Merry Christmas fellow TF fans!
I drew Randy for all to see! Just look around in my art site (in my profile) and you'll see all his addictive cuteness!
I asked for a Soundwave and Jazz action figures for Christmas.
I sure hope Santa-bot remembers that I'm good this year.
Lat year I got coal.
For the third time.
There's a special scene inside, just for you Skins Thunderbomb.
"Roll em'"
Out side the Decepticon base was peaceful.
Small snowflakes danced through the air and made a blanket of snow on the ground.
Everything was crystal clear and beautiful, the kind of stuff you find on a postcard.
The camera zooms in and enters the base.
A voice begins to recite softly.
Once upon a time in a Decepticon base
There lived a ruler with frowns on his face
He was strong giant robot, a gun toting brute
He had a nasty attitude and a bad temper to boot
The camera focuses on Megatron, who was reading "World Domination for Dummies" by a fireplace.
The voice continued.
He always destroyed things left and right
He would shoot anything that wandered in sight
With a scowl on his face and a giant gun in his hand
He ruled his subjects like a large barbarian band
He didn't like ideas of fun and Christmas at all
Perhaps it's because his heart is two sizes to small…..
A small screen on a stick came from the left and magnified the spot on Megatron where his heart would be.
There was nothing there.
Megatron turned around and glared at the camera.
He grabbed the screen, jerking the guy who extended it and threw him in the fire place.
After his screaming died down, Megatron stood up.
"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!?!" He shouted.
"I'm trying to relax and you come in with the "heart too small" crap! Your brain is two sizes too small idiot!"
Megatron practically fumed with anger.
"Fourth wall! Fourth wall!!!" The voice urged.
"SCREW THE FORTH WALL!" Megatron shrieked.
He launched himself at the camera, causing it to tip over and fizz to darkness.
A struggling sound was heard, and then silence.
D.D.D.D.D.D
Randy marched down the hallway with a smile on his face.
In his arms was a large cardboard box.
The voice continued.
There once a D-con who was happy and good
He did everything nice like a good robot should
He liked to make smiles and make everything fun
In the basket of bad apples, he remained the good one.
Randy continued walking down the corridor.
He rounded a bend and almost bumped into Soundwave.
"Hello there Soundwave." Randy said pleasantly.
Soundwave shrugged and kept walking past.
Randy continued on his merry way.
He set out to make Christmas, a brave task indeed
He had to ask Megatron who he was sworn to heed
But Randy is proficient in winning hard debates
He was sure to succeed, and make Christmas great.
Randy arrived at Megatron's door.
He knocked twice and politely waited for the door to open.
The door flew open with a bang.
Megatron stuck his face out from behind the door.
"What do you want?" He asked.
Randy smiled.
"Can we celebrate Christmas?" Randy asked.
He jumped up and down.
"No." Megatron said firmly.
"But Meggy-chhaaaaannnnn!" Randy whined.
Megatron shook his head.
"PRETTY PLEASE WITH ENERGON ON TOP!" He shouted.
Megatron sighed.
"I want to pummel you SO bad..." He muttered.
Randy gave him a sad look.
"Will you leave me alone if I say yes?" Megatron asked wearily.
Randy nodded.
"Okay, just leave me alone…." Megatron begged.
"I have a big headache…"
Randy giggled with glee and ran off, whooping with joy.
Megatron sighed and shut the door.
D.D.D.D.D.D
"Frosty the Hit-man, Was a very angry soul! With a cigar and a broken nose, and two teeth made out of gold!" sang Shockwave.
He and some other Decepticons were busily decorating the base for Christmas.
Randy, of course, was directing the whole thing.
"Easy now guys!" He urged. "The paper streamers rip easily."
Thrust screamed as he fell of his ladder and hit the ground hard.
"Frosty the Hit-man, Is a horror tale they say. He was made of snow but the people know how he killed them all one day…." Shockwave continued.
"Must he sing that awful song EVERY YEAR!" Roared Thrust.
Randy looked around and snapped his fingers.
"Of course!" He announced. "We need a tree!"
"There's a forest over to the north a few miles away." Thundercraker said. "You can get a few D-cons to go with you and we can get a tree."
"Splendid!" Randy announced. "Who's coming?"
After a few moments of mass confusion, Randy picked Dead End, Longhaul, and Astrotrain.
"But, I don't want to haul the tree…." Longhaul whined.
"Shut up!" Dead End snapped.
Longhaul frowned and crossed his arms.
Astrotrain smirked.
Randy giggled.
"Lets go!" he shouted.
They all transformed into vehicle/jet mode and went off.
D.D.D.D.D.D
Ten minutes later…
They all pulled up into a large forest.
"TRANSFORM!"
After becoming their lovable robot selves, they walked around a bit and looked at all the trees.
"Get a big one!" Randy advised.
The others shrugged and began to look for a tree.
Dead end pouted and promptly walked off a cliff.
"ARGH!" He screamed as he plummeted to the ground.
