Welcome back to another exciting episode of RTSHD!
I ended up getting the special edition boxed set first season of Transformers G1 for Christmas.
Also, I'm the manager of the C2 community 'Transfunny', a collection of funny TF stories.
If anyone is interested on being on the staff, just contact me.
And without further ado, here's RTSHD!
"Roll em'!"
Lights.
Very bright lights.
Megatron groaned.
He didn't remember a thing about last night; perhaps he had too much to drink.
The lights were really bright, and didn't really help the headache that was coming on.
He prepared himself before braving his optics open.
He blinked in surprise.
"Oh slag…" he muttered.
The entire Decepticon army was tied down to chairs.
Wires, sporks, and other random metal objects were strapped to their bodies.
Large wires lead to very dangerous looking machines, with a few sparks or two leaping out of random places.
Megatron was frightened.
At last, the army stirred and immediately began cursing enough to make a trash-talking punk blush with shame.
Mixmaster started sobbing hysterically as he wiggled against the ropes holding him down.
Starscream, ironically, was tied down to a chair next to Megatron.
Ramjet grinned like an idiot, lost for words.
A flash of blue.
"YOU!" Megatron spat viciously.
Randy, dressed in a game show suit with a tie, giggled slightly.
He had a mike in his hand.
"Hhhheeellllooooooo Meggy-chan!" He grinned with glee.
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Megatron screeched.
He managed to get a good look around.
They all were on a large stage with video cameras and light technicians.
A random guy stood with cue cards.
There was an audience out in front, but he couldn't tell if they were human or Transformer.
Other than that, he just knew he was screwed.
Randy bounced over.
"Hello and welcome to Mail Bag Monday! Were we get fan letters to embarr- grace our one and only Decepticon army with something to do!" He gestured to the struggling D-cons in the background.
"YES!" Randy continued. "And if they try to lie, they receive a nasty shock, about 12,000 volts of it!"
The crowd cheered.
"HOW!" Megatron demanded.
"Oh simple." Randy explained. "I put drugs in your drinks."
"SLAG! That's why my drink tasted funny!" Exclaimed Breakdown.
Randy frowned.
"Wait, the drug is tasteless….." he wondered.
Everyone cringed.
"OKAY! WHO WHIZZED IN THE ENER-COFFEE!" Megatron demanded.
"NOT ME!" screamed the D-con army.
Rumble received a very nasty shock.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
"GAHH! GAHHH!" He screamed as he lit up like a glow stick.
Skywarp giggled madly.
The crowed cheered louder as the shocking stopped, leaving Rumble charred and burnt.
"Oh slag man…" Misfire said with a horrified look.
"Now on to our first question form From: SeekerAutobot13! WHOO!" Randy exclaimed. He cleared his throat and continued.
"Oiy, Megsy,
What the HELL is up with you man? You know what you need? Ener-Anti-depressents(Included with letter. They're energon berry flavored). Plus, why do you look like a beetle? Why? You'd look much better as a chinese-style dragon. Or a European-style.. Like that one show that used to be on Fox. You know, 'Twin Dragon Mode'? What happened to that? That was AWESOME! You kicked Prime's ass as a dragon! Or at least go bald."
Megatron cringed.
"Answer the nice writer Megs." Randy said sweetly.
Megatron glanced at the wires and sighed.
"I don't look like a beetle," ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTT! " OW DAMNIT! Okay, blame the dude who draws me! As for the dragons, I did look pretty bad ass and stuff, which was on Beast Wars or Beast machines I believe…."
Megatron sighed. "I need medication….."
Randy gave him the Ener- Anti-depressants included in the letter.
"Mmmm…..ener-berry…" Megatron sighed.
Randy giggled as the crowd sang the Canadian national anthem, using only vowels.
"ANOTHER LETTER!" Randy shouted dramatically.
He pulled out a letter and read it off.
"Dear, Randy,
Are you gay?
Love, Anonymous"
Randy cleared his throat.
"Mr. Anonymous, "he grinned. "Just because I am always happy and have a intricate taste for home furnishings doesn't mean I'm gay. I'm straight and stuff."
A woman stood up from the crowd.
"YOU TELL EM BOY!" She screeched and sat down as the crowd cheered.
Randy cleared his throat again
"Dose any of the audience have a question for our bad guys?" he said in his mike.
Rabid fan girls hurled themselves at the stage before being beaten back by Transformer guards dressed like they stepped out of the matrix.
Randy ended up choosing a girl with Drag strip's picture on it.
