The authoress apologizes for such a long time since the last update.
School sucks.
Alot.
And my teachers are mean.
Oh well.
Roll 'em!
It was a new day.
The birds were singing and everything was peaceful and jubilant.
A perfect day to blow things up.
"WAKE UP MAGGOTS!" Megatron shouted over the intercom
The others groaned and got out of bed.
"I hate life" announced a random Decepticon.
"Just remember kids! The beatings will continue in till moral improves!" Megatron announced.
"Darn." The Decepticon grumbled.
"This is going to be a LONG day..."
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
Randy was in his room, trying to decide what socks to wear today.
He could wear the classic tube socks, or he can wear his extra warm fuzzy socks he got at K-mart.
Or he could also wear those neat toe socks, in till he realized he didn't have any toes.
So many decisions!
Just then, Skywarp poked his head in.
"Meeting in the main control room.' He said.
Randy gave him a hug and skipped happily away.
Skywarp sighed and shook his head.
"He is so goanna die..." he said.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
Meanwhile....
The others have all assembled in the control room.
Blitzwing, who was missing before hand, was now huddled in the corner.
"Aliens..." he choked out.
Megatron bent down.
"You've been missing since last night. What happened?" he asked.
"THEY PROBED ME UP THE ASS!" He screeched.
He started to sob.
"The aliens probed me! Now I could be PREGNANT!" He gasped.
He shivered madly.
"PREGNANT WITH ALIENS!!"
He continued to sob loudly.
The others backed away.
"And then came the rats!" Blitzwing continued. "Dirty...dirty...rats...."
The others backed away some more.
Megatron cleared his throat.
"Blitzwing, get yourself some consoling." Megatron said.
Blitzwing shivered.
"They could burst out of my chest at any moment...." He gasped.
"Any second now..."
He started to froth at the mouth.
Megatron backed away.
"Well um...it's time to go with MY AMAZEING PLAN!" He shouted.
"Yay." Said the others monotonously together.
Megatron smiled.
Randy grinned.
Megatron frowned.
"TIME TO GO!" He shouted.
"But, don't you all want to eat breakfast first?" Randy protested.
Megatron gave him a funny look.
"I mean, you can't blow up the Autobots without any breakfast!" Randy shouted.
"Well um uh, I think I am kind of hungry..." Skywarp said.
"Yeah, me too" Astrotrain spoke.
Randy smiled.
"All right, you all can have breakfast, but RANDY CAN'T COOK! Last time he made breakfast he burned down half the base!" Megatron ordered.
"I did not!" Randy protested.
"You did too! And you roasted MARSHMELLOWS on my flaming base!" Megatron shouted.
Randy smiled and gave Megatron a hug.
He growled angrily.
"Let me GO Randy..." he said slowly.
"No!" replied Randy.
"Oh god, this is goanna be a LONG day..." Megatron said sadly.
"That's the ticket." The computer said.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
"All right, remember the plan men!" Megatron said.
They were all outside, waiting to attack the base
"What plan?" asked Rumble
"THE SAME ONE AS YESTERDAY!" Megatron shouted.
"Oh yeah..." Rumble grinned.
Megatron rubbed his temples.
"All right, I don't have a catchy "transform and roll out" phrase like Prime dose..." Megatron continued.
"Then make one up!" Randy said.
"AS I WAS SAYING!" Megatron shouted. "Transform and get over there before I shoot you all."
With cries of "TRANSFORM!", most of the D-cons were in their alt modes.
Megatron transformed into his gun mode and jumped into the transformed Starscream's cock pit.
Randy smiled as he transformed into a blue pick-up truck.
He turned on his woofers and stereo at the full max.
Then he cranked up the bass as high as it can go.
Then he played music and sang along as loud as he could.
"I am really special cuz there's only one of me
look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me
when I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song
it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long"
He started to sing along as he drove with the other Decepticons who weren't airplanes.
"oh I'm so happy, I can barely breathe
puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth
watch out all you mothers, I'm happy, it's hardcore
happy as a coupon for a $20 whore
ha-ha-ha hah"
The others groaned.
Those lucky enough to be planes only had to turn up their power to drown out the music.
"I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me,
happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy
I am really special, cuz there's only one of me
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me
These are my love handles, and this is my spout,
but if you tip me over, then mama said knock you out"
"RANDY SHUT UP!" yelled the angry Decepticons.
"I am special, I am happy, I am goanna heave
welcome to my happy world, now get your crap and leave
I am happy, I am good, I am..."
Starscream shot a laser beam at Randy, nearly making him go off the road.
"Geeze, they're too old if my music's too loud." Randy grumbled.
He drove toward the Autobot base, humming all the way.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
Beep
Beep
Beep
A shadowy figure leaned in front of the computer in a dark lab.
The monitor showed an image of the oncoming Decepticon onslaught.
He leaned in, just as the computer shut down.
"Damn windows 95!" he cursed as he kicked the computer.
