A/N: I am sorry for the delay, I have no excuse... or I have a series of really lame excuses, author's block, comp probls, vacations, more comp. probls and corrupted files, etc... Anyways, I can't really thank my reviewers personally like I always like to do, cuz I am on vacations and have limited access to internet and that makes it hard. But THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all of you, and the people that asked me please to keep on updating this story, special thanks to you.
CHAPTER V: Who will know the answer?
April 14, 2018
-"Chris, buddy. Wake up!" I was awaken by a familiar voice.
God! That night sleep felt so good. I hadn't sleep so good since I was my age in my other life time…that means, I actually had never slept so good in this life time. Pretty pathetic, but well… whatever… this life is still better than the other one… it's not like my nightmares are from this life time. I open my sleepy eyes.
-"Grandpa" I said happily.
-"So… how are you hanging on champ?"
-"Much better" I lied sitting down, he came and hugged me. I love my grandpa… I said I am not a hugging person, but with my grandpa is different!!
- "You are such a bad lier" he grinned." So tell me... what's bothering you so much, champ?"
I looked at him and blushed, somehow I couldn't say it out-loud, it was like if I heard myself saying it, it would become real.
- "In your past life, your mother dies soon, right?" I swallowed soundly out of fear. My grandfather walked to me, sat in my bed and grabbed my hand. Instinctively I avoid his eyes, staring at the wall. "And the day your mother died was the beginning of the end..." Fear injected in my eyes that couldn't do anything else that stay wide open fixed in a unknown point in the middle of the wall. "The death of your mother drove Wyatt insane, didn't it?"
I know I had been fearing that moment for weeks now. I had been reliving the instant of my mother's death in my dreams and my mind insanely. I mean, that is what is making me sick... but hearing the truth gave it a whole new dimension. I didn't expect this to happen and I felt dumb for being so weak. None the less, hearing it from my grandfather made it unbearable, even more real. Or maybe... it was that just now I could share my burden with someone and do something I seldomly do, in this life or in the other, allow myself to be weak, let myself be taken care of, be the kid and let someone else have the responsibility.
Embarrassingly enough I acted more like a little child than I would have ever wanted to. Instinctively my hands covered my ears as I close my eyes and hided my face in my chest.
I felt my grandpa wrapping me in his arms, soothing me, his hands making small circles in my back while he whispered comforting words.
A voice inside me snapped, a voice I had heard so many times before... the voice of the old Chris, he was always tough and goal oriented, even worst than me. He wouldn't let anyone see his weakness, but then... that is cuz he had nobody.
"Cristopher, stop acting like a spoiled brat! This is a serious matter and you have to solve it... you can afford to start crying like a whining baby!"
I opened my eyes and they regained focus, I swallowed my tears and looked firmly and unemotionally at my grandfather.
-"What should I do grandpa? Should I tell them? Should I avoid mom's death? How can I avoid it? I don't even know if it is going to happen this time. And if it does happen, I don't even know if Wy is going to turn evil, I think he won't but ...what if he does?"
-" But I don't understand champ, what is the big deal about telling your parents ?"
-"What if it is meant to be? What if by telling them, something even worst happens, changing the future might have dreadful consequences!"
-"Even worst that loosing your mom?" My grandpa asked horrified.
-"Yes!" I said still completely lacking any emotion. I hated my answer, the same way the other Chris hated most of his answers, but he knew, as good as I know, that sometimes the greater good wasn't just an excuse Gideon use to kill Wy and Chris. Sometimes for the greater good you were forced to do things that you hate doing. Things you hate yourself for doing, and you hate the world for forcing you to do them.
-"You know..." He looked at me sadly, shuffling my hair "Sometimes you act so much like him, it just frightens me"
-"Like who?"
-"Like the other Chris"
-" And why is that bad? I mean, I am him, and trust me, I know him better than anyone, and he was a great person, I wish some day I will be half as good as he was! We owe him a lot, and I am proud to have his name and his genetics!" I snapped a little, but come on, I was edgy already and talking about this topics wasn't really getting my fever down!
