After the Veil

By Neurotica

Decisions

Lupin walked through the darkened corridors of Number Twelve carrying a very full bucket of dead rats. He stopped before a large pair of double doors with bronze serpents in the center of each. Sirius had tried relentlessly to transfigure the serpents, but like everything else in the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, they'd proven impossible. One of the biggest complaints Sirius had about the house (and there were many of them) was the number of snakes that could be found on the walls, doors, various areas of the ceiling, and even the floors.

Tentatively, Lupin turned the golden door handle and pushed one of the doors open. He stepped into the room and set the buckets down. Reaching for his wand, he lit a couple of lanterns around the room, revealing the large form of a hippogriff lying next to the bay window.

"Hello, Buckbeak." Lupin smiled and bowed.

Buckbeak bowed his head slightly and rested against his front legs, eyeing the bucket next to Lupin's feet hungrily.

The wizard sat on a stool and moved the bucket between his legs. He hadn't been to see the hippogriff since the night Kreacher had injured him. Silently, Lupin began to toss the rats to Buckbeak's awaiting mouth; it was a game Sirius and the animal both seemed to enjoy. Only halfway through the bucket, however, Buckbeak began to lose interest. His head turned away from Lupin to face a picture of Sirius that Tonks had placed in the room.

Lupin sighed and dropped the rat back into the bucket. "You miss him too, don't you?" he asked quietly. The Hippogriff emitted a low squawk that the wizard took as a "yes." "You saved his life, Buckbeak. I don't think I could ever thank you enough for that," Lupin continued. He knew the hippogriff could understand him—and even if he couldn't, the wizard didn't care; he needed to get this out. "You gave me my best friend back, you know." He smiled. "I always wanted to believe he wasn't guilty, that someone else had betrayed us. Granted, never in a million years would I have believed Peter to be the true spy." Buckbeak made a sound that resembled a growl at the name, making Lupin chuckle slightly. "I guess you just never know, do you, Buckbeak?

"For twelve years, I hated Sirius for what I thought he'd done. I hated hating him—he was one of the only people I could ever truly count on to be there for me. Do you know what it's like, Buckbeak, to one day have all the people you love around you, and the next have them gone forever? It's the worst feeling in the world. Worse than any torture Voldemort could ever think of. For months, I just wanted to die, then, perhaps, I would see my friends again, and I could be happy again.

"I never thought there was any hope for me after that Halloween. I was back to being the shy little boy I was before I met Sirius and James." The wizard smiled suddenly. "You would have loved James. And Lily. I'm sure Sirius has told you all about them. They were wonderful. I can only hope that wherever Sirius is now, he's with them.

"He deserves to be happy for a change. I know how miserable he was here, and I tried my best to make it easier for him, but I don't know how good of a job I really did. Sirius never was the type to just sit back and let everyone else do the fighting. He always had to be in the thick of things, and when he wasn't, he became angry, and eventually that anger evolved into depression. I was always worried about losing my friends back in Hogwarts, so I never attempted to keep him or James in line too often. But in the last year, I knew that if I didn't exercise some control over Sirius, he'd end up dead... or worse.

"I was worried about him. I knew he'd end up doing something stupid and rash at some point, and I knew that once he'd gotten an idea in his head to leave this house, not even I would be able to stop him. I knew something horrible was going to happen that night, Buckbeak, and I tried to keep him here. He was too stubborn for his own good sometimes, and I suppose this was a perfect example of that.

"He thought he'd failed Harry all those years. For not being there, for not raising him the way he should have been raised. Sirius needed Harry as much as Harry needed Sirius. I can only imagine how different their lives would have been if we'd known the truth." He shook his head sadly. "It doesn't do to live in 'what if's', does it?"

Lupin looked out the window to the setting sun with its many colors—pink, orange, yellow. His thoughts began to drift from Sirius to a certain young witch he'd found himself thinking of more often in the last weeks.

"You know what amazes me, Buckbeak?" the wizard asked with a small smile. "How one person can change your entire outlook on life. How it only takes one particular smile or laugh to change the day from dark to light. Just knowing that you can talk to somebody, or just be in the same room with that person can give you hope. I've felt that before, but I guess I never thought I was capable of feeling it again.

"Nobody else could make me smile the way she has in the last few weeks. I've actually come to hope she'd visit every day, just to have something to look forward to. My friends always told me I needed to find myself a nice girl and settle down. But coming from Sirius Black, that never really meant much; it seemed he had a different girlfriend every other week." Lupin chuckled. "Tonks is something, though. I don't know if I could see the two of us in a relationship; we're complete opposites. Then again, so were Lily and James. Tonks knows about my condition, and she's never seemed to care. That's something I've rarely experienced with a woman. Sirius never thought the age gap between us meant anything. Of course, Sirius always thought there was something going on with Dumbledore and McGonagall... He was an odd one...

"It couldn't hurt to give Tonks a chance, could it, Buckbeak?" Lupin asked. The hippogriff raised his head and nodded a bit. The wizard nodded back. "Whatever happens, happens. If it doesn't work out, at least we'll still be friends, right?"

Lupin stood from the stool and stretched his arms above his head. "It's been wonderful talking with you, Buckbeak, and I promise not to make it too long between visits next time." The hippogriff gave him a look that said "you'd better not." "Tell you what, I'll set aside some time everyday to come in here and keep you posted on what's going on. I might even be able to arrange for you to go somewhere outside this old house. Sirius always did say he wanted you to have somewhere to roam around freely. I'll get to work on that. In the meantime, enjoy your dinner." With a final bow to the hippogriff, Lupin left the room.

He could hear whispered voices on the ground floor, and smiled, hoping one of them was Tonks. They did have a lot in common, Lupin thought. They'd both cared for Sirius; they were both dedicated to ending the war. Maybe something could come from their time together, after all.