KABOOM!!
Decepticon artillery rained down, destroying the lab.
"YEEHAW!" Cried Scavenger as he shot left and right.
Megatron transformed and leaped out.
"Remember the plan boys!" he shouted.
Arcee and Wheeljack raced out from the blown up lab.
"Crap! We got a situation!" Wheeljack yelled.
Arcee was dodging Decepticon fire.
"Dance! Dance you pathetic excuse for an Autobot! DANNCCEEE!" Screamed a demonic Starscream as he shot lasers at her feet.
She frowned and threw a rock at his cockpit.
It hit pretty hard and dented him.
"OW!"
He transformed to his loveable Megatron hating robot mode and rubbed his head.
"Hey, that was uncalled for..." he whined.
Arcee looked at him funny and walked away.
Starscream frowned.
Scavenger laughed.
"How dose it feel to be rejected by a woman Starsceam!" he laughed.
"I swear, she wouldn't even destroy you, and that's SAD!"
He laughed pretty hard.
Starscream glared at him and marched away in a huff.
"Hey, what's your problem?" Scavenger called.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
Randy pulled up into driveway, still in pick up truck form.
"Doodeedoodeedoo!" he hummed.
BASH!
He backed up into a tree.
"Darn!" he said. "I never did pass Drivers Ed!"
He backed up again, this time hitting the mail box.
He transformed and gazed at the fallen mail box.
"Why would they have a mail box.....out here?" he wondered with a strange look.
He simply dismissed it as a figment of his imagination and continued on his way.
He didn't notice the postcards to Prime from his mother.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
Sir sir!!" Cried Bumblebee.
He ran into the secret room were Prime was deciding what to do.
"What is it?" Optimus asked.
"The Decepticons, they...they found the Ener-boose!" He choked out.
Optimus gasped.
"Those BASTARDS! Now what are we going to do on weekends!" he growled.
"Well sir, there is always the hookers!" Bumblebee said.
"Yes....the hookers..." Optimus said slowly.
KABOOM!!
The wall beside them exploded from the force of a powerful gun.
A tall dark figure stepped forward, his features hidden from the dust and rubble in the air.
His face came into to focus, revealing the face of a very smug Megatron.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
Randy wandered around the outside of the base.
Megatron forgot that he didn't know his way around yet.
But still, he had a job to do.
He walked on, humming a song.
"GRAAAR!"
Something bashed its way through the wall.
He looked like a giant metal T-rex.
He growled and stomped his large feet into the ground.
"ME GRIMLOCK NO LIKE YOU!" He growled.
Grimlock stomped his way over.
"Aw..." Randy said. "Why don't you like me?"
"ME GRIMLOCK SAY YOU BAD DECEPTICON!" Grimlock shouted.
"Aww, not all of them are bad. Sure, they may be meanies, but none of them are truly bad." Randy replied.
Grimlock scratched his head in thought.
Thinking wasn't his strongest feature.
"Me Grimlock say me don't know?' Grimlock announced.
Randy smiled and pulled out a slightly smashed muffin.
"Muffin?" he asked sweetly.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
"I HATE you Prime." Megatron spat.
He advanced on both Optimus and Bumblebee, gun drawn and ready.
Bumblebee screamed and ran away with his arms above his head.
"Thanks A LOT Bumblebee!" Optimus shouted angrily after the fleeing figure.
Megatron smiled.
"I'm going to enjoy this, I never did forgive you for what you did to me!" he rasped.
"But, but I never did anything to you!" Optimus said.
"YOU SO DID TOO!" Megatron shouted angerly.
"No I didn't" Optimus shot back.
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" Megatron shouted.
FLASHBACK!!!
Little Megatron happily walked to school.
He was a state of absolute joy; he got a brand new gun from his mother and proudly wore it on his arm.
He didn't mind that he was short for his age, nor the fact that he would one day be evil.
All he cared about was that today was his first day at school.
All the sudden, Ultra Magnus and Optimus Primeran up and grabbed his gun from Megatron's arm.
"Give that back!" Megatron yelled.
Optimus and Magnus laughed as they played keep away, tossing the gun over the short Megatron.
"Catch that shorty!" Optimus yelled gleefully.
"Come on guys, give it! It's my gun!" Megatron cried.
"Monkey in the middle!" Optimus and Magnus chanted as the continued to play keep away.
Megatron started to cry as he couldn't reach up to get his gun.
The others at school started to chant.
"Crybaby! Crybaby!"
Megatron cried hard and ran away from the school.
"Crybaby crybaby!!"
END FLASHBACK
"CRYBABY!" Megatron spat.
"You made me suffer so much Prime, I can't wait to play keep away....WITH YOUR HEAD!" He shouted.
"But, wouldn't I be dead?" Prime asked, confused.
"Yes, you can't really live without your head." Megatron said.
"But, how will I know that your playing keep away with my head if-"
"SILENCE!" Megatron shouted. He began shooting his gigantic gun at Optimus.