-"Of course not! I didn't mean it like that, you know I really liked the other Chris! But he suffered a lot in his life, and all that suffering toughen him so much, forced him to become emotionally unavailable when he needed to be comforted the most. It forced him to retreat himself to a very lonely place. And I just hate thinking you will grow up to act the same, because that would mean you would have been force to go through too many things no one should go through, specially at such a young age. And he was so righteous, that he sacrificed everything, his happiness, his love, his time, his life even, to save everybody else, with minimum help, and a lot more help than he was actually willing to take. I just hate to think you would do the same. He was an amazing, generous, loyal, selfless boy, that suffered too much and offered more than he had to the world. And I admire him and I am proud of knowing he was my grandkid, but I love you too much kiddo, I can't stand thinking you will have to go through something like that again"
-"So you are saying I should tell mom and Dad everything?"
-"You shouldn't be forced to carry this burden alone!"
-"But what if the consequences are even worst, grandpa?" I said scared and something in my room smashed against the wall.
-" Chris, it's just such a tough decision for me too. I don't even know a thing about magic. What would the other Chris had done, kiddo? He always seemed to have the answers for this kind of things"
-"No he didn't" I said sadly "He was always forced to make this kind of decisions. He never knew the answers, he was always scared, and prayed his decisions were the right ones. I just don't want to be forced to take all the decisions at the age of fourteen like he did. I am not ready grandpa! I don't want to lead a movement against Wy, it was so hard" My eyes were getting watery against my will. I felt weak, my brain invaded of memories of my mothers death, and the horrible things that followed.
My grandfather must have seen me loose my balance cuz he grabbed me, leaning me down. When my head touched my pillow,I closed my eyes as the memories invaded my brain, I could feel, I could see, I could smell the blood of my mom, of my family, of thousands of strangers that were unfortunate victims of Wyatt's insanity. Memories of my own torn flesh, of my own blood. Of my eyes looking at my brother's eyes, both pair of eyes containing the tears, both begging each other to stop. Both hoping that the other one would re-capacitate and join him. Both begging the other to please understand why they did what they did.
He could hear Wy's voice in the highest pick of his insanity telling Chris that he loved him. I could remember him whispering that he loved him too. "It's all for Wyatt", was his last thought as he left for the past. "Save Wyatt and you save the future", "save Wyatt and you'll save us both", had been his words as he agonized in his mother's bed.
I suddenly couldn't take it anymore, my stomach groaned in disgust and I moved quickly, grabbing the trash-can, I puked repeatedly. When I was done, I scolded myself, I couldn't be such a wuss, I opened my eyes, my head laying on my pillow.
-"What should I do grandpa?" I tried to sound unemotional again.
-"I know nothing about this sort of things" I sighed again, out of frustration "But I am thinking of someone who knows a lot, and I bet he will love to help you decide!"
-"Who?" I asked full of hope.
-"What if you ask the other Chris?"
-"You mean like summon him and ask him?"
-"That is exactly what I mean! I bet he would love to help you with this!"
-"But he has only been dead for fourteen years, we could never summoned him before!"
-"But your grandmother and great-grandmother told you he was there, right?"
-"Yeah"
-"Well I bet that if you try to summon him he will come, and if he can't you ought to tell Penny to tell him that you need him, and I am sure he will find a way to bend the rules and come and visit you" He smiled at me, I did my best to smile back, but yeah, he had a point, Chris WAS the right one for this, he would find the solution.
-" You are right! That is what I will do!" I said with resolution, at least this had been some kind of help and I felt better, I would just delegate the decision making to the one that put me in this horrible situation in the first place. Besides, I would love to talk to Chris! I have all his memories but never talked to the guy. It's like having this best friend, this older brother that you know everything about, but never met... really weird!
Now the problem is, how do I manage to summon Chris without my parents knowing it ? I mean, right now, they don't even let me stay in my room un-supervised, and even if I do get to be alone long enough to summon someone here, they will never let me go to the attic to get all the stuff I need to do the summoning.
I talked a while longer to my grandpa, nothing important, just random stuff, but it was fun.
