Lyrics from Lenny Kravitz "calling all Angels"

:All of my life I've waiting for someone to love:

I step out of the bathroom and she's nowhere to be seen. I sink into the arm chair right outside the bathroom, thanking the gods of drunkenness that it is empty. On second thought I also thank those same

gods for not letting Jess see us come out of the bathroom.

Suddenly I am feeling dizzy, and very nauseous. I dip my head to my hands, shutting my eyes, but that only makes it worse. It's her, all I can see when I shut my eyes. Those eyes may be permanently etched into my memory.

I shrug my purse off my shoulder, feeling choked by the strap. If Jess finds out what just happened she will kill me. Why the fuck did I tell her to kiss me? I mean it was her choice to do it, but not to be vain, I'm famous, people tend to do what I ask.

"Hey," I look up to see Maria perched on the arm of the chair. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," I sigh as she rubs my back. "Just feeling a little woozy. You seen Jess?"

"You mean since she stormed off?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I sighed leaning back into the chair. "Have you seen her since she stormed off?"

"Last I knew she was in Bailey's bedroom," I nodded. "Faith, it isn't really my place, but have you ever though that maybe being with someone who wasn't quite as out as you wasn't a great idea?"

"I just don't understand what her deal is. I mean she is literally out to every single person in her life except her parents. I know that I have no obligation to tell the media, but really trying like this to keep it a secret?" I shake my head. "It's just not my style."

"I know," she nodded sympathetically.

"I gotta go talk to her," I pushed myself to my feet. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"Hey all I did was listen. You made all the good points."

"Thanks anyway." I start off across the apartment. We've been here lots, and it's only a two bedroom so finding Bailey's room isn't that hard. I knock gently, then push open the door.

Jess is lying on the bed with Bailey's dog Butch. Together they are snuggled up with some late night cartoon shows. Jess looks up; when she sees me she smiles a little then lays her head back down.

"And I always thought you liked the femmes," I teased as I crawled onto the bed behind her.

"Ha ha," she pretended to laugh. "Maybe it's a good idea you don't do too many comedies."

"Oh harsh," I slide an arm around her waist.

"Sorry about earlier," she started. "I just don't want my parents to know it would just disappoint them too much."

"I know that. I do, but it's just not me babe," I answer gently rubbing her back. For a second my mind flashes back to Buffy. And I feel like I'm cheating all over again, for that split second all I can think is how much I wish she was here with me.

"I'll try, okay Faith?" She asks and I am snapped back to the moment.

"Yeah babe," I kiss her forehead gently. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," she nods. "Sorry, Butch." She ruffles the dogs head and together we make our way back through the party. We say a quick goodbye to Kaden, and Maria then start the long ride home.

Hours later I still can't sleep. I mean I never can sleep, but this is worse. Usually I am watching TV, or working out, or eating. Now I am lying in bed with Jess, she felt sick on the way home, and laid down right away. I lay down with her, just to snuggle for a bit.

Now she's past out across my arm, and I really thought I could sleep so I didn't move her. That was two hours ago. I have spent two long hours thinking about nothing else but Buffy. Well, Buffy and how my arm was slowly going numb.

I have never had someone get this deep into me before. I've loved and lost before, but it never felt like they were in me this much. With Buffy it almost feels like she was already under my skin, just waiting to be scratched out.

Now if I could only figure out how she got there.