Optimus dodged his attacks and grabbed a gun from the rubble.
Megatron growled and threw himself at Optimus.
They both collided and started punching each other.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
"Me Grimlock king!" Grimlock shouted.
Both he and Randy were sitting in the shade, munching on some muffins.
"I'm quite sure you are" Randy said between bites.
Grimlock ate a whole muffin in one gulp.
"Me Grimlock wonder why Randy so nice" Grimlock asked.
"Well, I guess because I just am" Randy replied.
They both watched the battle from the hill.
KABOOM!
A random Autobot exploded from artillery fire.
They both shrugged and went on eating muffins.
Grimlock sat up.
"Me Grimlock kick butt!" he shouted again.
Randy looked at his digital watch.
"Oh yeah, we should really get down there and fight." Randy announced.
They both looked at each other.
"NAH!" They said at the same time.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
"JERK!"
"RETARD!"
Optimus swung his fist hard and connected with Megatron's face.
"CHEAP SHOT!" Megatron shouted and kicked Optimus between the legs.
"OOF!"
Optimus went cross eyed as he slumped down on the ground.
Megatron lifted his foot to kick the fallen leader, but Optimus reached up and grabbed Megatron's leg.
Megatron went bug eyed.
"Oh dear..."
WHOOSH!!
Optimus tossed him into a empty barrel.
"TWO POINTS!" He shouted gleefully and held up two fingers.
The barrel exploded as Megatron shot his way out and turned his glowing gun on Optimus.
"OH SH-"
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
"There they are! Have at them!" yelled Jazz.
The Autobots raced over in one group and met the D-Cons right in the middle.
They started fighting furiously as hot lead flew all around them.
Explosions ripped through the air and ground as both sides fought to over take the other.
BLAM BLAM!
Randy marched down with Grimlock following.
"ME GRIMLOCK want battle!" Grimlock said.
"Well, I suppose we out to, it's our jobs." Randy replied.
They both waited for a moment while the battle continued in front of them.
"Meh, I don't really FEEL like fighting today" Randy said.
Grimlock nodded in agreement.
They were interrupted in mid thought as an agonized scream cut through the air.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
"Oh god....OH GOD!" Blitzwing screamed.
He body began to vibrate in mid combat.
Some of the fighters stooped and gave him funny looks.
He began to shake madly as he screamed again.
This time, the whole battle stopped.
Megatron and Optimus both had their hands on each others necks.
Starscream had Hot Rod in a headlock.
Blurr was dead, like anyone cared.
He was killed within the first few minutes of battle just to get the guy to SHUT UP once and a while.
Blitzwing yelled as his chest started to push out in the middle, like something was trying to claw its way out.
Both the Autobots and the Decepticons backed away in fear.
They all heard the sound of claws and metal from INSIDE Blitzwing as he screamed in agony.
Blitzwing screamed again as his chest burst open, flinging bits of metal and energon everywhere.
Then a huge alien creature thrusted it's face out into the world.
It screeched with dripping long fangs on an eyeless face.
Blitzwing smiled, now rendered insane.
"I'm, I'm a mommy!" he gushed happily.
"HISSSSSS!"
The creature screeched and pulled itself out with long strong arms, ending with razor sharp claws.
It launched itself with a cry right at Hound.
"OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD!" Hound screamed as he got a face full of alien fury.
"Oh look, my baby's destroying his first Autobot.." Blitzwing gushed. "I wish I brought along my camcorder..."
Hound screamed as he was eaten head first by the alien being.
Everyone backed up and drew their weapons.
"Sir, should we at least try to save Hound?" asked Jazz.
"Why," said Optimus. "It's not like anyone ever liked him."
The alien finished its metal meal and daintily dabbed its mouth with a napkin.
The alien's face bulged out as a ticking sound in its belly was heard.
And it went faster...
And faster...
And faster...
If it had eyes, it would have bulged out by now.
KABOOM!!
Alien bits and pieces went flying, covering both the fighting sides.
"What just happened?" asked a very confused Megatron.
Optimus bent down over the remains.
"It's seems that someone planted bombs on Hound." He said.
"I hate Hound." Mirage announced.
"Don't' we all?" said Cliffjumper
Megatron scratched his head in confusion.
"Well um...uh," he stuttered.
"That was, pretty weird..."
Optimus nodded in agreement.
"Well, I guess we better get back to the home base now.." Megatron continued.
"We better go too." Optimus replied.
The Autobots shrugged and wandered back to the base.
When they were gone, Strascream marched up.
"Why did you let them go?" He asked. "You let them get away when we could have crushed them"
Megatron grinned.
"We won, because we have their ENER-BOOZE!"
The D-cons cheered madly.
And then they marched home in triumph.
Next week on RTSHD......
Randy and Megatron party, and get some unexpected guests in.....
"ATTACK OF THE FANGIRLS..."
Coming to a theater near you.
R&R