After my Grandpa left and I stood there, staring at the wall… I mean, there is not that much to say about a plain white wall, but I stared at it for like twenty minutes. Thinking about summoning Chris... it is such a relieve to think he is going to make the decision for me. On the other hand, I am nervous, I always wanted to meet Chris, I idolize Chris, and yet, I am scare to meet him, what if he doesn't like me? What if he thinks I am a super lame version of his identical genes? What if he is ashamed of me?
So at that point I was basically staring at the wall wondering about all that,
When … a broody Wyatt came into my room, he started pacing in front of my super-interesting-plain-white-wall, blocking my view, and therefore, my concentration.
I wondered what was going on in my brother's mind, but then I decided I had enough with what was going on in my own, so I didn't care. I sighed annoyed; his constant pacing was giving me a killer headache. That seemed to be cue enough, because he stopped and he looked me in the eyes.
-"Are you scared of me, Chris?" He asked, I could see the fear, the pain in Wyatt eyes, and I couldn't remain impavid any more.
-"Of course not!" I answered.
Wyatt eye's got watery. GREAT! Just GREAT! I had enough things of my own to deal with, and I can't STAND watching Wyatt in pain, it just kills me!
-"Yes, you are scared that I might turn into a monster and start killing innocents and tyrannizing the world, you are scared I might blow Phoebe and Patty up, and that I might stab Paige and snapped Penny's neck just to convince you to join me. And I don't want to do it, Chris. I am so scared, I don't want that to happen. "
He ran to my bed and hugged me, it took me like five minutes to react. How did he know all that? He shouldn't have known all that! How did he know how everybody died? That was impossible, I haven't told anyone, ever. Wyatt was so scared, and I was so scared too. I know he didn't want to do it, but…I don't think he wanted to do it in the other life time either.
-"That won't happen, not this time, we won't let it happen this time." I caressed the blond hair laying on my chest, trying hard to believe my own words… I was petrified with fear too. I loved Wyatt, and it was hard to think that that could happen. But I loved the other Wyatt too, and it happened anyways, my love wasn't enough to keep him sane. Still how did my brother know everything that happened? I was never that graphic! "Wy, can you tell me what is going on, please?"
-"You wouldn't tell me what was going on with you" He said.
-"Yes, Wy. I wasn't, and I had very good reasons! See... now you know, and look how frighten you are. I was trying to protect you, Wy." I scolded him
-"I am your BIG brother, I should be the one protecting you, not the other way around!"
-"I will always be here to make sure nothing happens to you, Wy… you know that"
-"Yeah, with your life! That's what worries me, it already happened once, excuse me if it kind of scares me that it might happen again. I am the one that should be protecting you! I am your big brother, I am the damn double blessed and you already gave your life for me once, this time is my turn to protect you. " I hope the look in my face expressed how much I would have wanted to slap my brother if I had any strength for it, he apparently ignore my unhappiness with his lame logic, since he continued " For once, Chris, just for once, you should let us proctect you, like it should be! And since I know you always HAVE to be so strong and independent...and that's my job... I am the one that should protect you...I... I... I had to Chris!"
I wondering what was keeping my brother running around the bushes for so long, that kind of scared me, and I had reasons to be frighten.
-"Wy, what did you do? You are scaring me!"
-"So… I cast a spell" he muttered shyly.
-"You did WHAT?" Now... I was officially scared.
-"I cast a spell to see what was worrying you so much, what was upsetting you so much.I had to, Chris! And then, I saw it all. I saw the other Wyatt laying besides mom's body, screaming and crying, telling you that it wasn't fair, that they were after him. That it was his fault, that he hadn't been powerful enough, and he would never let it happen again. That next time he'd be prepared, that he wouldn't let that happen to any other member of his family. I saw that Wyatt with his funeral clothes, sitting down on his bed. Quiet, staring at the wall, not talking to anyone for days and days. I saw the other Wyatt appearing in the kitchen after a month of staring at the wall. He was dressed in black and told you not to worry, that he would come late. Late became days, then he started leaving from months at a time, and then his soul was lost forever. There was a garland, right behind where mom got killed. "Happy fourteen's birthday Chris", they were setting everything for your party."