Hearing his shouts for help, the other three came running.
"ARE YOU OKAY!" Randy shouted down.
A beat.
"YEAH! BUT YOU BETTER COME DOWN AND SEE THIS!" came the reply.
Randy looked at the others.
The shrugged.
The leaped down the easy not-fall-off-a-cliff way and made it down to where Dead end was.
They gasped.
A pine tree stood, covered in blue/white frost.
It shown with the radiance of diamond, the other tree's made a circle around it on the undisturbed carpet of snow.
The perfect tree.
"SHE'S MINE!" Screeched Astrotrain whipped out a flamethrower and aimed it at the tree.
"Stop!" Randy shouted. "You can't cut down a tree like that!"
"Why not?" Astrotrain said dryly.
"Because! You'll catch the tree AND the forest on fire! Then we won't have a Christmas tree! Plus, there are squishies living over there a few miles west." Randy pointed.
Longhaul giggled.
"Squishies scream weird when they're on fire!" He laughed.
The three D-cons had a nice long laugh before being interrupted by an annoyed Randy.
Randy pulled out an Ax and handed it to Dead end.
"You chop a tree- WHAT THE HELL!!" screamed Randy.
Longhaul had transformed to dump truck mode and ran over the tree, knocking the tree off its trunk and landing neatly on the ground.
"I guess that's ONE way to do it…" Randy moaned.
D.D.D.D.D.D
Back at the base……
"Dude!" This is SO not a good idea…" Bombshell moaned.
"SHHH!" Dirge whispered.
Dirge was carrying a ladder as they made their way to the middle of the main doorway.
"What? Who really cares about mistletoes anyway?" Bombshell shouted.
Dirge rubbed his head.
"Look," he said. "The squishies hang these up in random places."
"Uh huh."
"And if two squishies walk underneath it, they have to kiss."
"No matter what?" Bombshell asked as Dirge began to climb up the ladder.
"No matter what."
"Dude! What if their both guys?" Bombshell gasped.
Dirge grinned.
"That's the whole point! I'm goanna rig up this camera I got on EBay so we can blackmail the sorry saps later!" Dirge laughed.
"Now, gimmie the mistletoe yo'."
Bombshell held out the mistletoe with his fingers like it was a smelly dead fish ridden with the black plague.
Dirge snatched it away with a scowl and hung it in place.
"Now!" He shouted. "Hand up the camera and the bondage strips!"
Bombshell handed up the camera along with a roll of duck tape.
After fixing the camera in place, Dirge jumped down and grabbed the ladder.
"Now," he said, grinning like a madman.
"We wait for the fireworks to begin."
D.D.D.D.D.D
After about two crushed feet, mild hyperthermia, and a broken tail pipe later, the boys managed to wrestle the tree unto Longhaul and lash it down with some rope.
A very disappointed Astrotrain quietly put his flamethrower away and gazed longingly at the timber around them.
Randy put his hand on Astrotrain's shoulder.
"There there," he said. "I'll let you light up the fireplace when we get back.
Astrotrain giggled with glee.
"Hey guys, it's really cold out here and um……the tree is…really heavy." Longhaul moaned as he drove along.
"Oh suck it up ya wuss!" Dead end spat.
"Awww…." Longhaul whined.
The other walked beside him as he drove along.
Crack
They stared at each other in shock.
Crack
"WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Astrotrain.
Snap! Snap!
Randy looked down to see cracks in the ground.
He looked around to see that there were no trees around that area.
"CRAP! WE'RE ON A LAKE!" Randy shouted.
CRUNCH!!!
"OH SNAP!" screeched Longhaul as he fell through the ice.
"THE TREE!" the other three shouted.
Longhaul desperately spun his front tires to keep from falling farther through the ice.
"Thanks a lot for caring about my safety!" Longhaul screamed sarcasticly.
Randy grabbed a hold of Longhaul's front and pulled as hard as he could.
Astrotrain also grabbed a hold followed by a reluctant Dead end.
"PULL!" Randy shouted.
CRACK POP!!
"OH SHIT!"
D.D.D.D.D.D
Back at the base, things were looking a little more cheerful.
Much to Megatron's displeasure.
Red and green streamers hung from the ceiling.
Cut out snowflakes dotted the walls.
Those who cut out the snowflakes were in the Med-bay, being treated for mild paper-cuts.
Luckily, no one died.
Yet.
"Santa-bot is co-co-coming to town y-y-yo yo REMIX!" Soundwave rapped.
Lazerbeak and Buzzsaw were flying around, adding streamers and snowflakes to the ceiling.
THUMP!
A dripping wet Randy stumbled in, followed by Astrotrain and Dead end.
They pulled on a rope, pulling a frozen Longhaul with the tree on him into the room.
"Dude! What happened?" Skywarp asked.
"We fell through the iccceee…" Longhaul whined.
"And we had to jump in and save him." Dead end snarled.
Randy smiled.
