Title: At the Crossroads

Author: TWBasketcase

Disclaimer: I do not own the movie St. Elmo's Fire or its characters.

Summary: Leslie Hunter is at the crossroads in her life; will it be Kevin or Alec she chooses to help?

At the Crossroads – Chapter 1 – Alec

They say that you never know how much you love something until it's gone – and that saying couldn't fit me more perfectly. About 4 and half years ago I met the most beautiful woman on the planet – to me she was perfect in every way; she was going to be the woman I married. She has hair that bounces every time she laughs; she has eyes that could make you melt; and I smile that lights up any room that she walks into. She was loyal to me; honest, wonderful…no other woman has ever been better to me. Leslie Hunter was my angel.

And there were other women – lots of them. I began a nasty habit about a year and half into our relationship. I couldn't say no; I gave into temptation every time, and it got to the point where I was crawling from bed to bed until I finally came home for the night. I've never felt dirtier when I left a woman's house and was greeted by Leslie's innocent smile and embrace when I came home. See, at first it was just a one time thing – a drunken mistake – then it turned into a occasional thing, to a monthly thing, to a weekly thing, until it was happening three or four times a week. I wanted it to stop; I felt out of control and weak, and I didn't want anything more than to be the man that Leslie needed me to be.

After almost three years of endless of affairs I began thinking more and more about my options to fight my temptations. I figured maybe if I made my relationship with Leslie permanent then I could stop the betrayal; so I set my mind on cruise control and started pushing her towards marriage. She always told me she wasn't ready, but I was so blind to her feelings and so set on getting out of my predicaments that I didn't care if she wasn't ready. So one night I had announced to a group of our friends at a party that we were getting married and that we had set a wedding date; that night was the end to the life I knew and all the happiness I ever had.

Kevin Dolenz; Kevin was my best friend and confidante, I had always went to him for advice about my 'problem' and I trusted him. I had always thought that he was a true friend who would be there for me through thick and thin, but was I ever wrong.

The night of the party Leslie had confronted me about my marriage announcement to our friends. She told me she couldn't get married until she had a life sorted out for herself first, and that I wasn't being respectful to her feelings. Of course being the weak and uncontrolled man I was I had told her that her reasons were bullshit. So she gave me another one; she couldn't get married to me until I had my "extra-curricular love life" (as she put it) under control. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. She had figured me out and being the wonderful and loving woman she was had stayed by my side and loved me despite my mistakes. Automatically I had assumed Kevin had said something; as mean as it sounds, I had refused to believe that she had caught me herself. I am a man, what can I say? I have a problem admitting to people when I'm in the wrong. Especially since I was the unofficial leader of our group of friends; they all looked up to me and my faults had been exposed. It was not a very nice feeling.

So being the arrogant man I was I asked Leslie what bullshit Kevin was trying to feed to her. She had told me that he had said nothing to her. If I would have just trusted her word and talked to her about it I would not be in the lonely mess that I am in now. I had attacked Kevin in front of about 100 people, totally making an ass out of myself and showing I was guilty by getting defensive about the accusation. I had not only hit my best friend, but Leslie now knew her hunch about my infidelity was not a just a hunch anymore. I was caught in the wrong and humiliated in front of my closest friends and about fifty strangers. I did not know how to control myself – once again – and had broken up with her and kicked her out just to make her look like the bad guy.

Horrible, mean, nasty I know. When your emotions are running and are on the line sometimes you do things that are out of the ordinary and out of character. The last thing I wanted was to lose her, but something deep down inside of me told me that she would be back. That was my next mistake.

That night I had been alone, and I have spent every night alone since that night. I started thinking and realized that is where the line was being drawn, and that never again would I do anything to ever hurt her. I wanted to be with her, be the man she needed, and most of all I wanted to respect her. She was my angel, my goddess, how could I not do those things for her? From that night forward I asked myself that same question over and over again until it drove me crazy.

The next morning I had gone over to Kevin's to apologize and get some advice. I was feeling really shitty I needed nothing more than to talk to a friend. Well it turned out that Kevin had company, and that Kevin didn't want to talk. I knew something was up right away because Kevin never had company – with the exception of our mutual friend and his roommate, Kirby Keger. So I had this gut feeling, but I decided to cover up my own hunch by making fun of him about his 'company'. No sooner after the teasing started Leslie walked out of his bedroom – stark naked with nothing but a blanket covering her – and said the three words that have been haunting my mind for the last six months, "Alec, it happened." As it turned out, Kevin never wanted to be friends with neither Leslie nor I, what he wanted was Leslie. He has had a secret obsession with her since the day we all met, and has totally blew off other potential dates just to be around her. I think that infuriated me more than the fact that he had taken advantage of the situation. He took advantage of the fact Leslie had no where to sleep that night, and he also took advantage of her vulnerability. But like I said, the fact that he was lying to me the whole time I thought we had a friendship infuriated me more than him taking advantage of her.

I wasn't infuriated with her at all; I got what I deserved and that was her payback. My problem was who it was with and the circumstances of the situation. I was infuriated with him and with myself; Leslie was still my angel. To this day the words 'what goes around comes around' roll through my arrogant brain, and to this day I still wait for her to come back.

The next day she had informed me she was moving back in with her college roommate and our mutual friend, Julianna "Jules" Van Patten. Apparently though Jules had been having some financial and drug problems and had everything in her apartment had been repossessed, and now she wanted to kill herself. Leslie had come to me for help, and for that I had a glimmer of hope in my heart; I thought she asked me because I was the one man she could count on. When Kevin and Kirby showed up as well, all of that hope inside me was gone and replaced with complete anger. That day I tried to kill Kevin, but hearing Leslie's pleading voice made me realize I was hurting her again, and I just couldn't do it anymore. When Kevin told me he loved her, he made me realize just how much I love her too. Everyone turned out okay that day – Jules, me, Kevin, and Leslie…but the pain in my heart was still there.

She told us a week later that she didn't want to be with either of us until she decided what she wanted to do with her life, and which direction she wanted to go. She said she had loved us both, and she needed to think about who she wanted to be with. That was six months ago, and I'm still waiting for her; I would wait for an eternity if I had to.

It was tonight that she called and told me she had finally made her decision, and that I would find out the answer at 12 o'clock midnight. I can only hope I will like her decision.

I am Alec Newbury, I have loved and lost. I have cheated and betrayed, and I'm paying for it dearly. I can only hope that one day I can hold my angel in my arms again.

I guess I'll have to wait for tonight to find out.

TBC