Did I ever mention how hard is to keep a secret in this family? Nah it was virtually impossible. Empathy, telepathy, spells and potions, premonitions, you name it… if you wanna keep a secret you have to move to the underworld and hope everybody looses their powers. When I was in the past, I did quite a remarkable job, but still they didn't know me, I didn't live at the manor and I avoid speaking about anything that wasn't the demon hunt of the day. And somehow I manage to convince them that they shouldn't make a potion to see the future. Right now…I just didn't know what to tell Wyatt!
-"You hate me, don't you?" He continued. He was crying looking abashed.
-"Of course I don't hate you, Wy!"
-"Of course you do. After all I done to you, after all I put you through, after all you've done for me. You have to hate me!"
-"What are you talking about Wy?" It was hard… but I let the mushy-mushy demon invade me again, cuz it was that or smacking my brother out of it, and I didn't think that would have worked. "I love you Wy! You are my best friend. You are the best brother I could ever ask for"
-"You are lying, Chris. I am dreadful" He whined
-"Stop being foolish, Wy, you are great. I love you, and you know it" I said harshly, I didn't want to sound mean, I just wanted to snapped him out of it.
-"You shouldn't... I am horrible!"
-"I should, and you are awesome, that wasn't you, Wy! That was another Wyatt and he, insane and all, was a good brother, evil Wyatt always cared about the other Chris, the same way the other Chris always cared about him"
-"Yeah he cared in the most insane, evil, despicable, sadist way"
-"That was the only way he knew how, he was insane!!" I yelled, defending my insane brother from my other life time. Sometimes with all my memories, I even have the other Chris' feelings, I couldn't help it. "Wy, please, I am not feeling that good" I said weakly and calmly, yelling had really made me feel worst, and Wy could see it, cuz he looked at me guilty and put a hand on my forehead to feel my temperature, I tried to avoid his touch, but I was too weak to react fast enough. "please, Wy." I pleaded." You know how I feel about you, and trust me, he felt the same way about his Wyatt" I said resigned, leaning on my pillow as my brother caressed my burning forehead worryingly.
-"Did he?" He said with glassy eyes, a tiny ray of hope in them, I just nodded " That's not possible, he was horrible to him!"
-"No he wasn't, not at the begging at least. And then... he was crazy, Chris knew that!"
-" I don't deserve you or your other you as a brother" he said humbly, if I wouldn't have been feeling way too sick and tired, my inferiority complex would have loved that assertion. "So what are we going to do now? Are we telling mom or dad?"
-"About that..." suddenly my feverish mind conceived a plan " I was wondering if you could help me with something" I smiled smugly.
-"Sure, bro, whatever you need! Just tell me" he said oblivious of my plan.
-" You know how you just didn't believe me the other Chris liked his Wyatt as much as I like you?" Wyatt nodded "How would you like to ask him that yourself?"
-"What? What are you thinking about doing CHRIS?"
-"I need your help to summon Chris!"
-"But..."
-"Wy, think about it... I really can't make this decision, and it's killing me, and it will kill you too, now that you know. If we summon him, he can tell us what to do. If someone knows what to do, that someone is him. And then... we can get to talk to him, don't you want to talk to him? But I can't do it alone, mom and dad won't let me alone enough time to summon anybody"
-"But you are too weak! What if you get worst? What if casting the spell requires too much energy and something happens to you?"
-"That won't happen, Wy. You have to help me, bro, please! You'll tell mom and dad you'll stay with me tonite and then bring all the summoning stuff to my room and we summon him!"
-"But mom and dad tried to summon him tons of times, and the powers that be won't let him come yet!"
-"Mom and dad just wanted to talk to him. Grandpa says that if he learns we need him, he will come and help us. PLEAAAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" I pleaded with the best puppy face I could pull out.
-" Ok, you go sleep now. Really sleep! Relax and try to get better now, and I will go prepare everything. ok?" I nodded, closing my eyes " Everything is going to be fine soon, so you have nothing to worry about" He caressed my hair softly and tucked me in "He will tell us what to do, so you shouldn't worry anymore" I faked a small smile, I knew my brother was trying more to convince himself than me. "I love you, bro" He said kissing my forehead.
-"I love you too" I whispered to the air as he was leaving.