"At least we saved the tree!" he shouted.
The other Decepticons yelled with joy and rushed down.
They took the tree and ran into another room, leaving Longhaul all alone.
"Guys?" He called out.
Silence.
"I can't mooovvveee…"
D.D.D.D.D.D
After about an hour, the tree was decorated beautifully.
Randy and the others hung their present collection units beside the fire, which the pyromaniac Astrotrain provided.
Santa-bot was coming soon.
After leaving a plate of Ener-cookies and some Ener-booze, the Decepticons went to sleep, in hopes of getting something other than coal this year.
D.D.D.D.D.D
''Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Base
Not a conflict was at hand, not even a chase,
The present collection units were hung by the tree with care,
In hopes that Santa-bot soon would be there;
The D-cons were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Arcee danced in their heads;
With Megatron angry, mean, and ready to snap
They drugged up his booze to make him collapse.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Megatron sprang with his gun to see what was the matter.
Up to the window he flew with a sour look on his face
He grabbed up his gun and a few plasma grenades
He looked for those peasky Autobots and their views of world peace
Always trying to take their stolen Energon while they all tried to sleep
When, what to his angry optics should appear,
But a miniature jet, and eight jet-powered tiny robo reindeer,
With a crazy robo driver, as he shouted and scoffed
He knew in a moment it must be Santa-bot
More rapid than H-bombs with quickness they came,
And he shouted, and drank booze all of the way.
So up to the base-top the maniacal robot flew,
With the sleigh full of weapons, and Santa-bot too.
As Megatron drew out his gun, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Santa-bot came with a bound.
He was dressed all armor, from his head to his foot,
And his armor wall battle scared with gashes and soot;
A bundle of high powered weapons he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a warrior just opening his pack.
His optics-- how they shown with a deep blue base,
His was mostly black and red with a large grey face
He was tall and muscular, a right scary old elf
Megatron growled when he saw him, in spite of himself;
Santa-bot, with a wink of his eye and a twist of his face,
Pulled out a blowgun and shot him with grace
Megatron fell down, he was dead asleep,
There was no threats or mumbles, not even a peep,
Santa-bot spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the present collecting units, and muttered "jerk"
And pulling out a laptop and a few key strokes
Activated his jets and up the chimney he rose;
Megatron woke up an angry and mean spirited 'bot
He pulled out his gun and tried to get a clear shot
Santa-bot maneuvered his jet and tried to get by
But a missile flew up and blew him out of the sky
The explosion sent Megatron stumbling back in fright
He hit his head pretty hard and was out like a light
The only thing remained of Santa-bot as ashes fell through the sky
Was a few drifting metal pieces and a voice saying…
"Merry Christmas you jerks and I hope you all die!"
D.D.D.D.D.D
The next morning…..
Randy woke up with a jerk.
"PRESENTS! WEEEEEEEEEEE!" He screeched.
He ran down the halls, screaming as he went.
The other D-cons woke and ran as fast as they could to the tree,
"PRESENTS!" They shouted.
They didn't notice Megatron, still passed out on the floor.
After a few moments of paper ripping action, Megatron finally awoke.
"GRAAAHHH!" He shouted.
No one really paid attention.
"Yay! I got a turntable!" Soundwave shouted.
"WOO! I got book on world domination!" Starscream shouted.
"I got naughty underwear…." Skywarp said quietly.
Megatron sat down and opened his present.
It was a lump of coal.
Again.
"Too bad Meggy-chan! Better luck next year!" Randy said through a mouth full of candy canes.
Megatron got up in a huff and walked to the doorway.
Starscream also got up.
"I'm going to put this away for now." Starscream said.
He walked to the doorway too.
At the doorway, Megatron spotted a penny on the ground.
As he bent down to pick it up, Starscream, who was reading his book, crashed into him.
"WATCH WERE YOUR GOING!" Megatron said.
The entire Decpticon army stared, and then they grinned.
"What?" Starscream spat.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The D-con's exclaimed.
"Look above you!" Randy said, laughing so hard that he had tears in his eyes.
Megatron and Starscream looked up.
The color drained from their faces.
Mistletoe hung above them.
Megatron looked like he was going to cry.
"KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!" The army chanted.
Starscream looked at Megatron.
Megatron looked at Starscream.
"Um…I guess we have to…." Starscream said.
"Yeah, I heard you explode if you don't." Megatron said.
Starscream leaned in.
Megatron leaned in.
kiss
The D-con army cheered and shouted wildly.
Flash!
Megatron and Starscream gasped.
"WHO TOOK THAT PITURE!" Megatron roared.
Starscream stood there like an idiot while Megatron chased Dirge and Bombshell around the room.
The D-con army started to sing "We wish you a merry Christmas" as Dirge and Bombshell ran for their lives.
Starscream blushed in secret.
Rumble stood up with a pair of crutches.
"God bless us, everyone!" He said.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE DECEPTICONS!
NEXT WEEK ON RTHSHD!!
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