleys without resorting to wand use—Lupin had showed much discipline on his part.

If Harry needed absolutely anything, Lupin would be there. He'd promised Sirius months ago that if anything were to happen to him—whether it be his capture or untimely death—Lupin would be there for Harry.

Very suddenly, he finally decided it was time to visit Sirius' room—whether he was ready or not. He remembered Sirius giving Harry one of the two-way mirrors just after Christmas, and Lupin wanted to see if Sirius had left his on the desk. Perhaps if Harry needed to talk, he would contact Lupin on the two-way mirror. If not, Lupin would have a way of getting in touch with the boy if he needed to.

Hesitantly, reluctantly even, Lupin pushed open Sirius' door and entered the dark room. "Lumos," he muttered with his wand. The bed was still unmade, clothes were still lying all over the floor, crumpled pieces of parchment littered the desk, and there was a stale smell of cigarette smoke and firewhiskey lingering in the air.

Lupin walked to the window and pulled open the black curtain, letting the setting sun flood the room with light. He sat on the windowsill and looked around. Buckbeak could be heard in the next room pawing at the floor, waiting for his meal. Tonks had taken over feeding the Hippogriff voluntarily. She seemed to have forged a friendship with the half-horse, half-bird.

Over the last few days, Tonks had been spending more time at Headquarters than she did at her own home. She claimed it was because it was easier to from the Ministry to Headquarters and sleep there than it was to go home. Lupin found that he appreciated her company; she didn't press him to talk about things he didn't want to discuss at the moment, and she allowed him to sit silently and stare at nothing while she worked on reports for work.

There had been a conversation between Sirius and Lupin months back about the young Auror. Well, not so much a conversation as Sirius hinting that Tonks fancied Lupin and vice versa. The conversation had ended when Lupin threw the book he'd been reading at his friend's head, silencing him immediately.

Lupin smiled slightly at the memory and pushed himself from the windowsill. He moved to Sirius' desk and shifted some of the parchment. Sirius seemed to have been writing a letter; his quill was filled with dried ink, and there were many pieces of parchment with scribbled out paragraphs.

Lupin sighed as he realized the mirror was not on the desk. "Accio two-way mirror," Lupin said quietly, hoping the old mirror would be there somewhere. Another sigh. The mirror was not in the house... Sirius must have taken it with him.

He left the room and started down the hall, only to run into Tonks as she turned a corner.

"Oh! Sorry, Remus," she said, blushing as Lupin kept her from falling back on the floor.

"Hello, Nymphadora." Lupin smiled softly. "Are you all right?"

"Er, yeah, fine," Tonks said, pulling away from Lupin. "I was just, uh, bringing Buckbeak his dinner."

"Right," Lupin said softly, not able to tear his eyes from Tonks' silver ones. "I was just getting ready to have dinner. Would you care to join me?"

Tonks bit her lip but smiled. "Sure," she said. "I'll be down soon."

Lupin nodded. "See you soon, then." He made to move past Tonks, but found her blocking his way. She smiled nervously and moved at the same time as Lupin. Lupin chuckled and reached out to hold Tonks in place. "See you downstairs, Nymphadora."

"It's Tonks," the witch muttered as Lupin walked away.