She grabbed the mike from Randy and screeched loudly.
"LIKE OH MY GOD! WILL YOU SLEEP WITH ME DRAGSTRIP! I LIVE IN PHILLY PA AND MY ADDRESS I-"
Randy grabbed the mike away.
"That's a little too much info, kay" Randy smiled.
"Oh good lord, please kill me now…." Dragstrip moaned.
"Oh, but we're not finished!" Randy grinned.
"But well be back after these messages!" Randy shouted as the camera zoomed in on the D-con's miserable faces.
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
Jazz walked on screen.
He was dressed in corporate casual, carrying a large box.
"Hi, I'm Jazz." He said. "And I'm here to tell you about Jazz's salt"
He held up the box with the word 'Salt' written on it in yellow crayon.
"Jazz's Salt is the best in the world," he said. "It cures any illness known to man."
Two hot looking girls in bikinis walked over and put their arms around him.
"It gets you the ladies, makes you pretty, and it lets you live forever!" he grinned as the girls giggled.
"It also grants you three wishes!"
Jazz grinned as the girls displayed large boxes with 'Salt' written in various colors of crayon.
A girl dropped a box and rat poison pellets spilled out.
Jazz grinned.
"Buy my salt today and win a million dollars!"
The screen faded.
"WARNING! Jazz's salt may cause itching, bleeding from the eyes and ears, pregnancy in males, massive heart attacks, liver and kidney failure, brain damage and in mild cases, death. Please do not use if pregnant, or alive. Once product is bought, it cannot be returned. Please contact your doctor to see if Jazz's Salt is right for you"
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
A lonely black and white picture was displayed on screen.
It was a picture of a man, dressed in a hat with a feather in it, a cane, and a large fur coat looking sadly into the street.
A voice began to recite softy.
"Just tell your friends you didn't get the money off your hoes so you can all go out for ice cream because you were too busy getting high. They'll understand.
The picture zoomed in.
"Pimping: My Anti-drug.
"NOW BACK TO MAIL BAG MONDAY!
D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D
"Welcome back to the show!" Randy shouted.
"Here's all that happened the first few minutes!"
A clip was played showing Megatron sobbing, the crazy fan girl, and Rumble being shocked to hell."
"Mean little bastard……" Randy grinned.
"ANYWAY! Time to choose another audience question!"
He choose someone else from the audience.
A large 'gangsta' homie stood up and took the mike.
"Yo Soundwave dawg!" he rhymed, "Where do you get yo' phat beat homes!"
A mike was placed in front of Soundwave.
"Yo yo yo, I get my beats from the struggle of growing up in da' hood G. Robbin' and stealin', shit dawg, I be down with the gansta's fool! I be rappin' like a mo' fo' any day homes!" he rapped.
Everyone cheered.
Randy bounced over.
"ANOTHER LETTER!" He screamed.
The crowd threw instant noodles on stage.
Randy opened the letter.
"This letter is from Skins Thunderbomb!
"Megatron, why are you so mean to Starscream all the time? Everyone knows you lust for him.'" He read.
"BRING EM' OUT!" Randy screeched.
The chairs containing Starscream and Megatron were pulled to the front of the stage along with the dangerous looking machine.
Starscream sat there and thought happy thoughts.
"I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER!" Megatron screamed.
Randy tsk tsked.
"Nuuhuh!" he said waving a finger.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
"OH PRIMUS IT BURNS!" Megatron screamed.
The crowd started chanting, 'answer it!' at the top of their lungs.
After being shocked for a solid five minutes, Megatron finally cracked.
"OKAY! I THINK HE'S SEXY! MAKE IT STOP!" He screeched in pain.
Starscream blushed.
Randy grinned widely.
"Then, why are you mean to poor Screamer?" Randy asked.
Megatron took a deep breath.
"All along, I realized I was only denying myself that I had true feelings for another." Megatron rasped with tears in his eyes.
"And deep down, I know now, is that I just wanted to feel loved by another."
The crowd burst into tears.
Randy cried into a hanky.
Starscream blushed harder.
"Well folks! That's the end of our show! Keep sending in more letters to appear in Mail Bag Monday!" Randy cheered.
And then, the entire studio blew up in a fiery explosion.
Luckily, the D-cons survived, but the fan girls didn't.
Oh well.
NEXT WEEK ON RTSHD!
The D-cons get turned into…kitties?
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EXITEING EPOSODE OF….
RANDY THE SUNSHINE HAPPY DECEPTICON!
R&R, I command you.